Lilly in Love
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: The sequel to 'WTHN'/ Bella and Alice have found their happily ever after with each other but now Bella's daughter Lilly has grown up and is in love for the first time in her life. Femslash - Jane/OC Bella/Alice
1. Chapter 1

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is mine

[A/N] Welcome to the sequel of **'What the heart needs'**. I have decided to give this a try because writing this is what makes me happy and I need to make myself happy far more often.

On the other hand I'm terribly nervous and worried whether people will like the idea of this Lilly and Jane centered story-line. OC's aren't everyone's cup of tea but I really love Lilly's character so much that I just had to give her a voice somehow.

There will be drama, there will be fluff and because I can't manage to write a smut-free story there will be lemons at some point too.

****Chapter 1****

"Open the damn door now before I break the lock, Lilly!"

"No! I don't want to see you now. Leave me alone!"

I heard her fumbling around on the lock for a few moments and figured out that it wouldn't be such a good idea to let her destroy it with her lack of fine motor skills.

Slowly I stood up from my bed and wiped my running nose on the sleeve of my shirt before I turned the key around.

A moment later it opened and mom wrapped her arms around me. She cried and I sobbed desperately against her shoulder. Both of us weren't good at handling ugly scenes like this and I was glad that at least I hadn't broken something again during my earlier outburst.

"I'm sorry, honey but you have to understand that I'm doing this to protect you."

I sniffed and pulled a wrinkled tissue out of the pocket of my jeans to clean my nose before I spoke up again. My voice came out like a hoarsely whisper and almost broke when the first words left my lips.

"But he's my father. You can't forbid me to see him if I want to."

"Your father is dangerous. You were too young back then to remember…,"

"I do remember." I told her, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"I remember the police being here in the night and that the two of you yelled at each other."

She sat down next to me and put one arm around my shoulder.

"It's complicated. Maybe you'll understand that better when you are older. I don't want you to see him because I don't want him to hurt you with anything he could say."

"You've been telling me this 'when you're older story' for almost ten years now. I'm kind of tired of it. Let me visit him when Aunt Rose goes to see him next time."

"No, I'm not giving you my permission for that and that's my last word."

"Please,"

"Lilly, honey, trust me it is better this way."

Better for you or me?

I bit my own tongue to keep me from making a stupid comment that would lead to me getting grounded longer than I already was.

Like him, I thought. I'm a fucking prisoner in this house just like my father is a prisoner in jail and there is nothing that I can do to change things for either one of us.

XXXX

"Hey, did you cry?" Jane asked me worriedly, putting a wisp of my long hair behind my ear.

I nodded my head and sighed deeply.

"Guess my eyes look ugly now. I should have put a cold towel on them afterwards."

She pulled me closer against her body and planted a soft kiss on my closed eyelids, her lips touching my skin so lightly that the tenderness of this small caress brought tears to my eyes again.

"Your eyes could never look ugly to me, _gioia_, but I'm sorry that you're not feeling good. Did you fight with your mother again?"

"How come you already know about this? Did she mention something to you when she let you in?"

"No, she didn't but her eyes are red and puffy like yours too and so I just put two and two together."

"You're pretty observing, aren't you?"

I took her hand in mine and planted several feather light kisses on each of her knuckles.

"I'm just paying attention to you and everything that has to do with you because I care about you."

"Jane…," I started hesitantly, unsure how to find the right words for what I was going to ask her now.

"Yes, Lilly?" she whispered, resting her head in my lap. My fingertips stroked down her cheekbone until they touched the edge of her full lower lip.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Please, don't suggest that I could talk to your mother about whatever kind of problem you're having with each other. In case you haven't recognized it yet. She's not really fond of me."

"Hmm, yes I know. It hasn't got anything to do with her although it would probably be easier if she liked you a bit more."

I leaned down and kissed her mouth, enjoying the unfamiliar tingly feeling deep inside my belly when the tip of her tongue nudged gently against my upper lip.

"Are we together now?"

"Isn't that obvious?" she mumbled, cupping my face between her dainty hands to pull me closer to her. When I felt her warm lips on mine again a pleasant shiver went down my spine.

"Please, I really need to know officially."

She sighed deeply and sat up again, taking my hand in hers to rub small circles over the tiny flower on my wrist.

"You always want to know everything, don't you? That's so you…,"

"And it's so you to answer with a question in return instead of just answering mine like normal people would do it."

A low chuckle left her throat before she shoved the small silver ring down her thumb and placed it on my palm.

"Here, I want you to have it to remember that you belong to me now – officially."

I closed my hand around the ring and wrapped my arms around her neck, to kiss the soft skin right beneath her hairline.

"I love you, Lilly. God, I can't believe you're finally mine…like really mine."

She leaned back against the pillows on my bed and I rested my head against her chest, while she started playing with the messy curls of my hair.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner how you felt about me?"

"Because I was scared to lose you completely if you hadn't returned my feelings and I couldn't handle that."

"You could never lose me." I whispered, shoving the ring down my middle finger.

"I can't imagine being apart from you. The last three months were so horrible because you wouldn't speak to me."

"I know and I can't tell you how sorry I am about that. But I was so…so…,"

"Pissed at me for dating your brother," I finished hesitantly while I started fumbling with the bracelet around my right wrist.

"I was going to say heart-broken but pissed is working too, I guess."

I finally managed to open the clasp of my bracelet and handed it to her.

"Here, I want you to wear it to remember that I'm all yours now."

"Thanks, _gioia_," she whispered before she cupped my face tenderly between her hands to kiss me again.

The door to my room was opened so abruptly that I didn't have time to pull away from Jane's mouth fast enough.

"Lilly, do you and Jane want to have some bro…, ups sorry. I probably should have knocked."

With that she closed the door behind her and I waited for my face to return to its usual ivory color.

"You're the only person I know that blushes."

I pulled my hair over my shoulder to use it like a protective curtain.

"No, don't try to hide it. I think it's cute."

XXXX

"Quick, we don't have much time before your mother comes back from picking up your sister and Cara."

"Momma…,"

"Last time I checked you were dating Alec and now I find you kissing his sister in your room. Did I miss something?" she asked me curiously, sitting down next to me on the couch.

I sighed deeply and took a small sip from the diet coke in front of me.

"Alec and I broke off because…, well, we just broke off and now Jane and I are together…like together-together."

"Lovely. I'm really happy that you finally discovered that you belong to her. Jane has been drooling over you like a love-sick puppy without you noticing it for almost two years now. I felt so bad for the poor girl…,"

"You knew?" I stumbled out, almost dropping the content of my glass all over the table.

"You sound surprised."

"Because that's what I am. How come you noticed that she was in love with me and I didn't?"

"I'm older than you and wiser. Plus it's always easier to see if you're not inside the snow globe yourself."

"Can I ask you something, momma? Did you always know that mom loves you?"

"No, I didn't but I guess it was the same for her too. When we got together everything was so complicated for the two of us."

She sighed deeply and rubbed her fingertip over the metal of her wedding ring.

"Love always brings out the best in people; don't let anyone tell you different."

"I know…or I don't, but I hopefully will someday."

"When are you going to see her again?" she asked me when we heard the key turning in the lock.

"I'm not sure. It's not like I want her to spend her entire holidays here with me inside the house while I'm grounded."

"You really like her a lot, don't you? I can tell because you care more about her enjoying her holidays than about what you want for yourself."

The door opened and Zoe jumped right into my arms.

"Oh Lilly, I'm never going to talk to Cara again."

I tried my best not to roll my eyes at that. My little sister and her bestie decided that they didn't want to talk to each other anymore about twice a week. Then they always figured out how much they miss the other one and begged our mothers and Cara's parents to let them play together again.

"Why did you fight with Cara?"

"Because she told me that she gets to decide what we're going to play because she's my aunt. I told her that I get to decide what we are going to play because I'm older than her and then she cried. She always cries. Cara is such a baby."

She kneeled down next to Fido on the ground and rested her head against his fluffy fur.

"When you and Jane were little who of you did decide what you would play, she or you?"

"Jane," I answered, playing with the small silver ring on my middle finger.

"Because she's older than you?"

"No, because Jane used to be a little witch back then," My mother mumbled sitting down on the edge of the armchair.

"She always used to command your sister around and I never got why she would let her treat her this way."

"You don't get a lot of things." I snarled at her, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Don't be like that, Lilly. I know that you're just moody because of the grounding thing. It's supposed to teach you a lesson."

The tattoo would still be on my wrist after this punishment and I wondered if she was aware of this fact.

"Maybe we should un-ground her. It has been long enough, don't you think?"

She stood up from the couch and hugged mom from behind. Then she leaned forward and whispered something into her ear that was too low for me to understand it. Whatever it was it made her giggle until her eyes met mine again and she cleared her throat before she spoke up.

"Fine, I un-ground you, but you have to promise me not to do something like the tattoo-thing again. No piercings, tattoos and sure as hell no alcohol or drugs."

"Do I look like a potential junkie to you?"

"Please, I just want to make sure that you don't get yourself in trouble."

"Kay, I promise to keep away from the drinks although I don't know how to handle my dull teenage existence sober."

And just with that, I was finally free again.


	2. Chapter 2

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is mine

[A/N] I'm completely overwhelmed by the respond I got for the first chapter. Your encouraging words mean so much to me. So thanks a lot to each of you who took the time to read and review.

#FAQ

*Some of you asked me how old everyone is in this story.

Well, Jane is sixteen and Lilly is still fifteen but going to turn sixteen in a few weeks. I'm not sure if that's the age of consent in the US but let's pretend for the sake of future lemons that it is.

As for Bella – she's forty (yeah, I know for teens among you who are reading this that's almost dead). Oh and Alice is thirty-three.

*What does the word Jane calls Lilly mean?

_Gioia_ means darling in Italian. By the way - if anyone of you speaks Italian and is willing to help me a bit with phrases and stuff, just pm me.

*Is Jane evil?

Is she? Well, I guess, you have to be patient to find out about this

****Chapter 2****

"We should probably tell my brother before school starts again. It's better if he hears it from us than from one of the morons in our class."

Jane told me, while she continued moving a daisy flower over my face so lightly that the tiny petals were tickling the skin on my nose.

"You're planning on telling people in School about us?"

"Do you want to keep it a secret?" she asked back, almost sounding hurt now. Maybe she was hurt, at least a tiny bit. Jane hated secrets more than anything.

"No, of course not, I'm just nervous how they are going to react."

"I can tell you how. All of them are going to be so fucking jealous. They all want you but they can't have you because your heart is mine now."

She chuckled and leaned down to cup my face in her hands. Her lips brushed against mine and a wave of warmth spread through my entire body.

"I love you, Jane." I whispered against her mouth when I pulled back a few moments later.

"I love you too _gioia_ and you need to stop worrying too much all the time."

"I'll try," I mumbled, twisting my hand into her blonde hair to pull her closer to me.

"How lovely," an annoying nasal voice behind us snarled so harshly that I instantly shrugged back. Jane wrapped her arms around me to keep me where I was.

"Hi, Trish nice to see you, how's it going?"

"Okay. I've lost two more pounds since we broke off and that means I can finally wear this skinny jeans my father bought for me in your aunt's boutique."

"Don't you think you're already thin enough?" I asked her, unable to suppress the envy in my voice.

"Not everyone likes being chubby like you, Lilly."

"Keep your stupid mouth shut." Jane growled at her and her grey eyes narrowed into tiny slits. For a moment it looked as if she would punch her ex right into her stupid, grinning face for that comment and I tried to remember the last time she had hit anyone to defend me. Was that in third grade or something like that?

"Protective, aren't we?"

"Whether I'm protective of my girlfriend or not is none of your damn business. Now piss the fuck off before I get angry."

"You replaced me with her within less than a week. This is not acceptable."

"Oh please enlighten me. How long would have been the appropriate time to wait after our break-up?"

"Jane, don't talk to me like that. Didn't you love me at all?"

The edge of Jane's mouth twitched for a moment but she didn't answer her question. However, this none answering seemed to be enough answer for her.

"I hate you."

"If it makes you happy, feel free to," Jane stated, putting a wisp of my hair behind my ear before she kissed my mouth again.

"Did you tell your new girlfriend that we slept with each other?"

"Didn't anyone tell you that it's not nice to kiss and tell?"

"Jane, you know that we did far more than just kissing. God, I get all tingly at the memory."

A sharp pain of jealousy spread through me and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't do anything to suppress it.

XXXX

"Are you angry at me?" she asked me when she parked the car in front of Zafrina's office.

"For what?" I asked back when we walked towards the main entrance of the huge building.

"Because I had sex with Trish what else? You were so damn quiet after she told you."

"I'm not angry just…intimidated somehow."

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently for a moment as we stepped into the elevator.

"Please, don't feel pressured. We have time, lots of time."

I leaned forward and planted a kiss on her mouth, letting the tip of my tongue caress the velvety skin on her lower lip before she parted her lips a little bit to let me nudge my tongue gently against hers.

God, I could spend the rest of my life kissing her…

"Lilly? That's not true, isn't it?"

I hadn't even realized that the elevator had stopped again and my cheeks instantly blushed when I blinked into Jasmine's grinning face.

"Ahm, I..we…," I started hesitantly.

"Are together – finally. God, I'm so relieved. When Ali told me you started dating that little shit-head…,"

"Stop embarrassing the girls." Zafrina stated, hugging her tightly from behind to plant a kiss on her neck.

"It's good that you're here now, Jane. My wife here…made some terrible disorder in my files when she tried to _help_ me."

"That was the first and last time I did that, Mrs. Whitlock. You're horrible as a boss and ungrateful on top of it."

Jane squeezed my hand for a moment before she turned her attention to several boxes on Zafrina's desk.

"Hi, Lilly, it's nice to see you. How's the little one doing?"

"Zoe is fine, thanks."

I sat down on the edge of a chair and wondered if it would be okay to kiss Jane goodbye in front of Jasmine and Zafrina.

"Have you made up your mind about the suggestions in the folder I gave to you? We really have to decide about the donor or the agency is going to lose its patience with us."

Zafrina stated, playing with the curls of Jasmine's hair.

"I don't like any of them."

"What about number 4? He was in Harvard."

"And he should better have spent that money on some face surgery. Do you want our child to get bullied for having a nose like a little pig?"

"Do you want our child to be stupid?"

"Do you want our child to be ugly?"

"We're not going to have a child, cowgirl, if you don't start sorting out the potential candidates."

"There is no use in sorting out candidates if you don't like any of the suggestions I'm making."

"I would support your decision if you made a reasonable one."

They went on with this rambling and I wondered how these two had managed not to drive each other completely insane with the constant fighting about each and everything. The only thing that Jazz and Zafrina ever agreed on was the fact that they loved each other.

XXXX

Exhausting, that's probably the best way to describe my twin cousins. It's not like the boys aren't nice kids, the problem is just that they are so damn lively and can't sit still for longer than five minutes.

Aunt Rosie is trying to tire them out physically as much as possible but she can't do much about it when Tegan and Nessie are in school. Their teachers call them the terrible twins and each of them is relieved to get rid of them once the school year is over.

"How's your diet going?" she asked me, sipping on the glass of water in front of her. Her own face looked terribly fragile to me and I wondered if she was starving herself again. My aunt is probably the most beautiful woman I've ever met and yet she's torturing her body like a maniac, obsessed with the numbers on the scale in her bathroom.

"I stopped."

"Fine, than you can eat the rest of the apple pie your uncle left here for me."

She went to the fridge to get it and a warm smile flashed over her face when she placed it directly in front of me.

It's weird how much she seems to enjoy watching me eat all the stuff that she forbids herself. In a way it's terribly sad.

"Why didn't you bring your boyfriend with you? He's so good at handling the twins."

Because he's mentally on the same level like they are now, I thought exasperated. Jeez, how could I ever fall for this asshole?

"Lilly?"

"He…, well I broke off with Alec."

"Why? Didn't you want me to make an appointment with my gynecologist for you to get you on the pill?"

Don't remind me about that. It had been so terribly awkward to ask her about that. Thanks god, I wouldn't need any kind of contraception for being with Jane.

"I ended things with him because he's such an asshole and the shit he pulled during Derek's party was just the last straw…,"

"What did he do?" she asked me, pouring me a cup of milk that I emptied in one gulp.

"Nothing," I mumbled towards the floor.

"Lilly, what did he do? Did he cheat on you or something like that?"

"He wanted to…well, you know what I mean and I didn't and then things got ugly and…,"

"Did he hurt you?" her voice raised two octaves and sounded almost panicked now.

"Honey, did he hurt you? Because if he did you have to know that it's not your fault. It's his."

I quickly shook my head.

"But you would tell me if he forced himself on you or anything like that, wouldn't you? You know that you can tell me everything."

"Yes, I know. Can we please stop talking about Alec now? It's not really my favorite topic."

"Okay, sweetie,"

"I'm with Jane now." I told her, stuffing the rest of the pie into my mouth.

"What do you mean, you're with Jane now?"

"We're together, I mean like…_really_ together."

She raised one eyebrow and her mouth twitched for a moment before she spoke up again.

"She's not pressuring you into this, is she? Because you never mentioned with one word before that you like girls too or just girls however it is for you. Are you gay now?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes it does. I want to understand what happened."

"I've fallen in love. Does it make so much difference that it's not with a boy?"

"Lilly, don't be like that now. It doesn't matter one tiny bit to me if you decide to love a girl, a boy or a piece of chocolate."

"Chocolate will always be my first love,"

A low chuckle left her throat before she leaned forward and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"You're such a dear girl. I wished that your father…," she pressed her hand in front of her mouth as soon as the words left her lips and she realized that my hands had started to tremble slightly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned Edward. Your mother was pretty mad at me for suggesting that you could come with me to visit him."

"I know. She doesn't want me to see him because she thinks he's dangerous."

"And you? Do you want to see him? You don't have to if you don't want to; it's just that he keeps asking about you all the time."

I nodded my head and sighed deeply, unable to decide why in heaven's name I so desperately wanted to see someone who had given me nightmares for the last ten years.


	3. Chapter 3

[Disclaimer] All things Twilight belong to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is mine

[A/N] This is my first attempt on writing from Jane's POV and I hope that you'll like getting to sneak into her head.

#FAQ

*Does Lilly know why Edward is behind bars?

She knows that he's there because he killed someone but she doesn't know that it was Charlie whom he murdered. (the evil author thinks it will be far more interesting if she finds out about that later)

*Is Rose still dieting?

Whatever dieting means – yes.

****Chapter 3****

_Jane_

Most little girls dream about being a princess when they grow up. For me becoming a princess never seemed like a desirable goal in life. I mean, come on, all what princesses do in fairytales is to sit around in stupid towers all day waiting for some kind of loser prince to show up and rescue them.

A witch that is what I wanted to be. I wanted to have some magic power to make all my wishes come true or to put some spell on the people I disliked, preferably my twin.

Lilly on the other hand always wanted to be a princess, always and I never really understood why. She told me that she likes the pretty dresses and the tiara so much, but I have a certain feeling there is more behind it.

Through our entire first school year I tried to convince her that it would be far smarter for her to become a witch like me. If we were witches we could get everything we want, including this ridiculous tiara she wanted to have and the wings for her dog that she loves way too much than it is good for her.

It never worked out to convince her of the witch thing because for some reason I couldn't figure out no matter how hard I tried she was terribly scared of witches and a lot of other stuff.

Most of all she's scared of her own father. She doesn't admit it but it's obvious in the way she reacts physically when she mentions him. Her hands start trembling like leaves in the wind when it happens and she bites her lower lip until it almost bleeds.

It's a good thing he lives somewhere in Alaska and as her mom has full custody of her she hasn't seen the man in years.

I hate it that she's so scared of him. Maybe her hysterical mother told her a lot of crap about him in order to look like the good parent after the divorce.

However, I didn't want her to be afraid of anything at all, it made me feel awkward. She was too nice and way too adorable to be scared of anything. The weird thing is that her nervousness and a lot of her other characteristics, like being dreamily and sensitive to a point that she can't even make it through the first ten minutes of a corny movie without crying like a baby would annoy me endlessly if it were anyone else but her.

On her everything is so damn cute and I don't do cute…usually. Lilly is my weak point, the nice to my mean. Oh yes, I know how I mean I can be from time to time but there is nothing that I can do about that. I'm not that good at keeping my emotions at bay.

I parked the car in front of the school building and regretted that my father had forced me to give back the Porsche my aunt had given me for my birthday. He said it's too much and there is this ridiculous thing that he calls pride that makes it inappropriate to accept gift from others, even his own sister.

Now the yellow Porsche belongs to Lilly's other mom and she obviously isn't too pride to accept such a gracious gift from her boss.

"Hi Jane, I'm so glad you're here finally."

I wrapped my arms around Lilly's middle and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Hi, ready to spend another year among the greatest shit-heads in this school?" I asked her, rubbing up and down her bare forearms with my fingertips.

I felt her shiver under my caress and instantly pulled back.

"You are nervous, aren't you?"

"A bit,"

Understatement of the year, I thought. Lilly is always terribly nervous at the start of the school year. Why she acts like that is beyond me. She's popular because unlike me she's a nice girl who gets along with almost everyone. Still she's always worried that someone might dislike her. It never happens but still…

I cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up again.

"If you don't want people to know that we're together we can keep it to ourselves. At least for a while if that's what you need."

She shook her head and cupped my face between her hands to pull me closer. Her lips nudged against mine and I closed my eyes to enjoy the pleasant tingling deep down in my stomach when the tip of her tongue slipped between my slightly parted lips.

"Dyke action right ahead!" someone called out behind us.

I pulled back but my arms stayed around Lilly's waist when I slowly turned around.

"Piss off, Derek."

He chuckled and I wondered if it was worth risking detention on the first day of school for punching him straight into his grinning face.

"Does your brother know you're kissing his girlfriend?"

"Does your mother know that she gave birth to someone mentally slow?"

"Stupid bitch, I bet he doesn't even know Lilly is cheating on him with you."

"I'm not cheating on him. It's over between me and him."

"I guess that means he wasn't as good as he told me he was. Is it true that he made you come twice while the two of you…,"

"We didn't sleep with each other. If he told you that he's lying."

"Maybe you're the one who's lying, Cullen."

"I'm not lying."

"Lilly, just stop talking to him. It's a waste of time." I told her while we entered the class room and I sat down on a seat in the back row. None of our teachers allowed us to sit together because we talked too much to each other in class.

She gave me a shy smile and took the seat right in front of me, dropping her books down on the floor when she pulled them out of her backpack.

When she leaned forward to pick them up again I got a nice glimpse of her backside.

Sexy, I thought. It's such a shame that she is so damn insecure about her figure all the time. Maybe it's because she spent so much time around skinny models while growing up.

"Morning class," Mr. Banner greeted us before he started his usual rambling about how important this year would be for us and that we should keep away from drugs.

I grinned and started nibbling on the end of my pen, knowing that the only drug I would ever need to get high was Lilly and I was planning on dying a happy junkie.

XXXX

"How can you eat this stuff?" I asked her, watching her stuff another fork with pasta between her rosy lips.

"Hmm, I know. I should have chosen the salad but my aunt Rosie says that the dressing has almost more calories…,"

"I didn't mean it like that." I interrupted her.

"I meant; how can you eat this yucky cafeteria food at all. It's disgusting and I'm sure they put some roadkill into this meatball sauce."

She frowned and put the fork down on the table.

"I'm finished. Do you want to go outside for a few minutes?"

I nodded my head and took her hand in mine never letting go of it while we walked out the cafeteria.

Outside it was still warm and I sat down on a bench, pulling her on my lap.

"Can I get a kiss?" she whispered into my ear when I leaned forward to put a wisp of her long hair behind her ear. I'm so glad that she decided to let it grow out again, it's so much prettier this way.

"If you want one, _gioia_," I mumbled against her mouth before I planted a soft kiss on her lips. The tip of her tongue swirled over my upper lip, sending a wave of warmth though my entire body. That she would let me kiss her like that seemed like a miracle to me. When I thought about my shit-head of a brother putting his paws on her a sharp pain of jealousy flashed through me.

"What the fuck are the two of you doing there?" I heard him snarl angrily behind us.

Speak of the devil and…

"Keep your hands off of my girlfriend you stupid dyke."

"Ex-girlfriend," Lilly stated, trying desperately to suppress the nervous trembling in her voice.

"Oh come on, baby, don't be like that. Look, I'm sorry about what happened at the party but I was kind of…dazzled by the alcohol."

"That's a pretty lame excuse for almost raping her."

"No one has asked about your opinion, Janetta. Now, piss off and let me talk to her alone."

"Whatever you have to say to me, Alec, you can say it in front of your sister too."

"Fine, if it makes you happy. I want you back Lilly. When you broke off with me I realized that I really love you and I can't lose you."

"It's over. Oh and please stop spreading these embarrassing rumors about the two of us doing god knows what kind of kinky things with each other."

"Are you ashamed?"

"You're the one who should be ashamed, _cretino_. I know that she never slept with you, which is good because it would probably have traumatized her for life."

"You stupid cunt, who do you think you are to stick your nose into things that aren't your business at all. _Vai a cagare_!"

"Lilly is my business, whether you like it or not. I love her and she loves me. Now get over it and take it like a man, if that's what you are, _pezzo di merda_."

"Oh please, don't fight because of me." Lilly stumbled out, her voice almost cracking at the end of the sentence.

"Don't be afraid, Lilly. Everything is going to be okay."

"Did you leave me because of her? Are you a fucking dyke now like your mother?"

"That was a low blow and you know it. Oh, and just for the record, I didn't break up with you because of Jane but because you fucked up, Alec,"

"You're going to regret this, Miss Cullen."

"Threat her one more time and I'll make sure our mother doesn't get any grandchildren from you…ever."

He growled and walked away. A moment later I heard Lilly starting to sniff next to me.

"Please don't cry now. You know that I won't let him hurt you."

"But I hate scenes like that." She muttered before she burst out in tears.

I pulled her against my chest and let her cry for a few minutes, rubbing my hands up and down her back in small circles in an attempt to calm her down.

When she pulled back I took a tissue and tried to remove as much of her smeared mascara as possible from her cheeks.

"I hate to see you cry." I whispered. "I can see everyone cry, everyone but you."

She nodded her head and forced her lips into a grimace that was probably supposed to look like a smile.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm such a terrible crybaby all the time."

"Because you are you," I stated, twisting a wisp of her copper hair around my fingers. Not a bit like carrots, I thought when rays of sun reflected in the curls, making them look like flames and glowing ember.

"And I wouldn't want you to be any other way."

**XOXXOXOXXOXXOXOXXO**

[A/N] For those of you who are interested – I've written a new one-shot called **Mile High Club** that you could check out.

Until next time, take care


	4. Chapter 4

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] Double Sunday today, please don't make me regret posting two chapters on the same day.

Also, I never claimed to be a perfect writer. I know that I'm far, far from that. Still, if people keep shoving it into my face what I'm doing wrong or which words I'm using by mistake – that is not encouraging. In fact it's hurtful and makes me feel like crap.

Sorry, about the rambling I know that you're here to read the update and not my A/N

#FAQ

What does Jane know about Edward?

Only what Lilly told her which is the cover-up story that her mothers' told her to use in case anyone asked her about where her father is. (Officially he's living in Alaska)

****Chapter 4****

I think that I must have been the most annoying child on earth because I constantly kept asking the most embarrassing questions ever. However back then I couldn't do anything to help it, for I was so damn curious about everything

Today I'm still way too curious than it is good for me but fortunately I've discovered this wondrously thing called google and don't have ask others about the stuff I need to find out about. Right now I really needed to do some research on a certain subject that I sure as hell wouldn't bring up the courage to ask anyone I knew about.

_Lesbian sex_

I typed the two words into the searching machine with trembling fingers and waited for the results to show up. The first picture, that popped up on my screen, was that of a blonde-haired woman shoving an almost arm-sized dildo into a skinny brunette.

Disgusting…

Jane is not going to make me do stuff like that, is she? God that's so…creepy.

When I tried to close the picture a dozen of others, all pretty much of the same category appeared on the screen. My interest in sex didn't really increase from looking at them and I wondered if maybe someone was generally wrong with me because I wasn't getting turned on one tiny bit by the on-screen actions.

"Lilly?"

Zoe suddenly showed up behind me like a little ghost and I wondered how she always managed to be so damn sneaky all the time.

"Uncle Emmett is here to check the alarm…,"

Her eyes caught the screen before I could shut it off and her caramel eyes turned huger than they already were.

"What are you doing there?"

"Nothing, just searching some stuff on the internet,"

"But why are they naked?" she asked me while I desperately wished for the earth to open up underneath me to swallow me whole.

"Zoe, just go now. What I'm doing on my laptop is none of your business."

"I want to know."

"Please, go and try to forget what you've seen here."

"Zoe, is your sister up there?" a deep voice called from downstairs.

"Yes, she is."

"What's she doing?"

"Uncle Emmett, Lilly is looking up naked people on the Internet!"

Did I ever mention that there are times when I hate it having a little sister? They are rare but they exist and right now is exactly that kind of moment…

"She's doing what?" he asked, sticking his head into my room a few moments later.

"Nothing," I stumbled out, finally able to find the off button on my computer again.

"If it's nothing, why are you blushing then?"

He grinned and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"I'm just warm, the air-conditioning isn't working properly. Maybe you should better take a look at that instead of the alarm system. I can handle that one pretty fine myself."

"Whatever. Zoe, honey, do me a favor and go down to play with your cousins. You need to make sure they don't accidentally kill each other with the new baseball bat I bought for them."

She walked out of the room and I sighed in relief.

"You didn't need to come here for checking the alarm system. It's working perfectly. I just disconnected the battery last week because…well, because I had to go out after my curfew."

"Let me guess, your moms don't know about you're sneaking out of the window…,"

"Of course they don't. They think that the thunderstorm we had that night damaged the alarm system."

"Your mom still doesn't understand how the system is working, does she?"

"It's enough that I know how to handle the system. My mothers' aren't that good with technology."

"I guess so, especially if you want to see your boyfriend behind their backs, it's extremely useful to keep them unknowing."

"Please, don't tell them. They finally un-grounded me again and I don't want to lose the tiny bit of freedom I gained. By the way hasn't aunt Rose told you that I broke off with Alec."

"Oh, yes she did. For some reason she seemed to be pissed at him and that surprised me because she always liked him a great deal."

"Maybe she's just a bit tensed because she's starving herself all the time."

"Don't remind me of this diet crap. It's so annoying how she tortures herself. Last night we went out for dinner and all she ate was some salad without dressing. That's probably an appropriate meal for a rabbit but not for a woman. I don't know what the fuss is all about."

"She wants to stay in shape. Cellulitis is the enemy – or some crap like that."

"Lilly, honey, let me give you a little clue. Men don't like to talk about that sort of thing."

"Whatever. Will you promise me not to tell my mothers' about the alarm system?"

He grinned and pretended to lock up his lips, throwing an invisible key over his broad shoulder. Uncle Emmett is the definitely the coolest adult I know.

"So, what were you doing before the little one caught you?"

"Nothing,"

"Oh come on, Lilly, you know that you can tell me."

I don't know why everyone in my family always uses this 'you can tell me everything' thing on me. It's not even true. There is no way I'm ever going to talk to any of them about my non-existing sex life or anything like that.

XXXX

"So, how was your day, sweetie?" Momma asked Zoe while she brushed her hair, carefully making sure not to pull too much on it. Why she and mom are both insisting on her keeping it long, I'll never understand. Zoe is such a tomboy and she hates sitting still to let them do her hair.

"It was okay. Cara switched her lunch with me and now we're best friends again. Oh and Lilly looked up naked people…,"

"Keep your mouth shut!" I snarled at her, feeling my cheeks blush into a bright crimson color.

I stood up from the edge of the chair I had been sitting on and dropped it on the floor with a loud crack.

"Don't yell at me!"

"I'm sorry about that but you promised not to talk about it again, Zoe. You're embarrassing me all the time."

"Why?"

"Sweetie, please go and brush your teeth now. I'll come and say goodnight to you in a few minutes." Momma told her, planting a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Is Lilly angry at me?"

"No, she's not. But you have to learn to respect your sister's privacy a bit more."

When Zoe walked up the stairs momma turned to me and her mouth twitched into a warm smile.

"Do I want to know about the naked people thing?"

I buried my face in my hands and sighed deeply.

"I just tried to google some information about…well about…stuff, it doesn't matter what kind of stuff and she caught me."

"Hmm, I see. Are you sure that the internet is a good way to get information about that kind of stuff?"

"Momma, please, I don't want to talk to you about that. The conversation we had four years ago when I got my period was embarrassing enough."

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Lilly. Sex is…,"

"Just drop it now. The word itself coming from your mouth is embarrassing me more than I can blush."

XXXX

"Just keep playing," Jane mumbled, running her fingertips up and down over the exposed skin on my neck. Her touch was gentle and feather light but still I felt my skin breaking out in gooseflesh under her caress.

"Am I making you nervous?" she whispered when she sit down next to me on the piano bench.

"Maybe a tiny little bit." I confessed turning to the side to cup her face between my hands.

The problem with Jane was that she made me feel way too much right now and everything at the same time. I didn't know how to handle all of that.

"I like hearing you play," she stated, twisting a wisp of my hair around her dainty fingers.

"And you know that I don't like it when people watch me playing the piano. I suck at it."

"No, you don't. Stop being so self-critical all the time."

Slowly she leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on my lips. Her mouth was warm and tasted sweet like the almond cookies she had brought with her.

My tongue moved gently against the tip of hers and I felt a pleasant shiver running down my spine. Automatically I pulled her closer to me, pressing her upper body against mine so tightly that I could feel her heart beating raggedly underneath the cotton fabric of her blouse.

"You're way too sweet and tempting," she murmured breathlessly when she pulled back from the kiss a few moments later.

Me – tempting? Definitely not…

"You're not believing me, are you?"

"Yes…no, well I don't know. Everything is so different and new right now. I don't want to disappoint you."

"Lilly, you really need to stop worrying so much about things. This is not some stupid school test that you can study for or fail it if you don't. This is just love. It's nothing to be afraid of."

I nodded my head and sighed deeply before I stood up again, letting my fingers move over the keys of the piano for a few moments until I touched the two of them that were marked with a tiny brownish spot and automatically shrugged back.

My father had marked them for me when he tried to teach me how to play. We hadn't much time to teach me and unfortunately I never developed the talent for playing that he owned himself.

However, me sitting on his lap while he tries desperately to make me understand which key to press when is my favorite memory of him. The only good one I have among all the…others.

The ones that don't make any sense to me and most of the times I'm not even sure if they are real. Whether they are real or not they scare the living shit out of me. I don't want them to be real. I don't want to believe that all these things actually happened.

So, I try to forget what I can't even remember properly and still play on the damn piano almost every day. Is it possible to hate and love a person at the same time? Oh yes it is.

"_Gioia_?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay? You look so sad suddenly."

I forced my lips into a crooked smile and took her hand in mine to squeeze it gently while I caressed the shell of her ear with the fingertips of my left hand.

"I was just thinking,"

"About what?" She asked me curiously, rubbing her thumb over the delicate flower on my wrist.

"The past," I whispered, my voice so low that it was barely audible.

There was still so much about me and my family that she didn't know. I didn't want her to know. What if it would change the way she saw me?

"Just the past," I repeated a bit louder.

"That's kind of stupid if you ask me, _gioia_. The past is already over and we can't change anything about it."

You're only saying that because nothing really bad ever happened in your past, I thought bitterly while my face remained a calm mask.

"You're right," I told her after a few awkward moments of silence.

"We can't change the past but the future on the other hand is all ours to have."


	5. Chapter 5

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I'm still not sure whether this is worth to be continued. It's difficult to write a story around an OC but I guess I'll have to wait and find out. Thanks to those of you who are so incredible supportive of me and my writing. It means more to me than I could ever tell you.

****Chapter 5****

"Could you please stop laughing now?" I pleaded her while she pressed her hand on her mouth to suppress the giggling.

"I'm sorry, Lilly, but that's just too funny."

"Maybe for others but sure as hell not for me,"

"Oh come on, _gioia_, it's not that bad."

She cupped my face between her hands and pulled me closer to plant a gentle kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around her waist and stroked up and down her spine with my fingertips.

When I touched the small stripe of exposed skin between her shirt and her jeans I felt her moan into my mouth. The tip of her tongue circled over my lower lip for a few moments before she started exploring the inside of my mouth with it and a pleasant shiver went down my spine making my entire body tingle with unfamiliar anticipation.

"I love kissing you so much." I murmured against her trembling lips when I managed to pull back from the kiss to catch my breath again.

"Me too, _gioia_," she whispered while she nuzzled her face against the crock of my neck.

"And you smell so good too…like orange-blossoms and vanilla. God, I wished I could crawl right under your skin and stay there."

She circled her tongue gently over the sensitive spot underneath my earlobe and my skin broke out in goose bumps. My heart started beating so fast that it made me feel dizzy and for a split second I wondered what in heaven's name was happening to me physically right now. Was it supposed to feel this way?

"You are nervous," she stated calmly, instantly stopping to touch me. I didn't want her to stop but all the emotions that swapped through my body when she caressed me like that were so overwhelming…so confusing.

"Is that because of me or because of you being nervous right now in general."

"It's because of you, kind off."

I took her hand and squeezed it gently, rubbing my fingers over the fragile silver bracelet on her wrist.

"I'm sorry, Lilly, if I made you feel uncomfortable. I promise…no, I swear to respect your limits."

"You don't have to apologize. I like it a lot when you touch me but at the same time it makes me so terribly nervous. I don't want to do anything wrong and embarrass myself."

She sighed deeply and hugged me from behind. Then she pulled my hair over my shoulder to plant a kiss on my neck.

"Is that why you googled lesbian sex on the internet last night?"

"Yes, partly but I also was curios to find out some things. It's not like I could ask my mothers or Jasmine about that."

"What about asking your girlfriend?" she mumbled, sucking the skin on my collarbone between her teeth making me worry if she would leave a red mark on my pale skin. I wasn't too keen on explaining that to my mother.

"I'd be more than happy to answer all of your questions."

"Do you promise not to laugh again?"

She nodded her head against my shoulder and interlaced the fingers of my right hand with hers. When she started rubbing small circles all over my wrist I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

"Does one of us have to act as the guy if we…when we make love?"

"Of course not; what makes you think something like that? We're both girls and I really like it that way."

"Some of the things I found on the internet…well they were so…disgusting…somehow. I definitely don't want someone to shove some sort of plastic…,"

"Arg, I get what you mean, Lilly. We don't have to do that sort of stuff. In fact, if it helps you to worry a bit less; we don't have to do anything apart from kissing and holding hands if you are not ready for more."

I turned my head around and kissed her mouth again slipping my tongue between her slightly parted lips to nudge it tenderly against the warm tip of her tongue.

"Kissing you makes me all tingly." I murmured, caressing her collarbone with my fingertips.

"Do you have some sort of hidden magic power that I should know about? It's like I can't think properly when your mouth is on mine."

"Lilly, you're probably the only person on earth that worries about not being able to form reasonable thoughts during kissing."

She pulled me closer and sucked my lower lip into her mouth to nibble on it while her hands twisted into the tousled curls of my hair. I had tried to straighten it this morning but given up after a few minutes because my stubborn hair didn't seem to have the slightest interest in being straightened.

"I like your hair a lot." she whispered, twisting a small wisp of it around her fingers to take a closer look at it.

"I don't." I stated, knowing that the reason I detested it this much was mostly because I had inherited its color from _him_.

**XXXX**

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

I cleared my throat and fought the almost unbearable urge to bite my cuticles until they started bleeding.

"I want to visit Dad. Please let me go, it's really important to me."

She sighed deeply and rubbed her forehead with her fingertips for a few moments as if my question had suddenly given her a terrible migraine attack.

"Lilly, I'm kind of tired having this discussion with you almost every day. You're not…do you hear me…you're not going to see your father as long as I have to say a word in this."

"But I want to!" I called out, already feeling the tears starting to burn in the corner of my eyes.

"I want to! I need to know what happened back then!"

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

"Believe me, honey. It's way better for you if you don't know more than necessary."

"I deserve to know everything,"

"Lilly, please, can't you at least try to understand that I'm trying to protect you?

"I don't need some fucking protection!"

My nerves were already tensed and I cursed myself for getting agitated this easily all the time. It was an embarrassing habit that I hated more than anything.

"I'm going to see him anyway once I turn eighteen. So what difference would it make if you allowed me to go now?"

"You're not going."

"But I want to go!"

"It's too dangerous."

"I fucking know what's dangerous for me or not. You allowed Zoe to fly to Boston on her own to visit Benjamin. And you won't let me go and see my father for just one freaking hour. You're so fucking unfair to me all the time!"

"That's not true."

"Of course it's true. Maybe you're just scared that I end up finding out some ugly things about you that you wouldn't want me to know about!"

"Lower your voice, Lilly."

"I will if you allow me to visit Dad in jail."

"No!"

"See, you're yelling just as much as me!"

I burst out in tears because it was too exhausting for me to keep arguing with her all the time.

"I hate you for keeping me away from him." I stated, wiping my running nose on the back of my hand.

"I don't care whether you hate me right now or not. Your father is dangerous and I don't want him near you."

"Maybe he has changed. Maybe he regrets what he has done…maybe…,"

"Changed? Your father and changed. Is this supposed to be a joke?"

"What about everyone deserves a second chance and all that crap?"

"He's still refusing to sign the adoption papers for you. There you have your second chance and everything. Do you know how much it costs every month when he keeps sending them back to Zafrina's office?"

I sniffed and searched for a fresh tissue in the pocket of my jeans.

"I'm so sorry mom. I'm just a burden for you and momma. You're trying everything that momma can adopt me eventually and I'm so…so angry all the time because you won't let me see my father."

She wrapped her arm around me and planted a kiss on my cheek. When she handed me the box with the pralines from the table, I shoved one of the caramel toffees into my mouth where it melted instantly.

"Are they good? Ali brought them with her from a trip to Geneva. Swiss chocolate is supposed to be good."

It was absolutely delicious and I would have to be very, very strong to keep me from eating up the entire box on my own. It wouldn't help me to get rid of my fat ass when I continued eating stuff like that all the time.

_I'm going to carve my name into that fat ass of yours…_

I dropped the candy box on the floor and tried to pick it up again with trembling fingertips.

"Sweetie, are you okay?"

"What? Yes…yes, I'm good."

"You don't look it, honey."

She pulled me closer and started rocking me back and forth a bit like she always used to do it when I was still a little girl.

"Dad really hurt you a lot, didn't he? I mean, he must have because you still hate him so much."

The edges of her mouth twitched for a moment but she didn't answer me. Instead she took another tissue and started rubbing of a bit of my ruined eye makeup. At least she didn't spit on it beforehand like she and Auntie Rose used to do that when I was a kid. That was so gross.

"Maybe you should go and wash your face with some cold water. Oh and please stop wearing so much makeup all the time. You don't need all that stuff, you're pretty enough without that. Or is that Jane's influence on you again?"

I shook my head and sighed deeply before I pulled out the tiny mirror I always carried around with me and checked my reflection in it. God, I really looked like crap right now. Should I buy some waterproof mascara to avoid looking like a panda bear after crying?

"She's been here yesterday, hasn't she? So the two of you have overcome this fight you had because of her brother. That's a good thing I guess, although I hope she doesn't convince you to skip school again and stuff like that."

I bit my own tongue to keep me from confessing that it had been my idea to go spent the day in the mall instead of doing some boring chemistry lab. When she had found out about it Jane had insisted that she had suggested that we could ditch. Why she did that back then was beyond me. It really got her in trouble with her own parents but still she refused to tell them that I was in fact the one to blame.

"Jane is not influencing me to do anything, mom."

"Hmm, maybe she's now influencing this skinny girl that she's been dating."

"Trish? They broke off."

"Did Trish discover what kind of a witch Jane is?"

"Stop talking about her like that all the time. You don't even want to try to like Jane and she's so important to me."

The dog whimpered and I kneeled down next to him on the ground to nuzzle my face against his huge head.

"Good boy, you don't have to be jealous. I love you too."

He licked me right across the face and I instantly wrinkled my nose in disgust.

"Stop that, Fido. It's disgusting."

I planted a kiss on his snout and caressed the fluffy fur under his chin with my fingertips.

"Love you too, you slobber monster."

I grabbed a piece of cookie from the table and stuffed it into his mouth.

"You need to stop feeding him the entire time, sweetie. He's already overweight."

"Yeah, I know, but he's so miserable when you let him starve."

Her eyes caught the silver ring on my middle finger and I tried to hide it behind my back.

"Is that new? Since when do you have money to buy new jewelry? Please tell me that you didn't steal it."

"The ring is from Jane."

"Why did she give that to you? Is that supposed to be an early birthday present?"

I cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up.

"It hasn't got anything to do with my birthday. She gave me the ring because…because…she loves me."

"Loves you?" she repeated like a parrot.

"And I love her." I stumbled out, feeling my cheeks turn into a bright crimson color.

"Love her? Like love-love her?"

"You don't sound pleased. It's not like you are one to judge me for being with a girl."

"I don't care whether you want to be with a boy or a girl. It's your choice and not mine whom you decide to love."

"That doesn't sound very romantic if you say it like that, mom."

"Sorry, I'm just so surprised that you want to be with the little wi…I mean with Jane now. I sure as hell didn't see that coming."

"Momma did. She said that she realized that Jane was in love with me for like…well, for a very long time."

"And you? Are you in love with her too?"

"Irrevocably,"

**XOXXOXXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] next chapter will be from Jane's POV. We'll get to see a bit of her father's reaction in the change of her friendship with Lilly.

Leave me some love and press the little review button down there if you want to read more


	6. Chapter 6

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is mine

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. I still don't know where this is going but your encouraging feedback is what keeps me going. I tend to worry too much about my writing. I really want to make this story good but I don't know if I'll be able to live up to my own expectations. Maybe I should stop pressuring myself so much, but well, that's how I am. I can't help it.

****Chapter 6****

_Jane_

I forced my mouth to stay in the small smile that probably looked more like a grimace and waited exasperated for Renata and the others to decide what they wanted –not- to eat.

Seriously, I hated working in the Restaurant anyway and only did it to please my father but when my aunt used to show up with her stupid models to hold some business dinner here, my patience was always challenged to new levels.

Ten fucking minutes whether they should have salad or fish instead; pasta was out of the question. Carbs were obviously the evil enemy right now and any kind of sauce or dressing seemed like a sacrilege to them.

"Are Farfalle noodles too?" Heidi asked me worriedly, taking a sip from the glass of water in front of her.

"Yes, they are. Would you like to have some, maybe with some creamy Gorgonzola sauce?"

When I mentioned the cheese sauce she looked as if she was about to get a heart attack and I almost couldn't suppress a giggling.

"No!"

She sounded panicked now and I cleared my throat before I spoke up again.

"Would you prefer to have some salad like the others?"

"No, I'm allergic to carrots and onions. Can I just have some more water please. I don't really feel hungry."

"Of course,"

"Or wait…do you have anything low-fat and low carb here apart from salad?"

I sighed deeply and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"I have to check with the kitchen but maybe we have some _Escremento di Ratto_ that we could serve you instead."

My aunt burst out in laughter and hit me playfully on my arm in a weak attempt to reprove me.

"You're impossible, Janetta. Stop making fun of the girls because they are trying to keep their figure."

Whatever figure means. They all looked way too skinny for my taste and I wondered why they hungered away all their natural curves to replace them with implants afterwards.

"I'll get you the salads then. Does anyone of you want to have dressing with it?"

"Lemon juice, if you have." Heidi mumbled, emptying the glass of water in front of her in one gulp.

I took it and placed it on the tray I balanced on my right hip.

"I'll get you a new one."

"Can I have some diet coke?"

Oh diet coke it is now, I thought. As if this disgusting stuff tasted like anything like the sugar containing original. Lilly always used to drink diet coke too although I knew that she didn't even like it at all.

When I entered the kitchen I handed my father the small note and sat down on the edge of the table.

"What kind of order is this supposed to be?" he asked me, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Zia Didyme invited her models for dinner and you know how they are like."

"Salad without dressing as if they were rabbits and am I assuming right that none of them wants to have some bread with it?"

"Of course not, they could accidentally eat some crumbles and no one knows how their body would react to real food. We can't risk being sued for that."

He chuckled and planted a kiss on my forehead before he put a wisp of my hair behind my ear.

"You need to stop being so sarcastically all the time, _principessa_."

"I'll try,"

"Are you and your brother still fighting?"

Still? Did we ever stop fighting since the day we were born? And our parents were so incredibly blind about it all the time.

"It's okay. He's still moping around because Lilly dumped him."

"Poor boy, I can understand that he's sad. The little _rossa_ is a looker indeed. Plus she's smart and would probably have had a good influence on his school grades."

"He's not good enough for her," I growled trying to suppress the anger and jealousy in my voice. It was stupid to feel this way. She was with me now and that was all that counted.

"Does that mean you and her are friends again? It didn't look like you were too happy about them being together."

"She's more than a friend."

"What do you mean she's more than a friend? Please not that I am gay thing again. I know you're not that way. You just haven't…,"

"Found the right dick…ahm I mean guy."

"Janetta, I'm serious this lesbian none sense has to stop. Your mother is so miserable and worried about that."

"I've already told you that I can't change the way I feel." I told him, pouring myself a glass of lemonade.

"I love Lilly,"

"I love wine too but I still drink water because it's better for my health."

"That's not the same."

"Are you sure that the little _rossa_ swings that way at all? She's so girly."

I sighed and took the salads from him to place them on the tray.

"She loves me too and I'm very, very happy about that."

My fingertips moved over the bracelet around my wrist and I couldn't help but grin like a complete moron.

"Does your brother know that you're trying to steal his girlfriend from him?"

"I'm not stealing her from him. She's too stubborn to be stolen away against her will."

"Probably,"

He cleared his throat nervously before he spoke up again.

"We're sending him to Italy as an exchange student."

"Really?" my voice raised two octaves.

"He needs to learn the language more fluent when he's planning on running the Restaurant once I retire."

You are planning that he's taking over the Restaurant? Oh dad, good luck with that. Alec can't even boil an egg without almost burning down the kitchen. Do you think it will help him if he can call the fire department in Italian?

XXXX

I sat down on the stairs next to the trash cans and pulled out my cell to check it for new texts.

The first one was from Trish and I thought about just deleting it without reading but then I was too curious anyway and just opened the message on the tiny screen in front of me.

_I miss u. Can we meet or do u have to spend all your time with that chubby redhead now? Kiss T._

I growled and quickly typed a reply.

_Leave me the fuck alone, Trish_

Her respond came about five seconds later.

_Don't be like that. I still luv u_

I dialed her number and when she picked up her voice sounded as if she was drunk. Or maybe she had been crying or something like that. Not that I cared.

"Hello, buttercup is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me. And for heaven's sake stop with the buttercup crap. That's embarrassing. If I were a flower at all it would be a thistle."

She giggled. God, I hated the way she laughed. It sounded completely stupid in my tortured ears.

"What are you doing right now?"

"I'm helping my father in the Restaurant."

"Nice. Say hi to him from me."

"Hmm, yes I will."

I cleared my throat and tried to make my voice as cold and hard as possible when I spoke up again.

"I've called you to tell you to stop calling and texting me all the time. It's starting to piss me off."

"Oh bu…I mean Jane, why can't you see that I'm the right one for you?"

"Enlighten me please, why do you think that you're the right one; because we fucked?"

"If you say it like that it sounds ugly. Jane, I can't understand what you see in that chubby girl. She's weird."

"You are going to regret it pretty soon if you keep saying that sort of things about Lilly. If I find out you told her some crap like that to her face, I'll make sure that you can't show yours to any model agency between here and Milan."

"Like you had so much influence in the business…,"

"I'm serious about that, Trish. Lilly is so sensitive about her weight and I don't want her too feel bad because some wannabe model keeps pointing out the fact that she's not skinny like you."

"It's funny how protective you are about the little meatball. Are you a fat admirer now or something like that?"

"Lilly is not fat. She's curvy but of course I can't expect you to know the difference. You think it's pretty that your ribs show."

"You don't have to be mean."

"I'd stop if you'd leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to deal with you and your issues anymore."

"But I love you and you promised to introduce me to your aunt."

"Ah, I see. You still want to work for the model agency of Volturi Inc."

"Kind of,"

"Wrong answer, Trish; I'm giving you a little tip that you should heart. My aunt hates people who don't know what they want. So tell me, do you or do you not want to work for Volturi Inc?"

"I want to,"

"Too bad you never will." I snarled into the receiver.

"You're so mean. You know that it's my dream to become a model."

"And it's my dream to get some peace from you and your calls. I've moved on and that's what you should do too."

"Let me see your aunt. She'll like me. I look good in the clothes they are designing."

"Who looks or doesn't look good in the clothes is not up to you, Trish. Leave me the fuck alone and don't you dare to show up at school again tomorrow. Don't pretend that you didn't sneak around the lot yesterday. I saw your skinny ass and I didn't like it one tiny bit that you're obviously trying to stalk me."

"I was just trying to…," she started hesitantly.

"I don't care. Whatever it is, just stop it and try to get a life, preferably one that includes this thing called eating."

I disconnected the call and stuffed the cell back into the pocket of my jeans where I almost instantly started to vibrate.

"What part of leave me the fuck alone is too complicated for your two brain cells to grasp it!"

"Jane?"

"Lilly? Oh crap, I'm so sorry for yelling at you like that. I didn't…well, I…,"

"You don't have to apologize. Are you angry right now about something?"

"I'm pissed at Trish because she…well, because she's just annoying me somehow."

"She's not trying to get back together with you, is she?"

I sighed and took a deep breath before I answered her question.

"It doesn't matter. I'm not interested in her anymore. You're the only one I want, _gioia_."

"I called to tell you that I miss you."

"I miss you too. Oh by the way, I kind of told my father about us."

"And what did he say?"

"He's thrilled about getting such a lovely daughter in law."

"Is that the truth?"

"It's what his reaction should have been. You are good for me. He just doesn't want to see it yet."

"My mom's not too thrilled about us being together either. She's worried that you could have a bad influence on me."

"Am I having a bad influence on you? It's more like I'm constantly trying to keep that sexy ass of yours out of trouble."

"I know…but she doesn't and it's difficult for me to explain it to her that you just got yourself in trouble so often because you were trying to protect me."

"I like protecting you."

"I don't need to be protected."

"That's what you're thinking, _gioia_ but I know better. You need all the protection you can possibly get."

"I'm not weak."

"I didn't say you're weak. I l know you're not. Needing protection has nothing to do with being weak. I love you and I don't want anyone to hurt you."

"I love you too, more than I could ever tell."

"So, your mother isn't too fond of me, is she? Maybe I should try to lull her in a bit more. Ali likes me a great deal," I stated, rubbing my bare forearms with my fingertips because it was getting cold outside here.

"Yes she does and I wonder why it is that way. Usually mom and she agree on whether they like or dislike someone."

"Ali has to like me because I'm going to be her boss once my aunt kicks the bucket."

"She doesn't know about that, does she?"

"I don't think so. The only people that know about it are you and Mrs. Whitlock."

"Aren't you afraid of all that responsibility?"

"No, I'm not. I wouldn't have agreed to it if I couldn't handle it."

She sighed and I wished that I could just wrap my arms around her now to bury my face into the mess of her copper hair. It made me feel so secure and right now it had a good chance of becoming my favorite scent on earth.

**XOXXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] Guess, which male character is coming back in the next chapter? No, it's not Edward. Hope you're not too disappointed. I know that Lilly talks a lot about seeing him and I don't know if any of you tried to understand her point. She doesn't know all the things we know about his character in WTHN. She only has some very blurry memory about what happened back then. And she wants answers, answers she's afraid that she's not going to get from her mothers. Edward not going to play a major role in the story, if you are worried about that. I have enough plans without him.

Enjoy your day and press the little review button down there before you leave.


	7. Chapter 7

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks and hugs to all my lovely readers out there. I'm so grateful for each and every one of you who is taking the time to read and review. Your support really means a lot to me.

****Chapter 7****

She pulled my hair over my shoulder and planted a soft kiss on the exposed skin of my neck while she hugged me tightly from behind.

"Are your mothers and Zoe still gone?" she asked me, nuzzling her face against the hollow of my throat.

"They are picking up Benjamin from the airport."

"Good, that gives us at least a bit of alone time."

Her lips closed around sensitive the skin and when she sucked it into her mouth a pleasant wave of warmth spread through my body.

"You are trying to mark me again, aren't you?" I whispered when she pulled back a few moments later.

"I'm sorry about that. It's just that your skin tastes good enough to eat it."

"That's the weirdest compliment I've ever heard."

"You aren't able to handle a compliment properly, Miss Cullen."

"Maybe, if you'd made the right one, I would."

"Can I ask you something? Why didn't you change your last name to Swan like the rest of your family?"

"That would only work if my father would allow Ali to adopt me. But he refuses to do that."

"Really? That's a pretty crappy attitude for someone who didn't bring up the time to visit his only child in over ten years."

"It's complicated."

"Yes, I know. Alaska is far away. Planes are expensive. You know what? I should probably send him a ticket to Anchorage so that he can make it here for your birthday next Saturday. How would you like that?"

My hands started trembling slightly and I desperately tried to keep the tears from falling.

"Hey, are you okay? That was just supposed to be a joke. If you don't want to see your father it's okay."

"No, it's not!" I called out before I tasted the first drops of salty wetness on my lips.

"I want to see him but my mother won't let me."

"Why? Is she still angry at him because of the divorce? God, that's so…,"

"It's not because of the divorce. She thinks that my father is dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

I sighed deeply and cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up.

"If I tell you a family secret will you promise to keep it? Because if anyone in school found out about…,"

"I'm not going to tell anyone," she stated, taking my quivering hands in hers to circle her thumb over my wrist.

"My father is not in Alaska. He's in jail because he killed some other guy."

The edge of her mouth twitched and for a moment I wondered if she would probably just stand up and leave now. It didn't happen. Instead she put my hand to her lips and planted a soft kiss on each of my knuckles.

"I'm so sorry about that. Guess that must have been hard for you to keep that to yourself for so long."

I nodded my head and wiped my running nose on the sleeve of my shirt.

"My mother insisted that no one outside the family can know about it. She can't know that I've told you, it would make her freak."

"Don't worry. My lips are sealed."

"That will probably make it difficult for me to kiss you."

A low chuckle left her mouth when she sat down behind me on my bed and pulled me on her lap. I tried to move but she wrapped her arms around me to keep me where I was.

"Let me go. I'm too heavy for you."

"No, you're not. Your self-image is so wrong it's unbelievable."

I turned my head and cupped her face between my hands before I leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. The tip of her tongue caressed my lower lip, begging for entrance until I gasped for air and she nudged it gently against my tongue.

The warm, tingly feeling in my stomach was back again and increased when her fingers moved under the collar of my blouse to caress the skin on my collarbone.

"You are gorgeous. Stop worrying so much about your figure all the time."

"Just drop that topic, Jane. I know that you can't understand it how it's like to be overweight which is strange considering the fact that your father runs a restaurant."

She kissed me again and twisted a wisp of my hair around her fingers.

"Somehow it's weird that the things that I love the most on you are those which you dislike the most."

"Maybe that has to do with the fact that love makes you blind or something like that?" I mumbled, circling my fingers up her bare forearm in feather light movements.

"I assure you that I see you very, very clearly."

She pulled me closer and swirled her tongue over the sensitive spot right underneath my earlobe, sending something that was comparable to an electric current, just way more enjoyable through me that made every hair on my body stand up in anticipation.

"Can I touch you a bit?" she whispered so low that her voice was barely audible.

I nodded my head and closed my eyes while her hands slowly moved up my sides until she reached the underside of my breasts. She cupped them in her hands and started massaging them gently while I tried to force myself to keep my breathing under control. My heart skipped a beat and when I reached out my hand to caress the flat skin on her stomach my fingers trembled slightly.

"Don't be nervous. It's just me."

"I don't really know what I'm doing." I murmured, circling my fingers over the piercing in her belly button.

She opened the first buttons of my blouse and caressed each inch of my cleavage she was exposing with her lips. They were so amazingly soft and warm against my skin and I felt myself starting to long for more of them.

Almost automatically my own hands moved under her shirt and when my fingertips brushed hesitantly against the cotton fabric of her bra I felt the tips of her breasts hardening under my touch.

I did that to her, I thought when a low whimpering noise escaped her lips. I made her body react like that. God, this was so…

"Lilly! We're back." Zoe called from downstairs.

I shrugged back and Jane pulled her shirt down again before she leaned forward to plant a last soft kiss on my lips.

"I love you so much, _gioia_."

"I love you too,"

She helped me to close the buttons of my blouse and I quickly put my hair into a sloppy ponytail before we walked down the stairs to greet my family.

"Hello Benjamin, how was the flight?"

He hugged me and planted a kiss on my cheek before he lifted Zoe up again balancing her on his left hip.

"You are getting too heavy for me, sweetie." He stated when he put her down on the ground again.

"Really, daddy?" She sounded proud about his comment and that surprised me. Maybe it was because she was still a little child and had no clue about weight problems. Not that Zoe was just one pound too heavy for her age. Plus, unlike me she was really sporty and constantly running around. That would probably keep her from getting chubby like me.

"Hi Jane, how's it going? Are you still working for Zafrina?"

She nodded her head and cleared her throat before she spoke up again.

"Once a week, I wished my father would allow me to work more for her. It is way more interesting than working in the restaurant for him."

XXXX

I continued cutting the tomatoes in front of me into small pieces before I put them into the salad.

"Are you and Jane dating now?" Benjamin asked me curiously, while he typed a text into his cell.

"Did my mom tell you about that? Jeez, she gossips like an old woman,"

He chuckled and took a sip from the glass of coke I had poured him.

"No, she didn't. But it was pretty obvious from the way the two of you were looking at each other. Plus there is the hickey on your throat."

I blushed and grabbed my light blue silk scarf from the counter and wrapped it carefully around my neck to hide the reddish mark on my skin. Should I try to cover it up with make up?

"You are prudish like your mother, Lilly."

"I'm not like her." I stated, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Whatever. Look, I'm glad that you've finally decided to come to the right side of the rainbow so to speak. Jane is a nice girl. A bit too sarcastically probably but I have a certain feeling that you and her are good for each other."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, it's always easier and better for a relationship if you were friends first."

"I don't know,"

"But I do. Seth was my friend for much longer than he has been my boyfriend and that makes it way easier to talk about everything."

I nodded my head and sat down next to him.

"The tattoo is beautiful," he told me when I pulled the sleeve of my shirt upwards.

"Thanks. My mothers were pretty pissed at me when they found out."

"We weren't pissed about the tattoo," Momma stated when she entered the kitchen.

"We were disappointed that you got a faked ID to get it."

"Like you would have allowed me to have it done with your permission," I murmured, taking an onion in my hands to peel of its skin.

"That's not the point, young lady."

"It's so funny when you are trying to play strict mom to Lilly."

"I'm not playing." She stated, taking a small sip from his glass before she spoke up again.

"Have you made up your mind about the guest list for the wedding?" she asked him curiously.

"In theory,"

"What is that supposed to mean? You have to decide how many people you want to invite so we can start looking for a location."

"I know, Ali. But the problem is that I'm not sure if our Romanian family will be thrilled by the fact that I'm getting married to a guy and secondly. Seth wants to invite his cousin Emily and that sure as hell will result in a bitch fight with Leah. She's still pissed at her for the whole Sam drama although that happened such a long time ago."

"I see,"

There was the cracking of glass coming from the living room followed by the shrill yelling of Cara and my sister.

"It's your fault that it broke!"

"No, it's yours! You were supposed to catch the ball."

"You know I can't catch properly!"

We rushed into the living room, stepping over pieces of broken glass.

"What was that?" Momma asked Zoe when she keeled down on the ground to carefully pick up a few glass pieces.

"The glass vase grandma Renee gave us for last Christmas but it was Cara's fault that it broke. She was supposed to…,"

"Since when is it allowed to play ball inside the house?"

"I was trying to teach her how to catch properly. Nessie says she plays like a girl."

"Just for the record, sweetie; Cara and you are girls."

"But daddy, don't you know that it's the meanest thing ever when someone tells you that you play ball like a girl?"

"Really?"

"Of course, daddy, it means you're not doing it right."

**XOXXOXXOXXOXXOXO**

[A/N] Leave me some love and review.

I've started a new Bellice story. Yeah, I know I was supposed to finish LMA first but, plot bunnies are evil little monsters somehow. Anyway, if you are interested you should go and check it out. It's called **Colorblind **and will be an AH story.

Until next time, take care


	8. Chapter 8

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I'm happy that I managed to reach the **100****th** review mark. It's so good to hear that some of you enjoy reading my story here. Your support is what keeps me writing, without you I wouldn't be here. So thanks and hugs to all of you. I know that I'm still far away from becoming the writer I want to be one day but for now, this is how things are.

****Chapter 8****

**Jane**

I watched the tiny droplets of water from the shower running down her chin to the bare curves of her full breasts and tried to keep my eyes focused on her beautiful face or other innocent parts of her body.

She still noticed me watching her and her pale cheeks blushed into a bright crimson color.

"You're making me so nervous if you keep looking at me like that."

"Why?" I asked her back taking a few steps closer towards her until my left hipbone touched against hers.

"Because I don't know what you're thinking, when you do it."

A smile flashed over my face when my fingertips stroked down her cheekbone, my thumb brushing gently over her upper lip. The tip of her tongue darted out and a low moan escaped my throat.

"Do you really want to know?"

She nodded her head and reached for the bottle of conditioner. It smelled deliciously of sweet strawberries when she started rubbing it into the length of her hair.

"I want to touch you, all of you, gioia…so badly,"

I reached out my hand and noticed that my fingers were trembling slightly when I caressed the soft skin on her cleavage. Slowly I moved my hand lower until I cupped her left breast in my hand.

"So soft," I mumbled, leaning forward to plant a kiss on her sweet mouth.

"You have no idea how much I want you. So very much…,"

The rosy tip of her breast hardened when I rolled my thumb over it and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth to keep her from moaning out loud.

I wanted to hear her too but for now I was content with being able to caress her gorgeous curves with my hands and my mouth.

The tip of my tongue swirled over her pebbled nipple before I suckled it greedily into my mouth while I squeezed the other one between two fingers.

My free hand moved down her abdomen and my heartbeat increased so much that it was almost painful when my fingertips slipped gently between her moist folds….

The shrill beeping noise of my alarm clock woke me up from my dream and it took me a moment to get my breathing under control again. What a weird dream…so weird…well, I didn't really know what I was supposed to do with it. Lilly had made it pretty clear to me that she needed more time and I was determined not to rush her into anything she wasn't ready for but still… I wanted her so much.

I decided to do something to distract me from my unsaturated longings and pulled my tablet out from under my bed to read through the letter I had written before I went to sleep. It was probably a stupid idea but I knew that I had to use every opportunity to make Lilly happy; if that including getting in contact to her jailbird of a father I had to find a way.

_Dear Mr. Cullen,_

_I don't know how much mail you are usually receiving and so I assume that you will probably be surprised to get my letter._

_My name is Janetta and I'm a close friend of your daughter. I understand that you and your ex-wife aren't on good terms with each other what is understandable concerning the reason of your incarnation._

_Lilly's mother doesn't want her to visit you in jail and I agree with her on that. Lilly is such a sensitive person that I'm quite sure that a place like the one you are staying in would frighten her terribly._

_Yet, I still think that it would be good for her to get some contact with you and I figured out that writing letters would be a good way of doing that. _

_I know that Lilly was still a little girl the last time you saw her and so I'm not sure whether you are having at least a slight hint of knowledge about the person she has become. Let me tell you that she's the most amazing, loveable young woman you can think of. She's smart and caring. Lilly is one of the few people which are as beautiful from the inside as from the outside._

_You should be proud to have a daughter like that and so I hope that you will at least consider my offer to deliver letters to her though my address. It seems like the easiest way to me for your ex-wife would probably not let Lilly read anything you would be sending to her._

_Kind regards,_

_Janetta Mazzini_

XXXX

"Oh my god, this is so awesome!" she called out, leaning forward to plant a kiss on the canary yellow engine hood of the car.

"Oh my pretty baby, I wanted to drive you since the day Momma brought you home four months ago."

Ali chuckled slightly and waved with the car keys in her hand.

"Try to bring it back in one piece and don't get too used to it. The Porsche is still mine."

"Not for today! Today this baby is all mine." she stated running her fingertips over the front lights.

Her mother who was standing next to Ali cleared her throat nervously before she spoke up again.

"Don't drive too fast."

Lilly nodded her head and grabbed the keys to open the passenger's door for me.

Then she hugged both of her mother's and waited until they disappeared inside the house before she sat down in the car and started the engine.

"That's the best present anyone has ever given to me in my entire life."

I took her hand in mine and put it to my mouth to plant a soft kiss on each of her knuckles.

"You are so cute when you get excited about something."

"Of course, I am. I mean it's the Porsche. It's the Porsche!"

Yes, I know, it's the car that could have been mine if my father didn't have this ridiculous issue with inappropriate presents. It was so fucking unfair.

She did a pretty good job at not driving too fast until we were at the end of the road. Then she stepped on the gas pedal and something that sounded like an angry lion roared to life.

"For heaven's sake, slow down again. We're going to get pulled over."

A low chuckle left her throat before she finally reduced the speed of the car a tiny bit and placed her hand on my left thigh, rubbing it gently over the fabric of my jeans.

"Are you okay? You're not afraid of my driving style, are you?"

I shook my head and sighed deeply.

"No, I'm not. I just don't want you to get in trouble on your birthday."

"I won't. Don't worry about that."

I leaned over and twisted a wisp of her beautiful copper hair around my fingers before I put it behind her ear.

"Are the earrings new too?"

"They are from my aunt Rosalie. Pretty aren't they?"

"She has good taste. Do you want to find a dress in a similar shade?"

"I want to buy a dress that fits and doesn't draw attention to my fat ass." she stated when she parked the car in the lot of the mall.

Why she didn't just ask her mother to design a dress for her was beyond me. For some weird reason that she didn't want to talk about to me no matter how hard I tried she even refused to set one foot inside one of the four boutiques that my aunt and Ali had opened in the last five years.

We stepped out of the car and I hugged her tightly from behind, nuzzling my nose into the silkiness of her hair before I pulled it over her shoulder and caressed the exposed skin on her neck with my fingertips.

"You are gorgeous. Stop thinking that you are fat, because you're not."

"You're just saying that because you're my girlfriend." she mumbled exasperated when she turned her head.

I put one finger underneath her chin and kissed her mouth tenderly. The tip of my tongue slipped between her parted lips when she gasped for air and I gently caressed the inside of her sweet mouth.

"You. Are. Gorgeous." I emphasized each word overdramatically.

"And if you weren't my girlfriend I still would think the same."

"No, you wouldn't."

"Yes, I would."

She kissed me again and when her fingertips brushed over the bare skin on my forearms a pleasant shiver went down my spine. Every single one of her touches, no matter how innocent they might be managed to set my entire body on an invisible fire. I wanted her so badly that it was starting to get difficult for me not to ask her if she wanted to sleep with me. I didn't want to pressure her or any crap like that. It was just that…

"Jane?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay? You look a bit dreamily right now."

"I was just thinking about….some things. It doesn't really matter."

She took my hand in hers, her thumb rubbing over the skin on my wrist while we walked inside the building. Like usually it was terribly crowded and I instantly pulled her closer to me, wanting to keep her safe from being jostled.

Some idiot bumped against my handbag and its entire content landed on the floor.

"Crap,"

Lilly kneeled down next to me and helped me to stuff everything back before people could trip on my I-phone.

A split second before I could grab the tiny purple colored box she reached for it.

"What's that?"

"The birthday present for my other girlfriend." I stated, standing up from the ground again.

"Really? What are you getting her?" she giggled and I pulled her over to a bench on the side, sitting down on its edge.

"I only have one girlfriend and she's the only one I'm ever going to love."

She cupped my face between her hands and kissed the tip of my nose before she opened the box, pulling out the golden medallion that had forced me to use my _emergency_ credit card from my aunt for the first time.

"That's lovely, but you shouldn't have spent so much money on me."

"It has an engraving on the backside," I told her, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

"But that's in Italian."

"I know, _gioia_."

"Are you going to tell me what it means?"

I took the medallion from her palm and started to read out the words so lowly that my voice was barely audible.

"_Al mio amore, Il mio cuore é tuo e anche io lo sono"*_

**XOXOXOXXOXOXO**

[A/N] Here is the English translation for the Italian inscription on the Medallion. Thanks to, **kisses from** **Italy**, for helping me with it.

*"To my beloved; my heart is yours and so am I"

I know that good authors don't ask for reviews, but I never claimed to be a good author. Reviews are the only kind of feedback I'm receiving and without them it's so difficult to tell what people love or hate about the story. So, please press the little button down there before you leave.

Until next time,

Take care


	9. Chapter 9

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] I'm still looking for the perfect teen Lilly. If you have any suggestions about actresses/ models who could play her role feel free to pm me.

Or follow me on Twitter – _**MyTwiDreams**_ – if you'd like to talk about the story or other random things

****Chapter 9****

My family is not normal and I'm saying that with as much respect as possible. We are not normal. At least not if you see normal as what the majority sees as the regular way of living.

I only have very dull memories about how our life was like before Momma showed up but now she's such an important part of it that it's hard to imagine it without her.

She truly is my second mother, no matter what the papers are saying. Paper means nothing to me; it's what I feel inside my heart that really counts.

With my birth mother it's more complicated and I think there are two reasons behind this. The first one is that I remind her too much of my father. My hair has exactly the same shade like his. I know that from the pictures at my grandparents' house and mom insists that I've inherited my moody temper from his side as well. The second reason is that there is too much of her in me. I'm not her but the reason why I see myself the way I do is mostly because of the self-image she has. We're both too big and although I'm a hundred percent sure that Momma loves her the way she is, I still know that she hates the fact that she will probably never fit inside a size 10 dress. Maybe she hates the fact that I will never fit inside it even more. At least that's how she acts like.

"Lilly, you shouldn't be eating all this pancakes for breakfast. What happened to your plans of losing ten pounds?"

I growled and dropped my fork on the table where it left a mark on the tablecloth.

"Mind your own business!"

"Don't talk to me like that and try to work on your temper, young lady."

I stood up from my chair and put my empty plate into the dishwasher before I leaned back against the counter and sighed deeply.

"Jane says that I don't have to diet, because she likes me the way I am. And unlike you she's able to handle my temper pretty fine."

"Because she has one herself," she mumbled, taking a sip from the cup of cinnamon tea in front of her.

"I know you can't stand her." I stated, closing my fingers around the golden medallion Jane had given me for my birthday a week ago.

"That's not true. I just think that Jane is having a bad influence on you."

"No, she doesn't. You don't know her the way I do. She's not as hard as you think she is. That's just…well, she's just her."

Mom's eyes caught the medallion around my neck. Suspiciously she raised one eyebrow.

"Is that from her?"

I nodded my head and flipped it open to show her the tiny picture of me and Jane inside of it.

"It's really pretty and it looks expensive. I wonder how she can afford something like that."

I hissed through my teeth before I sat down on the chair next to her.

"You're not assuming that she stole it. Jeez, the incident with that Barbie doll was like…six years ago or something like that." And it had been my idea to steal it back then, I added secretly in my head. Jane had insisted that everything had been her plan and up until this day I still couldn't understand why she was always so determined to keep me out of trouble whether I deserved it or not.

"I didn't mean it like that." she told me, twisting her hair into a sloppy ponytail.

Oh sure you did…

"Aren't you going to be late for work?" I asked her, pouring myself a glass of orange juice that I emptied in one big gulp.

"Benjamin is going through some paperwork with Leah, so we're opening a bit later today."

"Oh, I see. How long is he going to stay in Seattle?"

"About three weeks I guess. Zoe is thrilled that she's going to see him so much in the next time."

"I would be thrilled too, if you'd allow me to see _my_ father."

"Lilly, for heaven's sake – not that again. How often will I have to tell you that I don't want you to see _him_?"

I swallowed hard to keep the tears from falling and cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up.

"Do you hate me because of him?" I whispered so low that my voice was barely audible.

She sighed and took my hand in hers to squeeze it gently.

"No, I don't. I love you with all of my heart. You're the only good thing that resulted of me meeting your father."

"But we're always fighting." I stated, taking a slice of apple from her plate to nibble halfheartedly on it.

"I know, sweetie. I hate that too." She leaned forward and planted a kiss on my forehead.

"If only you weren't so incredibly stubborn."

"Did I inherit that from his side too?"

She quickly shook her head and her lips twitched into a half smile.

"No, you didn't. That's all my fault."

XXXX

Jane thinks that it's weird that I like the smell of hospitals so much. She says the whole disinfection stuff reminds her of dying people and she can't understand how I can enjoy spending time there unless being forced to.

I was too early and that made me wonder if I should probably consider keeping to the speed limit more seriously. If only it wasn't so tempting to drive fast.

"Lilly?" I turned around and kneeled down to pet the soft fur of the whining retriever dog with my fingertips.

"Hi Amarillo are you still missing your puppies?"

Jasmine chuckled and pulled a biscuit out of the pocket of her jeans that instantly disappeared in the dog's snout.

"She'll survive it. Zafrina insists that she's glad that they are gone now but I know better. If I had let her, she had made us keep all four of them."

I nodded my head and sat down next to her on a bench in front of the main entrance.

"Are you working as a volunteer again?" she asked me curiously while I closed my eyes for a moment to enjoy the warm sun on my face.

"Yes I am, but only on weekends. My mother doesn't want me to neglect school because of it. She's not fond of any of the things that I want to do."

"Am I hearing a slight undertone of defiance in your voice?"

"Please, don't start any of this psycho crap again, Jazz. I can't stand that. It makes me feel stupid."

She chuckled and put one arm on my shoulder to calm me down.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to analyze you, although the thought is pretty tempting, Lilly. You are a fascinating young woman. Full of contradictions."

"I don't understand what you're talking about."

"You will, sweetie, trust me."

"Have you and Zafrina decided about the donor thing yet?" I asked her while I tried to shove Amarillo's head away from my lap again. She was only acting like that because she could probably still smell Fido's scent on my clothes. Was it possible for dogs to fall in love too?

"It's difficult. Your mother and Ali were lucky that they had Benjamin."

"Doesn't Zafrina have a brother too that you could ask to…,"

"I don't think it would be a good idea to get a child from someone whom I detest with so much passion. The whole tantrum Derek threw when Zafrina and I got married and she took on my name was totally below the belt."

"Hmm,"

"But to answer your question, Lilly, yes we're found a donor. Well, it's more like I have found him. After all the time we wasted with sperm banks and agencies I've discovered that the ideal solution was in front of my eyes all the time. He's going to be just perfect and all I have to do now is to convince my beautiful wife of it."

"Good luck with that," I stated, standing up from the bench again.

"Luck has very little too do with it. Zafrina is the most stubborn person on earth apart from me. Not that this makes me love her anything less."

XXXX

I knocked on the door to my grandfather's office before I hesitantly opened it.

"Morning sweetheart, did the nurse in the E.R. tell you that you are supposed to help me with my files today?"

"Yes, she did. I'm not very pleased about that though. This filling file crap doesn't have to do anything with the work of a doctor. I don't know what I am supposed to learn from that."

He chuckled and planted a kiss on my forehead before he sat down on his chair again and handed me a box of caramel toffees.

"Take some; I know that you like those."

I stuffed one of the toffees into my mouth and hummed slightly when the delicious sweetness of it melted over my tongue. Damn it, why didn't any of the healthy stuff taste nearly as good as that? It would make it so much easier for me to lose the extra pounds I carried with me.

"How are you feeling?" he asked me curiously when I sat down and started to read through the first file in front of me. It was about a eight year old that needed some heart transplantation as soon as possible. Reading stuff like that made me always feel awkward. Maybe that was a sign that I was going to be a bad doctor in case I made it to medical school.

"I'm fine, grandpa, and thanks for the car too. I was thrilled about it."

"You are welcome, sweetheart. Your grandma and I are happy when you like our present."

He gave me a warm smile and poured me a glass of water.

"How's your boyfriend?"

"We broke up and I'm…I'm…," I hesitated for a moment because I knew that he wasn't really a fan of gay relationships.

"You're what, sweetie?"

"I'm dating Jane now."

"Jane, like in your female friend Jane? The little blonde Italian?"

I nodded my head.

"Yep, that's her. You are not disappointed now, are you?"

"It doesn't matter. In my eyes you are still too young to date at all. You should focus on school."

"Why is everyone so concerned about school? I still have two years until I finish High School and I'm pretty sure that I'm going to pass my exams."

"I don't have doubts about that but your grades would probably get better if you wouldn't have a boyfriend…ahm I mean girlfriend," he almost choked on the word and I had to suppress a giggle.

"I mean, if you wouldn't have a girlfriend to distract you."

Maybe sometimes it's good to have someone to distract you, I thought while I continued sorting some medical reports in the first folder. Somewhere out there a little boy needed a new heart and somewhere within me mine was brimming with lots of distracting love for my girlfriend.


	10. Chapter 10

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] You guys are giving me the impression that this story sucks. It's impossible to please everyone and as writing this is something that I personally heart a lot, I will continue to do it whether people will approve of that or not.

****Chapter 10****

There is a certain category of woman that I hate with an almost sickly passion. Some people call them models but I secretly call them skinny bitches behind their back. What they call me behind my back is pretty clear to me. I'm the fat girl. The one without discipline to keep away from chocolate and ice cream and a whole bunch of other stuff no model I know would ever come near. At least not in order to keep the food down long enough for it to digest.

The girl who let me in on the little trick about binging and puking was Renata, one of the models that work for Volturi Inc. She told me that I had a big chance of modeling myself if I managed to get rid of my baby fat as she had tried to describe it politely. I didn't give a shit about becoming a model but the trick with the puking seemed like a pretty smart solution to my weight problem to me. Unfortunately I wasn't that lucky in the throw up your food again department. Somehow my stupid body didn't seem to have a proper gag reflex and that made the whole disgusting procedure a terribly long one.

I've told no one about my attempts on that though, not even Jane. She wouldn't understand it and I didn't want her to worry unnecessarily.

It's difficult when you grow up surrounded by the most beautiful women who are wearing the most beautiful dresses. When I was a little girl I always dreamed that once I would grow up, I could wear all the clothes Ali was designing. They were all so pretty and I have this very faint memory of me sitting in a pile of ruby colored silk in the middle of her atelier.

Today I know that I'm never, ever going to fit in anything she's selling in the boutiques. The clothes look like crap on me and after almost busting a pair of skinny jeans, they are called skinny jeans because only skinny bitches look good in them, I simply gave up looking for someone wearable inside the shops.

It makes me feel fat and ugly to see all the stuff I will never be able to wear unless I develop more discipline or at least a better gag reflex. But until that happens I refuse to enter any of the SWAN boutiques. Somehow that seems to bother Momma but if she would really care she could start designing clothes that look good on girls who are not thin like paper.

I sat down on the edge of a bench in front of the boutique and waited for her to come out. She had suggested that we could have dinner together while mom was visiting Angela with Zoe.

The door opened and my face turned into a frown when my eyes caught the bony figure of Trish.

"Hi Lilly, it's nice to see you." she greeted me in an artificially sweetly tone that made me want to punch her straight into her face.

"Hi Trish," I murmured through gritted teeth, pulling out my cell to pretend reading a new text.

"What are you doing here? Are you meeting with Jane?" she asked me, blowing a bubble with the gum in her mouth.

"That's none of your business, Trish. Look, I can't stand you and you can't stand me, so I see no use in doing small talk."

"Whatever. I'm pretty sure that Jane will leave you sooner or later. Why in heaven's name would she want to stay with a chubby…,"

"Watch your mouth. At least I don't have fake boobs like you do."

"They seemed to be real enough for Jane when we were getting on it. But of course I can't expect you to know about that sort of things…,"

I growled and fisted my left hand inside the pocket of my jacket so tightly that my fingernails cut into the skin on my palm. You will not slap her, you will not slap her, I tried to remind myself. She's just trying to provoke you with that.

Still her words left a bit of acid on my heart. It was right that I was inexperienced in everything concerning sex and I was starting to worry that maybe I wouldn't be able to live up to Jane's expectations.

XXXXX

"Do you already know what you want to eat, _gioia_?" she asked me, running her fingertips over the exposed skin on my neck in a tender gesture.

"I should have salad."

"I didn't ask what you should have but what you want to have. You don't even like salad, so why would you eat any of it?"

I bit my own tongue from keeping me to tell her that the point in eating salad and other healthy stuff was not the taste but the amount of calories they contained.

"Lilly?"

I took a sip from the glass of diet coke in front of me, realizing the fact that this would probably be the only thing low fat to enter my stomach tonight.

"Do you want to have Lasagna like Ali?"

"Is there any roadkill in it?"

She chuckled and leaned forward to plant a kiss right underneath my earlobe.

"Not that I know but if you want me to I could ask my father…,"

"Ask me what, _Principessa_?" Aro mumbled placing a basket of breadsticks on the middle of the table. He realized that his daughter still had her arm on my forearm and it didn't seem to please him one tiny bit.

Jane on the other hand didn't seem to mind his disapproval at all. So instead of pulling back she twisted a wisp of my hair around her fingers.

"Lilly is curious about the secret ingredients in our Lasagna."

"Janetta, is it necessary to touch your _friend_ here in the middle of the restaurant where everyone can see you?"

Her grey eyes narrowed into angry slits before she slowly let go of my hair.

"If you don't like it look away. That's a tip I have for all the homophobics out there."

"Janetta…,"

"I think they are kind of cute together." Momma stated taking one of the breadsticks to nibble on it.

"And I'm curious about the Lasagna recipe too."

"That's a family secret, passed on from generation to generation. Unless your Lilly decides that she wants to marry my Alec the chances aren't too high that you will ever learn about it."

"What if she marries your daughter?" Momma asked him, playing with the wedding band on her ring finger.

"That'll be her mother's funeral. I don't know what we have done wrong with her. She's such a pretty girl and could get a nice boyfriend."

"It doesn't have to do with the way you and Marcella raised her. And just for the record – there isn't anything wrong with the relationship between the girls."

"You are only saying that because you are that way too, Ali."

"No, I'm not. I'm saying it because it's the truth."

"Whatever. Have the two of you decided what you'd like to eat?"

"I'll have the super, secret Lasagna."

"Fine, Ali and you, Lilly?"

I sighed deeply and cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up again.

"I'll have the Gnocci with cheese sauce and for dessert some of this…this…what's the stuff with the strawberries topping called again?

"Panna Cotta," Jane told me while her mouth turned into a bright smile.

"Excellent choice," her father stated shoving the basket with the breadsticks over to me before he and Jane walked back to the kitchen again.

I took one and nibbled on it, knowing that I would very likely end up eating the rest of it too before our order would arrive. Why in heaven's name they are serving this breadstick stuff here is beyond me. No one goes to a restaurant to eat bread.

"Lilly, sweetie?"

"Yes?"

"Aro doesn't seem to like the fact that you and Jane are together now."

I nodded my head and took a second breadstick that almost instantly disappeared in my mouth

"He kind of had other expectations for her, I guess. It's the same reason why he doesn't want her to go to college after school. Aro thinks it's a waste of time and money."

"None sense. Do you want me to talk to him about that?"

"I think that Zafrina already had a very unpleasant conversation about the college topic with him. So I don't think it's necessary."

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

"I'm here for you if you need anything, you know that. Don't you?"

"Can you convince mom to like Jane a bit more? She's not really fond of our relationship."

"Maybe she just has a bit of trouble accepting the fact that you're growing up."

"Hmm,"

"Well, we don't have to talk about that now. I have some excellent news and I hope you will be as thrilled about them as I was."

"What kind of news?"

"Didyme has finally agreed on my plan of starting a plus size line for SWAN. Now all we need is to find the perfect face to advertise for it and guess whom I want for that job? You and no one else!"

"ME?" My voice raised two octaves reaching an embarrassingly high frequency.

"You want me to work as a model? Is this supposed to be a joke or something like that?"

XXXX

I was starting realize that Momma hadn't been joking about the modeling job when the makeup artist added the last layer of powder on my face.

"Is this your first job as model?" the girl asked me curiously while she handed me a glass of water with a straw in it. Carefully I took a small sip, trying not to smear the lipstick all over my chin.

"Yes it is. My mother is the designer of the fashion line for Volturi Inc. It was her suggestion that I could be the new face for their newest…project."

"I'm sure you will do fine. As soon as the photographer arrives here we can get started."

"Can I tell you a secret? I hate it when someone takes pictures of me."

The door of the atelier was pulled open and the man whom I assumed to be the photographer walked in, carrying a box with several cameras in his arms.

"Good morning, together. Brenda, are we ready to get started?"

"Morning, weren't they supposed to send the other photographer today?"

"Weren't they supposed to send a makeup artist who is capable of applying makeup without making the poor model look like a $ 20 hooker?"

She cringed and took a tissue to remove the crimson colored lipstick from my mouth.

"Much better that way," He stated, licking his lips greedily.

"Her mouth is pretty enough without that stuff."

Then he turned to me and twisted his shoulder long hair into a ponytail.

"Morning, gorgeous, my name is James Hunter and I'm sure that you and I are going to have lots of fun today."

**XOXXOXXOXXXOXO**

[A/N] I'm going to donate a one-shot for **FandomAgainstFamine**. It's an important cause and I hope that a lot of people are going to support this project.

In case you're wondering what I'm going to write about. It's going to be the Edward and Bella backstory for **WTHN** and will give you a unique look into what's going on in his head


	11. Chapter 11

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. Thanks and hugs to all of you who keep reading and reviewing. It means more to me than you'll ever know.

****Chapter 11****

I hadn't been joking when I had told the girl who did my makeup that I didn't like it to get pictures taken of me. It made me feel awkward and somehow almost like an animal in a cage being stared at.

"This is not going to work," the photographer stated after the first few clicks with his camera.

"I'm sorry," I stumbled out, already feeling the heat rising up in my cheeks. Hopefully the thick layer of foundation on my face would be able to hide it pretty well.

"I suck at this,"

He smirked and put his camera down to take a sip from a bottle of coke.

"No, you don't. All you need to do is try to relax a bit more. Let's see what we can do about that."

Then he turned to the makeup artist who was busy cleaning all the makeup brushes she had used on me with some baby shampoo.

"Leave us alone, Brenda."

She raised one eyebrow and seemed to hesitate for a moment before she grabbed her handbag. When she was almost out the room, she turned around again and cleared her throat nervously.

"I'll wait down in the foyer, if you should need me. Oh and James, don't try anything you'd regret afterwards."

With that she was gone and for an awkward moment I didn't know what to do or say. The whole situation was so embarrassing.

"You need to relax," he stated sitting down on a couch in the corner. "Come sit with me for a moment, this is going to be good; I have a certain feeling about that."

I sat down on the edge of the couch, as far away from him as possible. There was something weird about him that I couldn't really put a name to.

"You haven't even told me your name yet. You do have one, haven't you?"

"It's Lilly, Lilly Cullen."

"Cullen? You're Ali's daughter, aren't you?"

I nodded my head and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"She's not going to be pleased when she finds out that I fucked this photo-shot up. Momma had so much faith in me with this modeling job."

He took the camera from the ground and took another picture of me, blinding me for a moment with the flashlight.

"You're not going to fuck this up, Lilly. I'm a very good photographer and I can make look a corpse alive if someone wants me to."

"You're comparing me to a corpse?" my voice raised two octaves while he pressed the release again.

He chuckled and licked his lips greedily.

"No, I don't. You look very much alive to me. This plus size line was a good idea from your mother. It's nice to take some pictures of someone who doesn't look as if she's going to faint from starvation any moment."

My lips curved into a smile and he used the opportunity to take several pictures of that.

"See, it's not that different to relax a bit. So, tell me, are you in college or what do you do when you don't try to be a model?"

College? He thinks I'm in College? This is good…

"Lilly?"

I cleared my throat and pulled my chapstick out of my handbag to put a bit of it on my dry lips.

"I'm still at school."

"But you're over eighteen aren't you?"

I shook my head while he fumbled with something that looked like a white umbrella to me.

"I'm sixteen, a sophomore."

"Really? That's too bad. Well, you do look older than sixteen."

"Probably because I'm tall for my age,"

"I don't think that's the reason, honey but whatever, we should try to get some more pictures done. I need to take some of you standing."

I stood up again and he grabbed another camera from the box.

"Can you put down that scarf for a moment?"

I did like he told me to but as soon as he realized the hickey on my neck he chuckled slightly.

"Oh, I see. Maybe you should tell your boyfriend to calm down a bit on that while you're doing this modeling thing. Or you should make him mark you on other parts of your body…,"

My face burst out into flames and I was sure that no layer of makeup, no matter how thick would be able to hide my blush.

"Still a bit shy, aren't you? We'll have to work on that. Open the first three buttons of your blouse."

"What for?" I croaked.

"Jeez, you're as prudish as your mother used to be. Try to trust me a bit. I'm going to make you look amazing,"

I cringed and obeyed his command although I had a strong inner impulse to tell him to go fuck himself. However I really wanted to act professionally and so I suppressed my anger as much as I could.

"Lovely," he murmured, taking several snapshots.

"Lean a bit forward and put your right hand against your hips. Yes, just like this, fucking fantastic."

A low sigh escaped his throat before he finally put the camera down again.

"You're really a pretty girl; don't try to hide it all the time."

XXXX

I put my hair into a sloppy ponytail before I tried to focus a bit more on the stupid algebra homework in front of me. Why in heaven's name we had to learn this nonsense was beyond me and I was annoyed that I didn't even have Jane here to help me with this crap. She was incredibly good at everything that had to do with numbers.

There was a bit of rumbling downstairs and I tried my best to ignore it until the inevitable screaming and yelling started. I sighed deeply and stood up from my chair, wondering why I had agreed to watch four ten year olds, including my hyperactive cousins, at the same time. My mother was obviously trying to punish me. Wasn't she?

"I hate you! Both of you!" Zoe's voice echoed through the house when I walked down the stairs.

Cara grabbed my arm and cuddled against my side. She was already crying again and I petted her hair with my fingertips in order to calm her down again.

"Are you guys fighting again?"

"Lilly! Oh Lilly! Lilly, the twins are so mean. We hate them."

Great, at least they agree on that.

"They headed my Cinderella Barbie and cut off her hair and now they want to bury her in the garden." Cara stumbled out while I searched for a tissue in my pocket to wipe her running nose.

"Tegan! Nessie! Come back inside and stop whatever you're doing right now, you little monsters."

They returned a few moments later, followed by the dog that had suspiciously much dirt between his paws.

"Why did you destroy her doll? Now, she's crying. Are you happy about that?"

They high-fived each other before the sat down on the ground, feeding Fido with some biscuit crumbles they pulled out of their pockets.

"Cara is always weeping. She's a crybaby."

Zoe pulled on Nessie's hair with so much force that he cried out in pain.

"Now, who's a crybaby now? Stop, being so mean to Cara or I'll hit you where it really hurts."

The doorbell rang and I went to open it, hoping that all four of them would be still uninjured when I returned.

"Hi Lilly, how's the babysitting job going?" Jane greeted me when she leaned forward to pull me into a tight hug. Her nose nuzzled into my hair and a shiver went down my spine when I felt her lips right underneath my earlobe.

"I'm in hell, with a bunch of ten year olds. Can it get any worse?" I mumbled when she planted another kiss on my forehead.

"If you don't like watching them, why are you doing it anyway?"

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently, rubbing my thumb over the skin on her wrist.

"Maybe it's because I have trouble to say no."

She giggled and cupped my face between her dainty hands to pull me closer to her.

"Good to know," she whispered against my mouth before she gently nudged her lips against mine. I gasped for air when she swirled her tongue against mine so lightly that she made me feel all tingly. Her mouth was warm and sweet and somehow it made me hungry for more like the first piece of chocolate when it melted on the tip of your tongue.

"Maybe the two of you should think about getting a room,"

I pulled back to look into Emmett's grinning face. At least it had been him who had caught us and not my mother. That would have been much more awkward.

"Hi Emmett, how's it going?" Jane greeted him cheerfully, keeping her arms around my middle.

"Fine, thank you. Not as good as things are obviously going for the two of you but that's probably just a sign that I 'm getting old."

We walked back into the living room where Zoe was trying to comfort Cara while she continued jabbing the twins with a plastic sword.

"Hi Daddy," both of them called out simultaneously, wrapping their arms around his legs.

"Hi there, did you behave or will I have to replace some of your aunt's furniture again?"

"They buried one of Cara's dolls in the garden after torturing it." I stated sitting down on the couch. I pulled Jane on my lap and rested my head against her shoulder for a moment, trying to absorb as much of her scent as possible. She hated it how she smelled like after working in the restaurant but I loved every tiny bit of it.

"I'm going to buy you a new one, Cara. Why did the two of you destroy it anyway? No, don't tell me you were bored again. That's starting to get on my nerves."

"We wanted to know what's inside her head." Nessie stated hesitantly.

My cousins are weird, I'd always assumed they were and now I had proof of it.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Emmett asked them, almost unable to suppress the amusement in his voice.

"Not really. There wasn't anything in there."

They said good bye a few minutes later and Jane managed to park my sister and Cara in front of a stupid Disney movie before we walked up to my room again and closed the door behind us.

"Your mothers will be back soon, won't they?" she asked me when we sat down on my bed. I nodded my head and circled my fingers up and down her bare forearms, feeling her skin break out in goose bumps under my caress. Slowly I leaned forward and planted feather light kisses down her throat.

"You so smell good," I murmured swirling my tongue over her neck.

"Are you kidding me? I smell like garlic and basil and other stuff like that. I should have showered before I came here."

"I like the way you smell, it remind me of…of…"

"Tomato sauce, doesn't it? God, I hate it when I smell like that."

"I don't." I told her, running my fingertips over her flat stomach while her hands twisted into my hair. She sighed deeply and took my hands in hers, planting a kiss on each of my knuckles.

"I love you, _gioia_, but if you keep touching me like that I can't…well, sometimes it's so difficult for me to stop. Does that make me an asshole?"

I shook my head and kissed her mouth tenderly before I leaned down and rested my head in her lap.

"Do you really want to…you know what I mean with me?" I asked her, my voice so low that I wasn't sure if she would hear me speak at all.

"Of course, I want to. God, I want you so much. But I know that you're not ready yet."

Maybe I should be ready? Was I really a bit prudish like the photographer had told me this morning? She would lose her patience with me pretty soon. It wasn't Jane's strong point and the thing was that I was incredibly curious about sleeping with her. If only I weren't so afraid to mess things up. Would she want us to keep on the light during it; god that would be so embarrassing.

I cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up.

"Soon," I whispered hoarsely. "I want to do it soon, but it has to be….special, kind of."

She nodded her head and kissed the tip of my nose.

"You have too much makeup on today for my taste. Is that still from the photo shot?"

"Yes it is. Makes me look older, doesn't it? The photographer thought I was already in College. Isn't that awesome?"

"If you think so…,"

She searched for something in the depth of her handbag and sighed deeply before she handed me the small blue envelope.

"Your mother can't know. You'll have to hide it from her. It would probably make her freak, especially if she knew it was my idea to contact your father."

**XOXXOXXO**

[A/N] Now, aren't we all curious about what Edward wrote to Lilly?

Until next time, take care


	12. Chapter 12

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. This chapter gave me a pretty hard time and I hope it doesn't suck too much. The warmth isn't having a good influence on my creativity and then there's the fact that I always want to do ten things at the same time. Hope you'll enjoy the update anyway. Thank you for taking the time to read and review my little story here. Your support means so much to me.

****Chapter 12****

My fingertips trembled slightly when I ripped the envelope open. The paper cut into my forefinger and when I put it into my mouth I could taste the rustiness of fresh blood on the tip of my tongue.

For a moment I hesitated before I started reading through the letter on my lap.

_Dear Lilly,_

_This is my fourth attempt on writing this letter and I still feel like this isn't good enough. But maybe that's just a pretty fitting reflection of my entire existence. I've never managed to live up to anyone's expectations especially those of my family._

_I was absolutely thrilled about receiving your friend's letter. Inside here every day is basically the same and every tiny change of the routine is so exciting._

_You have no idea how much I wanted to get in contact to you, but your mother would never allow it. She can't know that you're reading this, so you have to make sure to hide this letter in a secure place. _

_For me it's hard to imagine you as an almost adult woman. Your aunt and your grandmother keep bringing me pictures and you look lovely in them, but that's not the same as seeing you in person._

_I assume that your mother has told you about the reason for my incarnation and that makes me even happier that you still want to hear my side of the story. The ugly truth is that all the things she's accusing me of are true. And I'm not just talking about the events of said night, the night that ruined my life forever. My entire marriage with your mother was a fiasco and if I could go back in time I would definitely not marry her again. The two of us that was never meant to be and although it took me way too much time, now I know that she was never what I wanted to have, but what I thought I should want. _

_Let that be a lesson to you. Always listen to your heart and not your mind when it comes to that kind of things. It will make you a happier person and I wished someone would have told me that when I was your age._

_It is difficult to explain why I did the things I did, why I killed a man who was only worried about his daughters happiness. If tables were turned and I would be the one in his place, if it were your happiness I would be fighting for, I would probably do the same he did._

_I was scared shitless of the consequences of my acting and today I know that everything had been much less horrible if I hadn't been too chicken to confess my sins to Bella._

_You are the only good thing that ever resulted of me meeting your mother and of all the wrongs I did in my life, failing you as your father is the worst of them all._

_Maybe that's the reason why I don't find myself able to sign the adoption papers. I've already failed you so much. If I allow your aunt to adopt you that would be like betraying you again wouldn't it? But maybe you could tell me about your thoughts on the whole subject in case you decide to write back to me._

_Do you want to be adopted by your aunt? Or is that just the idea of her and your mother?_

_Tell your friend how grateful I am for her helping me, helping us in this. It means way more to me than you'll ever know._

_Take care and never let anyone tell you that you aren't right the way you are. _

_I love you,_

_Your father Edward_

XXXX

I was pretty good at keeping things to myself but when I sat down for dinner with the rest of my family I almost didn't manage to look them in the eyes. Somehow I felt as if I was betraying their trust by getting in contact with my father. It was so obvious how much my mothers, both of them detested him.

"Are you trying to diet again?" Mom asked me when she noticed my almost untouched plate. I shook my head and stuffed a spoon full of pasta between my lips, burning my tongue on the hot sauce.

Quickly I took a sip from the glass of diet coke in front of me to lessen the unpleasant pain.

Momma cleared her throat before she spoke up, her voice sounding light and cheerful. Somehow she seemed to be in an excellent mood today. That was always the case when she had started working on a new project.

"If she loses weight, we can't use her for the model job anymore. She should stay the way she is. There is nothing wrong with being a bit curvy."

Her fingertips brushed against Mom's leg under the table and I quickly turn my head to the other direction. It was too embarrassing to watch them when they were like that around each other.

"I'm not dieting. It's just…I'm not that hungry right now. It won't turn me into a size four overnight if I skip dinner now and then."

"That's right but this constant starving and binge eating afterwards is not good for you. I don't want you to develop some eating disorders."

Damn it, she doesn't know about my attempts on purging, does she? Is my mother a freaking mind reader or something like that?

"I know what I'm doing," I mumbled, taking a piece of bread to put some salted butter on it. I love butter, I could eat the entire package straight out of the fridge.

"How did the photo shooting go? I'm so sorry that I didn't have time to look at the pictures yet. Did you and the photographer get along well?"

My face turned into a frown before I answered her, carefully making sure not to complain too much. After all, I did want to keep the model job.

"The pictures are good, although I have some trouble to recognize myself in some of them. The photographer was weird somehow. James Hunter asked me to…,"

"James was the photographer?" Momma's voice raised two octaves, reaching an almost hysterical frequency.

"Yes, he was. Do I have to work with him again? I really don't want to do some swimwear pictures. That's just too embarrassing."

Momma pulled out her cell and typed a quick text into it while she tried to get her breathing under control again.

"Next time, he shows up for a shooting, you'll tell him to fu…I mean, you'll tell him that I forbid you to work with him. I'm going to kick some asses in the office tomorrow morning. This is totally not acceptable!"

I cringed and almost spilled the rest of my coke all over the table.

"Momma, are you angry?" Zoe asked her worriedly, nibbling on a piece of bread.

"No, I'm not, sweetie."

"But you are yelling."

"I'm just talking loud, Zoe. But I shouldn't have done it anyway."

"I'm sorry," I whispered nervously. "I didn't mean to complain. It was just…he made some creepy comments about me being as prudish as you, that was so…awful."

She took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"You don't have to apologize. James is just some perverted bastard who should be castrated to do mankind a favor."

Zoe giggled and I wondered what in heaven's name there was to laugh right now.

"Jasmine wanted to castrate Fido too after Amarillo had the puppies. Mommy, what is a castration?"

Good luck at explaining that to her, I thought, unable to keep the stupid grin from my face.

"We'll talk about that another time, Zoe." Mom mumbled, wiping her mouth on a napkin. "It's already late and you should be sleeping by now."

"I'm not tired." She insisted stubbornly.

My sister is never tired when it's bedtime for her and it's a constant drama with her each morning to wake her up. She's able to ignore her alarm so consequently that I'm sure she has some hearing difficulties that we haven't found out about yet. Somehow she has a talent not to hear things she doesn't want to hear, especially when I tell her not to play with my makeup without my permission.

Momma pulled a cream colored envelope out of her handbag and handed it to me.

"Benjamin gave me a separate invitation for you. Do you think that Jane's parents will allow her to fly to Boston with us in two weeks?"

"Daddy is going to marry Seth." Zoe stated cheerfully.

"Yes, he is, sweetie. And you are going to bed now."

With that Momma lifted my sister up and carried her up to her room.

"She shouldn't be carrying her around all the time," Mom murmured when they were out of sight.

"I keep telling her that over and over again but she won't listen to me. Ali is so stubborn when it comes to that."

I nodded my head, remembering how much I had loved this being carried around when I was little. Jeez, no one would be able to carry me now without getting some severe back problems.

"Leah told me that Benjamin is so excited about the whole wedding. That's so cute. You should see the pictures of the hotel they rented for it. It's such a beautiful place."

I smiled when I thought about spending the night with Jane in a gorgeous hotel room. That would be so much better for our first time then at home, would make it so much more special. Yes, I definitely should suggest that to her. Or should I try to surprise her? God, I had absolutely no clue how to handle this. My cheeks started getting warm but my high expectations for said weekend were immediately destroyed by the next sentence.

"The two of you can share a room with your sister and Cara." Mom told me, when she stood up to put the empty plates into the dishwasher.

"Why?" I stumbled out exasperated.

"Why not? Do you have any clue how much rooms in that hotel cost?"

The wedding was going to ruin Benjamin and Seth financially anyway. One hotel room more or less wouldn't make such a difference, would it?

"Why can't Zoe stay with you and mom?" I asked her after a few awkward moments of silence.

My mothers are old. Something like sex couldn't play a huge role in their life anymore.

"Lilly, I don't know if it's a good idea…," she started hesitantly, taking another sip from her drink.

"You actually know that I could have sex with Jane here as well?" I snarled at her, unable to suppress the anger in my voice.

"You are too young,"

"Are you kidding me? I'm sixteen and not ten like Zoe!"

"Lower your voice. I can't stand it when you're yelling like that. You are exactly like your father when it comes to your temper."

I growled angrily and crossed my arms in front of my chest. That she always had to compare me to him was annoying me beyond words. How could she even love me if I was part of someone she hated so much with every single beat of her heart?


	13. Chapter 13

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back to another update of LIL. A lot of you seemed to be a bit...how, shall I call it…pissed off at Bella for the way she's constantly comparing her daughter to Edward. I think that a lot of parents have a tendency to tell their kids that the things they don't like are inherited from the other parent.

However, this story is from Lilly's POV and her opinion is subjective. She's in puberty and it's normal that she argues with her mom a lot.

But now enough with the rambling, I hope you'll enjoy the new chapter. There is a lemon in it, so as usual don't like –don't read…

****Chapter 13****

_Jane_

I sighed deeply and took another sip from the plastic cup filled with apple juice before I checked the time on the tiny screen in front of me. Still over an hour until the plane would finally land in Boston. Could there be anything more awkward than being here with Lilly's mom next to me? The woman hated me like my father hates the health authorities. Ali had decided that they needed to re-do the photo shooting with some other photographer in Boston and had talked her wife into taking Lilly out of school for a day, so had she and her had flown there a day earlier. What in heaven's name was wrong with the first shooting was beyond me. I've seen the pictures and Lilly looks breathtaking in them. I'm such a lucky girl to have such a beautiful girlfriend.

"Are you going to eat your pretzels?" Bella asked me suddenly and I cringed slightly, surprised that she would actually talk to me. She never did that in case it wasn't absolutely necessary.

"You can have them, if you want to." I told her, shoving the little bag over to her.

"Thanks, I'm so hungry but I really wanted to lose some weight for the new dress Ali made me for the wedding."

It's so obvious from whom Lilly has inherited the issues that she has with eating. Her mother is not really a good role model when it comes to that. It pisses me off beyond words that Lilly doesn't want to see how gorgeous she is just because some wannabe models like Trish keep telling her that she needs to lose weight.

"I'm not really thrilled about the two of you sharing a hotel room all by yourselves but my wife kind of convinced me that I need to be a bit more….supportive of your relationship."

Your wife is so much smarter than you are, I thought while I twisted my hair into a sloppy ponytail. Ali likes me a great deal because she understands how important I am for Lilly, how important Lilly is for me.

Nervously I cleared my throat before I spoke up again, trying to make my voice sound as calm as possible.

"You don't like me, do you?"

She blushed and almost dropped the rest of her drink down on the floor.

"Because you don't understand why Lilly loves me. It's the same like why you don't understand why she wants to have contact with her father. She…,"

"Never ever mention my ex-husband again." She snarled at me, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"You know nothing…absolutely nothing! And Lilly too, she doesn't even know half of the things that happened back then and if she did it would kill her. And as for me not liking you…I think that's mainly because I think you're having a bad influence on her. She's so….easy to be influenced."

"Lilly is not as stupid as you think she is and she's a lot tougher too. And just for the record, I love her and that means I would never talk her into doing something that would hurt her or cause her trouble."

She nodded her head but didn't really look convinced at all.

"I know you love her. I can see the way you keep looking at her but I'm still worried. You are both still so young. What if you go to Colleges in separate States? What if…"

"What if this stupid plane crashes down to the ground in the next five minutes? Try to relax a bit. We'll handle that kind of things when the time comes."

"Hmm,"

"And now that the two of us are having a little conversation...I actually think that you need to stop shoving it into Lilly's face all the time how much she resembles her father. It's not her fault that you didn't choose your sexual partners more carefully."

Fuck, did I say that out loud?

"Excuse, me young Miss but I don't think any of that is your business."

"You're right about that. It's not my business at all, but Lilly is and you are hurting her if you always compare her to someone you hate so much. It makes her feel like you hate her too."

"That's not true. I love her. She's one of the best things that ever happened to me. I don't know why I always keep bringing up her father but she reminds me so much of him. God, I'm such a horrible person."

"Try to work on that. I know a pretty good psychologist in case you need some…,"

"You are really a cocky girl. Do you always say what you think before thinking if it might be considered rude?"

I sighed deeply and finished down the rest of my drink unable to suppress an evil grin from flashing over my face.

"I'm afraid I am and it proves that I know what I want. Bet you were way different when you were my age."

XXXX

"How was the flight?" Lilly asked me when I sat down on the edge of the huge bed, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on her warm lips. She wrapped her arms around me and her hand moved underneath my shirt, making my skin break out in goose bumps when her fingertips brushed up and down the bare skin on my back.

"Lovely," I mumbled. "Your mom and I are BFF's now."

She raised one eyebrow and I put a wisp of her messy hair behind her ear.

"Don't worry about it. Everything is okay." I mumbled, planting a tender kiss right on the tip of her nose.

"And I like your hair a looks like that, _gioia_. It's sexy."

My hands touched the tousled curls that felt smooth like silk against my fingertips. When I pulled her closer I inhaled the sweet, fruity scent of her shampoo. Fuck, it should be illegal to smell that good.

"I'm sure it looks all messy now. I should have blow-dried it before I went to sleep."

I shook my head and stood up from the edge of the bed, kicking off my shoes and my jacket.

"It's sexy. You should wear it like that tomorrow."

A low chuckle left her throat before she pulled the blankets off her body and sat up straight, wrapping her arms around her knees.

"I'm going to straighten it for the ceremony. It makes me look older when I do that."

I sat down next to her and although I knew that I shouldn't do it my eyes automatically moved over her full cleavage.

"Like what you see?" she asked me leaning a bit more forward to expose more of her smooth, pearly-white skin to my view.

I looked away and starred down at the white blankets, feeling the heat rise up in my cheeks.

"Don't look away. You make me feel ugly if you do that."

"Lilly, that's nonsense and you know it. How often will I have to tell you that…,"

Her mouth was on mine before I could finish the sentence and when I gasped for air she swirled her tongue against mine, massaging it gently before she sucked it playfully between her lips.

I felt her fingers moving under my shirt again but when her palms brushed against the underside of my bra I instantly held my breath and pulled back.

"_Gioia_, what are you doing?"

She smiled and reached out her hand to cup my face in it. Slowly she moved her thumb down my jaw and my collarbone until she reached the collar of my shirt.

"Isn't that obvious? I'm trying to seduce you. Am I doing it right?"

I swallowed hard and took both of her hands in mine to blow a kiss on her knuckles.

"You don't have to…we don't have to. I already told you that we have time, lots of time."

She nodded her head and pulled the strings of her shirt down her shoulders.

"I want to be with you…now. I love you."

I pulled her on my lap and for a moment I hesitated before I rolled her shirt down her shoulders exposing her full breasts to me. With trembling fingertips I stroked her soft skin, rolling my thumbs over the rosy tips until they hardened under my caress. Then I massaged them gently and leaned forward to suck one of the hard peaks between my lips. When a low moan escaped her throat I felt moisture pouring between my own thighs. I had wanted to be with her so badly and now that it was really happening, every single cell in my body seemed to be set on fire, burning with anticipation.

She pulled my shirt over my head and fumbled with the clasp of my bra, letting it fall down to the ground next to the bed. I bit my lip to keep me from moaning out like a whore when her hands massaged my breasts. Sweet heaven, how often had I dreamed to feel her hands all over me? But I wanted this to be about her not me and so I turned us around until she was underneath me, her full breasts pressing deliciously against mine. I rubbed myself against her and the friction it was causing increased the pulsating between my legs even more.

"Can we turn off the lights?" she asked me suddenly and I shook my head, swirling my tongue over the sensitive spot right underneath her earlobe.

"You don't have to hide from me. I want to see you."

"But I'm too big and you have been with Trish before who is like…perfect."

A growl left my throat and I sat up in the bed, running my hands through my hair.

"Trish is so not perfect. She has these too round fake boobs. Trust me they feel even worse than they look like. Touching them was like trying to squeeze a plastic ball. You don't have to compare yourself to someone like that."

"But you…," she started hesitantly.

"But now I'm with you and I want to be with you. I wanted to be with you since seventh grade or something like that."

I kissed her again and caressed each inch of her skin I was exposing when the rest of our clothes landed on the floor.

"You are so beautiful to me. I love you so much."

My fingertips brushed over her rounded hips and slowly I kissed my way down her upper body, swirling my tongue over her belly button.

When I parted her thighs I heard her inhale sharply between her teeth.

I planted soft kisses all over her face in order to distract her a bit while my right hand moved between her bare folds. Here she was already coated in warm slick wetness. Gently I circled my fingertips over the pearl of her clit and a low whimpering noise escaped her lips.

"Jane, I never I mean, no one has ever…," she whispered hoarsely against my neck.

"Do you want me to stop? I will if you want me to. I would never do anything you don't want, _gioia_."

I wanted to pull back my hand but she wrapped her trembling fingers around my wrist to keep it where it was. My thumb brushed over her clit again and I felt her tremble in my arms.

"Oh god, Jane…that feels so good, please don't stop…oh…oh…fuck."

Then I felt her right hand stroking over the damp fabric of my underwear and my heart skipped a beat while she shoved the material to the side to gently circle a finger over my moist outer lips.

"You need to show me how to…,"

I covered her hand in mine and guided it to the already throbbing pearl of my clit, showing her how to circle it with her fingertips. She was so tender and I felt the muscles in my stomach tightening. Carefully I dipped one finger inside her and gasped for air when I felt her tight walls stretching around it. When I was sure that I wasn't hurting her I added a second finger and curled both of them upwards against her belly button, searching for the sensitive spot inside of her. My fingers finally found it and a gush of more wetness poured over my hand followed by the clenching and unclenching of her inner walls against my fingers inside her. She trembled in my arms and a heartbeat later the waves of my own climax rushed through my body.

I pulled her closer against me, deeply inhaling the scent of her skin that now was covered in a beautiful crimson blush. My fingers caressed the bare skin on her back before I pulled the blankets over us.

"Was that okay for you?"

She isn't really asking me that now, is she? God, that is so Lilly…

"Jane?"

I planted a kiss on the messy curls of her hair, before I twisted a small wisp of it around my fingers, admiring the different shades of copper in it.

"No, it was not okay. Okay is the little brother of crappy and what we did was far from that. That was wonderful and I don't have words to tell you how much I love you for letting me love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, circling her fingertips down my spine.

"I'm happy that my first time was with you. How many people are lucky enough to sleep with someone they really love during their first time?"

I cupped her face between my hands and kissed her lips, sucking her full lower lip between my teeth to nibble it gently, enjoying the sweet taste of her mouth.

"I love you, _gioia_ and I honestly think you should wear your hair just the way it is now for the rest of your life."

**XOXXOXXXOXXO**

[A/N] leave me some love and press the little review button down there before you leave.

I've started a new Bellice story ( Yes, I know that I'm obsessed with this pairing, so sue me if you don't like it)

It's called **Underneath Heavenly Wings** and you should totally go and check out to see if you like Bella and Alice in that one too.


	14. Chapter 14

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back to another update of **LIL**. I want to thank all those of you who keep reading and reviewing my little story here. Your support means more to me than you'll ever know.

****Chapter 14****

My hands cramped around the wrinkled tissue on my lap and although I tried to compose myself by taking several deep breaths I couldn't keep the tears from falling. My entire makeup would probably be ruined by the end of the ceremony but there wasn't much that I could do about that. It was just too touching. Damn it, why did I always have to react so overly emotional.

Jane wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled another tissue out of her handbag to carefully wipe away some tears from my cheeks.

"We really need to get you some waterproof mascara for our own wedding or you're going to end up looking like a little panda bear before I'm allowed to kiss you."

I blushed and my heartbeat increased suddenly when she took my hand in hers to blow a kiss over the back of my hand before we stood up.

I wrapped my arms around Seth and Benjamin, realizing that he was crying too. He lifted Zoe up and planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Why are you crying, daddy?" she asked him when he put her down on the ground again.

"Because I'm so happy, sweetie,"

"But that's stupid to cry when you are happy." She stated skeptically.

"No it's not but you'll understand that better when you are older. You look so pretty today. Did your Momma make that dress for you?"

She nodded her head and played with the little ribbons on her sleeves.

"Cara has the same but mine is much prettier than hers because mine is blue."

"No mine is prettier than yours because it's pink!"

Momma should have made both of them green so that the two little furies wouldn't be arguing now.

"Mine is prettier!"

"No, mine is!"

"Caralina, stop arguing with your niece all the time," Stefan told his daughter, before he hugged Benjamin, whispering something in Romanian into his ear that made him sob again.

"I wished she could be here today."

"I know, son. I miss her too."

Someone cleared his throat loudly and when we turned around I blinked into the same shade of caramel eyes that my second mother had. The face they were in though, wasn't exactly a friendly one.

"Actually, this is the first time that I'm glad my poor sister is dead so that she doesn't have to watch this nonsense. Sasha would…,"

"Don't you dare to tell me what she wouldn't or would have done. She's not here right now, so don't you dare to speak for her!"

"Dad, please…,"

Ela appeared behind her husband and put one arm on his shoulder in order to calm him down. I had never seen Stefan yell at anyone. He's the calmest person I know and can even handle all four little monsters at them same time without losing his patience. However his patience with his former brother in law seemed to have reached its limits.

"If you don't like the fact that Benjamin is marrying another man you could have stayed in Romania. I swear to god if you…,"

"Stefan, honey please calm down. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that." Ela whispered nervously.

"I know exactly how he meant it!"

"Romania? Isn't that where Dracula comes from?" Jane asked Vlad curiously, hugging me tightly from behind. She knew that I hated scenes like that more than anything. It scared me when people yelled at each other when they were angry although I used to do that myself when I was pissed at someone.

He grinned at her that obviously meant he liked her, probably because she wasn't frightened of him.

"His actual name was Vlad the Impaler and he lived in the fifteenth century."

"Was he really a vampire?"

Vlad smirked again and sipped on the glass of champagne in his hands.

"Who knows?"

He waved his hand at us before he disappeared behind the curtain of the huge, white tent they had built up in the beautiful garden behind the Hotel.

"Are there really vampires in Romania?" Cara asked her parents worriedly.

"Of course not, Cara; are you a baby to still believe in that? There are no vampires. That's just a fairytale."

"You can't know that for sure. Romania is far away from here."

"If there would be Vampires over there one of them would have probably bitten you by now during one of your trips over there."

"You are so mean! I hate you!"

"I hate you too. You are the stupidest aunt ever."

"Stop that right now." I told Zoe, kneeling down next to her on the grass.

"You are making Benjamin sad if the two of you keep arguing all the time."

"Your sister is right about that." Jane stated, pulling her camera out of her handbag.

"If you want to you can come with me. I need to make some pictures of the ice sculptures and everything to have something to show my parents in Seattle."

Zoe grabbed her hand and Cara, who was always terribly afraid to miss something, interesting, followed them quickly.

"Your new girlfriend is good with kids," Benjamin stated while Seth turned around to talk to his older sister Leah. Leah is technically Mom's boss but I actually think they are more like friends now. Leah is bit sarcastically at times but I know that she has her heart at the right place.

"Yes, she is. Thank you for allowing me to bring her here with me today."

"You are welcome and don't worry about the hotel rooms and stuff. Seth and I had a very gracious…contributor. Did you see the cake yet? It's effing fantastic."

"You did not bring that woman here, Seth, did you?" Leah's voice raised two octaves, reaching an almost hysterical sounding frequency.

"Lee-lee calm down, she's still our…,"

"I don't care! She's a slut who stole away my husband behind my back. You know that I hate her and still you wanted to have her here today. You're so fucking selfish."

I decided it would be best to give them some privacy and walked away, admiring the flower covered fountain on the right side of the garden. Carefully I sat down on its edge and slipped out of my high heels to dip my feet into the cold water.

"Interesting choice of bathtub," A deep voice behind me mumbled, making me almost stumble all over into the fountain. Jeez, that would have been so embarrassing.

"My feet are hurting from the shoes, I bought for the wedding. I'm not good at walking around on heels."

Emmett smirked and sat down next to me, handing me a glass with a peach colored liquid.

"Is that with alcohol?"

"Would I give it to you, if it were? I think that's peach juice with a bit of grenadine in it."

Everyone in this family seems to think I'm still a baby. I wonder when that will change.

I took the glass from him and sipped on it. It was indeed sweet and fruity, so I ended up finishing the entire glass in two big gulps.

"I didn't even know you and Aunt Rosie would be here today."

"She's not and actually I'm not even here for the wedding, well not only for the wedding. I'm here for…well, I'm kind of here to do someone a favor."

"A favor?"

Suddenly he seemed embarrassed and that was totally a new for him.

"Yes, kind of…,"

Jasmine's curly head appeared behind him and like him she seemed to be overly nervous.

"Why are you drinking? I think I told you not to do that before we…, well never mind, my wife has been drinking too in order to calm down her nerves a bit. Thanks god, I'm sober and know how to handle everything."

"Firstly, Mrs. Whitlock that's just peach juice and I can't believe I'm actually drinking that kind of sissy drink and secondly…" he leaned over to whisper something into her ear that was too low for me to understand it.

"See, you later, Lilly." She told me, before both of them walked towards the main entrance.

My hand touched the golden medallion around my neck and before I could even blink twice I felt her dainty arms hugging me tightly from behind.

"There you are," she murmured, pulling my hair over my shoulder to plant a soft kiss on my exposed neck. A shiver went down my spine when the tip of her tongue swirled over a sensitive spot right underneath my earlobe.

"Can I tell you a secret? I don't like weddings one tiny bit. There is always too much family bitching going on at them."

"But it's still beautiful. All the flowers…,"

She picked up a yellow rose bud from the fountain and put it behind my ear.

"You are prettier than any flowers ever could be."

I cupped her face between my hands and kissed her mouth, slipping my tongue between her slightly parted lips to caress the inside of her mouth tenderly. A wave of memories of the last night spread through me and made me feel all tingly from head to toe.

"I love you, Jane. So much more than words could ever say."

Slowly I stood up again and slipped back into my shoes while my arms stayed around her delicate waist. My fingertips moved higher until they reached the soft roundness of her breasts and a low moan escaped her throat.

"_Gioia_, do you want to…I mean we don't have to…if you don't want to…now."

"Shhh," I whispered, putting one finger against her velvety lips to silence her before I guided her back into our hotel room, closing the door behind us with a loud bang.

"What if someone misses us?" she murmured, caressing my legs when we lay down on the bed. Her hands circled up my thighs and I whimpered slightly when her fingertips brushed lightly over the fabric of my panties.

"I don't…care,"

She leaned over to plant several open mouthed kisses down my collarbone, swirling her tongue over my cleavage where she sucked my pale skin between her teeth as if she wanted to mark me.

When she kissed my mouth again, I sucked her lower lip into my mouth to nibble it playfully.

"I want to…" she whispered against my trembling lips. "I want to taste you, _gioia_."

Holy shit, she's not actually going to do _that_ now, is she? I mean that has to be like…disgusting for her. Why in heaven's name would she want to do that to me?

"You don't have to do that." I told her nervously.

A low chuckle left her throat before I felt her forefinger gently stroking up and down over the thin material of my underwear.

"Maybe I don't have to but I want to."

With that she disappeared underneath the skirt of my dress, kissing her way up the insides of my thighs until the tip of her tongue brushed ever so lightly against my folds. My body burst out into invisible flames, but I still felt uncomfortable to let her touch me like that. What if I smelled bad or something like that? Hadn't a guy in School told me that girls used to smell like fish down there? How embarrassing.

"_Gioia_, are you okay?"

"Yes, no…I don't know. Please, Jane, you really don't have to do that. It's so emb…,"

"Don't you like it?" she asked me, swirling her tongue up and down my slit again. Oh sweet heaven, I thought, feeling the moisture soak through my underwear.

"I…I…,"

"Maybe you'll like this better," she mumbled, pulling down my panties to nudge her tongue over my clit.

"Try to relax, _gioia_. Think of nothing. I really want to do this to you…I love you."

I sighed and closed my eyes while her tongue between my legs did heavenly, oh so heavenly things to me. Her touch was feather light and gentle, making my entire body tremble slightly. Each time the tip of her tongue touched against my clit I felt more wetness pouring out of me. The muscles in my stomach tightened almost painfully and I bit my own hand to stiffen the noises that kept escaping my throat.

Then she inserted her tongue into me and I lost it completely. It was too much, just too much feeling at the same time. Her tongue moving up and down inside of me, her thumb circling over my clit, her cool breath against my overheated flesh. My inner walls convulsed around her tongue while waves after waves of my climax rushed through my body, stronger than I had ever experienced it before.

There was something salty on my tongue and when I lifted my hand to wipe it away I realized that I had started crying.

Jane nuzzled her face against the crock of my neck before she kissed the tip of my nose.

"I hate to see you cry. I didn't hurt you, did I? I really tried not to…,"

"You didn't hurt me. That was…was like heaven, no better than heaven. But whatever it was I definitely want more of it in the future."


	15. Chapter 15

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back everyone. I'm thankful for those of you who keep reading and reviewing. This chapter was difficult for me to write and I'm terribly nervous how people will react to it.

Warning – I can't emphasize enough how wrong it is what Lilly is doing in this chapter. Never, ever do that to yourself. Treat your body with the respect it deserves.

****Chapter 15****

Sometimes I liked spending time at home with my family. It was cozy and my little sister wasn't that annoying when she tried to be nice. I had made some caramel popcorn for us and was sitting with her on the couch, flipping through the pages of an old photo album while our mother was watching some incredibly corny Telenovela on our new flat screen.

"That's me and Daddy on the day I broke my leg. He painted little flowers all over my cast, do you remember?"

I nodded my head and took a bit of the popcorn in my hand to nibble on it.

"And that was on my first day of school. Cara cried because she didn't want to go. She is such a baby…"

I kissed her hair and wrapped my arm around her shoulder.

"You shouldn't be fighting with Cara all the time. Stefan won't allow her to sleep at each other's houses if you keep doing that."

"Hmm,"

She stood up from the couch and handed some popcorn to the dog. It was wrong to let her feed him stuff like that but Fido was old and he really seemed to like candy a great deal.

"Lilly?"

"Yes, Zoe?"

"Why don't we have any pictures of your Daddy here? He never comes to visit you. Is he in heaven like my grandma Sasha?"

Mom cleared her throat nervously while I thought of a good way to answer Zoe's question without telling her the actual truth.

"No, Zoe, Lilly's father isn't dead. He just lives…far away from us so that he can't come to visit her."

"Is he in Australia? That's far from here isn't it?"

"No, sweetie, he isn't and now stop asking. It doesn't matter where he is."

"But…,"

"She's right, Zoe. Just forget it."

The dog whimpered and she opened the door to the garden to let him out.

"Can I play with him until it gets dark?" she asked me and I nodded my head. Sometimes it's almost as if Zoe has three mothers and not just two.

"I'm sorry about that." Mom stated sitting down next to me on the couch. She took my hand in hers and squeezed it for a moment.

"It's okay. I'm used to lie about my father. You taught me to do that very well."

"Lilly, don't be like that. I have my reasons for keeping you away from your father."

I nodded my head and sighed deeply.

"Sometimes I envy Zoe for having Benjamin. I don't even remember how it was like when Dad used to live here with us."

"He was gone most of the time anyway, working for that stupid oil company in Alaska."

I took some more popcorn in my hand to eat it. What is it with stuff like popcorn that you never can stop eating it until everything is gone?

"I feel sorry for the family of the man he killed. Did you ever write to them or something? I've seen a report on TV about the families of the victim and the…,"

"Please, Lilly, stop talking about it. I don't want to do this. I can't do this. Not anymore."

She sniffed and I instantly felt guilty when I saw the tears falling down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Mom. I shouldn't. But I really feel like I need to know the truth, the whole truth and not just what you think I can handle."

Slowly she stood up from the couch and wiped her running nose on the sleeve of her shirt before she grabbed another photo album from the book shelf.

"That was your grandfather. You have your middle name from him."

I nodded my head and tried to figure out if I could remember anything about the dark haired cop with the moustache, but I couldn't.

"He died before you were born but I know how much he would have wanted to meet you. Charlie was so thrilled when I told him I was expecting you."

Her voice cracked and I put my arms around her in order to comfort her. I think that this was actually the first time she was mentioning her own father and why she was doing it right now, I couldn't understand.

"Charlie knew that your father was wrong for me but I didn't want to listen. I was so stupid and blind. Love does that to people from time to time. And now Charlie is dead and it's my fault. He's gone because he was trying to protect me. Oh dear god, how much I wished I could turn back time."

She sobbed again and I wondered if I should probably call Momma in her atelier to come back home. It looked as if my mother was going to lose it now.

"Mom, please try to calm down again."

"I can't. You don't know how it was like. They didn't even let me see his dead body. His entire face was shattered from the bullet. And your father this fucking hypocrite sat next to me during the whole funeral, handing me tissues and holding my hand. How could he do that just a few days after he killed him? How could…how could…"

"He did what?" My own voice sounded way too shrill in my ears. "Mom, tell me that's not true. It can't be true. It just can't be true. The man that was killed by Dad was just some stranger. Someone he met in a bar or something like that. Mom, please…"

She sobbed again and when her eyes met mine, I knew it was true and my heart crumpled into dozens of tiny pieces. No wonder my mother hated him more than anything. He had killed her father, my grandfather. It was so disgusting that I had no words for it.

All I knew was that I had to get out of here as soon possible or I would freak. I gasped for air but nothing of it seemed to end up in my lungs where it belonged.

With trembling fingertips I grabbed my car keys from the table. Mom grabbed her hand around my wrist but I shoved her off.

"Lilly, don't go now."

"Lilly, please….Lilly, stay."

"I…I can't."

XXXX

For the next hour I drove around without really knowing where I was going. I thought about going to Jane but then I remembered that she was working for Zafrina tonight. I parked the car because I couldn't see through my tear-filled eyes and buried my face in my hands. I didn't want to go home; I didn't feel strong enough to do it. I felt so terribly ashamed when I thought of all the times I had bitched at Mom for not letting me see my father. He truly had to be dangerous when he had no scruples killing his own father in law. This was so horrible, like something that was supposed to happen on a bad second rate TV show but not in real life. I sobbed and screamed inside the damn car while I turned on the stereo as loud as possible. When I finally managed to compose myself a little bit my throat was sore. I searched for something to drink under the passenger's seat but realized that the bottle with diet coke I usually had in here was empty.

I started the engine again and drove to the next Fast Food restaurant down the High way. The cashier at the drive thru gave me a worried look and when I checked my reflection in the review mirror I realized that I indeed looked like crap.

"What can I do for you?" he asked me and I cleared my sore throat nervously before I spoke up ordering some large fries, three double burgers and a milkshake for me. It wasn't like I was hungry but eating usually managed to calm down my nerves.

I parked the car in the parking lot behind the restaurant and started stuffing the food into my mouth without actually swallowing it. My life was so fucked up and I was sure that if Jane would find out the truth behind my father's incarnation she would be disgusted by it too.

Damn it. Why did all this crap have to happen to me? I had no clue how to deal with all this shit. Worst of all was that I looked exactly like him. Everyone kept telling me that all the time. I have his hair, I have his smile and I have his fucking temper too. Maybe I'll end up just like him one day. Maybe one day I'll freak out too and just lose it.

With trembling fingertips I grabbed another pair of fries, stuffing them into the burger to eat it in huge bites. The different tastes of salty and sugary from the strawberry milkshake melted together in my mouth. As long as I stuffed and swallowed I didn't have to focus on the pain in my heart. When the bag with the food was empty after a few minutes I searched for the bag with M&M's in the glove box. Quickly I wrapped it open and swallowed a whole hand of them at the same time, not even tasting the chocolate on my tongue. I munched the rest of the bag down with the last gulp of the milkshake and sighed deeply.

A few moments later I cursed myself for what I had done. That stupid milkshake alone had probably more calories than what I should eat the entire day. I was fat and had zero self-discipline to change it. Tomorrow morning I would probably be two pounds more just because of this stupid…binging. Damn it, why could I never think before I stuffed food down my throat?

I felt sick because I had eaten way too much way too soon. I opened the door and when I leaned a bit forward I could already taste acid in my mouth.

I took several deep breaths but the sickness didn't go away. It was not worse enough to make me throw up and yet I wished for it because I knew it would make me feel better, at least a tiny bit.

Before I actually knew what I was doing I rushed inside the restaurant, heading straight for the restrooms at the other side of the wall. I was relieved that no one was inside it when I closed the door behind me.

I twisted my hair into a ponytail to keep it from getting dirty during the disgusting procedure. Then I kneeled down over the toilet bowl and shoved one finger into my throat as deep as I could. Nothing happened and I was about to give up when a tiny bit of vomit with multicolored pieces of M & M's came up, splashing down into the water.

It was working, actually working and in a weird kind of way I felt proud that I could finally control my body. I added a second finger to the first one, hoping that it would make the whole thing easier somehow. Hadn't Renata told me that she sometimes even used a spoon to do that?

I pressed my left hand against my abdomen while I leaned over again. When the next wave of food made its way up my throat the stomach acid burned in my nose and my mouth. I collapsed on the ground, wiping my face on some rough toilet paper I wrapped around my left hand. My knees felt too weak to stand up again and so I remained where I was, trying to clean my hand and the rest of me with more toilet paper. My cell went on in my handbag and I tried to ignore it but it didn't stop.

"Hello?"

"Crap, Lilly, where are you? You sound horrible."

I sniffed and took a deep breath before I spoke up again, trying to suppress the trembling in my voice.

"I'm okay."

"Stop lying to me, I know you're not. Your mother has called me and she was completely hysterical on the phone. She said you run away."

"I just needed some time on my own. Can't you all leave me the fuck alone for once?"

"Lilly, please calm down and tell me where you are so that I can come there to pick you up."

"No, I'm here with my car and can come back on my own if I want to." I sniffed again and wiped my running nose on the sleeve of my shirt.

"I don't think it's a good idea that you should drive yourself now. Tell me where you are and I'll be right there."

"No…,"

"You are so terribly stubborn when you are upset, _gioia_. If your mother is pissing you off that much right now you can stay at my place for a few days."

"It's not her fault." I stumbled out, slowly standing up from the ground again.

"And I don't want you to see me now anyway. I look like crap."

"It can't be that worse."

Oh yes, it can…

"Lilly, honey are you still there?" she asked worriedly after a few awkward moments of silence on the line. I didn't want to but I knew how Jane was like and so I eventually told her where I was.

I splashed cold water into my face and rinsed my mouth under the faucet, washing my hands twice to get rid of the disgusting scent of vomit. My eyes were still red and swollen but apart from that it wasn't visible what I had done just minutes ago. No one would know, no one could ever know and in a way I felt like I couldn't even understand it myself.


	16. Chapter 16

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. Thanks for taking the time to read and review this story. Your interest in it means a lot to me. Right now it is quite difficult for me coping with all the different plot bunnies in my head. Three stories at the same time are just too much to handle without losing the tiny bit of sanity I have left. I don't want to disappoint anyone but it's just too much for me to deal with.

I'm still mourning #**WTHN **way more than I probably should. I miss writing that story so much and maybe I'll never develop that kind of affection to any of my others and that makes me so incredibly sad.

But now enough with my rambling; I know you're here to read the chapter. This one will be from Bella's POV because…well, I just felt like writing it and so I did.

****Chapter 16****

_Bella_

"I shouldn't have told her," I whispered hoarsely while Ali continued stroking up and down my back in circles in an attempt to calm me down again. It wasn't working, I was too agitated. For such a long time I had been terribly afraid that Lilly could find out the truth about her father's incarnation and now that I had told her everything – well, almost everything I wished nothing more than for being able to take it back.

"Oh yes, you should. We should have probably told her years ago when she started asking about him."

"No, I shouldn't have. You should have seen her face when I told her. It broke her heart."

Several dry sobs left my throat before the tears started falling again? Hadn't I promised myself a long time ago that I would never, ever cry because of the past again?

"Shhh," she murmured against my hair when she pulled me close against her chest, where I soaked the fabric of her dress with my tears.

"Everything is going to be okay. She'll learn to deal with it. We'll help her to deal with it. Did you talk to her when Jane brought her back?"

"She didn't want to. They went straight to her room and after a while Jane came down again, telling me that Lilly has fallen asleep because she was so exhausted from the crying. God, I feel so horrible. I shouldn't have told her. I shouldn't have told her."

"Breath, Bella."

"What?"

"Breath," she took both of my hands in hers and started rubbing invisible lines up and down my forearms, circling her fingertips over my pulse point in small circles.

"We'll talk to her tomorrow when I come back from this awful meeting with Didyme and the models. Oh, and I actually think it's normal that Lilly is confused now. Have you forgotten how it was like for us when we found out the truth about your father's death?"

I nodded my head and grabbed another tissue from the box in front of me, cleaning my nose before I spoke up again.

"What the hell is there left to talk now, Ali? She just found out that her father murdered her grandfather. How much worse can it get?"

"It's not really about talking, more about being there for her now. She needs to feel that we love her."

Slowly she leaned forward and wiped the rest of my now ruined eye makeup from my cheeks.

"You look like a little panda bear."

"You mean, I look like crap, Ali. Can we go upstairs now? I'm so tired."

When we walked up the stairs I almost stumbled over Zoe's baseball bat. Crap, why did this child have to be so terribly messy all the time. Her stuff is lying around everywhere in the house, forming potential trip hazards for me and herself. Unfortunately she has inherited a bit more of my own clumsiness than it is good for her. The nurses in the E.R. have started sending her presents for her birthday and Christmas because I have to go there with her at least once every month because she sprained, bruised or even broke something. Not that any of those injuries would ever keep her from trying to climb up the next drip molding. My little one is a fighter and somehow that makes me incredibly proud of her.

I closed the door of our bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed, kicking off my shoes before I leaned back against the soft pillows. Ali kneeled down on the carpet in front of the bed and took my left foot in her hands to massage it gently. Her fingertips kneaded my toes and I closed my eyes for a moment to enjoy her tender caresses. Right now everything was so complicated and between dealing with our jobs and the kids we rarely had any time for us anymore. I missed that terribly. Ali was, is and will always be the most important person in my life.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, standing up from the ground. The bed squeaked slightly when she lay down next to me on the bed, cuddling against my side while I played with the curls of her short hair.

"I'm so sorry,"

"For what?" I asked her, wrapping my arms around her to pull her closer against my chest.

"For not being here when you told Lilly about Edward. I feel bad because I wasn't here to help you handle the situation."

"Ali, you don't have to be sorry about that. I actually don't think it would have made that much of a difference. You know how Lilly is like. She's not that good at keeping her emotions at bay."

"That's something she got from you. There is so much of you in her and none of the two of you want to see it."

"She got her weight problems from me, that's for sure. The way she's always starting to starve one day and stuffing down candy the next day, that reminds me so much of the way I was like when I was her age."

"Maybe the whole modeling thing will have a good influence on her self-image. Lilly is really talented and I'm not saying that because I'm her mother."

"She's pretty, I know. But I don't want her to get too involved into the whole model business. There are too many superficial people in it that could hurt her. Lilly is so sensitive no matter how strong she pretends to be."

"I'll take care about that. Jeez, I'm still so pissed that they sent this fucker James to do the photo shooting with her. If he had dared to start any kind of moves on her, I would have ripped him a new one."

"You are cute when you're so protective." I told her, taking her hand in mine to plant soft kisses on each of her dainty knuckles.

"I always want to protect what I love. And there isn't anything in this world that I love more than you and the kids."

I cupped her face between my hands and leaned over to plant a kiss on her ruby tinted lips. She turned us around so that she was finally sitting on my lap. The tip of my tongue slipped into the warmth of her mouth, tasting the sweetness of it while her fingertips fumbled with the buttons of my blouse.

It had been way too long for my taste since we had had enough time for that and so my entire body was starting to tingle from the anticipation of finally feeling her naked skin against mine again.

She swirled her tongue over a sensitive spot in the hollow of my throat while her hands stroked over my exposed cleavage in smooth circles. After all this time she still managed to set my body on fire whenever she touched it. More so, she knew it, like a virtuoso knew his instrument and the way she could make me tremble underneath her seemed almost magical to me. Ali knew how to make me climax within a few minutes and yet she liked to tease me until I was practically begging her to let me come, feeling like I would combust if I didn't.

"Is it passed midnight yet?" she murmured against the skin on my neck, grazing the shell of my ear with her fingertips.

I turned my head and checked the time on the alarm clock to see that it was almost one a.m. now. Time always seemed to pass so incredibly fast these days. And Ali worked always late, always too hard, as if she was still trying to prove something to herself.

"Yes, it is. Would you'd rather like to sleep now?" I asked her, sitting up straight in the bed. She shook her head and leaned over to search for something under the bed.

"I can sleep when I'm dead. Now, close your eyes and give me your hands."

I did like she told me too, feeling how she placed something cold and metal-like between my fingers.

Then she leaned forward and planted a feather light kiss on my closed eye lids before she told me to open them again.

"Diet milkshake powder?" My voice raised two octaves, reaching an embarrassingly shrill frequency.

"If you think that I need to lose some weight, you could have told me a bit more…sensitive."

"Oh Bella, honey, you really haven't changed one tiny bit during all the time I've known you." she stated, trying to suppress a low chuckle in her voice.

"And you should know by now that I love every single pound on you. Will you open the can now?"

When I opened the lid a few red rose petals fell out of it, landing all over the white blankets. Then a cream colored envelope landed on my lap and I wrapped it open with trembling fingertips.

_My sweet Bella,_

_I could very well tell you all the things I'm going to say in this letter in person but the reason why I'm choosing this way is, because I want you to have them written down somewhere so that you can always look at them if you feel like you need to._

_When I met you, exactly eleven years from today, I knew nothing about you. You were just this beautiful woman who was about to buy this disgusting milk powder stuff and yet I instantly felt this draw to you. That I felt that way at all was such a miracle back then to me because before I run into you I didn't expect to be able to love or trust ever again. But with you I could and since that first moment we stumbled into each other's lives there hasn't been one single day in that I haven't been thanking destiny for bringing you to me. _

_It's because of you that I know what it means to love with all of my heart. And I love the woman you are today even more than the woman I fell in love with all that time ago because she's just the most amazing friend, confident and lover anyone could ever wish for. I and the girls are blessed to have you in our life._

_Often I feel like I'm not telling you enough how much I love you. It's like we never have enough time for those little moments anyone and yet I want you to know that I do. I love you, today more than yesterday and a bit less than I will tomorrow. _

_Always yours,_

_Ali_

XXXX

"Aren't you going to eat anything this morning?" I asked Lilly while her sister continued nibbling on the apple slices I made for her. Zoe really seems to likes eating healthy stuff a lot and I'm grateful for that. It is worse enough that my older daughter has inherited my preferences for everything fatty and sweet.

As if she had somehow managed to read my thoughts she raised her head and starred at me for a moment. Then she grabbed a piece of toast, adding some peanut butter and jelly on it before she stuffed half of it between her lips, swallowing down the rest with a glass of milk.

"Can I stay at Jane's place after school?" she murmured, taking a muffin to crumble it into little pieces on her plate, letting each of them disappear in her mouth sooner than I could blink. At least her appetite was back to normal and that was probably a good sign.

"Mom?"

"I would rather have you come home after school is over. Ali and I would like to talk to you about…well about what I told you yesterday. I feel like…,"

"There is nothing left to talk about!" she snarled at me, walking over to the fridge to get some more milk for the cereals she had put into a bowl, adding several spoons of sugar over it in an attempt to make it sweet enough for her taste.

"Lilly, please…," I started again.

"There is nothing left to talk about!" she screamed, throwing a spoon against the opposite wall. When she sat down on the table again her hands were quivering. Oh how, I hated that temper of hers…

"Mom, why is Lilly yelling so much?" Zoe asked me worriedly.

"It's nothing, Zoe. Can you do me a favor and go to your room now until it's time for me to drive you to school?"

"But if you are fighting I want to watch." she insisted stubbornly.

"Zoe, please. Go to your room now and let me speak to your sister alone." I told her, feeling how I was getting closer on losing my nerves every moment.

To my immense relief she obeyed, wrapping her hand around the metal collar of Fido's neck to pull him with her. When she was out of sight I stood up from my chair and wrapped my arms around Lilly.

"Don't tou…," she stumbled out before she burst out into tears.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly, about everything. Maybe I shouldn't have told you what your father has done. That's probably too much for you to handle."

"I hate him so much! So much! I hate all of this so much!"

I pulled her closer against me, hugging her tightly from behind until the quivering of her body finally seemed to lessen a bit.

"Do you want me to set up an appointment with Jasmine for you? Maybe it would help you to talk to someone outside the family."

"I don't need to see a shrink. Jasmine is Zoe's Godmother that practically makes her family and apart from that she's not even in town right now. She and Zafrina are still in Boston."

Slowly she stood up from the chair, pulling up her shirt a bit to pinch the soft skin on her stomach between her fingers.

"What I need to do is get rid of all that disgusting belly fat." she mumbled, grabbing a candy bar from the counter behind her to nibble on it.

"If you want to lose weight you shouldn't be eating chocolate in the morning."

She nodded her head and threw away the rest of the candy bar into the trash can under the sink.

"I'm going to take a shower before I go to school."

I raised one eyebrow in confusion. Hadn't I heard her shower before she came down for breakfast? Well, maybe that was just some of her pubertal issues. Sometimes it was hard to tell why she was doing something. The tattoo thing was a good example. God, I wished I could force her to get it removed.

"You need to drive Zoe to school now or she's going to be late." Lilly stated, taking a last sip from her milk before she walked up the stairs.

I sighed deeply and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"Lilly?"

She turned around and her lips twitched into that crooked smile that made her look so much like her father.

"Yes, mom?"

"If you want to spend time with your girlfriend after school, do so. I can't really understand the point in it though. The two of you are together in class all day."

"That's not the same."

I know, I thought. It was difficult for me to see her that way, as an adult. Somehow she still seemed like a child to me. And she was such a darling child. I wouldn't have managed to make it through the first years of my miserable marriage if I hadn't had her.

Nervously I cleared my throat, trying to choose my words carefully and yet they came out way harsher than I wanted them to sound like.

"Are we clear that this has to stay inside the family? You can't tell anyone about your father, not even Jane."

She nodded her head.

"Don't worry about that, mom. I wasn't planning on spreading our dirty family secrets. They are very save with me. I'm good at keeping secrets; hope that makes you happy. Now, excuse me. I really need to…shower now."


	17. Chapter 17

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 17****

_Jane_

Quickly I typed a text under my table, unable to suppress the worry about her. Last night she had been so completely miserable, almost lifeless. I had never seen her like that and it had hurt me beyond words that she had refused to talk about what was torturing her so much.

Gioia, are u sick or ditching?

I was just about to send the message when the door of the class room was pulled open.

Her pretty face turned into a bright crimson color when she realized that everyone in class was staring at her. Lilly hated being the center of attention more than anything.

"Good morning, Miss Cullen, how nice that you have finally decided to join us today."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Molina." She stumbled out, her voice sounding unusually hoarsely.

"You'll be even sorrier for spending your lunch break in detention."

"But I….I…,"

"Sit down now, Lilly. You've been long enough in this class to know my rules. You'll be late – you'll spend lunch in detention, simple as that."

"Maybe it wasn't her fault." I told him trying to keep my voice calm. Lilly was close to crying again and I wanted to scratch my nails down Mr. Molina's stupid, grinning face. No one makes my girl cry and gets away with that.

"Maybe you would love to get some detention too, Miss Mazzini?"

"You can't give me detention for speaking up for others. It's against the school rules."

"I can give you detention for whatever I want to, Jane. Your smart ass attitude is starting to get on my nerves."

I bit my tongue to keep me from making a comment that it was probably his divorce problems that weren't having a good effect on his nerves. His smart wife had chosen Mrs. Whitlock as her juristic support and I hoped she would take every single penny of his money.

My hands started quivering and I dropped the cell on the floor.

"Didn't I make my point about the use of cell phones in class clear, Miss Mazzini? Congratulations – you'll be spending your lunch break in my office together with your _client_ Miss Cullen."

When Lilly walked to her chair I realized that her eyes were still red and swollen, despite of the extra layer of makeup she had put on today.

My fingertips brushed gently against her bare forearm when she walked past my seat and for a split second her lips curved into the weak attempt of a half-hearted smile.

Mr. Molina started class again but I still felt unable to concentrate on the boring stuff he was babbling about.

So, instead of paying attention I ripped a piece of paper out of my tablet to write a note on it, shoving it carefully over to Lilly who grabbed it with trembling fingers.

_Congrats on your first detention ever. Do you want to tell me what's wrong with u?_

Her reply came a few minutes later.

_I don't feel too proud about it. As for what's wrong with me - please don't ask. I'm okay. No need to worry_

XXXX

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder while she continued to write down the stupid extra work Mr. Molina had given to us. It was something about roots and onion cells. I didn't give a shit about Biology.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you, _gioia_?"

"I'm okay."

"No, you're not. I can see you're not. So why are you pretending that you are?"

She sighed and grabbed the bottle of diet coke in front of her to take a sip from it. The disgusting stuff was obviously the only thing she was planning on having for lunch today. Was she dieting again?

"I don't want to talk about it. Can you please stop asking?"

I pulled her closer to me until she was almost sitting on my lap. My fingers twisted into the long curls of her beautiful copper hair before I leaned forward to plant a kiss on her cheek.

"You actually know that you could tell me anything, do you? I'm worried about you."

"Don't have to be."

"Don't tell me what to do. It broke my heart to see you like I saw you last night. What the fuck did your hysterical mother tell you that made you overreact like that?"

"Nothing,"

"Well, if it's nothing you can tell me. Didn't we promise each other to tell us everything?"

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently. My thumb rubbed over her pulse point and her palm until I reached her fingers.

"You aren't wearing the ring I gave you."

She cringed and when I put her hand to my lips to blow a kiss over the back of her hand I realized a reddish mark on it, almost like a bite.

"What's that, did your dog try to eat your hand when you fed him or something?"

"Stop looking at my hand. That's none of your fucking business. And just for the record, Fido would never, ever bite me."

"Oh come on, Lilly, don't be like that now. I don't understand why you are so angry now."

"Because you're for fuck's sake not stopping with this annoying questioning and it's starting to piss me off. I don't want to talk – end of conversation!"

She turned her head to the other direction and buried her face in her book, taking several deep breaths through her nose in an attempt to hold back the tears. It wasn't working, I knew it wouldn't.

I stood up from my chair and hugged her tightly from behind letting her sob against my shoulder until she had no more tears left to cry.

XXXX

_Three months later_

"Hello; Earth to Jane?"

I raised my head and dropped the pile of files I had been sorting on the table in front of me all over the floor.

"I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Whitlock. Did you say anything?"

"Yes, I did, but you really seem to be a bit too distracted today to focus on anything. Firstly, I have told you to call me Zafrina for about ten times now and secondly, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Lilly and I kind of had a fight again. She's so…well; she's been acting so strangely in the last weeks."

"What do you mean she's acting strangely? Oh and there isn't anything wrong with arguing with your girlfriend now and then. My wife and I argue all the time."

"Just because you are so terribly stubborn," Jasmine stated while she entered the office, placing a mug with coffee on Zafrina's desk.

"I'm not half as stubborn as you are, cowgirl and what in heaven's name am I supposed to do with this caffeine free coffee crap? I can't believe you bribed my own secretary behind my back to buy this none sense."

"Too much caffeine isn't good for your stomach."

"If I fall asleep in court it's not good for my job and we'll really need me to keep it since we've decided that you'll be giving up yours when the baby is born."

Jasmine chuckled and leaned forward to plant a kiss on Zafrina's neck.

"I don't think we'll have to worry about that too much. There will always be enough rich wives who want to kick their ex-hubby's asses."

"Probably,"

Zafrina placed her hand on Jasmine's abdomen, rubbing over it in small circles for a moment before she turned her attention back to the file in front of her.

"If you want to leave now, Jane, feel to. You're not really useful for me when you're moping around because of your girlfriend."

"Oh are you and Lilly fighting?" Jasmine asked me, sitting down on the edge of Zafrina's desk.

"Kind of,"

"Sounds interesting, what are you fighting about?"

"Jasmine, that's none of our business."

"But it's interesting."

"We're not really fighting. She's just been acting so strangely in the last weeks and whenever I'm trying to talk about it with her she gets all bitchy."

"What do you mean she's acting strangely?"

"Well, I asked her if she'd lost weight what she obviously did but she tried to deny it. Why would she do such a thing? I know that she wants to be skinnier."

"And you? Do you want her to lose weight?"

"I want her to be happy, what she doesn't seem to be right now. She's so…tortured somehow and then there's this ridiculous thing with keeping food everywhere. Her entire locker in school is stuffed with candy and I haven't even seen her eating one piece of that in my presence."

"Maybe she's just a bit stressed right now. Do you want me to talk to her?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea. She's not even talking to me about it and that probably means she's not willing to talk to anyone else."

XXXX

The front door of Lilly's house was open when I knocked on it although there didn't seem to be anyone home. I actually don't know why they have an alarm system if they don't even lock up their door before they leave.

"Lilly, are you home?" I called up the stairs. The dog came to me and I leaned down to caress his fur with my fingertips.

"Did they leave you here alone?" I asked him, grabbing him around the metal color. He whined and I wondered if he was probably hungry again.

I let go and he rushed back into the kitchen, somehow seeming thrilled that someone was back who could give him food.

When I entered the kitchen I almost stumbled over a pizza box on the ground. There were empty bags of candy and ice cream lying around on the counter. Since when were they as messy here? It looked as if something had imploded right in the middle of the kitchen.

A low moaning filled the air, followed by several whimpering and suffocating noises. I had no clue what the hell that was supposed to be but when I turned my head I realized the sounds were coming from the bathroom at the other side of the hall.

I opened the door and when Lilly heard me behind her she turned her head around, wiping some brownish vomit from her chin.

"Ja…wha…wha…, what the fuck are you doing in my house?"

I kneeled down next to her, while she desperately tried to hide her face against the sleeve of her shirt.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Piss off, Jane. Leave me the fuck alone!"

She sobbed and I stood up from the floor, opening the window in order to let out a bit of the disgusting scent of vomit and sweat.

"I told you to piss off! I don't want you to see me now. I look ugly."

"Lilly, for heaven's sake what are you doing here."

"I was sick. Have you never been sick?"

I grabbed her hand although she tried to protest halfheartedly. It was so obvious that she was completely exhausted.

"Don't try to shit me. You did that on purpose, didn't you? I've seen the mess you left in the kitchen."

"That's none of your damn business. You shouldn't even be here. No one should be here now!"

"Lilly, calm down,"

"I don't want to calm down. You have no right to be here! I don't want you to see me like that. I'm so…so…ashamed. Please you have to promise me not to tell my mothers. They would freak unnecessarily."

I sighed deeply and rinsed a washcloth under the faucet before I started cleaning her face with it in gentle movements. That she doing something as awful as this to herself hurt me deeply.

"How long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on?" she asked me back, flushing the rest of her binge attack down the toilet.

"Lilly Cullen, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I want to know since when you've been puking your guts out. Fuck, do you have any clue how dangerous it is what you're doing?"

"I'm not even close to being underweight and just for the record; I have my little…problem under control."


	18. Chapter 18

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] Thanks and hugs to all of you who keep reading and reviewing this story. Your support means so much to me.

****Chapter 18****

My hands cramped around the mug with herbal tea while I hesitantly started taking small sips of the hot liquid. Swallowing hurt, it always hurt after what I had done before. Puking was so disgusting. I hated the entire procedure and every time I promised myself that this would be the last time. I never managed to keep that promise.

"Are you going to look at me again?" Jane asked me, placing her hand gently on my bare forearm. I shrugged and spilled a bit of the hot tea over my shirt.

Hesitantly I raised my head, forcing my lips into a grimace that would hopefully look like a smile to her. I wanted her to know that I was okay, although I knew very well that I wasn't. Still I didn't want her to worry.

"How long has this been going on? The truth, not what you think I want to hear."

"Oh Jane, can't you just drop it? I'm okay and I know what I'm doing."

Her grey eyes narrowed for a moment before her gaze finally softened again.

"Are you kidding me? I just found you puking your guts out in your bathroom. I may not be as smart as you are but I know that you don't know what you're doing to yourself."

Several dry sobs left my throat and when my hands started trembling she grabbed the mug with the tea and placed it on the table.

"Are you going to break up with me now?" I asked her worriedly while I wiped a few traitorous tears from my cheeks.

She shook her head and pulled me against her chest, caressing my hair with her fingertips.

"I would never leave you. But you have to promise me that you'll never do that again. Never, do you hear me?"

I sighed deeply and wiped my running nose on the sleeve of my shirt. I needed to shower, to wash off the faint scent of vomit that was still all over me. How could she still want to be with me when she had just caught me doing such an embarrassing thing? If I had a bit more self-discipline none of this would ever had happened.

"_Gioia_?"

"I don't know if I can stop. All day I keep on thinking about what I can eat and how I can get rid of it again."

"Why did you start with this crap at all? Haven't I told you over and over again that I like you the way you are? I love you the way you look and I hate it that you're torturing yourself for nothing."

"I want to be skinny. You don't know how it is like when people call you fat behind your back."

"Lilly, for heaven's sake, you shouldn't give a shit about what those people think about you. You are ruining your health with this puking stuff."

"It's not that bad. I can deal with it. Sometimes I feel a bit dizzy afterwards but Renata said that's normal."

XXXX

I crossed my arms in front of my chest, keeping my eyes focused on the clock at the other side of the room. This was none sense and wouldn't lead to anything.

"She shouldn't have told you. That was completely unnecessary."

Jasmine's mouth twitched for a moment before she sat down on the edge of her desk, shoving a silver framed photo of her and Zafrina to the side. The pregnancy was starting to show and somehow it made her glow from the inside out.

"Why do you think it was unnecessary?"

"Because I have my little…problem under control and it's not necessary to talk to you about it as if I were some sort of freak with mental issues."

"I wouldn't exactly call my patients freaks. They are just normal people who have to deal with a lot…sometimes with more than they are able to handle on their own."

"I can handle my shit pretty fine on my own." I snarled at her, already feeling the tears burning in my eyes again. Why did I have to be so incredibly weak all the time? It was so embarrassing.

"I'm sure you can. Why don't you tell me, how much fun you have, while you're throwing up you food again?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why? I'm not telling you to stop doing what you are doing. I just want to know why you are doing it."

"But I don't know why I am doing it."

"Before you start with the binging, how are you feeling?"

"Nervous somehow and sad but when I start eating it stops. It's like I feel absolutely nothing while I'm stuffing down the food. I'm completely numb, almost like a robot."

"Do you like it to not feel anything?"

"Yes, I do. That probably sounds stupid to you, doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't, a lot of people have trouble dealing with unwanted emotions. Some drink, some start using drugs and some others…well, I guess you get the point."

She stood up from the desk and kneeled down in front of me, placing her hand on my shoulder in an attempt to make me look up to her again.

"You aren't going to tell my mothers about this, are you? I don't want them to know. They would worry unnecessarily."

"Lilly, I have the impression that you seem to care a lot about what others feel like. You don't want your girlfriend to worry about you. You don't want your parents to worry."

"Of course I care about that. I love them."

"And they love you. I really think we should tell Ali and your mother about your Bulimia."

"I'm not bulimic. I just…,"

"You just happen to eat too much from time to time and then you force it up again. It's been a while since I got my diploma but as far as I remember that's exactly the definition of Bulimia."

"But I have it under control. I never throw up more often than once or twice a day."

"If someone told you he or she just sniffs one line of Cocaine a day would you consider that being under control too, a controlled junkie or something like that."

"That's different. Drugs are…dangerous. Throwing up isn't. I have it under control."

"Control seems to be pretty important to you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, it isn't. Control gives people a feeling of security."

"I don't feel too secure in the last time. There are too many things going on in my life that I can't control."

"But you can control how much you eat and how much you throw up."

"Yes, I can."

XXXX

"How much weight have you lost since you started puking regularly?"

I hesitated, suddenly feeling terribly ashamed.

"Miss Cullen?"

"About ten pounds but as I wasn't exactly thin when I started, that's probably rather healthy."

"I don't really think so, Miss Cullen but we'll have to wait for the rest of your test results to be sure but for that I need some more blood samples."

The burning of the disinfection stuff made me wrinkle my nose in disgust while the nurse placed a band aid on my arm. Jane squeezed my hand, she had been holding the entire time so tightly that her grip was almost painful. Jasmine had insisted that I needed to do some blood tests and I had agreed halfheartedly when she had teamed up with my girlfriend.

"Is she alright?" Jane asked the nurse worriedly while the woman checked my blood pressure.

"Her blood pressure is too low but that's not uncommon for girls your age. She isn't pregnant, is she?"

I shook my head, wondering if the two of them would keep on talking about me for the rest of the examination instead of talking to me.

"Lilly? What are you doing here?"

Fuck. My. Life; what the hell is Grandpa doing here? Can this get any worse?

The nurse's face almost instantly curved into an idiotic grin when she saw the chief of the hospital standing in the doorframe.

"Ahm…I….I….,"

"Are you sick, sweetie?"

"No, I'm not. Why are you here now? Shouldn't you be in Chicago now with Grandma?"

"I can't stay away from work for too long. Now, tell me, why are you here?"

"It's nothing."

He raised one eyebrow and grabbed the medical record that was lying on the counter, flipping through the pages for several minutes before he finally spoke up again.

"Your electrolytes are beyond good and evil. If we don't get this under control again, you could get cardiac arrhythmia."

I cringed and stared down at the ground, somehow desperately wishing for it to open up underneath me to swallow me whole. It didn't happen. Of course it didn't.

"But she'll be okay again, won't she, Dr. Cullen?"

XXXX

Mom sniffed and wiped her nose on a wrinkled tissue. I hated it so much to see her cry and to know that she was doing it because of me hurt me deeply.

"I'm such a…such a…horrible mother for not noticing that she is sick. God, what does that say about me?"

Jasmine sighed and took a sip from the glass of orange juice in her hands before she spoke up.

"Bella, you don't seem to grasp the purpose of this family meeting. We are here to see how all of you can help Lilly to deal with her problem."

"I know,"

"No, you don't. You are worrying about how her being sick affects you. How it makes you look like as her mother and that's just wrong."

"There is no need to be so harsh to Bella," Momma told Jasmine, wrapping one arm around Mom's quivering shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be."

"Why is she doing this anyway? We've always told her how much we love her the way she is." Momma stated, taking my hand in hers to rub circles over my wrist.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Mom keeps shoving it into my face at every chance she gets how much I remember her of my father!"

"Lilly, please lower your voice. You're going to wake up your sister."

I swallowed hard and took several deep breaths through my mouth in an attempt to calm down my nerves a bit. When I spoke up again my voice came out like a husky whisper.

"It's always, you smile just like him. Your hair looks just like his. Watch your temper, young lady, you are exactly like _him_. God, I'm so done with this crap."

"Is it making you angry if your mother compares you to your father?"

I nodded my head and when I opened my mouth to speak again it took me several attempts until I managed to bring out understandable words.

"She hates him so much."

"Yes, I do, sweetie but that doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Oh, yes it does. I mean, if I am part of someone she hates, how can she love me?"


	19. Chapter 19

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. This chapter is full of Z/J action. I love these two together and had a lot of fun writing this. If you don't like reading about them, well it sucks to be you. For the rest of you, I hope you'll enjoy.

****Chapter 19****

_Jasmine_

"Come back! Amarillo, baby, come back to Mommy! COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Sometimes I get the impression that my dog has some wondrously hearing disability that always occurs when she doesn't want to hear me. I sat down on a bench and waited for her to return to me. My hands automatically moved down on my rounded middle and when the baby kicked against my palm my mouth instantly curved into a smile. Now that the little one was starting to move around everything was beginning to feel more real to me. I had waited so long to become a mother and now that it was actually happening I was thrilled.

Amarillo returned and I sighed deeply when I realized that the entire dog was covered in brown mud. What was it with Retrievers and mud holes? Somehow they seemed to be drawn to one another like magnets.

"You are a bad dog," I told her reproachfully. It didn't seem to impress her at all. She wiggled her tail and licked my hands while I wrapped her leash around her neck again to make sure she wouldn't run away again to chase after whatever she had been chasing.

I walked back through the park, trying to keep Amarillo away from eating some rotten apples at the side of the way. The dog is always hungry, always. No matter how much food you feed her.

When we were back at home I fumbled for my keys in the pockets of my jacket. Before I could find them between the mess of dog cookies and tones of other stuff the door was pulled open.

"Hey, it's my beautiful wife and the mud monster."

I chuckled and leaned forward to cup her face between my hands. She was so tall that I had to stand on my toes to reach her mouth. I loved that, it made me feel so…I don't know, protected somehow. The tip of my tongue swirled over her lower lip until she parted her mouth a little to let me nudge it gently against her tongue. She tasted like coffee and something that reminded me a bit of cinnamon. Whatever it was, I definitely wanted more of it.

"You are home early," I murmured against her mouth when I pulled back a few moments later.

"You seem surprised. Don't we have that ultrasonic examination this afternoon?"

"It was in the morning."

"Crap, I'm so sorry I messed that up. I told Senna that we need to add your check-up's in my schedule. "

"Your schedule is too crowded anyway without holding my hand during every examination. I'm a big girl and can handle going to the doctor on my own."

"I know, cowgirl. But I want to come with you. It's important for you, for us."

She placed her left hand gently on my abdomen while she twisted a wisp of my hair around her finger to pull my face closer to her.

"You are shivering. Are you cold?"

"A bit, I didn't plan on being outside for so long."

"Let me guess, you let Amarillo off the leash again although I warned you not to do that. She doesn't listen to you."

"Of course, she listens to me. She is my dog!"

"That's exactly why she isn't listening to you. You are too soft-hearted and she takes advantage of it."

"I'm not soft-hearted just because I don't command her around like some sort of communistic dictator like you do it. Sit! Down! Here!"

"Animals need discipline."

"Animals need love."

"It doesn't make me love her less when I expect some kind discipline from her."

The dog whimpered and rubbed his head against her side while she caressed it with her fingertips.

"I'm going to bathe her later. Now come inside before you get sick."

We walked into the living room where she wrapped a blanket over my shoulder when I sat down on the couch.

"Dr. O'Hara told me the sex of the baby today."

"Really? Is it what we wished for?"

"Maybe yes…maybe no. I'm not going to tell you."

"But I want to know. And I actually think it's illegal to keep important information like that from your wife."

I giggled and took her hand in mine to squeeze it gently. My fingertips circled over the tattoo inscription on her wrist that we had both chosen instead of a regular wedding band. Anyone could shove a ring up or down a finger but the tattoo would be carved into our skin for the rest of our lives.

_Nunc scio quid sit amor_ – now I know what love is. My heartbeat increased while my fingers moved over the little letters over and over again.

"I love you, gorgeous."

"I love you too. Are you going to tell me the baby's sex now?"

"Try to make me…,"

"Jasmine, you really shouldn't have said that." With that she flipped me over until she was straddling me. Her warm breathe tickled the skin on my neck while her fingertips moved over my shirt, making my sensitive nipples harden under her thumbs when she circled around them in feather light movements. When she sucked the skin on my hollow of my throat between her lips a low whimpering noise escaped my mouth. Her other hand moved between my thighs, caressing their insides until her fingers almost brushed over the cotton fabric of my underwear just to circle down again a few moments later.

"Please touch me,"

"Tell me…,"

"No,"

"Tell me...," she whispered, letting her tongue graze the shell of my ear.

"Tell me, cowgirl and I'll touch you everywhere you want me to touch you."

"It's a cheap psychological trick to use sex in order to get information out of someone."

"Not someone, just you, cowgirl…,"

My cell started ringing and I reached out my hand to grab it from the table.

"Ignore it," Zafrina mumbled, sucking my earlobe between her front teeth to nibble it gently. Fuck, what it did to me when she did that. It made every single cell in my body tingle.

"I can't. It could be important." I told her, trying to catch my breath again.

"I think I told you not to give your private cell number to your clients? Now all of them are going to molest you with their crappy problems night and day."

I kissed the tip of her nose and grabbed the phone.

"Whitlock,"

"Hi, Mrs. Whitlock, it's me, Didyme Volturi. Are you alright? You sound a bit out of breath."

"I'm good. I was just…running with the dog."

Zafrina pressed her hand against her mouth to suppress a giggle while I stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen.

"You are still jogging, in your condition? You really shouldn't do that. It's completely irresponsible."

"I'm just pregnant and not sick."

"I know. Look, I probably shouldn't have called you but…,"

"It's okay. Don't worry about that."

I opened the fridge and poured myself a glass of iced tea before I leaned back against the kitchen counter.

"I'm so terribly tired but I'm afraid to go to sleep. Isn't that stupid?"

"No, it isn't. Why are you afraid to sleep?"

"I'm scared that I won't wake up in the morning."

"Understandable. Have you considered taking the sleeping pills Dr. Connor prescribed you?"

"They don't mix with the pain killers she gave me. Maybe I'll drink some red wine before I go to bed tonight."

"Do that. It's going to help you to relax a bit."

"Are you supporting the use of alcohol for all of your patients?"

"Depends…sometimes I suggest tranquilizers."

She chuckled into the receiver before a loud sobbing reached my ear, followed my some sniffing and whining.

"I'm so scared, so scared. I'm too young to die. It's not fair."

"I know, Mrs. Volturi. It's normal that you are afraid. Have you considered talking to your family about your condition?"

"I don't want them to worry unnecessarily."

"It would make things a lot easier for you if you had someone else to talk to about your brain tumor."

"What purpose would that bring? I'm going to die anyway, whether my family knows about it or not. I don't want people to treat me as if I were sick."

"It would give them time to prepare for your death."

"Probably,"

She cleaned her nose loudly before she spoke up again.

"Sometimes my head is hurting so much that it feels as if it's going to explode any moment."

"Start taking the morphine they gave you in the hospital. It's not like you're getting extra credits for enduring pain."

"The pain proves that I'm still alive."

"I know."

"Do you believe there is something like heaven, Mrs. Whitlock? I never really thought much about it before I got sick. But now…I can't endure the thought that this is the end and there isn't anything coming after it."

"I'm sure there is a heaven."

"But what if I don't get there because I did so many wrongs in my life? I stole my husband's company from him just to piss him off when we got divorced."

"I'm sure god will understand that to a certain extent."

She sighed deeply, her voice coming out like a hoarsely whisper when she spoke again.

"Good night, Mrs. Whitlock and thank you for everything."

"You are welcome. Will I see you Thursday in my office?"

"No, you won't. I'm flying to Italy on Wednesday and I don't think I'm going to return."

"Have a save trip. Good night, Mrs. Volturi."

I disconnected the call and sighed deeply, sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs. Sometimes it was so incredibly hard to deal with all the problems of other people, to keep all their secrets.

"Are you okay?" Zafrina asked me, kneeling down in front of me. "You look sad."

"I'm good. I just happen to hate my job now and then."

"Then it's probably a good thing that you are going to give it up."

"I'm only doing that because you make far more money with sucking the last penny out of unfaithful husbands."

"Do I hear a slight hint of envy in your voice?"

"No, you don't. I'm proud that you are so successful. You work so hard for that."

I kissed her forehead and put a wisp of her hair behind her ear, exposing a pair of beautiful diamond earrings.

"I'm going to a good stay at home mom. You, I and the little one are going to be the perfect American suburb family."

"We'd be the perfect American family if I were white and had a cock."

I wrinkled my nose and put my finger in my mouth to make puking noises.

"If you had a cock, I wouldn't have given you the light of day. I'm glad that you are a woman."

She took my hand in hers to blow a kiss over the back of my hand.

"Tell me the baby's sex? Please, I really want to know."

"It's a boy."

"We are going to have a son? That's wonderful."

I leaned forward and planted a kiss on her mouth.

"Can you believe there is actually a tiny little penis inside of me?"

"Must be a new for a gold star lesbian like you, I guess."

"You are impossible. And because of that I get to name our son."

"Shouldn't I be the one who gets to name him? After all I'm the one who has taken on the name of your slave owner family."

"No one forced you to do that."

"My love for you did."

"Should I feel bad now?"

"If you want to, feel free to. How do you want to name the little one?"

"I like the name Brian."

"I kind of knew that you would suggest a sissy name like that. Brian is chubby little loser with braces who cries all the time because other kids pick on him."

"You always have such a graphic way of describing things."

I took her hand and placed it on my abdomen where the baby kicked against my ribs with so much force that it knocked the breath out of me.

"What kind of names do you like? I bet it's something completely awful."

"Ryan…and Dale as his middle name after his father."

"Okay,"

She raised one eyebrow.

"Are you sick or something? I'm starting to worry about you."

"Why?"

"Because you never say okay to stuff I suggest. You always start arguing."

"I don't start arguing ever. You are the one who's so incredibly stubborn all the time."

"I'm not stubborn, but you are the most pig-headed person I've ever met in my life."


	20. Chapter 20

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. Thanks and hugs to you for taking the time to read my little story here.

I messed up the Latin inscription for Z/J's wedding tattoo. The actual phrase is - _nunc scio quid sit amor - _Five years of School Latin, and I can't even get one single sentence right. Hopefully none of you went and got that tattoo with the misspelling. That would suck.

****Chapter 20****

_Jane_

She lifted the fork with a tiny piece of banana on it to her lips and started nibbling on it as slowly as possible. When she noticed I was watching her she stared down at her own hands, picking up another piece of apple from the fruit salad in front of her to eat with a completely tortured expression on her pretty face.

It hurt me deeply that this was so difficult for her, so painful for her. Somehow it was as if she was ashamed that I was here with her. Should I leave her alone? No, I couldn't do that.

"Please, stop looking at me while I'm trying to eat. It's making me feel so…so…awkward." she whispered, putting the lid back on the bowl with the fruit salad.

"I'm sorry about that, Lilly."

"Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry about being so fucked-up."

I took her hand in mine and rubbed circles all over her wrist before I put it to my lips and planted a tender kiss on her palm. She sighed deeply and tried to pull her hand away again but I kept it where it was. I wanted to make her feel safe again, although I had no clue how I was supposed to do that.

"You are not fucked-up, Lilly." I told her, trying to make my voice as light as possible.

"You just happen to have some problems. But you'll deal with them. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and pulled her close to me. For a moment she seemed to stiffen but then she relaxed and rested her head against my shoulder.

"Is this the lesbo table of the school cafeteria?"

"Fuck off, Derek."

"Don't be so bitchy, Jane. I just wanted to ask how your brother is doing over in Italy."

"Okay, I guess. My parents are going to visit him there next week together with my aunt."

"Is it true that Lilly wasn't in school last week because she's bulimic now?"

I felt Lilly stiffen next to me. Damn it, I hated that this moron made her feel so uncomfortable with questioning about that.

"Is it true that you eat you own booger? Piss off, Derek. We'd like to eat without looking at your ugly face during it. That's not really appetizing."

He growled but turned almost instantly around and walked away.

"Are you okay, Lilly? I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay."

"Aren't you going to eat anything apart from that fruit salad?" I asked her, finishing the rest of my chicken sandwich.

"Are you my third mother now? I don't need someone to watch every bite I make."

"Shhh, calm down, I didn't mean to offend you. I'm just worried about your well-being because I care."

"Sorry, it's just so…so difficult. I hate it when people pay attention to what I'm eating."

"I know." I whispered taking her hand in mine again to squeeze it gently. "And it's not like I'm judging you. All I want is for you is to feel better again. Some of that stuff your grandfather told us in the hospital scared the living shit out of me."

"It scared me too. I didn't really think about the consequences of my….diet. Renata said that it would make everything so easy. You can eat whatever you want but you don't get the calories. It sounded so…simple to me."

XXXX

I twisted my hair into a knot at the back of my head before I walked through the main entrance of the huge glass building that held the headquarters of Volturi Inc.

"Can I help you, Miss?" The brown-haired receptionist asked me politely, biting her lower lip nervously. She was obviously new and seemed incredibly nervous to do something wrong.

"My name is Janetta Mazzini. I'd like to see, Mrs. Volturi. She's my aunt."

"Oh yes, she told me that you would come here today. She's in a meeting right now with Mrs. Swan and some of the models. Would you like to wait upstairs?"

"That would be lovely. I know the code to her office. You don't have to bring me there."

"Fine, Miss...Mazzini. Have a good day."

When I entered the elevator an annoyingly nasal voice greeted me overly friendly.

"Hello Jane? How are you? Are you visiting your aunt?"

I swallowed hard but the wave of anger that spread through me when I looked at Renata's grinning face was too strong to suppress it.

"Jane? Is something wrong? You look a bit upset."

"There is nothing wrong with me but I guess there is something very wrong with you!"

Before I could manage to compose myself I had her shoved against the wall of the elevator, my fingernails crawling into her skinny arm.

"Are you crazy? Let me go!"

"Don't tell me what to do, you little piece of shit! I could kill you this very moment for the crap you pulled with Lilly. How dare you give her tips on how to puke out her food again? Now she's sick. I swear to god, if you ever come near her again, it'll be…!"

"Janetta! What in heaven's name are you doing there with Renata?"

Fuck. My. Life.

I dropped my hands and stepped back from Renata, taking several deep breaths in order to calm myself down a bit. It wasn't working. I was way too pissed at her. All this bulimia crap was her fault. She had been the one to put that idea into Lilly's head.

"Renata, what is going on here?" My aunt asked her, when we stumbled out of the elevator.

"Nothing, Mrs. Volturi, Jane just walked into the elevator and flipped. I don't know what came over her."

"My office – _prontamente_!"

I sighed deeply and followed her into her office while Renata remained right where she, somehow seemed too shocked and frozen to move at all.

My aunt sat down on the red leather couch in the corner of her office and rubbed her temples with her fingertips.

"Janetta, what in heaven's name was that supposed to be? You can't let yourself go like that. _Capisci_?"

She pulled a tablet tube out of her handbag and swallowed two small pills without water before she put her head between her knees. Was she sick?

"Aren't you feeling well, _Zia_?" I asked her worriedly.

"It's nothing, just a terrible headache. No need to worry. Are you going to tell me why you attacked Renata without any reason? She's one of my favorite models."

"I…well…,"

"Janetta, look I know that you have a temper but you have to learn to control it. One day you'll be responsible for a company with over a thousand employees. I need to know that you can cope with the stress that comes with that."

"That will be in like…twenty years, Zia Didyme. I'm sure when I'm older it will get easier for me. I'm sorry about the incident with Renata. Hopefully I didn't leave a bruise on her skinny arms."

"You are just sorry because I caught you, not about the whole thing itself. Don't try to deny it. I can see it in your eyes."

"_Si_,"

"_Perche?_"

"I was angry at her."

"For what?"

"She told Lilly that it would be a good idea to throw up her food. And now she's sick and that's the fault of this stupid, anorectic bitch. I hate her so much for that. Lilly means so much to me and it hurts me so much that she's suffering."

"I see."

She walked over to the phone and snarled into the receiver as soon as her secretary picked up.

"Send Renata to my office –right now!"

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked her, grabbing my jacket from the chair I had been sitting on.

"No, I want you to stay. You have to learn how to fire someone."

XXXX

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer against my chest, nuzzling my face into the silkiness of her copper curls.

"I'm glad your mothers allowed you to stay with me tonight. We barely have spent time alone in the last weeks."

She turned her head and pressed her lips against the bare skin on my shoulder, making my skin break out in goose bumps when she planted several kisses all over my neck.

"I love you, so very much and I'm sorry because you had to worry so much because of me in the last time."

Oh gioia, I still worry about you…

"I love you too. Promise never to do something so dangerous to yourself again, will you?"

"I try…but it's so difficult. It's like there is always a little devil whispering in my ear how easy it will make everything if I get rid of what I just ate. And when I do it it's so relieving somehow. I don't have to think about all the crap in my life."

"What kind of crap? Is this because of the modeling job your mother asked you to do? If you don't want to do it, just tell her. I'm sure she won't be disappointed."

"It hasn't got anything to do with that. I can't tell you…I kind of promised my mother not to talk about it to anyone."

I rolled my eyes at that.

"I don't care. It's obviously giving you a hard time to keep that…secret. Whatever it is you can tell me."

"It's about my father." she started hesitantly, staring down over into the tiny flame of the candle next to my bed.

"What about him? Did your mom discover that you were writing to him? If she did, you can blame me. I don't care."

"No, she doesn't know about that. Do you remember what I told you about his incarnation?"

"Yes, I do."

I pulled her closer until she was sitting on my lap and planted a kiss on the back of her hand.

"The guy he killed wasn't some random stranger like I thought it was. The man he shot was my grandfather."

"Your mom's dad? The cop?"

She nodded her head and pressed her hand against her lips. Several dry sobs her throat before she burst out into tears.

"I hate him. I hate him so very much. God, this is so fucked up."

I stood up from the bed and grabbed a tissue from the box on my desk and kneeled down in front of her to wipe away the smeared mascara from her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, _gioia_, more than I can tell you. If there is anything that I can do for you to make you feel better I'll do it."

"Can you just hold me now?" she whispered, leaning her head against my shoulder.

"Kay,"

"Promise me not to tell anyone about this, will you?"

"Of course not, why would I tell anyone. What happened in your family isn't the business of anyone else."

"I know but I'm really worried what people would think if they found out about this."

"No one will. You don't have to worry."

My fingertips circled over the petals of the delicate flower tattoo on her wrist.

"I promise that no one is ever going to hurt you again. I won't let that happen."


	21. Chapter 21

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 21****

This is such a torture, I thought while I dipped my spoon into the chocolate ice-cream to stir it around in the bowl in front of me somehow desperately hoping it would just disappear. It wasn't like I didn't want to eat it; it was my favorite after all. I could eat the entire package followed by a few Pop tarts before getting rid of it in the bathroom down the hall. Lilly, stop thinking about that, right now…

I forced myself to lick off a bit of the already half melted ice-cream from the silver spoon between my trembling fingers.

"Lilly?"

"Yes, Zoe?"

"Don't you like your ice-cream?"

I cringed and slurped the rest of the ice cream down my throat, not even taking the time to taste the sweetness of the ice-cream on my tongue.

"See, now it's all gone."

And it's going to stay down there, end of story.

"Are you angry at me?"

"No, of course I'm not. What makes you think that?"

"You look angry…kind of."

"I'm not." Maybe I'm a bit angry at myself, I wondered while I closed my hand around the medallion around my neck.

"Maybe Lilly is angry because she has to babysit us tonight." Cara assumed, wiping a rest of the chocolate ice-cream from her little chin.

"She's only babysitting you. I'm her sister and we always hang out."

Hang out, with a ten year old? Did I miss something?

"Do you want to watch a movie now?" I asked them, knowing that parking them in front of the flat screen in the living room would be the easiest way to occupy them enough so that I could finish my biology homework that was due tomorrow.

"Arielle!"

"That's a stupid movie for babies. It's my house and I decide that we're watching. I want to see Mulan."

"Zoe, stop being so rude to Cara all the time or I'll tell mom not to let the two of you play together anymore. Now, just pick a movie together or I chose one and I'm sure that neither one of you will like that."

"You are so mean! As my sister you should be on my side."

"Zoe, please. I don't have the nerves to deal with stuff like that now."

I kneeled down on the ground and started caressing Fido's huge head with my fingertips. A low purring noise escaped his throat before he finally stood up from the ground, nuzzling his snout against my palm.

"I take Fido outside while the two of you decide what you want to watch." I told them, grabbing the dog around the metal collar around his neck.

When we were outside I let go of it and leaned back against the wood of the Veranda, watching him how he nibbled on a few daisies before he finally disappeared around the right side of the house. A few moments later he returned and rested his head against my lap.

"You are tired, aren't you?" I whispered, caressing the fluffy fur with my left hand while I pulled my cell out of my handbag.

"I love you, you fur monster." I mumbled running my fingertips down his ears.

"Fur monster? That's kind of a weird nickname."

"Oh, sorry, Jane, I forget I already dialed. I was just talking to Fido."

"I thought so. Sometimes I wonder if you love that dog more than me."

"You better don't make me choose." I told her, searching for some biscuit crumbles in my pockets. When I found some and held out my flat palm for him to lick it off. To my immense surprise he didn't do it. For a split second he lifted his head from my lap, just to let it sink a heartbeat later. When had he started to be so overly affectionate?

"Lilly, are you still there?"

"What? Yes, of course, I am. Look, I just called you to tell you that I miss you."

And to have a distraction not to go to the bathroom right now although I feel very much like it, I added silently in my head.

"I miss you too, _gioia_."

"What are you doing right now?" I asked her, twisted a wisp of my long hair around my fingers. Should I consider cutting it off again?

"I'm sorting files for Zafrina but somehow they all seem so familiar to me. She must have given me the wrong box. Somehow she seemed a bit distracted today. Your aunt was here…the pretty blonde one and she seemed pissed for some reason."

"Hmm,"

"Do you want me to come to your house later? I could cook for you."

Why is she so desperate to feed me? She fucking knows that eating and everything that has to do with it isn't my very favorite topic right now.

"I'm babysitting the two little monsters while my mothers are helping Cara's parents to pack for their flight to Romania."

"Even more reason for me to come over and help you. I'm sure that your sister is already a little pain in the neck right now, isn't she?"

"Maybe a bit, but it's definitely not her fault. I'm just so terribly tensed all the time."

XXXX

Jane was good with kids. Way better than I ever could be and that surprised me. Maybe it was the fact that she was so much stricter than me but somehow Cara and my little sister both hang on every word that came out of my girlfriend's mouth.

"Cara, can you cut these tomatoes into tiny cubes?"

"With a knife?"

"That would be the easiest way to do it, I guess."

"But my father says, I'm not allowed to play with knives."

"And he's right about that. But cooking is not playing. You want to learn how to cook properly, don't you?"

She nodded her head and put her glasses back on taking the knife from Jane as if it was some sort of lethal weapon.

"Do you want me to do that for you?" Zoe asked Cara, placing her hand on Cara's.

"No, thanks, I can do it. How small do the cubes have to be?"

"Like that." Jane told her, showing her a little space between her thumb and her forefinger.

I hugged her tightly from behind and twisted her blonde hair into a knot at the back of her head, fixing it with a pen before I leaned forward to plant a soft kiss right underneath her hairline.

"Thanks," I whispered into her ear.

"For what?" she asked me back before she turned her attention back to the sauce in the pan on the stove. It smelled good but that didn't surprise me. Jane had basically spent her entire childhood inside a kitchen and somehow I wondered how she managed it to stay so thin despite of it. If my father owned a restaurant…,

Damn it, why can't I ever stop thinking about that sort of unpleasant things?

"Do you want to try if I put enough salt in it?" she asked me, blowing a bit over the spoon so that I wouldn't burn my tongue on the hot sauce.

"It's fine. If things don't work out with law school you could always take over the Restaurant."

"How wonderful that you have so much faith in my intelligence; knowing how to make some Lasagna won't help me to run a company as big as Volturi Inc."

"Probably,"

I kissed her cheek and started circling my fingertips up and down her bare forearms, feeling her skin break out in goose bumps under my caress. Should I ask her if she wanted to stay overnight? No, I couldn't do that. It would mean I would have to ask my mother's about that and I really didn't want to have that kind of discussion with mom again.

"Are the two of you in love with each other?" Cara asked me, raising her head from the tomatoes to push her glasses up her nose again.

"Kind of," I mumbled, pulling back from the hug to grab some plates from the cabinet to place them on the kitchen counter.

"So, you are in love with me…kind of. How interesting to know, Miss Cullen." she teased me, putting a wisp of my hair behind my ear to graze its shell with her teeth.

"How's that like to be in love?" Zoe muttered, pouring herself a glass of milk to gulp it down.

"Weird somehow," Cara whispered, putting the rest of the tomatoes into the bowl in front of her.

"What do you know about that? You are still a baby."

"I've been in love before."

"With whom?"

"I won't tell you because you are going to laugh." Cara stated, standing up from the kitchen chair.

The doorbell rang and when I opened the door my sobbing aunt wrapped her arms around me so tightly that it knocked the breath out of me for a moment.

"Aunt Rosie, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"Can…can you…take the boys for a while. I need to…I need to…," she croaked, wiping her running nose on a tissue she fumbled out of her handbag.

"What is wrong, you are worrying me."

"Mom has been like that since we left the house. She and Dad yelled at each other." Nessie told me, when we entered the hall. I realized that Tegan was completely silent and that was definitely a new for him.

"Can we play with the dog?" his brother asked me, grabbing one of Zoe's baseballs from the ground.

"Not inside the house. The three of you can go outside to play a bit but promise me to stay off the road, will you?"

Both of them nodded their heads and rushed out of the front door, pulling the dog after them who didn't really look pleased about that. For a moment his eyes met mine and I wondered if I should tell the twins to leave him alone. He was old. He was tired most of the time and not at all interested in catching balls from my two hyperactive cousins.

"I feel so bad for the poor boys." Rosalie stated, sitting down on the couch to bury her face in her hands.

Jane appeared in the doorframe but I signed her to stay in the kitchen with the girls. There was no need to bring attention to my poor aunt's break down.

"What is wrong?"

"Your uncle is such a stupid…such a stupid idiot. He never thinks twice about his actions."

"Did he cheat on you or something like that?"

"Worse,"

"Aunt Rosie, do you want me to call Momma for you? You really look bad."

"Not necessary. My sister wouldn't understand my point in this. She and your mother have practically done the same to get your sister."

"What did they do to get me?" Zoe asked her curiously, sitting down next to our blonde aunt.

"You need to ask that our mothers…or maybe Benjamin. They'll tell you about everything."

"Fine, then I'll call Dad after dinner."

Someone honked in front of house, followed by the shattering of metal and glass. We were outside the house within a minute but before I could kneel down on the blood covered asphalt Jane wrapped her arms around my middle and tried to pull me off the street again.

"Come with me. I don't want you to see this."

"Let me go, I need to see if he's okay."

"No,"

"LET ME GO. RIGHT NOW!" I snarled at her so harshly that she instantly dropped her arms.

I tried to breathe through my mouth, trying to avoid smelling the blood. God, there was so much of it. He whimpered and I placed his head on my lap, wiping some of the crimson colored liquid from his snout.

Somewhere in the background I heard voices shouting and yelling. Someone called an ambulance but when my calf-sized dog started coughing black blood, I already knew that they would never make it here in time.

So, I just remained where I was and continued stroking his fur, while he coughed and whimpered in my arms.

"I love you so much, baby." I whispered, pressing my lips against his head. "You can't leave me. I can't endure all of this without you. Please, stay with me. I need you. I need you so much."

Jane placed her hand on my shoulder again, her touch as light as a feather.

"The vet is here. He needs to take a look at him."

"No,"

"Sweetie, you have to let him go. The vet will look at his injuries and see what he can do for the poor dog."

"No," I sobbed, pulling the whimpering dog closer to my chest. The blood was soaking through the fabric of my shirt and I felt how my entire body starting to tremble slightly. I gasped of air but none of it reached my lungs. Someone yelled hysterically. Was that me? Then, eventually everything around me turned black.


	22. Chapter 22

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] *peeks her head in* is it safe to come out yet? I'm pretty sure that a lot of you are mad at me for killing off Fido. The poor dog was already way older than average for one his size and the only question was whether to let him die of a disease or in an accident.

For those of you who haven't figured it out yet. Emmett is the donor for Z/J's baby. How do you feel about their choice?

About Lilly's eating disorder – yes, she is still struggling with that. It's difficult to overcome habits like those. It's a good thing she has Jane to rely on.

A lot of crap is happening in Lilly's life right now but I hope that those of you who are still interested in reading the story have a little faith in me and my personal preference for a HEA.

****Chapter 22****

_Jane_

I checked the time on the silver watch around my wrist for about the tenth time during the last three minutes while I tried not to freak out because obviously nobody seemed to find it necessary to give me any kind of information.

Finally I stood up from the plastic chair in the waiting hall and walked to the information desk, forcing my mouth into a polite smile before I addressed the nurse directly.

"Ma'am? Could you please tell me if my friend is okay? Her name is Cullen. That's C U…,"

"Dr. Culen's granddaughter isn't it? Are you a relative? We're not allowed to give you any kind of information unless you are."

I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the instant urge to hit her straight into her stupid face with my fist. Knowing that it wouldn't bring me any further to find out how Lilly was doing.

"Kind of,"

"That means?"

"We are engaged."

"Engaged? Are you kidding me? You are both girls."

"Are you aware in what kind of trouble this hospital would get if it got sued for sexual discrimination?" I snarled at her, enjoying how she instantly cringed slightly. People were so easy to frighten with this sort of stuff. Hopefully she would let me see Lilly now.

"I didn't mean it like that." she whispered, grabbing a file from her desk.

"Please, come with me. Dr. Connor had to give her some sedative when she arrived but apart from that she should be fine…concerning the circumstances."

I followed her to a room at the right side of the huge corridor.

"Miss Cullen? Your fiancée is here to see you."

Something cramped painfully around my heart when I saw the lifeless expression on Lilly's face. When I sat down on the edge of the small hospital bed to pull her against my chest she sighed deeply.

"You're my fiancée? Did I miss something important like you proposing to me or something like that?"

"I had to tell the nurse that we are related or she wouldn't let me see you. Somehow I figured out that you'd rather be my fiancée than my sister."

"Somehow you're right about that." she whispered, wrapping her arms around me so tightly that it was getting difficult to breathe.

"He's dead, isn't he?"

I nodded my head and started stroking up and down her back in small circles in order to comfort her. She had loved the damn dog so much and to lose him now when she had to deal with so much crap it seemed just too much to handle it.

"I'm so…incredibly sorry, Lilly."

"Are the twins okay?"

"I guess so. Your aunt yelled at them and now they are down in the cafeteria with her and your hysterical mother waiting for their father to arrive. I honestly hope he bends them over his knee and spanks them. What they did was so completely stupid that I have no words for it."

"It's not their fault. I shouldn't have allowed them to play outside on their own. If there is anyone to blame for…,"

"Don't do that. It's not your fault what happened. Don't you dare to think that, Lilly. It was an accident."

Several dry sobs, that made her sound like a wounded animal herself left her throat before she finally started to cry.

"He can't be dead. He just can't be dead."

"Shhh, come here, _gioia_."

"He's been with me all my life. How can he just be gone now? He's my best friend. The best friend I ever had. Oh my god…,"

I rocked her back and forth a bit until the sobbing finally subsided completely after a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, baby. More than I could ever tell you. If there is anything I can do for you, just tell me."

"Can you turn back time for me?" she mumbled against the tear-soaked fabric of my blouse.

"No, I can't. But I'd try to do it for you."

"I want to be dead too."

"Please, don't say such things. I love you and I couldn't endure it when something bad happened to you."

"But it hurts so much…so much."

"I know."

"No, you don't. You never had a pet apart from that rabbit and somehow I think that landed on the menu of your father's restaurant."

"Probably,"

"I could tell him all my secrets and he wouldn't judge." she murmured towards the white blankets on the bed, flattening it with her fingertips.

"Just for the record, Lilly, you tell me your secrets too and I won't judge you either."

"Oh yes, you do. When I told you…well when you caught me throwing up that was so…embarrassing kind of."

"I care about you because I love you and I'm not judging what you did…I'm just worried and if that dog would have been able to speak he would have told he that he was worried about you too –point."

"He knows stuff about me that you don't know."

I shrugged. Could there be anything worse going on than this bulimia crap?

"Maybe you should try to sleep now. Your family will probably show up here after they finished all the paper work."

"I don't want to see anyone."

"Lilly…,"

"I mean it, Jane. I don't have the nerves to deal with that now. I wished…I wished we could just run away from all of this."

XXXX

"Do you have a passport?" I asked her when I started the engine of the car making it roar to life underneath me. Damn it, if only my father would have allowed me to keep that Porsche.

"No, I don't. Can we photo-shop one?"

"I actually think that's a stupid idea." Not as stupid as running away from home. Damn it, Janetta, why in heaven's name did you agree to this stupid, stupid idea? Oh yes, because you can't say no to her and because you were afraid that she would make a run on her own in case you'd told her no.

"Jane, where are we going?"

"Wherever you want us to go," I told her, squeezing her hand tightly before I lifted it to my mouth to blow a kiss over her knuckles. "But as you have no passport we'll have to stay within the borders of the US."

"Too bad, I would have loved to go to Italy with you."

Italy? Yes, of course. Your mother would probably sent Interpol after us if I did that. Damn it, I should turn the fucking car around right now. Better she gets angry at me now instead of all the trouble she'll get in if we continue with this.

"It's beautiful there, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is. I and my shithead of a brother were born there. I promise to take you with me to Milan the next time my aunt has to fly there."

"Promise?"

"You're on. Now where do you want to go, sweetie?" Please say home, please say home. Do it Lilly.

"Forks,"

"Is that somewhere near Spoon?"

"Stop kidding. That's where my mother grew up. It's a small town about an hour away from Port Angeles. I think I've been there with her and Momma as a child but I'm not that sure. Can we go there, please?"

"If you want to," I mumbled, parking the car in front of a mall.

"Why are you stopping here?"

"Because I have to go for little runaways and secondly I need to get some cash so that we don't have to sleep in the car once we get to this Spoon…Forks or whatever that goddamn town is called."

"We won't need a hotel. My mom still owns my grandfather's house down there. I know where she would hide the spare key."

"But we still need money. If I use my credit card, they'll find us way sooner than you can blink."

"Kay. Can you get some diet coke for me when you get in?"

"How about I get us some real food instead of this crap?"

"Whatever,"

I cupped her face between my hands and pulled her closer to kiss her mouth, letting the tip of my tongue swirl over her velvety bottom lip until she parted her mouth enough to allow me entrance into the warm sweetness of her mouth. God, I loved her so much and I wanted her so much to be okay again, more than anything else on earth.

XXXX

What a Hicksville, I thought when we passed the huge sign, reading "Welcome to Forks." about half past midnight. Lilly was almost asleep next to me and I was swallowing down the third cup of coffee in order to stay awake.

Finding her grandfather's house took us about half an hour but when I eventually parked the car in front of the small house, Lilly's eyes widened in anticipation.

She stepped out of the car and fumbled for the key under an old rotten flower bucket next to the door. Why people keep thinking that flower buckets are a good place to hide keys is beyond me. That's the first place a burglar would look for it. Not that this place looks as if there could be anything inside worth stealing.

The door squeaked when she finally managed to open it with the rusty key and when we entered the hall I realized that it smelled like dust and old furniture inside the house. Obviously no one had been here in years.

"Are you sure that you want to stay here and not in that motel down the highway?"

"Yes, I am and I highly doubt that they are allowed to give rooms to minors."

"I have a faked ID, so that wouldn't really be that much of a problem."

"Why do you still have that faked ID Derek made for half our class?"

"Because I haven't used it for stuff like getting a tattoo," I told her circling my fingertips over the delicate flower on her wrist. She had got it in the time the two of us hadn't spoken one word to each other. What a horrible, dark time of my life that had been. If only…

"Jane, can we go upstairs now? I think the bedrooms are up there."

I grabbed the bag with our clothes and followed her up the stairs, almost stumbling over her when she suddenly stopped abruptly.

"Here…we were here."

"Who were here? You and your mothers?"

"Yes and my father were here too. I remember sitting on the stairs while the three of them yelled at each other. The police was here. There was a man…a blond man. And a doctor…why was a doctor here?"

"Maybe you were sick?"

"No, I wasn't. The doctor didn't look at me. Damn it. Why can't I remember those things properly?"

I pulled her with me into the first room up the stairs. According to the girly decoration around the wood framed bed I assumed that this had been her mother's room.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and I kneeled down in front of her, massaging her feet for a few minutes after kicking off her shoes. Coming here wasn't a good idea. Lilly had enough trouble dealing with the ghosts of her childhood when we were in Seattle but here…here everything seemed even more vivid.

"We can go home tomorrow, if you want to." I whispered, cuddling against her side to rest my head on her chest. She shook her head and started drawing fine, invisible lines all over my face with her fingertips.

"I'd like to stay a while, if that's okay?"

"If you want to, _gioia_, we can stay wherever you want us to stay."


	23. Chapter 23

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 23****

When I woke up it took me several minutes to realize where I was. It was cold and I was freezing despite of being fully dressed and hugged tightly by my dainty girlfriend who started rubbing up and down my forearms with her palms.

"Morning,_ gioia_,"

Slowly I turned around and put a wisp of her messy blonde hair behind her ear, caressing its shell with my fingertip before I leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Your nose is cold."

"That's because it's shitty cold in here. I'm sure the heating is not working in this house and I have no fucking clue how to fix that."

I giggled and that noise coming out my own mouth surprised me so much that it made me gasp for air in surprise. Then I remembered Fido and what had happened to him and before I could stop myself I started crying again.

"It's okay, baby." Jane whispered pulling me against her chest again. Sometimes I wondered if she wouldn't get tired of letting me ruin all her clothes with my tears. Of constantly comforting me, being strong for me but maybe that was just the way our relationship was meant to be like. She was the strong and I was the weak. Damn it, I didn't to be weak.

"Do you believe that animals go to heaven?"

"I don't know. To be honest, I never really thought much about that."

She pulled us around so that she was hovering above me, her grey eyes staying focused on mine for the entire time. When she kissed my mouth her lips brushed against mine so lightly that her skin was barely touching mine. Still that tender kiss made me feel warm despite of the cold around us. I pulled her closer, twisting my hands into her silky hair while the tip of my tongue slipped between her parted lips, tasting her mouth, toying and swirling my tongue against hers until I finally had to pull back to breathe.

"I love you. Thanks for coming here with me, for always being there for me no matter what." I whispered, letting my hands move down on her back. When my fingertips touched the bare skin on her hip I lifted her shirt up a bit to circle my thumb up her spine.

"You are making me nervous." she murmured turning us over to the side. Her mouth found mine again and when I sucked her lower lip between my front teeth to nibble it gently she groaned against my mouth.

"So, I'm m making you nervous." I stated, moving my hand up her flat stomach until I reached the underside of her left breast.

"Kind of,"

"Is that okay?" I asked her, moving my fingers higher to circle them over the sensitive skin around her nipples. It had been weeks since he had been together like that. Much too long for her liking and now that I felt the warmth radiating through my entire body I realized how much I had missed touching and caressing her like this.

"More than okay." she mumbled, reaching out her hand to fumble with the buttons of my blouse. When the cold air hit my skin my nipples pebbled almost instantly. Her fingertips circled over the hard nubs while I started massaging her breasts in circles, enjoying how her breathing started coming out in raspy moans now.

Our clothes landed on a messy pile next to the bed.

"You are so beautiful, _gioia_." she whispered into my ear, grazing its shell with the tip of her tongue.

"So very beautiful and you don't want to see it."

"Please, stop telling me stuff like that. It makes me feel….awkward."

I circled my fingertips over her flat stomach while I lowered my mouth to close my lips around one of the rosy tips, swirling the tip of my tongue around it before I started sucking it greedily.

"Do you find them big enough?"

I raised my head from her nipple, replacing my mouth with my fingers for a moment.

"Do I find what big enough?"

"My ears….no, these two." she mumbled placing both of her hands on mine to squeeze her perky breasts.

"I really, really like them the way they are. You are not considering having some surgery done on them, are you?"

"Not really. Trish had…crap I shouldn't have mentioned her. I'm so sorry about that, _gioia_."

"It's okay." I mumbled, trying to suppress the jealousy in my voice. Jane was with me now and she loved me, probably way more than I actually deserved it.

I lowered my head down to her breasts again, massaging them gently before I rolled my fingertips over the hardened peaks.

"I like them just fine the way they are."

"Good," she mumbled, suppressing a giggle in her throat.

"I like yours too, a lot. I've thought about touching them since we were twelve."

"Really? That long have you been in love with me without telling me one single word about it?"

"I said, I wanted to touch your boobs – the part with love loving you came later."

She leaned forward and swirled her tongue up and down between my breasts, sending pleasant waves of lust through my entire body with her caress.

My hand moved down her flat stomach until I reached the cotton fabric of her panties, feeling that it was already damp under my fingertips. A low moan escaped her lips when I sucked the pale skin on her collarbone between my teeth.

"Are you trying to mark me?"

"Maybe," I murmured against her neck, slipping my fingers underneath her underwear. She was completely bare and warm, so incredibly warm. I remembered how it had felt like when her mouth had touched me where my fingers were touching her right now. My forefinger circled over her clit and another groan left her mouth.

"How's that like for you to kiss me…down there?"

"You ask the most random questions, did anyone ever tell you that?"

"I want to know."

"But that's difficult to explain…god, Lilly…you can't expect me to give you reasonable answers while your hand is on my…oh fuck."

I flipped us over and started kissing my way down her upper body. Then, slowly, almost hesitantly I planted a soft kiss right on the damp cotton fabric. She whimpered slightly and somehow I managed to bring up the courage to pull her underwear down her slim thighs.

"You are so pretty." I whispered, letting my fingertips move down her moist outer lips.

"I want to kiss you…here…,"

Her entire body went ridged when the tip of my tongue touched her overheated flesh for the first time. I circled it up and down her slit for a few times, trying to put a name to the unfamiliar taste of her. Tart somehow, salty…but sweet at the same time. She whimpered and twisted her hands into my hair, trying to keep my head right where it was. I licked her, circling my tongue over her clit while I pushed a single finger into the slick warmth of her entrance. She trembled and a heartbeat later her inner walls tightened around my finger and in that moment she was completely mine, all mine. I wanted it to stay that way for the rest of my life.

XXXX

"I hate grocery shopping." I told Jane, grabbing another box with Pop tarts out of a shelf. "All the food they sell in here makes me…nervous."

"It's okay to be nervous." she whispered, hugging me tightly from behind. Her lips brushed against the shell of my ear.

"No one is looking at you. But we have to buy some food unless you don't want to eat at that Dinner tonight. _Special of the day_ – I can tell you exactly what that means. That's the almost rotten stuff that they need to get rid of."

"Fine – we can cook. If that ancient stove in the house is still working. I don't know why my mother never sold that place."

I stood up on my toes to reach for a bottle of my beloved diet coke when a large hand suddenly grabbed the bottle and handed it to me in a theatrical gesture.

"Here…do you need more?"

I turned around and looked up into the baby-face of a lean boy who had obviously spent way too much time in front of a mirror to arrange his blond hair into messy spikes.

"No, thanks," I muttered, placing the bottle in the shopping cart.

"You are welcome. Are you new here? I think I never saw you here before."

"We are just visiting."

"Really? Whom are you visiting? Maybe it's someone I know."

"I highly doubt that." Jane snarled at him while she placed one arm on my shoulder. Why in heavens name was she so bitchy? The poor guy was just being nice.

"My mom grew up here. I thought it could be nice to visit her roots."

"Lilly, why are you talking to that moron? It's none of his damn business why we are here."

"Your friend seems a little bit stressed." he stated, shoving a cinnamon bubblegum between his lips.

"She doesn't mean it like that." I mumbled, cringing slightly when I saw the package of dog biscuits in his left hand. Fido had loved that stuff so much. Damn it, don't start crying again, Lilly. Not in front of a stranger. That's just too embarrassing.

"You have a dog?" I asked him, my own voice sounded unfamiliar husky in my ears.

"Well, actually the dog belongs to my father. I'm living with my mom and she's not that fond of animals."

"Shouldn't you be in School right now?" Jane asked him, stroking up and down my arms with her fingertips.

"What about you?"

"None of your business, kid. Come on, Lilly, if you want to be on that cemetery before it gets dark we should go and start looking."

"I could show you where it is." Spike-hair offered generously.

I gave him a smile and his ears turned into the brightest scarlet I had ever seen. He was nice but with his overly friendliness he instantly reminded me of a Golden Retriever with a natural will to please.

Jane was starting to get more pissed with every minute. She wasn't actually jealous of the boy, was she? Jeez, he was still a child.

"Where are you from?" he asked me, when we sat down in the car and I started fumbling with the air conditioning.

"Seattle."

"How's that like to live in such a huge town? My stepfather is trying to convince my mom to move there. It would be better for his job but I don't really want to go. Forks, is all I know."

I heard the police siren behind me and stepped on the breaks so abruptly that the wheels squeaked on the wet asphalt.

"Crap. That's what we needed now. Fuck, what are we going to do now, Jane?"

"Try to act normal. Everything will be okay."

"You didn't steal that car, did you?"

"Do we look like car thieves to you?"

I took a deep breath and rolled down the window, forcing my mouth into a polite smile before I turned to the police officer.

"Hello, Miss. Didn't you see that speed sign about…Jamie! What are you doing here?"

"H…hi, Dad, I was just showing them the way to…,"

"You are supposed to be in School right now and nowhere else. I'm not interest in having that conversation with your mother again about you ditching classes again."

"Dad, you are embarrassing me. Can't we talk about that later?"

"Trust me, we will, young man. Now to your new friends here…,"

"I'm sorry for driving too fast. I was distracted…kind of."

"I assumed so. Can I see your papers now?"

"What for? Dad, is it really necessary to give her a ticket? Can't you be cool for once in your life?"

"The next time I have to tell a poor mother her child died in a car accident I'll try to act cool, son."

"Oh Dad…,"

"It's okay." I mumbled, pulling my driver's license out of my handbag. "He's only doing his job."

"Thanks, Miss. Well, let's see…Elizabeth Charlotte…Cullen? Cullen?"

"Yes, sir, could you just give me that ticket now?"

"Cullen…You, you are Bella's daughter, aren't you?"

"You know my mom?"

"We went to School together. Is she here with you? We could all go out for dinner, if you'd like to."

"No," I whispered, trying to suppress the nervous trembling in my voice. "Mom is back home in Seattle."

"She let you come here all by yourself?" He raised one eyebrow, handing me my driver's license back.

"Of course she did."

"Girl, you suck at lying just as much as your mother did."


	24. Chapter 24

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] I'm getting the impression that this story sucks but as I personally heart it a lot I will still continue writing it. Thanks to those of you who keep reading and reviewing. I appreciate your feedback a lot.

****Chapter 24****

I sipped hesitantly on the already lukewarm coffee between my trembling hands, trying to calm myself down again by taking several deep breaths.

"Why did you run away from home?" Mike asked me, stuffing the half of a blueberry muffin between his lips while he continued typing texts into his ancient cell.

"I…I…was kind of…well, I…I,"

"Your poor mother has been worried sick. When I called her she was completely hysterical and cried. I had to promise her to bring you home myself to make sure that you don't make a run again. What the hell is wrong with you kids these days?"

Jane growled and wrapped her arms around me in a protective gesture.

"Stop talking to her like that. The entire thing was my idea. She's just…she just came with me."

I took her hand in mine and squeezed it gently before I lifted it to my lips to plant soft kisses all over her knuckles.

"You don't have to lie in order to defend me. It was my idea to go to Forks, not Jane's."

"I honestly don't care which of you came up with that plan. It was completely unreasonable. God knows what kind of stuff could have happened to the two of you."

"Stop the drama talk, Dad." Jamie told him, twisting around on the messy spikes of his blond hair. Unlike me and my beautiful girlfriend he was absolutely thrilled about our little road-trip.

"Would you remind me why I agreed to letting you come with me to bring the girls safely back to Seattle?"

"Because it's your weekend anyway; you and I are supposed to spend as much quality time together as possible before Mom and the shithead…,"

"Don't call the shithead a shithead."

"Whatever. You could remarry too, you know, Dad? I case you find a woman who is willing to deal with your crappy work times and all that stuff."

"Great, I'm getting dating tips from someone who never had a date himself."

Jamie cringed and tried to hide his reddened ears by pretending to search for something on the floor of the diner.

"I could get a date if I wanted one."

"With whom?"

Jamie smirked and tried to make his voice sound smooth like liquid honey when he spoke up again.

"Lilly, would you like to go out with me?"

Jane growled and I had to press my hand against my mouth in order to suppress a giggle.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Jamie." I mumbled, twisting a small wisp of Jane's hair around my fingers.

"Why? Just because I'm younger?"

"No, you moron, because of me," Jane snarled at him so harshly that the poor boy cringed slightly.

"Do…do you want to come with us? We could all go out together…like friends."

"You actually know that Lilly and I are together – as in _together_ together."

"You're a couple?"

"Have a problem with that?" I asked him, running my fingertips up and down on Jane's arm.

"No…the two of you are no real dykes anyway."

"Excuse me please. What the fuck is a real dyke?"

"Well, you are both so…girly. Aren't lesbians supposed to be all masculine with short cropped hair and all that?"

XXXX

She cried, actually cried when she wrapped her arms around me, sobbing against my shoulder for several minutes until she finally managed to compose herself enough to pull back.

"How could you do that to us?" she whispered hoarsely, wiping her running nose on the back of her hand.

"Mom, I'm sorry."

"If something would have happened to you…I couldn't have lived with it. Oh my god, Lilly, please promise me not to do something as stupid as that ever again."

"Yes, Mom, look I'm sorry. I really am, but I'm so done with all the crap happening in my life."

"I know, sweetie."

Jane cleared her throat nervously before she spoke up.

"I'll go home now. Call me when you need anything, Lilly."

"You are going to stay away from her! I bet it was your idea to run away. You're influencing her and I won't allow that anymore."

"Mom, please. It's really not Jane's fault. Do you honestly think she would have chosen a place like Forks as our destination?"

"Hmm,"

Jane leaned forward and put a wisp of my long hair behind my ear, sending a shiver down my spine when her fingertips touched my skin.

"I call you later to make sure you're alright. Don't let them be too hard on you."

"Kay,"

When she was out of the room I sighed deeply and sat down on the edge of the couch, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Am I grounded?"

"You can bet on that." Momma stated, sitting down next to me. She took both of my hands in hers and squeezed them so tightly that it was almost painful.

"Never ever do that to us again, do you hear me?"

I nodded my head and took several deep breaths in an attempt to keep the tears that were burning in my eyes from falling. A wave of guilt rushed through me. Damn it, I hadn't thought one second about how my running away would worry my family.

"Lilly!" Zoe called out when she entered the living room, jumping on my lap to plant a kiss on my cheek.

"Oh Lilly, I thought you were dead. I saw a movie on TV where a girl ran away from home and…,"

"Shhh, it's okay, little one. I'm home now."

XXXX

"You're eating like a little bird." Benjamin stated, taking a sip from the glass of wine in front of him. Once again I envied my little sister for actually having a father who cared about her. Even after he moved to Boston to follow his boyfriend, now husband he still used every opportunity that presented itself to fly back to Seattle just to spend time with her.

"I'm not really that hungry."

"That's probably because my sister and Bella grounded you for the rest of your life."

No, I thought, that's because I hate it to be forced to eat in the presence of other people. It makes me feel so….watched…kind of.

"I've never been grounded, Daddy."

"And that makes me really proud of you."

My cell vibrated in my pocket and I pulled it out to read a new text.

_Thinking about you, gioia. Tell me, if you need anything. Kiss Jane_

I quickly typed a reply.

_I'm okay. Having dinner with my family right now. I love you. Lilly_

"Lilly, can you put that cell away while we're eating?"

"It's important."

"Lilly…,"

I took a look at the tiny screen in front of me, reading through the new message as fast as I could.

_Are the cop and his annoying son there with you?_

_Yes, they are. Stop being rude to Jamie. He's nice._

_He wants in your pants. I can't stand him for fucks sake._

_Stop being so jealous. I love only you._

"Lilly, put that damn cell away now before I throw it out of the window." Mom snarled at me, rubbing her eyes that looked incredibly tired. Had she slept at all in the last two nights? I highly doubted it.

"Sorry," I mumbled, forcing myself to eat several more spoons full of mashed potatoes and meat loaf from my plate.

"Am I allowed to show Jamie the town tomorrow?"

"Nice try, young lady but you are so grounded like no one has ever been grounded before."

"It's okay. Dad and I have plans for tomorrow anyway, Lilly, although I'm sorry about you being grounded. That sucks."

"Just for the record, son, if you'd ever decided to run away…,"

The doorbell rang and Momma stood up from her chair to open the door. When she returned with a tall brunette I raised one eyebrow. Somehow it was as if I had seen her before, I just couldn't place it.

"Hi everyone…surprise!"

"Irina! What are you doing here?" Benjamin called out, before he hugged her and planted a kiss on each of her cheeks. There was something like a bluish shadow on her left temple, almost like a bruise but it was hard to tell with all the makeup she had put on.

"I needed some time away from home to clear my head. My father is pretty pissed at me for divorcing Vasili."

"Your father is the most old-fashioned man on earth. You should have left that asshole of a husband years ago."

"Maybe…look, I'd prefer not to talk about it."

Benjamin responded something in Romanian to her that seemed to irritate her so much that she dropped the entire content of her handbag all over the floor.

Mike kneeled down next to her and helped her to pick everything up again.

"Thanks," she mumbled, barely looking up at him.

"You're welcome. Is this the first time you are here?"

"I spend a year here in Seattle as an Au pair when I was a teenager in order to learn the language."

"Great, you speak really well. How long are you going to stay this time?"

"That depends," she mumbled standing up from the ground again.

Mike's cell started ringing and he flipped it open, clearing his throat before he picked up.

"Newton. No, I'm not home, Embry. I'm in Seattle with Jamie. For crying out loud, aren't you able to run the police station for one weekend without me? No, don't fill a report. Just let him sleep in the cell until he's sober again. I handle the rest when I come back on Sunday. Don't call me anymore unless it's an emergency. Yeah, it's okay. Bye."

"You're a cop?" Irina asked him curiously.

"Chief of Police, actually."

"Wow…that's impressive."

"Not really, Forks is such a sleepy town. Dad's work isn't half as exciting as he makes it seem."

XXXX

I hugged my pillow and waited for sleep to come to me. It didn't happen, no matter how hard I tried. When I checked the time on the alarm clock next to my bed I realized that it was past two a.m.

Hesitantly I reached for my cell, dialing her number in order to listen to her voice on her mailbox.

"Hi, _gioia_. Why aren't you sleeping?"

"I can't."

"I would come over but I think your mother wouldn't approve of it when I showed up at your place in the middle of the night."

"I'm sorry, that she was rude to you. She's been really worried about me running away."

"It was a stupid idea."

"Yes, it was."

"Are you allowed to get visitors?"

"Not really but my mother's will be busy tomorrow anyway. Zoe's dad is here and his cousin from Romania."

"Not to forget your new admirer."

"Oh Jane, please. You're not actually jealous of that child? He's just fourteen."

"I saw the way he looked at you and I didn't like it one tiny bit."

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course, I trust you…that hasn't got anything to do with it."

"Oh, yes it has. I love you…you and only you."

"I love you too, _gioia_…so very much."

"You're coming here tomorrow, aren't you? I feel so much better when you are with me."

"Text me, when your folks are gone, and I'll sneak in like a secret lover in a bad movie."


	25. Chapter 25

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 25****

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently before she spoke up again, the words coming out slowly because she was obviously trying to make her voice sound as hard and strict as possible.

"Never, ever do something like that to us again."

"Momma…,"

"I'm serious, Lilly, I and your mother were worried sick when we run away."

"I know and I've already told you that I'm sorry about it. I really am."

"I know that you are sorry but you can't understand what we have been through. Bella thinks that it's her fault that you are developing such rebellious tendencies."

I sighed deeply, taking the mug with tea between both of my hands to take a small sip from the steaming hot liquid.

"Your life would be so much easier if you and Mom only had Zoe to take care of. I'm just a burden."

"No, you're not. Please, stop thinking something like that."

She stood up from her chair and kneeled down in front of me, taking both of my hands in hers to rub circles all over my wrist.

"We love you so very much and I hope that you'll feel better soon."

"I try. Am I still grounded?"

"Yes, you are. Your mother thinks it's a good idea to teach you a lesson."

"And you?"

"I'm not able to come up with another way to knock some sense into that thick scull of yours. Keeping you inside the house will probably not lead to anything but at least it will give us some security that you won't make a run again. Thanks god, you didn't have a passport to leave the country. I have spoken to Didyme and for some completely pointless reasons she gave Jane a credit card that has basically no financial limit."

I choked on the tea in my mouth. Why in heaven's name would Jane's aunt do something like that? It was obvious that Didyme preferred Jane to Alec but giving her a credit card without limit seemed to be a bit too much, even for someone as rich as Didyme Volturi.

The doorbell rang and Momma stood up from the ground to open the door. A few moments later the sandy-colored Golden Retriever rushed into the kitchen, rubbing her snout against my leg to encourage me to run my fingers over her fluffy fur.

"He's not here anymore." I mumbled when she turned her head to the side, searching for the russet colored dog that would never, ever lay in the corner of this kitchen again. Fuck, now I was going to cry again.

"Hi Lilly, how are you?" Jasmine greeted me when she entered the room, looking unusually pale around her nose.

"Are you asking as my shrink or as Momma's bestie?

"As both like always." she stated, sitting down on a chair next to me. When her back made contact with the back of the chair she winced slightly.

"Are you alright?" Momma asked her, pouring Jasmine a glass of milk from the fridge.

"My back hurts like crap today but apart that I'm fine, thank you. Where is Bella, shouldn't she be here right now too?"

"She's at Zoe's softball game with Benjamin. You know that I'm not that fond of watching sports."

"I know, beautiful."

"My sister is still pretty pissed at you. Maybe you and Zafrina should have talked about the whole donor thing with her too before…,"

"Like she would have agreed to it, if we had. Don't worry about it. I can deal with her bitchiness any time."

"Is Uncle Emmett really the father of your baby?" I asked her, shoving the rest of my peanut sandwich into Amarillo's snout.

"Firstly, he's not the father just the donor. There's a huge difference and secondly…ouch…you should eat your breakfast yourself instead of feeding it to my dog."

"I'm not that hungry." I stated, standing up from my chair to put my empty plate in the dishwasher.

"Why?"

I sighed deeply and twisted my hair into a messy bun before I spoke up again.

"I'm too sad to eat and then…,"

"Yes, Lilly?"

"When I start eating I'm always afraid that I won't be able to stop. That probably sounds pretty stupid to you, doesn't it?"

"No, it doesn't. But you have to eat regularly in order to avoid the binge attacks."

"But she will be okay eventually, won't she?" Momma asked her worriedly, placing one of her hands on my shoulder.

"Ali, I already told you and your spouse that you need to be a bit more patient with this. Eating disorders are a complex problem. It's not just about bringing Lilly to stop with the puking. Her soul is hurt and it needs time to heal."

She inhaled sharply between her teeth and pressed her hand against her lower back.

"You should consider letting her see…crap…ouch…I honestly think it would be good for her to go and see her father."

"No!"

"I don't want to see him, Momma. I hate him."

"Fine, do what you think is right. Is Lilly still grounded or can we go to the Park with the dog?"

"She is grounded."

"That's actually a stupid way of punishing children, you know?"

"I'm not a child anymore."

"That's what you think, Lilly…ouch…oh fuck…fuck…ouch…,"

"Jazz, are you sure that you are okay?"

"Yes…of course. It's just my stupid back. Maybe I have a trapped nerve or something like that. Oh crap…crap…,"

She stood up from her chair just to collapse on the ground next to it a split second later.

"No, no…this is not happening. It's too soon…too soon."

XXXX

Jane wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly before she planted a soft kiss on the exposed skin on my neck.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

Slowly I turned around and took several steps backwards until my knees touched the frame of my bed.

"I don't know how much time we have."

"Where are your folks?"

"Mom is at a softball game with Zoe and her father and Momma is staying in the hospital with Jasmine until Zafrina comes there."

"Then we should probably make the best out of the little time we have."

I nodded my head and pulled her closer, gasping for air when I landed on top of her on the bed. When I tried to roll off of her she wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed my mouth, letting the tip of her tongue toy against mine while her breasts pressed heavenly against mine.

"I'm too heavy for you." I whispered, running my fingers over her cleavage. "Am I hurting you with my weight?"

"You're not too heavy. Stop worrying."

I shifted a bit, so that I was lying more on my side now and started opening the buttons of her blouse, caressing each inch of her skin I was exposing with my fingertips.

"I'm so happy to have you in my life. Without you I wouldn't be able to handle all of this."

"I love you and will always be here for you. Even if it means sneaking into your house behind your mother's back."

"Kiss me," I mumbled against her lips, feeling a shiver running down my spine when her warm breath tickled my lower lip.

"Lilly, are you up there?"

"Crap, that's my sister and Mom. Why are they back already?"

"Lilly?"

"I'm coming!"

I placed a quick kiss on Jane's mouth before I rushed down the stairs.

"You are back early." I stated, trying to get my breathing under control again.

"The game was cancelled. Why are you looking all flushed now?" Mom asked me when she brushed Zoe's messy hair in order to put it in a ponytail.

"I was exercising in my room."

"Lilly, you haven't been purging again, have you? God, we can't leave you alone for just…,"

"She hasn't been purging." Jane snarled at her when she walked down the stairs to wrap her arms around my shoulder.

"What are you doing here? Didn't I make my point clear that I don't want you near Lilly anymore?"

"You did, Bella but I don't feel the need to listen to your wish. I love Lilly and she needs me."

"If you try to run away with her again, I'll send the cops after you before you can even blink."

"Mom! Stop talking to Jane like that. I can't stand that for crying out loud."

"Shhh, calm down, Lilly, your mother is just acting like that because she's worried."

"You can bet on that. I've been worried sick. No that's not even true, I am worried sick, that's a current state of mind for me right now."

"Mom, why are you all yelling at each other?"

"We're just talking. Go to your room, Zoe. I call you when lunch is ready."

"I want to stay!"

"Zoe…,"

"Oh Mom,"

"Zoe!"

She rushed up the stairs and closed the door to her room with so much force as possible.

"Look Bella, I know that you can't stand me." Jane stated, rubbing down my bare forearms with her fingertips.

"That's not true. I just don't like you influencing her to do stupid things…like running away or getting tattoos."

I inhaled sharply between my teeth. Then I sat down on the edge of the couch, pulling Jane with me so that she was sitting on my lap.

"Jane didn't encourage me to get that tattoo. I got that because I wanted to have it – point."

"I actually think it was a stupid idea, if you ask me." Jane mumbled, circling her fingertips over the pink blossom on my wrist.

Jane's cell started ringing. When she pulled it out and looked at the number flashing over the screen her face turned into a frown.

"_Buon giorno, stronzo."_

"Are you crying? Alec? Stop sniffing into the receiver like that, I can't understand one single word."

Her face paled a few shades and her lips turned into small line when she pressed them against each other.

"This is the meanest lie you ever told me and it makes me hate you even more than I already do. Alec? Alec!"

She stood up from the couch and yelled something in Italian into the cell that didn't sound that friendly to me. Why in heavens name was Alec calling her? They usually didn't speak one word to each other if it wasn't completely inevitable.

Suddenly the tone of her voice shifted from angry to soft and I realized that it trembled slightly while she continued talking.

Her cell fell out of her hands and crashed into two parts when it hit the ground. Several dry sob escaped her throat when she sat down next to me again.

"Jane, what's wrong?"

"My aunt…" she stumbled out, taking several deep breaths in an attempt to keep the tears from falling. I tried to remember the last time I had seen her cry. Was that in second grade or something close to that?

"Jane?" I asked her, wrapping my arm around her quivering shoulder.

"My aunt…she is dead."


	26. Chapter 26

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 26****

_Jasmine_

There was an annoyingly beeping sound that reached my ears every few seconds making it impossible to sleep although I was terribly tired. My throat was painfully sore and when my fingers moved down on my stomach, searching for the kicking of little fists against my palm there wasn't any. My stomach that had been round and swollen the last time I had touched it was completely flat now, flat and empty.

My eyes fell open, burning and instantly overflowing with tears as soon as I blinked into the lamp above me.

"Are you in pain?" Zafrina asked me, her voice sounding terribly worried when she sat down on the edge of the small hospital bed.

"A bit," I croaked, my mouth was terribly dry and when I swallowed the tiny bit of salvia in it down my aching throat a whimpering noise escaped my lips.

"I call for a nurse to give you some more painkillers."

"I don't want any drugs. I want my baby. He's dead isn't he? Oh my god…," I broke out in tears and tried to turn over to the side, what was difficult with all the wires and tubes I was connected with.

"Don't move. You're going to hurt yourself."

"I want to forget! Give me something so that I can sleep. Oh god, my baby. My poor baby!"

"Jasmine, please try to calm down."

"I don't want to calm the fuck down!"

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me carefully against her neck, letting me sob there like a stupid child. A child that had broken its very favorite toy and knew that not all the tears in the world would be able to make it whole again. I wanted to die, die right now in this very moment. I had never felt this lifeless before.

"He's not dead."

"Not?" I whispered hoarsely.

"No, he's not. They had to put him in an incubator because he's so small but he'll be okay."

"Can I see him?"

"Later, you should try to rest now."

"I don't want to rest! I want to see the baby. How does he look like? Is he breathing on his own? Carlisle said something about his lungs wouldn't be fully developed at this state of my pregnancy."

"Jasmine, you really need to stay calm."

She took my hand in hers and put it to her lips to blow a kiss over the back of my hand.

"Everything will be fine. A lot of babies are born prematurely these days."

"I hate that you are so much better at handling this situation than me. Why aren't you freaking out?"

A low sigh escaped her throat before she reached for a plastic cup, lifting it to my mouth to let me sip on the lukewarm water.

"This water tastes like crap."

"I'm afraid that they aren't serving champagne here. As for not freaking out, I was worried sick during the entire time you were in there for the cesarean. I love you…I love you so very much and my life would completely suck without you in it."

"I love you too. Can I see our baby now?"

"How nice of you to finally remember that it's my son too, Mrs. Whitlock."

A nurse appeared in the doorframe and I frowned when I saw the wheelchair she rolled into the room.

"I don't need a wheelchair. That's completely unnecessary."

"Jasmine, the poor woman is just doing her job. You don't get into this chair; you're not going to see Ryan. End of conversation."

The mouth of the nurse twitched when she helped me into the stupid chair. Fuck, how embarrassing was that? I looked like a fucking cripple now.

"Do you want me to give her something to calm down her nerves a bit? Sometimes the mothers have some difficulties handling…,"

"I need no drugs! I need my baby. This is not how I wanted this to be like, not at all. I was supposed to have a chubby little baby to cuddle. It's not fair!"

"Give her the medication. She needs it." Zafrina told her, wrapping both of her arms around my quivering shoulders.

"No!"

The nurse cringed but pulled out an injection. When the needle broke through my skin an instant wave of numbness rushed through me.

"It's not legal to give people sedatives against their will." I murmured when Zafrina leaned down and wiped some tears from my cheeks with a tissue.

"Hey, you are actually listening to what I say, at least sometimes. Do you also remember signing that agreement to let me make medical choices for you in case it would be necessary?"

XXXX

"Are you sure he's okay? He looks so fragile." I whispered, sticking my left hand into opening of the incubator to touch the tiny hand with my fingertip.

"The good things always come in small packages." Zafrina stated, wrapping a blanket over my shoulder.

"Dr. O'Hara says he will do fine."

"Dr. O'Hara is moron. He should have told me how to prevent giving birth too early. We should sue him for that."

"Sweetheart, I actually think that wouldn't work."

She cupped my face between both of her hands and kissed my mouth tenderly before she turned her complete attention back to the little new born in the incubator.

"Hi Ryan, see, I told you I'd come back with her. She's the one you used to kick against her ribs all the time, do you remember?"

The tiny little hand cramped around my fingertip as if he was desperately trying to keep me where I was.

"You know who I am, don't you? Somehow I had imagined our first meeting differently."

"I called Emmett."

"What for? We don't need his hysterical wife throwing a tantrum."

XXXX

"You brought her with you?" I asked Emmett, sitting up in the bed as straight as possible.

"She has a name and I wanted to come with him to make sure you and your wife don't lull him in."

"Babe, you really need to stop being jealous. There is absolutely no reason for that."

"He's right, Rose."

"Keep your stupid mouth shut, Jasmine. I don't know why you couldn't just use an anonymous sperm donor. Why did it have to be my husband?"

"The short or the long list of reasons?"

"You actually made a list?"

"Do you think I suggested him to Zafrina because I have some kind of straight crush on him? I assure you I don't."

"I don't know what to think and I don't understand why Emmett agreed to it at all."

"Because I know how it is like to want a child and not to be able to have one. I was just trying to help them, nothing more, nothing less."

"We can talk about that later when we get home."

"Trust me, we will."

She placed a bunch of pale roses in a vase and sighed deeply.

"I hope the flowers are okay. We brought some pralines too but Tegan ate half of the box when we drove here."

"You brought the twins with you?"

"We don't want to risk them burning down the house while we're gone. I could have called Lilly to watch them but I think she's not too keen on babysitting them right now."

"Why not? Is she still angry at them for what happened with that dog? That was an accident. They didn't want that to happen. They are just kids."

"I actually think, Lilly knows that,"

"She's going to fly to Italy with her girlfriend and Ali. It looks as if her boss, that red haired Italian died unexpectedly."

"Didyme is dead?" I whispered, reaching for the glass of water on the nightstand.

"You don't sound surprised."

"Well, I…I…just forget it. It doesn't matter. Where is Zafrina? Did she get lost on the way to get me something to drink down in the cafeteria?"

"No, I didn't, cowgirl." She stated cheerfully, sitting down on the edge of my bed. When she leaned down to plant a kiss on my mouth I could taste the rest of coffee on her lips. Maybe it would be easier if she could just inject pure caffeine into her veins.

"Here's your juice. I had to make some calls to my office, that's why it took me so long to come back."

"You should have married Senna. It would make your combining your private and your business life a lot easier."

"What a wonderful suggestion. I should ask her out for Dinner. Her husband is way too chicken of me to make any trouble during the divorce procedure."

"Don't you dare…,"

"Oh cowgirl, you are so cute when you're being jealous."

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently.

"I have some kind of bad news and I wish for you to know that I'm really, really sorry about it. When I agreed to…,"

"What did you do?"

"I have to fly to Milan tomorrow."

"For Didyme's funeral? Is it really necessary to attend that? You were just her lawyer and not her friend."

"It's not because of the funeral. I need to fly there to prepare Jane for all the stuff that is going to be thrown at her in a few days when Didyme's last will is going to be published."


	27. Chapter 27

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 27****

She didn't cry, not one single time after we had found out about her aunt's death and that was starting to worry me. Alec had told me once that he thought his sister be a cold-hearted witch when they were little kids because she never, not once wept when he pulled on her hair or something like that. But I knew better, I always did. Jane is acting like that because she's trying to prove to anyone how strong she is, how completely untouchable to anyone's harm she is.

I wrapped my arm around her and a low sigh escaped her lips when she rested her head against my shoulder, burying her face against the fabric of my shirt.

"You should try to sleep some more, _gioia_."

"What about you? I guess, you haven't slept one minute during the entire flight."

"It's much more interesting to listen to your cute snoring."

"Arg, that's so embarrassing. You should have pinched me or something like that. I know I snore terribly."

"It's cute and as for pinching you…like I would ever do that. You are the last person on earth I would ever hurt."

She cupped my face between her hands and caressed my cheekbones with her fingertips, grazing the edge of my mouth with her thumb until she pulled me closer and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

"I love you."

"I love you too and I can't tell you how incredibly sorry I am about your aunt. I know how much she meant to you."

"Please, Lilly, I don't want to think about it now. It's going to be hard enough when…,"

"Jane, are you awake enough to sign some things for me?" Zafrina asked her, sitting down on the empty seat next to us. She cleared her throat and sipped on the plastic cup of coffee between her hands. Then she pulled out a folder and flipped it open before she handed it to my blonde girlfriend.

"I don't understand one single word that's written inside down there." she stated after a few minutes.

"I know, Jane. That's what I'm here for. I'm going to explain everything to you, well, at least I'll try."

I stood up from my seat and stretched my arms before I grabbed my handbag.

"I'll give the two of you some privacy while you're dealing with business stuff." I mumbled, leaning forward to blow a soft kiss on Jane's forehead.

I walked through the rows until I found my mother's seat. She rubbed her eyes and wiped a bit of her smeared mascara from her cheeks.

"How are you?" I asked her worriedly when I realized that her light brown eyes were all red and swollen.

"Okay, I guess. I can't believe she's really dead. How could that happen? She was completely fine the last time I talked to her. What will become of the company now?"

She sobbed and I sat down next to her, searching for tissue in my handbag to hand it to her. I couldn't find one. God, why did I always have to carry so much stuff in my bag that I never managed to find anything I was actually looking for?

"Momma, I'm sorry. This is hard for you, I know."

"I wished I could stop with the crying. It's so embarrassing."

"No, it's not. You are sensitive, that's just what makes you, you."

She wiped her nose on a napkin from the little table in front of her and sighed deeply.

"Do you want to eat my dessert for me? It's some sort of chocolate mousse."

I hesitated for a moment but then I dipped the spoon into the bowl and stuffed a bit of the creamy mousse between my lips.

"That's delicious. I wonder how many calories this might contain."

"It doesn't matter. If you like it, eat it. You need to stop worrying about calories and that sort of stuff all the time."

"It's easy to say for you. I bet you've never been just one single pound about the average weight."

"No, I haven't but I would gladly gain some weight if it would help me get rid of my heart problems."

"It's not getting worse again is it?"

"No, it's not. Please do me a favor and don't mention it to your mother though. She already worries too much."

"About me, you mean?"

"Not only, but yes, she worries a lot about you. There is so much you have to deal with right now. She's afraid you won't be able to handle it."

"I'm a lot stronger than she thinks me to be."

"I know."

"Why?"

She took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Is it selfish that I don't want you to grow up that soon?"

"Yes, no…I don't really know, Momma. It's probably good that the two of you will still have Zoe when I move out."

"You want to move out?"

No, I want to live with Mom and you for the rest of my life like some sort of weird loser…

"When I finish School, I will. In case I'll manage to get a scholarship for a college."

"Your grandparents will pay for your education; well at least unlike you decide to do anything they don't approve of."

"You mean like you?"

"Kind of,"

"How was that like to go to Paris all by yourself?"

"Exciting somehow…but frightening at the same time. You aren't considering doing something similar to that, are you?"

XXXX

Jane's mother was completely hysterical when she and Alec picked us up from the airport. I instantly felt bad for her. Marcella's nerves had never been really good but the unexpected death of her sister in law seemed to have brought her near a mental breakdown.

She hugged her daughter, wrapping her arms around her so tightly that Jane gasped for air while her mother continued talking in Italian to her.

Alec cleared his throat, making me turn my attention away from Jane for a moment.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Lilly?"

"I'm here for Jane."

"Like my ice-bitch of a sister would need anyone to hold her hand during our poor _Zia's_ funeral,"

"Alec, please just drop it."

"She stole you away from me. I'm never going to forgive her for that, never."

"No one can steal anyone away from someone because nobody owns another human being."

Jane managed to compose her mother a bit and for a moment I wondered if Marcella was the true reason why she was so desperate to keep up a brave face no matter how it actually looked like inside of her.

"Leave her the fuck alone, shithead. One wrong move from your side and our parents can save some money by arranging a double funeral tomorrow."

His eyes narrowed but he didn't say anything more until we reached the hotel all of us were supposed to spend the night in. When we stepped out of the taxi, I felt Jane's hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry that my brother is being an asshole."

"Just ignore him, I do."

As soon as we were inside our room, I kicked off my shoes and sat down on the edge of the huge bed.

"I'm going to take a shower now, _gioia_."

"Can I join you?"

Crap, I didn't actually ask her about that, did I?"

Her mouth curved into a smile, not a full smile but something very similar to it. She stepped closer to me and pulled my shirt over my head.

"You smell like vanilla." she whispered when she nuzzled her face against my neck, kissing the sensitive spot right underneath my hairline over and over again.

My hands moved under her shirt and a moment later it joined mine on a messy pile on the floor. I kissed her mouth and somehow we managed it to enter the tiny bathroom that belonged to the room while our lips stayed connected. The rest of our clothes landed in a corner next to the shower cabin before we stepped inside the glass cubicle.

"Thanks, for coming here with me, _gioia_. I couldn't endure all of this without you." She whispered, turning on the water above us. When the first drops reached my skin I cringed because it was so cold.

"Cold…are…we supposed to shower cold?"

"No, we're not." she mumbled and turned around, pressing her behind against my lower body while she fumbled around on the old-fashioned shower head above us for a while until finally warm water poured over our heads. I squeezed a bit of my vanilla scented body wash into my hands and started rubbing it into Jane's shoulders and arms. Then I moved my fingertips up and down her sides until reached the roundness of her breasts and circled my thumbs over her nipples, while I grazed the shell of her ear with my front teeth. I felt her skin underneath my hands breaking out in goose flesh despite the warmth of the water.

A whimpering noise escaped her throat when I rolled the hardened tips of her breasts between my fingers.

"Touch me,"

"Here?" I whispered, moving my right hand over her flat stomach in small circles until I reached the small stripe of curly hair on my fingertips. Her breathing came out raggedly when I moved my hand a bit lower and circled my forefinger over her slick folds for a few moments, making her whimper a bit more when I rolled the tip of my forefinger over her clit.

"Yes, there…right there."

I continued stroking her, massaging breast while my other hand rubbed over her sensitive overheated flesh. Slowly I shoved two of my fingers inside of her, gasping at the tightness when I started pumping them in and out faster and faster until her inner walls clenched around them in a vice like grip.

She turned around and kissed my mouth, hungrily, greedily as if she was trying to absorb as much of me as possible and I would let her have me, all of me, so very gladly.

Then I tasted something salty on my tongue, mixing up with the sweetness of Jane's mouth and pulled back. Before I could say anything she turned off the shower and stepped outside, wrapping a towel around her body before she sat down on the toilet lid. Her hands started quivering when she crossed them in front of her chest.

I kneeled down in front of her and rested my head on her lap, feeling her caress my damp hair with her fingertips for a few moments before she spoke up.

"I'm so scared…so terribly scared about tomorrow."

"I know,"

"No, you don't. My entire family will be there and the press. Fuck, the press will be there too lurking around."

"I'm here for you,"

"But I don't want you to see me all weak, not you…"

A dry sob escaped her lips and when I raised my head I realized that she had pressed her mouth together so tightly that it looked as if her bottom lip was going to bleed now.

"It's okay," I whispered, leaning forward to pull her against my bare chest.

"You can cry in front of me. I won't tell anyone."

A heartbeat later I felt her warm tears against my skin while I continued stroking down her back in a desperate attempt to comfort her.

"I hate being weak." she croaked out, wiping her running nose on the back of her hand.

"You are not weak." I told her, when I stood up from the ground again, twisting my hair into a messy knot.

"Actually, I think, you are the strongest person I ever met in my life."

"If I were really strong I wouldn't be so nervous about tomorrow. Do you remember how I told you I would not mind being my aunt's heiress? I meant it but only because it seemed so far away to me at that time."

**XOXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] I'm going to contribute an outtake for **#WTHN** for **FandomAFamine**. Check out their site to find out more about this fandom charity. Just remove the () to see the link.

http(:/)fandomagainstfamine(.)blogspot(.)com/

It's called _***Romeo fucked up***_ and deals with the Bella & Edward background for the story.

You can check out the banner for the story here. http(:/)2(.)bp(.)blogspot(.)com/-4lMkwIoJGAc/Tou_MdWLhTI/AAAAAAAABzQ/q1FumDwKAtU/s1600/Romeo+Fucked+Up(.)png

Those of you, who leave a review will get a little sneak preview of the story in case you are interested.

Until next time, take care.


	28. Chapter 28

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I apologize for taking way too long to update. Blame the plot bunnies that keep distracting me all the time.

****Chapter 28****

_Jane_

It kept raining down on us and the fabric of my black coat was already damp. I tried to fight the urge to start chattering with my teeth. It was so incredibly cold, and I wondered if that was really from the unfriendly weather or from the emptiness I felt inside me.

My mind was numb, my ears unable to focus on the speech of the priest who continued babbling in the most awful Tuscan accent I had ever heard. My fingers started hurting because my mother held on to my hand as if it was a life vest. Father sobbed next to me, his arm on my shoulder like a heavy weight. Alec sniffed, and I hated him for acting like a crybaby now. He hadn't even been close to our poor Zia. This was just some theatrical drama he was performing.

Flashlights of cameras blinded my eyes, and I stared down on the open grave in front of me, wondering if my aunt had approved of the press being here during her funeral. She probably would. It would have made her feel important and special.

When the procedure was eventually over, and I stepped into the limousine with tinted windows, Lilly wrapped a blanket over my shoulder.

"You are freezing."

"It's okay. You don't have to worry."

I sighed deeply and rested my head against her shoulder.

"Sorry, I'm going to ruin your clothes too."

"Doesn't matter, Jane. Are you sure you are okay? You are so pale."

The door of the car was pulled open again and when my annoyingly twin sat down on the bench opposite of us I growled angrily.

"Can't you ride back to the hotel with our parents?"

"Why? Do you and your little girlfriend here want to make out in the car?"

"Where we make out or not is none of your fucking business, Alessandro."

I felt Lilly stiffen next to me and wrapped my arms around her, burying my face against the fabric of her blouse. She smelled good. Familiar somehow, comforting. I didn't want to cry again. Not in front of my asshole brother.

"She gave me a blow job in the boy's looker room. Bet she didn't tell you about that. Did she?"

I hissed through my teeth and leaned forward grabbing my hand around his throat with so much force that he choked.

"Keep your fucking mouth shut now, you little piece of shit."

"Are you jealous?"

"I told you to keep your mouth shut, _faccia__di__culo_."

Wheels squeaked on the wet asphalt and a heartbeat later Lilly and Alec both landed on the ground of the limousine when some other car hit the back of the limousine. Crap, just what we needed right now.

"Gioia, are you alright?"

"Hmm, it's okay. What happened?"

"Some idiot smashed against the limo. Like we needed any of that crap right now."

The driver opened the door, sticking his head inside.

"Miss Mazzini, is everything okay inside there? One of the press idiots…,"

A dark haired man with a slick moustache appeared next to him, trying to apologize to the driver in some broken Italian phrases.

"Police? You called the police? Is that really necessary? My agency will pay for the damage, I promise."

"He's right. Why did you call them? Now, we'll have to wait here forever until they show up."

"Miss Mazzini? You are Janetta Mazzini?" He lifted a small camera that was hanging around his neck up to take a picture. The flashlight blinded me and I growled angrily.

"Sorry about that, Miss Mazzini. But I'm so very delighted to meet you. Your lawyer wouldn't allow any official press conferences. Tell, me how is it like to be the heiress of a million dollar company? Are you ready to take on the response…,"

"Stop molesting her right now! I don't know why you're acting that way but if she were going to give an interview it sure as hell wouldn't be with some idiot like you, who can't even drive a car properly."

Lilly's eyes narrowed and when she tried to close the door again, Alec stopped her.

"I think it's excited to talk to the press. Which agency are you from?"

"Royal South African Post, they led my fly in here exclusively for Mrs. Volturi's funeral."

"South Africa? That's interesting. My aunt led some of the production move over there during the last years."

"I know. Our readers would love to know if you are planning on letting your designer clothes being sewed abroad."

"Alec, stop talking to him."

"Don't tell me what to do. Look, maybe you and I could meet some time later tomorrow? I'm sure I can tell you anything about my dear late aunt you'd like to know."

"Fine, that would be wonderful. I'll give you my card. Call whenever you have time to talk."

"Give the card to me. If there is anyone talking to the press for this company it'll be me."

He grinned through his moustache and when he leaned over to hand me the card I saw a small pearly white scar running down across his entire jaw.

I took the card from him and turned it around.

_**Royce King II.**_

**XXXX**

"You should not talk to this King guy. He's…I don't know, just weird somehow." Lilly stated while she nibbled on the pasta on her plate. It hurt me that eating in front of other people—even if it was just me—was still such a fight with her. I was starting to doubt the abilities of her therapist a bit but maybe that was just because I was so impatient. I wanted her so badly to be okay again, like really okay.

"In case you haven't noticed it yet, _gioia_. The world is full of weird people."

I cupped her face between both of my hands and pulled her closer to plant a soft kiss on her lips.

"Please, stop worrying about things. I can handle all of this. I have to. My aunt thought I could handle this and so I will."

Zafrina and Ali returned, Lilly's second mother looking exhausted from all the meetings they had done today. I instantly felt back. This was my company now. It wasn't right that it brought so much extra work for other people.

"Your parents are not exactly happy about your aunt's decision on making you her heiress."

What a surprise…

"I know. My father says it's dirty money because she took Volturi Inc. over from her ex-husband when she divorced him."

Zafrina chuckled and handed me a file that I signed without even reading what was written on it. I was so tired and the thing was I didn't understand all what was expected from me.

"I didn't just sign the company over to you. Did I?"

"Nope, that was just the bill for the room service I ordered last night. Your signature is important now. You won't sign anything that you don't understand are we clear about that? Nothing, if you don't understand it, you show it to me and I'll explain it to you. Got me?"

"Yes, Mrs. Whitlock."

"You can still call me Zafrina. Look, I understand the situation is complicated for you."

"I feel stupid because I don't understand one single word that is written in the contracts and all that shit. I'm going to fail and I can't. I can't disappoint _her_ that much."

Zafrina sighed and sat down next to me, taking a piece of bread from the basket on the table, adding a bit of salted butter on it before she stuffed it between her lips.

"Your aunt was a very smart woman. She knew that you wouldn't be ready to run a company the size of Volturi Inc. on your own."

"Did she?" I whispered nervously. Fuck, I hated that I was so insecure right now.

"That's why she hired me to work as your personal assistant until you are ready to deal with everything on your own."

"What about your clients?"

"It's an exclusive contract and very graciously paid. I will probably miss kicking people's asses in court but everything changes. That's life. It will also give me more time for my wife and Ryan, something I'm really looking forward to."

XXXX

"Only assholes work for the press, that's the first thing you need to memorize. How could you agree on letting that fucker do an interview with you without talking to be about it beforehand? Well, now it's too late to cancel it."

"Mrs. Whitlock, Mr. King is here to speak with Miss Mazzini, can I bring him in?" A very pale-nosed secretary asked Zafrina, placing a tray filled with coffee cups and candy on the table.

"It's okay. Lilly, would you like to stay here? This is probably going to be boring for you."

"I don't mind. I came here to support Jane and that's what I'm going to do."

I took her hand and squeezed it under the table.

"Good Morning, Miss Mazzini, what pleasure to see you again." He took my hand to blow a kiss over my knuckles, the hairs of his moustache tickling my skin. God, Lilly was right…he was weird…kind of.

"Morning, Mr. King. Please don't keep this hand kissing thing up. That's only common here in Italy when the woman is married."

"I beg your pardon."

Zafrina chuckled and offered him her hand to shake it.

"Zafrina Whitlock. I'm Miss Mazzini's juristic support."

"This is just an interview not an FBI observation. There is no need to be nervous."

"We are not nervous. We are just prepared. Would you like to drink something before we get started?"

"Coffee would be nice. Thank you. Oh and who is this lovely young lady here?"

Lilly's face reddened and when he took her hand her fingers trembled a bit. Stupid fucker…

"I'm…I'm…,"

"Miss Cullen here is the new face for our plus size line. Isn't she lovely?"

"Jane…,"

"Cullen?" he mumbled, raising one eyebrow. "Don't tell me you are Rosalie Cullen's daughter?"

"That's my aunt. How do you know her?"

"Oh, your aunt and I we were pretty close friends once but that was a very long time ago. You really could be her daughter. You are as pretty as she was when she was your age."

"Thanks," she murmured, taking a sip from the glass of water in front of her.

"When you see her the next time, tell her I said hello." He smirked when he said that and licked his bottom lip.

"I will."

"Can we get this interview started now? Miss Mazzini has other duties to perform today as well apart from this interview."

"Hmm, yes of course. Miss Mazzini, can you tell me a bit about your late aunt? Preferably something that could be of interest for the public?"

"My aunt worked harder than anyone else I've ever met in my life. She's going to leave a hole that won't be easy to fill."

"I can imagine that. Is it true that she took the company over from her ex-husband?"

"It's not the sense of interviews to ask questions that you can answer yourself by doing proper research." Zafrina snarled at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Ahm, yes of course, Mrs. Whitlock, I'm sorry about that."

"Miss Mazzini, are you going to continue letting most of the clothes getting designed outside the U.S?"

"I don't know yet."

"We will keep most things just as they are. But the plus size line for Volturi Inc. will me exclusively produced in the States. It was a personal wish of Mrs. Volturi herself."

"Hmm, I see. Would you allow me to do a report about that? Plus size lining is so up to date at the moment. A lot of women struggle with more or less weight problems. This could be a real money-spinner."

"You actually know that you would have to come to Seattle to see the production and everything?"

"That won't be a problem. I always wanted to come home sometime."

**XOXXOXXXOXXO**

[A/N] Thanks for taking the time to read my little story here. In case you are interested in reading more about the #WTHN Universe, you could check out my one-shot—_**Untouchable**_. It deals with the Emmett & Rosalie backstory for it.

I'm also going to write something from Esme's POV about how little Ali came into her life. People probably don't care much about those Outtakes but I really want to write them and so I will, whether they suck or not.

Until next time, take care


	29. Chapter 29

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is my baby.

****Chapter 29****

I felt jealous because she didn't have any time for me apart from the few hours we spent together at school. Since we had returned back to Seattle Jane had spent every afternoon with Zafrina. Her grey eyes constantly had dark shadows underneath them but when I asked her if she was working too hard she insisted that everything was fine. She was so proud and strong, way stronger than I ever could be.

My weight was back to my pre bulimic days and it wasn't something that I felt too happy about. I didn't want to get fat again and so I had agreed on joining my aunt for a run in the park, way too early for my taste on this gloomy Sunday morning.

"Hi, sweetie," she greeted me cheerfully, wrapping her arms around my middle. My aunt Rosie is and will always be one of the most beautiful women I ever met. When I was a little girl I thought her to be Sleeping beauty or some other fairytale princess. The thought that this weird Royce guy had compared me to her had thrilled me beyond words. I was not beautiful. Maybe I could be if I managed to get the weight off.

"I can't believe you agreed to run with me. I thought you hate sports?"

I blushed, staring down at my sneakers while I twisted my hair into a sloppy ponytail so that it wouldn't get all sweaty during the run.

"Well, I…,"

"It's okay, you know, not to like sports. It's still going to make you feel good after a while."

"Hmm, if you say so,"

She laughed and sat down on a bench, patting the place next to her.

"Come sit with me for a moment."

"I'd prefer to get it behind me." I stated, luffing back and forth on my heels. My stomach growled and I regretted not having eaten more than a few apple slices for breakfast. I was so hungry but the problem was I was hungry constantly, all the time. It was so annoying.

"We will still run, don't worry about that."

"How are the twins?" I asked her, eventually sitting down on the edge of the bench, trying not to fall down.

"They are fine. Tegan has developed some sort of big brother instinct for the baby. I think he's considering moving in with Jasmine and Zafrina but I'm quite sure they'd bring him back pretty soon."

"Are you still angry at Uncle Emmett because he agreed being the donor for them?"

"Maybe a little bit. I'm more like disappointed that he didn't talk to be about it before. He should have."

"Maybe he was afraid you'd say no."

"Maybe he was afraid I could be hurt…cause he can have another child so easily and I can't. If it wasn't for me, he'd probably have four or five kids by now."

I nodded my head and took her hand to squeeze it gently. Her cell started vibrating and she pulled it out of her jacket to answer it.

"Hi there,"

She turned to the side, whispering into the receiver.

"Yes, I will come to see you later today."

"No…I can't. Stop asking, you know that I can't do anything about that."

"Look, I can't talk that good right now."

"No, I'm not with my husband, I'm with…well, it doesn't really matter with who I am right now. I see you later, bye."

A low sigh left her throat when she stuffed the cell back into her jacket.

"That was him, wasn't it? The person on the phone was my father. Wasn't it?"

"Yes,"

"Do you know what he did to my grandfather?"

"Yes, I do. Well, I know what the police report says. Edward doesn't remember anything about the incident itself."

"And you're still going to visit him in jail? After everything he did to my mother? How can you…,"

"He is still my brother. That fact is not going to change because of the things he did. I know they are horrible. He knows that too but the thing is that no one is able to change the past."

I nodded my head.

"Does he ever talk about me when you visit him?"

"Every single time but Zafrina made it pretty clear to him and his lawyer that he is not allowed trying to contact you. Solitary confinement is nothing that he enjoyed that much."

I thought about the letter that was still hidden underneath my mattress and something tightened around my heart, knocking the breath out of me for a moment. He was still my father, still a part of me no matter what he had done. For the first time since my mother had told me about the true reason behind his incarnation I felt the urge to see him in person again…

XXXX

She turned off the engine of the car, her hands quivering slightly when she turned to me again, starting a last attempt on convincing me that this was a bad idea. Well, maybe it was.

"I don't want you to go inside there with your aunt." My mother stated nervously.

"I know, Mom. But I feel like that I need to do this. This is just a part of my life. I want answers, answers that you and Momma can't give to me."

I hugged her tightly and stepped out of the car, quickly checking my reflection in my tiny mirror for a last time before I turned to my aunt.

"I'm nervous."

"I know, sweetie. Everything will be fine though. I'll be with you. Before we go inside there, check that there are no sharp things like nail files or stuff like that in your handbag. They are pretty strict with those kinds of things."

I shook my head, starting to suck and nibble my lower lip nervously. My palms started sweating and I wiped them on my skirt.

Inside the jail building it was warm and sticky. Guess they weren't that much interested in keeping the inmates too comfy by investing in air conditioning. I took a deep breath, absorbing the disgusting mixture of sweat and cheap aftershave. It was so repulsive.

"This way, honey." She told me, putting her hand on my shoulder.

A dark haired officer greeted her overly friendly and I almost choked when I saw my pretty aunt's mouth curving up into an idiotic smile.

"Good evening, Mrs. McCarthy. It's such a pleasure to see you again."

"Thank you, Devon. Didn't I insist on you calling me Rosalie? Look, I brought a bit more cigarettes and stuff for my brother than is allowed but I thought that maybe you could be a darling and overlook that kindly. Couldn't you?"

Her eyelids fluttered and his chubby face turned crimson red.

"Yes, maybe I could. You look lovely today, Rosalie. Is the young lady that's with you your daughter?"

"No, she's my niece. We don't have that much time today. Can we go and see my brother now?"

He nodded his head and wiped some sweat from his face, before he guided us through a labyrinth of countless halls and closed metal door, opening them with keys that were adjusted to his belt.

"Here we go. Remember not to touch the glass. It will set up an alarm and we don't want to cause one, do we?"

My aunt gave him another fake smile before he walked off again. As soon as he was out of sight she made some puking noises.

"He flirted with you. That was gross."

"Oh baby, he's just some poor fucker with a shitty paid job. It's important in a place like this to have…contacts. Well, it's difficult to explain. Maybe one day you'll understand."

I sat down next to her on a plastic chair. Crap this was exactly like those bad second rate TV shows. Please don't make him show up here dressed all in orange. That would just be too much for me to handle.

He entered the room and I instantly knew it was him although his face had changed so much since the last time I had seen it in person. His hair that still had the same shade as mine had small silver colored highlights and was cropped so short that you could see the pale skin of his scalp shimmering through it.

"Hey," he whispered, his voice sounding raspy, like he hadn't spoken one single word in days.

"I thought she was kidding me when she told me that your mother allowed you to come here with her today."

I nodded my head, opening and closing my mouth several times before I finally managed to make a verbal response.

"I'm sorry. Now that I've come here I don't know what to say."

A low chuckle like sound left his throat.

"You are like your mother and you look like her as well."

"Really? You are the first person to point that out. Usually everyone insists that I look exactly like you."

He smirked, his mouth twisting into the same crooked smile that kept starring back at me when I looked in the mirror.

"Well, you have her eyes." He murmured after a few awkward moments of silence.

"Yes,"

"I wonder why Bella agreed on letting you visit me here. She's not that fond of me."

Not that fond of you isn't exactly the expression I'd use for the way my mother felt about my father, but I guess he was trying to play it down a bit. I wasn't going to have that.

"She hates you." I stated, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"I know. I'm sorry about that. But I know I deserve her hatred. There is no excuse for what I have done to her."

"But why did you kill my grandfather? No one can explain that to me. No one wants to explain that to me."

"Does it matter? I did it and that all that counts. I'm going to regret doing it for the rest of my life and that counts nothing."

"It counts for me, because I want to understand."

"Lilly, I…,"

"Tell me, why you did it! I need to know."

"Are you sure that you want to know. It's not a pretty story."

"I didn't assume it to be one."

He noticed the little blossom on my wrist and raised one eyebrow.

"She allowed you to get a tattoo?"

"Not exactly…,"

"Not exactly?"

"Well, I got a faked ID to get it done because I knew that my mothers would try to talk me out of it although that would be a bit hypocritical. I know that Momma has…,"

"You are calling your aunt Momma now? Did Bella tell you to do that?"

"No, that was my own idea. She has been with me and Mom for as long as I can remember."

I cleared my throat twice before I spoke up again.

"I want you to sign the adoption papers."

"But…,"

"No but, she's the one who raised me not you. When I hurt my knee she was the one to put band aids on it. When I couldn't sleep as a child she sat next to my bed, reading stories to me. When I need to talk to someone she's always there for me. Ali is more a parent to me than you ever were, even when you still lived with me and mom. So, I'm asking you to sign the goddam adoption papers now before I get pissed."

**XOXXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] For those of you who are always interested in reading new Bellice stories. I have finally started posting chapters for **Forgotten****But****Foreseen**. Check it out to see if you like that one as well.

In case you liked to read more about the **#WTHN****Universe**, I suggest reading the Esme and Rosalie outtakes I have written for it. Links are in my profile.

Until next time, take care and keep watching out for the other plot bunnies I might write down in the future.


	30. Chapter 30

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

****Chapter 30****

_Some dreams had a tendency to be weird, especially those when you knew exactly that you were dreaming and still felt unable to wake up._

_I kept starring at the tiny letters in front of me, seeing them blur in front of my eyes. Somehow I was unable to read the words, managing only to decipher a few short ones._

_Then I spoke up and my voice sounded strangely high and thin in my ears._

"_This is such a stupid book. It doesn't have any pictures in it."_

"_Pshhh," Someone snarled at me from the other end of the room._

_Carelessly I dropped the book and stood up from the couch I had been sitting on. My hands touched several other books in the wooden shelf at the right side of the room but whenever I took one out I was instantly annoyed by the fact that I couldn't read any of them. Were they written in some kind of foreign language?_

_When I reached the walnut desk I had to stand up on my toes to be able to look over it. Damn it, was this dream about me being some kind of analphabetic dwarf? Then I saw my face reflecting in a mirror on the table and my own face starred back at me. Well, not exactly my face, but a very young version of it, one that I only remembered from the photographs in our living room. _

"_I'm so bored. Are you going to play with me, Tanya?" _

"_Pssst, be quiet. Can't you be still for half an hour?"_

"_I'm bored. Will you play with me?"_

_A low growl left the woman's throat and her face although it was a very pretty one turned into an ugly frown._

"_Leave me alone. I have no time to play with you."_

"_But I'm bored."_

"_And I am annoyed. It's wrong that your father is using me as a free babysitter for you, you little brat."_

_I stuck my tongue out at her and her eyes narrowed._

"_Do that again and I cut it off."_

_A shiver of fear went down my spine and I instantly took two steps backwards._

"_You are so mean."_

"_And you are a spoiled little brat. I don't understand why your father is so fond of you."_

_Her phone started ringing and when she picked up the receiver her voice sounded smooth and sweet like thick honey._

"_Yes, Edward? Hmm, yes, I bring you some coffee. Anything for your sister? Tea perhaps? I will bring it to you in a minute."_

_She walked over to the coffee machine and her heels clicked hectically on the ground when she poured the steaming black liquid into a porcelain cup. Then she pulled a tiny tablet with pills out of her pocket and dropped two of them into the coffee, stirring it around until the pills melted completely._

"_My mommy never does pills in my daddy's coffee."_

"_Keep your stupid mouth shut and stop being a pain in the neck."_

"_My Mommy never…,"_

"_That's sweetener. But of course your mother has no clue that such things exist. Maybe she wouldn't be as fat as she is if she did."_

"_My mommy is not fat! You are so mean. I hate you."_

_She grabbed the end of my hair and pulled on it so abruptly that a sharp pain went through my scalp._

"_Ouch!"_

_An evil grin flashed over her face before she put the cups on a silver tray and carried them inside a second room at the left side._

_A few moments later she returned, sitting down on the edge of her desk._

"_Come here, Lilly."_

_Hesitantly I obeyed, wiping some tears from my cheekbone._

"_You look so much like your daddy. He couldn't deny you are his even if he wanted to." she mumbled, taking a curl of my long hair between her carefully manicured fingers._

"_Your hair is exactly the same shade of red as his. Maybe I should cut a bit of it off to keep it under my pillow?"_

"_No!"_

"_Pssst, be quiet. We don't want to disturb your daddy's meeting, do we?"_

"_I don't like you. You are an evil witch."_

"_Do you think I like you, you snotty brat? Don't you know that you fucked up your poor daddy's entire life with your existence? If it wasn't for you, he'd never be with your fat-assed mother. If it wasn't for you, he'd be mine…all mine."_

_I tried to move away from her but she grabbed my face roughly between her hands._

"_I hate that he loves you. I want me to be the only one he loves. Maybe…maybe if I had your tiny, little heart in me, maybe it would make him care more. Maybe I should just rip it out of your chest and feed on it…"_

Her evil laughter echoed in my ears and when I blinked away the tears I suddenly woke up back home in my bed. I took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm myself down but it wasn't really working.

"Lilly? Jane asked me tiredly, wrapping her arms around me from behind.

"What's wrong with you, _gioia_?"

I sighed deeply, wiping a few sweat pearls from my forehead with quivering fingertips.

"It was just a dream, a weird dream. I'm sorry that I woke you up."

"Doesn't matter, we have to get up in half an hour anyway. Now, come here to me. You are trembling. What did you dream about?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you remember?"

_I don't want to remember…_

I cuddled against her side, turning my head to plant a soft kiss on the hollow of her throat, inhaling the sweet scent of her warm skin as deeply as possible and when my alarm went on a few minutes later I had already fallen asleep again.

XXXX

"Jane, I swear to god if you keep commenting my work all the time I'm going to rethink my decision to let you stay with Lilly overnight."

"Momma…,"

"I was just kidding but the two of you should actually sleep a bit when you have school the next day. Your eyes are all puffy."

"I had a nightmare last night that's why I didn't sleep well. Can I put this dress off now? It's itching my skin."

"We shouldn't sell clothes made with itchy material." Jane stated, pulling down the zipper of my dress, when her thumb brushed over the naked skin on my back I felt my skin breaking out in goose bumps.

"Jane, your comments are starting to annoy me a bit. I don't like it when someone criticizes my work all the time."

"I'm not criticizing. The dress looks lovely but it needs to be comfortable too."

"You have zero clue about fashion. Look, your aunt always…,"

"I'm not my aunt. I'm me and I'm planning on handling things a bit differently."

"If you say so…,"

"I have chosen a name for the plus size line of Volturi Inc. Do you want to know what it is?"

"I'm not sure." Momma stated, wrapping a silk fabric around my body.

"Lift your arms for me, honey."

I obeyed and turned my attention back to Jane, who had started biting her lower lip nervously.

"Well, I thought that now that the adoption is through and Lilly is finally a Swan…I was thinking something like…_L.__Swan_."

"You want to name the line after me?" my voice raised into a shrill frequency and my face turned into a bright crimson color.

"Don't you want that? I mean, you are already the face of the campaign. I really want to name it after you."

She cupped my face between her hands and planted a kiss on the tip of my nose.

"I feel honored."

"You are welcome, _gioia_. Does the silk feel better?"

"Hmm, yes it does."

"That's good. Ali, we are going to use that silk for the dress."

"Do you know that it will cost twice as much if we do that?"

"Money is not a problem."

"We'll talk about that in a year when Volturi Inc. goes broke because of your…ideas."

Jane chuckled and pulled my hair over my shoulder to kiss my neck.

"Everything will be fine. Don't worry. I know what I'm doing."

The door of Momma's atelier was pulled open abruptly and something fluffy and russet colored rushed into the room, making me almost stumble over my feet when the dog nudged its snout against my shin.

"Arg! Keep that animal away! Oh my god, slobber on two thousand dollar silk! I'm going to faint."

"But Momma, he's so cute." I whispered, kneeling down on the ground to pet the dog's head.

"It's actually a she." Jasmine stated, entering the room with the baby on her shoulder. Ryan still looked more like a doll to me than a real child. Had Zoe and the twins been so small when they were still babies? I couldn't really remember it.

"Jasmine, what are you doing here with that thing? Do you think it was a smart idea to get a second dog on top of raising an infant?"

Jasmine giggled and lifted the baby up in the air.

"Your Godmother's nerves aren't the best today, Ryan. She could probably need a day off."

"She can have one when the clothes are finished." Jane stated, sitting down next to me on the ground.

"Spoken like a true boss. How's it going, Jane?"

"Fine, thank you. I'm sorry for keeping your wife occupied so much in the last time. It makes me feel guilty that I need her support so much."

"It's okay. Zafrina can do pretty good on four hours sleep at night. But we can't, Ryan. Can we?"

The baby started chortling while Jasmine started rocking him back and forth.

"You are not hungry again, are you? We have to wait until we get back home, my little darling."

Jane wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer.

"How do you like her? I had bought you a really fancy dog, maybe a pug or something like that but I figured out you would probably like that one here way better cause it's one of Fido's offspring."

"Really?"

"Yes, _gioia_."

"And she's going to be _mine_?"

"Unless you don't want to keep her that is," she mumbled, running her fingertips through the russet fur until the dog started purring.

"Of course, I'm going to keep her! Ahm, that's okay Momma, isn't it?"

"If it makes you happy, sweetheart, but keep her away from the dress. It would break my heart if she ruined it."

I nodded my head, pulling the silk over my head again to throw it on the table. Then I quickly put my jeans and my sweatshirt back on.

"She's so cute. Does she have a name already?"

"It's Fiona, but we could name her differently if you don't like it."

"No, it's fine. Come here to me, Fiona…sit. Yes, just like that. You are a good dog."

Jane took me hand to blow a tender kiss over my knuckles.

"Are you happy?"

"Very. Was that your idea?"

"It was and such a selfless one on top of that. I hate that I always have to share your love with your animals."

I laughed and cupped her face in my hand, pulling it closer until I could feel her breath tickling my lower lip.

"Don't be jealous." I whispered against her mouth before I pressed my lips against hers over and over again.


	31. Chapter 31

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

****Chapter 31****

I checked my reflection in the mirror again and applied another layer of peachy lip-gloss on my mouth while I tried to figure out if I was content with myself. Photo-shots made me nervous in a way that almost made my stomach heave without even having to use my fingers for it. My stomach growled and I ignored it as much as I could. The dress would look so much better on me if my belly wasn't bloated up like that of a whale.

"Beautiful," Jane whispered while she leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on my shoulder. Slowly she started twisting a wisp of my hair around her fingers and I pulled back.

"Don't touch my hair. It took me like forever to straighten it like this."

"I like your hair better when it's curly." She stated, sitting down on the edge of the couch in the corner of what was supposed to be a good photo location. To me it still looked like a warehouse no matter how much lights and curtains they had arranged everywhere.

"I like it when it's straight because it makes me look older."

"No, it doesn't. You have a face like a doll and I like it that way."

She took my hand and pulled me closer, wrapping her arms around me from behind when she felt me starting to tremble a bit. It was shitty cold here and I wondered why it was necessary to do shootings for summer dresses in winter.

Her cell vibrated in her pocket and she flipped it open to speak some stuff in Italian into it that I didn't understand. What I could sense without understanding the words was the annoyed, almost angry sound in her voice.

"Fuck them all!"

"Jane?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed deeply before she spoke up.

"The photographer is not going to be here for two fucking hours. I don't know why no one is able to handle coming anywhere on time. It's not like I have time to wait forever. It's not like we have time forever."

I cupped her face between my hands and caressed her cheekbones with my fingertips in an attempt to calm her down.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. And you are freezing."

She wrapped a blanket over my shoulders and cuddled against me from behind.

"That newspaper guy from South Africa is coming here now to do his boring interview. My secretary said that we have to switch it in today. Zafrina is coming here too to make sure he doesn't ask anything wrong…or that I don't answer anything wrong however you put it."

Someone knocked on the door and Jane stood up to open it.

"Good evening, Mr. King. It's so nice that you have time for the interview today. We just have to wait for my juristic assistant and then we can get started."

He smiled and in a way it made him look a bit like a shark. When I offered him my hand he took it instantly and leaned forward, pressing his lips against the back of my hand.

My cheeks turned into a bright pink and when he recognized it the grin on his face widened.

"You remember Miss Cullen…well, actually it's Miss Swan now."

"Did you get married? You seem a bit too young for that to me."

He still held my hand and starred down on my fingers, probably looking for a wedding band.

"No, I'm not married." I mumbled shyly. "I changed my name because…well, some circumstances in my family changed recently."

"Sounds interesting, Miss Swan. Is the dress you are wearing part of the new summer collection?"

"It is. Can you let go of her hand now?" Jane snarled at him and he dropped my hand after planting a second wet kiss on it.

"And like I already told you in Italy—to kiss a woman's hand is only common when the woman is married and older than you."

"Maybe that's how it's done in Europe. You are not offended, Miss Swan, are you?"

Offended? Maybe, I'm a bit embarrassed and disgusted because you slobbered all over my hand like a dog. Is that the same as being offended?

"It's fine, thank you." I whispered, crossing my arms in front of my chest, rubbing my fingers up and down my cold forearms.

Jane's cell vibrated again and after hissing a bit into the receiver she placed her hand on my shoulder for a moment and walked outside. Maybe she didn't want to argue with whoever was on the line right now while he was present.

"So," he started, sitting down next to me on the couch. "You are going to be the face for the new plus size line of Volturi Inc."

"Hmm, yes I am."

"Can you tell me if they have already chosen a name for it?"

"_L.__Swan_."

"Wow, they are naming the whole thing after you? That must be such an honor. But I can understand why Miss Mazzini made such a decision. You are such a breathtakingly pretty girl and the dress makes your cleavage look…,"

I jumped from the couch, my face breaking out in flames again.

"Please, stop staying things like that. It makes me feel awkward."

He smirked and licked his bottom lip, the tip of his tongue disappearing in the dark hairs of his moustache for a split second.

"Maybe you should get used to getting complimented more often. You really remind me a lot of your aunt when she was your age. She was pretty too…and like you she used to be a bit shy sometimes."

I could hardly imagine my aunt being shy but who knows? That had been like ages ago.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"I don't think that's any of your business, Mr. King."

"So, you don't." he stated, his fingers wrapping around the adjusted silk flower on my waist.

"It's none of your business. Stop touching me all the time. I can't stand that for crying out loud."

He chuckled and reached out his hand, cupping my face roughly in it to pull me closer. I thought about kicking him where it would really hurt. Such an annoying asshole…

I didn't have any time to do it before suddenly someone screamed hysterically behind me and a split second later my pretty blonde aunt was on top of him, punching his nose with so much force that it made a cracking sound and instantly started bleeding.

"Keep your hands from her! Keep your hands from her! Keep your fucking hands from her, you swine!"

Zafrina and Jane rushed into the room and it actually took both of them to get her off of him again.

"Rosalie, calm down. I don't know what has gotten into you. Let go of him right now before you hurt him seriously."

He coughed and pulled out a tissue to press it overdramatically against his nose.

"Still having trouble with your temper, Rosie, haven't you?"

She growled and Zafrina placed her arms around her quivering frame.

"I'm going to press charges for this. She broke my nose. That's grievous bodily harm."

"Not exactly," Zafrina stated calmly. "I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose."

"Are you trying to shit me? Did her fist accidentally collide with my nose?"

He spit a bit of bloody spittle into the tissue in his hands and whimpered.

"Maybe I have a concussion."

"Mr. King, I'm really sorry about this incident." Jane whispered nervously.

"Don't tell that swine you are sorry, Jane!"

"Shh, Rose, be still now. No more of this or he's really going to press charges against you. I don't have time to get your pretty ass out of trouble. I have enough to do with my new job and the baby."

My aunt inhaled sharply between her teeth and Zafrina dropped her hands. Unfortunately that turned out to be a stupid decision because before I could even blink she had her hands around his throat, making him croak and cough desperately.

"I'll kill you! I fucking kill you, you swine! You don't know how long I dreamed about killing you! I hate you!"

**XXXXX**

"Your aunt is crazy." Jane stated when she sat down next to me on my bed.

"She's not! You shouldn't have called the security people. That was completely unnecessary."

"She tried to strangle him in front of three other people that seemed good reason enough for me to call them. What if it had been you she had flipped out on? Jeez, maybe she has handled this whole your uncle being the donor for Zafrina and Jazz not that as good as it seemed."

"My aunt is not crazy!"

"Lower your voice."

"This is my room and I can speak as loud here as I want to! The police arrested her! Do you know want to know how that was like for me? My father is in jail. I don't want my aunt to end up there too!"

"Calm down, Lilly!"

"I don't want to calm down! Leave! I can't handle having you here right now! I'm too angry!"

"Lilly, honey, I…,"

"LEAVE!"

She stood up from the bed and when I saw that her grey eyes were all watery I instantly regretting leashing out on her like that. But before I could reach out to wrap my hand around her wrist, she was already gone and I was alone.

I punched the wooden frame of my bed and winced slightly when a sharp pain rushed through my entire hand. Ouch, dammit, that really hurt like crap.

I cradled my hand against my chest and stood up to look for some ice in the kitchen that I could put on it.

Fiona raised her head and I shoved a piece of dry toast in her snout to distract her while I searched for the ice. When I had found some I put it into a plastic bag and sat down on the kitchen ground, waiting for the pain to disappear. She whimpered a bit and nudged her head against my side until I started petting it with the fingers of my unharmed hand.

"I'm a bitch when I'm angry." I told her, resting my head against the fluffy fur on her back.

"And now I hurt my hand…and Jane. Well, hurting Jane actually hurt way more. She almost cried. She barely cries…ever. I'm a crappy girlfriend."

She whined and I wondered if she was agreeing or just trying to get me to feed her again.

"She shouldn't have called the stupid security guy. Felix is a fucker on steroids and he just called the cops cause it made his boring job a bit more exciting. Auntie Rosie didn't want to kill the poor King guy. I don't understand why she reacted like she did. I have never seen her like this before. It was scary."

The front door opened and I head Momma's sobbing even before I saw her.

"Lilly? Oh Lilly…,"

"Momma?"

She sniffed and wiped her running nose with the back of her hand while she sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"What happened to your hand?" she asked me worriedly.

"Nothing, I…kind of tripped in my room. It's not that bad, no need to worry."

"If you say so,"

"Is Aunt Rose back home now?"

"No, she's not. Zafrina tried to talk them into letting her free on bail money and Emmett made it pretty clear that would pay any amount of money they'd suggest but they said it's out of question. She's going to stay behind bars until the process. I can't believe this is happening! Mom is going to freak. She's going to freak so much when she hears about this."

**XOXXOXXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] Leave me some review love, if you feel like it. You know I heart those lots.

In case you are interested in reading more about WTHN—please check out the new one-shot I have posted. It's called 'Romeo fucked up' and deals with the Edward and Bella backstory for the story.


	32. Chapter 32

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

****Chapter 32****

"I didn't expect you to come here again." He stated, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

I swallowed hard and cleared my throat nervously. Was he angry at me about the whole adoption thing?

"You are still my father." I whispered eventually, sucking my lower lip between my front teeth to nibble it, tasting the rest of my chapstick on the tip of my tongue.

"Yes, I am. I will always be your father. Did you change your name as well?"

"Hmm, yes I did. I wanted to have the same name like the rest of my family. You aren't mad at me for that, are you?

"No, I'm not. Do you want to have some coffee? This institution was recently handed to a very soft-hearted person who thinks it is going to improve the mood of the inmates if he allows drinking coffee in the visitation room."

I walked over to the small table and filled two plastic cups with the steaming hot liquid. After adding some milk into mine, I placed his in front of him. For a split second it seemed as if he was going to reach out his hand to touch mine but the strict look from the police officer behind him, made him hesitate.

"Do you want to have some sweetener too?" I asked him, after pouring a bit of the calorie-free powder into my own drink.

"You actually know that sweetener is made of stuff that causes diabetes and stomach cancer? I know that your mother used to drink tons of this crap when we lived together. Trust me, she's not a very good role model when it comes to eating habits. It's unhealthy and you should put real sugar into your coffee when you like it sweet."

"Real sugar makes fat. And you used to drink your coffee with sweetener too when I was little."

"That's not true. I like my coffee black, no milk, no sugar and sure as hell no sweetener."

"But I remember being in your office with your secretary…this strawberry blonde witch, watching her make you coffee with sweetener."

"You are a strange girl, Lilly. Why would you remember something like that?"

Don't say you dreamed about it. It's not necessary to make yourself look like an idiot in front of him.

"Well, maybe I just like to have some normal memories about my father. Not just those were you are yelling at mom, threatening her to carve your name into…, well I guess you know what I mean."

"I don't, but anyway. It's strange that you bring up Tanya. I haven't thought about that woman in years. She was a crappy secretary and made the worst coffee ever. It was always so bitter, just disgusting."

"Mom says she was your lover too. Is that true?"

"I wouldn't exactly use the word lover but yes, the two of us had some kind of on and off relationship. It was wrong, I know but sometimes people do stupid things when emotions are involved."

"I know…or I don't, maybe I'll understand that better when I'm older. Look there is a reason why I wanted to see you today."

"Please, not any more questions about the night I killed your grandfather. I was not lying when I told you I don't remember anything about it."

"But you remember that you were there. Don't you?"

He sighed and fisted his hands into his messy hair before he stared down on the table between us, his eyes narrowing into tiny slits.

"I met with Tanya before I picked up my mother and I remember having a terrible headache after leaving Tanya's apartment. Then I remember getting there, I remember that I yelled, that he yelled and then everything is just blank…like someone has wiped out the memory from my brain. The next thing I know is how your grandmother cleaned the floor with some disinfection stuff."

A shiver of fear went down my spine, making my hands tremble a bit, so that I quickly pretended to be twisting around on my ponytail until it subsided.

"I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here because of Aunt Rosie."

"What about her?"

I felt the tears starting to burn in my eyes and swallowed hard to keep them from falling what didn't work at all.

"Is she sick?"

"They…they…arrested her. It's so…so…horrible. I don't want her to end up in jail like you. I…I,"

"Breathe, Lilly. Why did they arrest her? Did she and her husband try to shit the tax authorities or something like that?"

I shook my head and took several deep breaths through my mouth before I pulled a wrinkled tissue out of my handbag and to clean my nose.

"She tried to strangle a man and Zafrina says that she's in really deep trouble because of it."

"That doesn't sound like your aunt. I mean, I can picture her running her fingernails down someone's face when she's pissed but this…is something else. Do you know why she did it?"

I shook my head and sighed deeply. Then I fumbled for the tiny piece of paper my aunt had handed Zafrina on their last meeting yesterday.

The ink on it was smeared so that it was difficult to read the few words she had written on it.

_Edward knows what he did to me_

XXXX

"Mr. Cullen, are you aware of the consequences that lying in front of court can bring you in?" Derek asked him, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The prosecutor wasn't exactly having a very good mood today and that had lots to do with the fact that Zafrina tried to ignore her brother as much as possible.

My father's mouth twitched for a split second before he spoke up.

"Thank you for reminding me. I'm aware of this fact. Can you start with the questioning now?"

"We can. Look, Mr. Cullen, if this is an attempt on trying to get your sister out of trouble I assure you that it will have severe consequences for you."

"I'm already serving a life sentence for first degree murder. I highly doubt that it can get any worse for me."

"Don't be so sure about that."

"Derek! Stop influencing the witness. That's not acceptable."

"Nice witnesses you are bringing up. Has that been your little snow flake wife's idea to use your client's brother?"

"I don't like the way you keep talking about the mother of my child. Now try to act a bit more professional before I fill some papers insisting to get another prosecutor for this case. You know that would embarrass you, so you better watch your mouth…,"

"Well, whatever…,"

He turned to my father again and cleared his throat twice before he asked the first question.

"Do you know a man by the name Royce King?"

"Yes, I do. He was my sister's boyfriend."

"How much do you know about the incident between him and your sister?"

"More than I want to know."

"Can you be a bit more specific?"

"I can't talk about this when my daughter is here. It's not something I want her to hear."

"Mr. Cullen, when you are going to make your testimony in court it's very much likely that your daughter will be present as well because she's also a witness for your sister's attack on Mr. King. So whatever you have to say, you will need to say it in front of her."

For a moment my father's face looked tortured and when he spoke up his voice was very low, not much more than a husky whisper.

"I remember that I woke up because the shower was running in the middle of the night and I wondered what the hell she was doing there so late. I heard her crying and when I knocked on the bathroom door she didn't answer and I started to worry about her."

"What did you do then?"

"I broke the lock and entered the room, finding her cowering on the ground of the shower. There was blood…so much blood. At first I thought that maybe she had fallen down, hurting herself but when I tried to help her up she started yelling like mad. She was completely hysterical."

"Do you remember what she yelled?"

He swallowed hard and hesitated for a moment before he continued.

"He raped me. Royce raped me. He raped me."

"Why didn't you call the police?"

"I wanted to but she cried and begged me not to tell anyone about it. Now, I understand that she was acting like that because she probably had a shock."

"Where were your parents when this happened?"

"They were at the hospital with our younger sister."

"So, you and her are the only witnesses?"

"I'm afraid that's how things are like. Look, you have to understand that these things happened a very long time ago. My sister is not a bad person. She's actually one of the most good-hearted persons I ever met in my life. She never gave up on me, even when everyone else in my life turned away from me. She didn't. I think that maybe seeing Royce again triggered something inside her that she has suppressed for too long."

XXXXX

"King raped her?" Jane asked me, while her voice raised up into a painfully shrill frequency.

"My father made a testimony about it. I can't believe that something so horrible happened to my aunt and she didn't press charges against the fucker. I mean, she should have…I mean…god, I don't know why everything horrible needs to happen to good people like her."

I started crying and she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me against her chest while she started stroking up and down my back in circles.

"I'm so sorry. If I had known about what that swine has done to your aunt…I would never have called the stupid security. Well, maybe I had but only to ask Felix to remove the fucker's corpse. Oh Lilly, I'm so very sorry."

"I'm scared when I think that I was alone with him. He was so…so,"

"Did he try to grope you? Fuck, I'm never going to forgive myself for leaving you alone with him."

I


	33. Chapter 33

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] I want to thank the lovely people out there who keep reading this story. It's very close to my heart and I'm grateful for those of you who love it as well.

****Chapter 33****

"When is Mom finally coming back from her vacation?" Nessie asked his father who looked as if he hadn't slept one single minute since my aunt had been arrested.

His mouth curved into a smile-like grimace that didn't reach his eyes.

"Soon, she'll come home soon."

"Why can't we go and visit her? Maybe, she's bored all on her own."

He shook his head and sighed deeply, trying to make his voice sound cheerful when he spoke up.

"Look, I already told the two of you that your mother is in a place for girls where they do pedicures and facials and other girl crap like that. She needs a little break and when we show up there it will ruin everything for her."

"Does she need a break because we are more exhausting than other kids?" Tegan whispered, biting his fingernails nervously.

"No, she just needed a break. Listen, I want you to do whatever your cousin tells you to do until I come back. I don't want to hear any complaints from her because you broke a window or damaged something."

"Yes, Dad," both twins whispered before my uncle waved my hand at me and rushed out of the house.

"Now, what do you want to play?" I asked them, while I twisted my hair into a sloppy ponytail.

"Is Zoe here? We could play some ball with her. She plays good for a girl."

"She plays better than you do, but I don't want to play anything. I just want Mom to come back home."

"If you cry now, I will punch you. Dad says, only sissies weep like girls."

"But yesterday night he cried too when he talked to Mom on the phone."

"Maybe he just had something in his eye."

I went to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water that I emptied in one big gulp. Then I heard the door bell and wondered if Jane had managed to cancel some of her business meetings. She was so much better at babysitting the twins than I was, probably because it was easier for her to be strict and I was too soft-hearted to tell them no, especially now when everything with their mother was so terribly tensed.

"Hi, Lilly, is your mother here?" The tall brunette asked me when I opened the door for her.

"No, Irina. My parents are visiting my aunt right now. I don't know when they will be back."

She sighed and twisted her hands into the length of her hair.

"Would you mind if I waited here for them?"

I nodded my head and guided her into the living room where Tegan instantly wrapped his arms around Irina's leg.

"Hi there, how's it going?"

"Our Mom is on a stupid vacation and it sucks."

"Hmm,"

Her cell vibrated and she pulled it out of her handbag to flip it open.

"Hello?"

"No, I'm still in Seattle. I'm sorry for running away so sudden. I should have talked about it with you."

She cleared her throat before she continued nervously.

"I'm sorry. Maybe all of this has been a bad idea, Mike. Of course, I love you. But I don't want you to get in trouble because of me. I'm not worth risking that you…,"

She stood up from the couch and walked into the hall to return a few minutes later with tears glistening in her eyes.

"Is something wrong?"

"No…or yes, I don't really know. It's complicated."

I shoved the bowl with the cookies over to her and she took one to nibble it hesitantly.

"These are good. Can you give me the recipe? Mike likes sweet stuff like that."

"Are the two of you together now?" I asked her while I switched the TV program to some Baseball game to distract the twins from hitting each other.

"Well…," she raised her left hand and the small ring on her finger caught my attention.

"Does that mean…what I think it means?"

She smiled all over her face and nodded her head while her cheeks reddened into a warm crimson color.

"Don't you think it's a little bit soon? How long have the two of you known each other, just a few weeks, I guess."

A frown flashed over her face and a moment later she burst out into tears.

"I'm sorry, Irina. I didn't mean to…,"

"I know! But everyone thinks like that and Mike's ex-wife was such a…such a bitch when he told her about the wedding. She talked her parents and a few others into pressing charges against him. It was so awful and I don't know what to do now."

"She pressed charges for what? It's not like there is a law that forbids her ex-husband to get married again if he wants to."

"You are right about that, Lilly but there are some laws about sham marriage."

XXXX

I loved Zafrina when she was on full ass-kicking mood like tonight. She called Mr. Stanley, Jessica's father and spoke to him for several minutes until she finally seemed to be content with what he told her on the other line.

When she disconnected the call a low chuckle left her throat.

"What a little coward. No wonder he preferred working in this small town where he doesn't have any competitors. How can someone who's so chicken and stupid become a lawyer? Well, anyway. I don't think you and Mike will be having any more trouble from his side."

Irina hugged her and almost made her spill the content of her coffee cup all over the kitchen table.

"You shouldn't drink as much of this crappy stuff. It's not good for your stomach." Jasmine stated while she continued rocking the infant in her arms back and forth to make him sleepy.

"Your mom likes being mean to people. It makes her happy."

"I do not like being mean to people." She protested before she planted a kiss on her wife's mouth.

"Is Ryan going to sleep now?" Tegan asked Jasmine, throwing his Nintendo carelessly on the ground.

"He should and you and your brother should probably be at bed right now too."

I checked the time on the silver watch around my wrist and realized that it was indeed late now. Where the hell was Uncle Emmett? He was supposed to be back here about two hours ago. I was starting to worry a bit but then I heard the key turning in the lock. Fiona jumped from the pillow she had been resting on and a few moments later she returned followed by my mothers and…,"

"Mom! Oh Mom, you are back!"

She lifted Nessie up and nuzzled her face into his short blond curls.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too. Can we go home now?"

"We will. Where is your father?" she asked him, when she put him down just to hug the other twin tightly a moment later.

"Didn't he come with you? He asked me to babysit the boys so that he could go and visit you in…well, you know where I mean."

She swallowed hard and shook her head before she sat down on the edge of the couch.

"He didn't come to visit me today. The court finally agreed to let me go. Well, at least until the trial starts."

"Are you going to sue…_him_for what he did?"

"I don't want to talk about that. Zafrina says it's too late now anyway."

"But that seems so…unfair."

"Life is not supposed to be fair."

She took one of the cookies from the table and stuffed half of it between her lips. Momma went to the kitchen to return with a glass of milk. My aunt dunked the rest of the cookies into it, munching them down as if she hadn't eaten anything in days.

"Mommy?" Zoe appeared on the top of the stairs, rubbing her tired eyes.

"Why is everyone still up?" She asked, when she walked down the stairs, almost stumbling over our cousin's Nintendo on the ground.

"Go back to bed, sweetie. It's late."

"But the twins are still up too."

Mom sighed and pulled Zoe on her lap to run her fingers through her messy hair.

"You actually know that you have school tomorrow?"

She nodded her head and rested it against Mom's shoulder, already looking as if she was about to fall asleep again any minute.

The front door opened and the dog started barking until Tegan shoved a piece of whatever in her snout.

"You are not allowed to feed our dog." Zoe stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Don't be so rude to your cousin." Momma told her reproachfully.

"It won't hurt him too much when a woman sets his ass in line now and then."

"Emmett! Crap, where have you been?"

He shook a few raindrops out of his hair before he kneeled down in front of his wife.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's not your fault." she whispered towards the ground.

"I know. I'm still sorry, babe."

"Please, don't talk about it now. Not in front of the kids."

He nodded his head and for a split second it seemed as if he was hesitating before he reached out his hand to put a wisp of my aunt's long, wavy hair behind her ear in a tender gesture.

"Mom, we didn't clean up while you were gone." Tegan confessed, while he continued stabbing his brother with a plastic sword.

"Doesn't matter, honey. I will do that tomorrow when you and your brother are at school. But please stop hitting Nessie with this thing before you hurt him."

"But Mom that's not a real sword, it's made from plastic,"

"Can we get real ones for our birthday?"

"I don't think that's such a good idea, sweetie."

Zafrina's cell started moving all over the table and when Jasmine grabbed it a moment before it could fall down on the floor.

"That's your stupid brother? Do you want me to tell him that you don't want to talk to him? I'd love to do that."

"Just give me the cell, cowgirl. I can handle Derek pretty fine on my own but thanks for the offer. Crap, now the baby woke up again. Shhh, don't cry, Ryan."

Zafrina cleared her throat before she snarled into the receiver.

"I hope it's important."

"No, I'm not in my office. I have this thing called a private life. You should try it out some time. Maybe you'd like it."

She was probably going to make another snappy comment but to my surprise she suddenly went completely speechless for a few minutes and when she finally spoke up again her voice trembled a bit as if she was struggling keeping her voice calm.

"Are you sure, it's him? No, you don't have to give me the details. This is nothing I'd like to have visuals too. Yes, I will. Bye, Derek."

"Did something happen?"

"Send the kids upstairs,"

"Zoe, take the twins to your room and stay there until I call for you. Can you do that for me?" Momma asked her, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Kay,"

As soon as they were out of sight, Zafrina sighed deeply and turned to me.

"I said all the kids."

"I'm not a child anymore."

"Please, Lilly."

"No, I'm not going. I want to know what is wrong."

"Derek called me to inform me that the police found the dead body of Royce King in a burnt out car."


	34. Chapter 34

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. I'm beyond thrilled by the response for the last chapter. Thanks to those of you who took the time to review. It means so much to me.

****Chapter 34****

_Rosalie_

"This is beyond ridiculous. I don't understand why you're even insisting on making my client here talk to the police at all."

Derek's mouth twitched for a split second before he cleared his throat overly dramatic, trying to make his voice as hard as possible when he spoke up again.

"You sure can pick your clients, sister. Mr. McCarthy here has no alibi for the time when Royce King was killed."

She sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of her nose for a moment before she turned her attention back to my husband whose face had stayed a calm, almost frozen-like mask since the attorney and two police officers had shown up to bring us to the police station. I had no clue who the poor fuckers were but I was already sure Riley would kick their asses pretty soon. It's always helpful to know people in the right places. Emmett squeezed my hand so tightly that my fingers started to prickle unpleasantly. He was so tensed, so nervous and I hated it that this awkward situation was torturing him so much. I could only pray that it would soon be over.

"Are you assuming that my husband killed Royce?" I asked Derek, while I continued nibbling on a wisp of my long hair.

"He has a motive…and no alibi."

"I have an alibi."

Derek raised one eyebrow and wrote down some notes on a small tablet.

"Kay, that's lovely to hear, Mr. McCarthy. How does it come that you didn't remember it when I asked you the first time?"

"I did remember but I…I would like not to talk about it when my wife is here."

Holy crap…

"You…can say whatever you have to say to Mr. Hayley here in front of me."

"Well, I and a friend of mine went to a club where you can see beautiful woman dancing with not that much clothing on."

"Does this friend have a name too?"

"Yes, he has. It's Benjamin Clearwater. He's here to visit his daughter over the weekend and we went out to have a little fun. That's nothing that's forbidden. Is it?"

Thirty minutes later Benjamin and Leah showed up, his face so pale that it almost had a slight greenish undertone. Damn it, why couldn't Em choose someone else as his alibi? Someone with a little bit better nerves than Benjamin?

"Thanks for coming here, Mr. Clearwater. Is your wife going to stay here with you?"

"She's my sister in law and we are going to pick up my husband from the hospital. He's probably starting a new job there."

"Wait a minute? Did you just say husband instead of wife?"

"Is that a problem for you?"

"No, it's not. But it's maybe a problem for McCarthy here."

"How so?" Emmett asked him, while he started rubbing circles on my wrist.

"Dear Christ. You are honestly trying to tell us that you went to a strip club with a gay man? Is this supposed to be a joke or something?"

Leah growled and slapped Benjamin right across the face.

"Ouch!"

"Just wait until I tell my poor brother about this!"

"Oh Leah, please don't tell him. It didn't mean anything and he would freak, if he knew. Emmett, you promised to keep our little visit to this location to yourself. "

"I'm sorry but I'm sure this information is not going to leave this room. Isn't it, Mr. Hayley?"

"I'm not interested in people's private lives, just in solving the cases I'm working on. There is a murderer out there and it's my job to make sure he or she ends up behind bars where people like that belong."

XXXX

When we were outside the building Benjamin continued rubbing his chin overly dramatic.

"That really hurt, Lee."

"It was supposed to look real. Don't make such a fuss about it now."

Emmett hugged me and planted a kiss on my forehead before he waved his hand at Benjamin and Leah.

"I'll have to leave now. Business stuff to deal with, I have an interview with a new employee."

I kissed his mouth and when he drove off in his car, I felt unable to move just one single inch. He loved me, he'd do anything for me. Did that mean he would kill for me as well?

"Barbie Girl?"

"How often will I have to tell you not to call me that? It's so childish."

"Whatever. I wanted to know if you'd like to come with us to the hospital."

I nodded my head. Maybe I could also talk to my father there. Mom and he had been furious when they found out I had been arrested. Both of them didn't handle cracks in their perfect family façade very well.

I climbed into the backseat of Leah's car, recognizing a new baseball bat with a green ribbon around it laying on the seat next to me.

"Is that a present for Zoe?"

"Yes, it is. Your husband helped me to pick it. Did you know how many different kind of baseball bats they are selling?"

I know how many vases, windows and other stuff in the house my twins have managed to break with them but anyway. Who cares? I'm glad to have my two little monsters. I just hope Ryan turns out just like them. That would serve Jasmine and Zafrina right for choosing my man as the donor without asking my permission.

"Are you and Seth really moving back here to Seattle? The little one would be thrilled about that."

"It depends on…things. I feel like Seth is agreeing to move here because he knows it's what I want. He's happy in Boston, I know he is. Maybe he's not going to like the job in the hospital here. It has shitty hours."

"Probably,"

Leah parked the car in front of the hospital, pulling out her cell when it started ringing in her handbag.

"Crap, that's this moron of an Attorney again. Why in heaven's name is that man calling me instead of Benjamin?"

She sighed deeply and flipped the cell open.

"Clearwater."

"No…yes…well…kay…I don't know. Why do you want to talk to me? Listen, I have nothing to do with whatever you're thinking I have to do with. WHAT? Is this supposed to be a joke? The answer is no. I'm friends with your sister and she told me everything about you. I don't date racists."

With that she disconnected the call and shoved the cell back into her handbag.

"Zafrina's brother asked you out? Have the fires of hell frozen to ice? Did your boobs distract him from the fact that you're not black?"

"Benjamin, just shove it. Let's find my brother. I'd like to get home now and have some peace."

We entered the hospital and while Leah and her annoying brother went to look for Seth, I took the elevator to my father's office.

There were loud voices coming out of it and my sister's tear choked voice raised into a hysterically high frequency.

"I want this! Dad, I really want this so much! And Seth thinks it could work. He did this test study in Boston and…"

I opened the door and Ali stopped midsentence, quickly wiping a tear from her cheekbone.

"Dad, why are you fighting with her? You know it always makes her cry when you yell at her like that."

"Rosalie, maybe you can try to reason with your sister. She's so stubborn."

Wonder from whom she might have inherited that from?

"I'm not stubborn. I just know what I want and I really want to have this baby. I wanted this for so long. I have waited for so long."

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and sat down next to her on the couch, searching for a tissue in my handbag when someone knocked on the door.

"Dr. Cullen, can we come in?" Seth asked him nervously, while Benjamin behind him grinned like a complete moron. My father had has a soft spot for that guy. I don't even know why it is that way.

"You can if you are not planning on putting any more stupid and risky idea's in my daughter's head."

"I'm letting her consider the options she has. Isn't that what a good doctor is supposed to do?"

"Mostly, a good doctor needs to differ between his professional interests and his private ones. Don't you think I know why you suggested this to her?"

XXXX

"How did the interview go?" I asked Emmett when I started massaging his scalp with my fingertips. Every time I did this he purred, actually purred and that sound coming from his throat made my lips twitch into a smile.

"Went pretty well, I guess. He's a cop, that means he's going to do well with Security and stuff. "

"That's good."

I sighed deeply and climbed on his lap, stroking down his jawline with my fingertips. Slowly I circled my fingers down his chest and moved my fingers under his shirt. He stiffened and wrapped his hand around my wrist.

"No, babe."

Doesn't he want me anymore because he knows my dirty secret now? The thought is painful, unbearable even and I try to climb from his lap before I start crying. I hate being weak…

"It's not like I don't want to." He mumbled, cupping my face in his right hand. "It's just…,"

"Are you repulsed by me now?" I snarled at him and when I tried to move but he kept me close to him, his grip around my waist tightening.

"I'm repulsed by the thought of what this swine did to you."

"Please, don't talk about it anymore. I want to forget and I can't endure the fact that you know."

"Is that the reason why you never mentioned it to me before?"

I lowered my head, feeling him place a finger underneath my chin to make me look up at him again.

"Look at me, babe. I want to see your pretty face."

"I love you so much. You're the only man that I ever wanted."

He kissed me, slowly, hesitantly and I don't like the fact that he's hesitating. I don't want him to treat me differently because he knows what happened to me.

"I hate him so much, so very much. I hope he rots in hell now."

I swallowed hard and took his hand in mine, rubbing my fingertip over his wedding ring.

"Please, tell me that you didn't have anything to do with Royce's death."

"I didn't have anything to do with the bastard's death." His voice had the same tone that our sons used when they tried to convince me that they hadn't done anything wrong to get detention again. They are so much like their father, so very much. I'm blessed to have the boys and Emmett. Being a mother is everything I ever wanted and I can understand why this is so incredibly important to Ali as well.

He can sense that I know he's not telling me the truth and so he repeats his last sentence a second time.

"I didn't have anything to do with the bastard's death. That doesn't mean I'm not happy about it. I'm really glad this piece of shit is gone forever."

**XOXXXXXOXXO**

[A/N] Those of you, who like Benjamin's character should check out my new one-shot, "Crossing Lines."

It's my first attempt on writing slash *blushes and hides*


	35. Chapter 35

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

****Chapter 35****

I am pissed, well actually I am more disappointed than pissed because Jane is rather spending the evening with Zafrina and some shit-headed business partners than with me. She's working hard to keep everything going smoothly at Volturi Inc. and I know that I should be a supportive girlfriend and understand that is difficult for her to handle the company plus dealing with school and her parents that are not thrilled about the fact that her aunt made Jane her heiress.

So, here I was spending a Friday night in the company of my extended family, forcing myself to eat up all the food on my plate. It was delicious. Stefan cooks a mean steak and I add another piece of garlic butter on top of it where it melts instantly.

My mother smiles at me, seeming obviously pleased that I'm eating fatty stuff again. Momma is quiet today, her face is too pale and I wonder if she's getting sick. This morning I found her checking her temperature in the bathroom and she seemed a bit embarrassed about that.

"Daddy, are you and Seth going to be living with us when you move here?"

"No, sweetie."

"But it would be fun. You could have the room under the roof." She offered generously.

"Your mothers might want to use that room for something else, Zoe. Seth and I are going to live in our own house but you are going to her your own room there. Does that sound good to you?"

"Benjamin, you shouldn't tell her stuff like that when we haven't even found a place to stay at."

"You know that you can always stay here." Stefan stats, while he pours his daughter a glass of orange juice. Cara is a cute girl, a little too shy maybe. Zoe has a big mouth and commands her around all the time.

"I know, Dad."

He pours Mom some wine and I wonder if he's going to let me try it. Just a small sip, I want to know how it tastes like. When he's just about to pour a bit of it into Momma's glass she places her hand over her glass.

"No, I don't want to drink."

He raises one eyebrow and then he says something in Romanian that seems to irritate Irina a bit. Her face reddens and she stars down at her own empty plate while her husband next to her, squeezes her hand tightly in his.

"Well, you actually know that my uncle is going to kill you for marrying Irina without his permission."

Mike smirks and sips casually on his wine before he answers Benjamin.

"I'm not afraid of him and I know how to handle a gun, so no need to worry about my well-being."

"Fine, just let me tell you that if you make my cousin unhappy, I will kick your ass."

"You?" He bursts out into laughter and I feel bad for Benjamin because it's so very obvious that he couldn't appear threatening to anyone, no matter how hard he'd try to.

"Well, maybe I'll find someone else to do that part with the ass kicking for me but…,"

Irina snarls something in Romanian at him that made him roll her eyes at her.

"What did she say to you?" I ask him, curiously.

"Nothing,"

"Irina told him to stop being mean to Mike cause she luvs him." Cara mumbles, stuffing a few fries between her lips.

"You don't have to defend me from your cousin, it's actually cute that he's so concerned."

He takes her hand and plants a kiss on its back before he turns to Benjamin again.

"Just for your information and in order to make you feel a bit more relaxed. I'm planning on making your cousin very, very happy and I'm planning on doing so for the rest of my life. End of conversation."

Irina clears her throat nervously and when she speaks up her voice sounds worried.

"Mike, you shouldn't have given up your job because of me. You love being a cop, it's what you are."

"I love you more and Forks is my home, yes but it's so annoying that everyone feels like sticking their noses into other people's business. Jessica's father practically owns the place and I don't want you to be forced living where people gossip about us."

XXXX

My bed is cold and I wrap the blankets around me in order to get me warmer. My mother has tried to fix the thermostat with the result that it is not working anymore at all. Uncle Emmett will come here tomorrow and take care of it but until then I have to freeze my ass off. Well, not that I would miss it that much…

My cells vibrates and I search for it under my bed, cuddling my pillow before I pick up the call.

"Do you know how late it is?"

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

I sigh and close my tired eyes for a moment. If I fall asleep while she's on the line it will be embarrassing.

"I was still up."

"What were you doing?"

Missing you like always when you can't be with me…

"_Gioa_?"

"Nothing,"

"You sound sad. Is everything okay with you?"

"Hmm, yes it is. I had dinner with my folks. Benjamin's cousin got married to the cop guy from Forks. He's going to start working for my uncle's security company now."

"Is his annoying son moving with them?"

I don't know why she's jealous of that child, it's beyond ridiculous but anyway. I'm jealous too, mostly of Zafrina because she gets to spend way more time with Jane than I do in the last time.

"Lilly, are you still there?"

"Yes, I am…sorry. I'm tired. Jamie is probably going to stay with his mother. Who wants to live with a newlywed couple?"

"I miss you, baby."

"I miss you more. We barely see each other anymore since…well, you know since when."

I can hear her taking a deep breath on the other end of the line and when she speaks up again her voice is trembling.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly. It makes me feel so guilty that we have so little time to us. I love you. I want to be with you more than I want anything else."

XXXX

The next day at school I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on the boring rambling of our Geography teacher. I'm tired because I didn't sleep much last night and I had to get Zoe ready this morning because my mother's had some appointment in the hospital. Is Momma's heart worse again? I wished they would tell me stuff like that instead of treating me like a child the entire time.

"I think your mother is pissed at me." Jane whispers when we are heading to our next class. I take her hand in mine and squeeze it gently. My fingertips rubbing over the silver bracelet I have given her on the day we decided to be together from now on—officially. The thought puts a smile on my face.

"Did you listen to me right now? Your mother is pissed at me."

"Which one?" I ask back, taking a seat in the backroom of the class. It's Art and I like this class because you don't have to study for it. A bit of scrawling, a bit of painting and voila you've passed.

"Ali and I think it's my fault. I suck at being a boss."

"You don't suck, I'm sure about that." I tell her, wondering if it would be okay to plant a quick kiss on her mouth before the rest of the morons show up here. An Island for just the two of us that is what I want.

"I do. Yesterday before she left she told me that she wants to reduce her hours once the collection for _L.__Swan_ is finished. I told her that it's not a very smart idea because they are all sure we'll get shitty busy once the collection is out. Quality clothing in plus sizes is rare and there is a big market to explore."

I nod my head and pull out my calendar to see when we're going to do the next photo shoot. Modeling is not what I'm planning on doing with my life but it will be a better part time job than working in a café on campus once I start college.

"So, we kind of talked about it and at the end she told me that if I wouldn't agree to let her work less, she could still quit completely. I don't want her to quit. She's so good at what she does."

"I know," I mumble, running my fingertips over the tiny tattoo on my wrist. Momma would never consider giving up her job, I think. She's probably just a bit annoyed because she has to listen to the orders of a sixteen year old girl. Maybe she'd prefer being her own boss. Then another thought enters my mind and it instantly leads to worry. What if she wants to reduce her work hours because she's sick? Her heart is weak and maybe all the stress in the last time has been too much for it…

The door of the class is pulled open and our principal walks in, followed by an incredibly nervous looking Irina who is forcing herself to smile in order to overplay it a bit.

"Class, this is Mrs. Newton. She will be your new Art teacher for the rest of the school year. I hope you'll behave and I won't be hearing any complaints from her side."

He turns to her and his mouth lifts into an idiotic grin.

"Irina, they are all yours. Good luck."

When he is gone, one of the guys in the first row clears his throat. When he starts talking his face reddens into the brightest pink under the sun.

"The name Irina, where does that come from?"

"Romania."

"That's in Europe, isn't it?"

"No, it's in Africa, shithead." Another boy snarls at him, throwing a crumbled piece of paper across the classroom. Jane raises her hand and catches it before it can reach its goal while Irina somehow manages to…well tries to manage bringing some silence into the class.

"I know where Romania is. That's where Dracula comes from, isn't it?"

"Maybe, she's a vampire too! That would be cool."

"It would be cool if you managed to keep your stupid mouths shut for once. This is High school and not kindergarten in case you couldn't read the sign above the entrance when your mommy brought you here this morning."

"Jane, you are such a bitch. This is not your stupid company where everyone has to do what you want them to do."

"Stop this right now. You can argue with each other during your lunch break. And as for your interest in vampires…you can try to draw one. Maybe it will help you to lead your energy into a productive direction." Irina stats, keeping her voice as calm as possible, although it's still possible for me to hear the slight tremble in it.

I unfold the sheet of paper on Jane's desk and roll my eyes when I read what is written on it.

_The new teacher is so hot. I would like her to suck me off after class_

Stupid shithead, I think and I consider punching David—accidentally of course—where it really hurts when I get the chance. But it probably wouldn't make things better for Irina.

Her eyes met mine and her lips curl into a shy half-smile when she walks through the class. She looks down at the bracelet on Jane's wrist. Looks away, takes another somehow irritated look and then the smile on her face widens.

"This is a pretty bracelet."

"Thanks, I like it because it was a gift from someone who's really important to me."


	36. Chapter 36

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] Today is a special day for me because exactly one year ago I started posting **WTHN**. I want to thank all my lovely readers out there who have supported and encouraged me from the very beginning. It's because of you and the love you share with me for the characters in this story that I am still here. Without you they'd probably still be mean, little plot bunnies somewhere in my head.

Leave me some review love if you feel like it and now I hope you'll enjoy the new chapter.

There's a lemon in here. Well, actually two…well, kind of…

****Chapter 36****

I circle my fingertips over the exposed skin on Jane's neck up to her jaw until my fingertip reaches the edge of her mouth and I feel it curling upwards under my caress. She is starting to relax and I consider that a good thing because she wasn't exactly too pleased when I told her that I have to babysit Zoe instead of spending our rare together time alone—as in together alone.

"Can I get a kiss?" I whisper against her mouth a split second before I touch mine against her smiling lips. I love her. I love her so very much…

Something clicks behind me and it takes me a moment longer than my girlfriend to realize it's a camera.

A low growl lefts her throat, followed by another deeper growl coming out of Fiona's snout. Maybe I should train the dog on chasing the fuckers that keep following Jane around all the time. It's so beyond annoying.

"Give me the film." she hisses at the photographer who is grinning all over his face as if he'd just discovered that he'd hit the jackpot of a lottery or something pretty close to that.

"No way," Asshole stats, shoving the camera into the pocket of his coat, "This is going to be such a good scandal."

"If you even dare to post them somewhere, I'll make sure that no fucking newspaper in the whole country is going to hire you again. Now, give me the damn film before I order the dog to rip you a new one."

He giggles, not taking her threat seriously. It is a big mistake but the loser will find out about that pretty soon, I guess.

With that he's gone and Jane jumps from the blanket we'd been sitting on and searches for her cell, realizing that she has forgotten it at my place. I'm starting to hate that cell. It's this cell and the people that keep calling her on that cell that keep me away from her.

"I'm sorry," I mumble hoarsely, reaching my hand out to hers to wrap my fingers around her wrist.

She kneels down again, sitting back on her heels while I roll my thumb up and down on the soft skin of her palm.

"It's not your fault. I'm the one who's being hunted like an exotic animal since the press found out about me being the heiress of Volturi Inc. Zafrina thinks I should consider security but I really don't want some fucker following me everywhere. I want a normal life. I want to be with you whenever I want to be with you. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…,"

I pull her against my chest and although I know that she's not going to cry here in public I still hold her tightly against my body, caressing her silky hair with my fingertips while I murmur words of comfort into her ear.

"I'm here for you. I will always be here for you." I whisper, planting a kiss underneath her earlobe.

My left hand fumbles for the little box in my handbag but when I'm just about to pull it out a loud squeaking scream reaches my ear.

"No! No! Go away from her! LILLY! LILLY!"

Cara appears behind a tree and as usually when she is nervous tears are rolling down her small face.

"Oh Lilly, you need to come. We can't get him off of Fiona."

When I turn around I realize that the dog in deed has disappeared. I call for her but she doesn't answer and before I can try to whistle, Cara pulls me with her and I don't really like what I'm seeing a few seconds later. Well, actually I'm more worried about the fact that Cara and my sister are witnessing it. Zoe will ask a lot of embarrassing questions about it that much I'm already sure about.

"Get off of her! Get off of her! Lilly, tell him to get off of her." She is furious and pulls on the brown Labrador with a stubbornly strength. It's already too late to part them now. Crap, like I needed that. I'm sure my mothers won't be too thrilled when my dog comes down with puppies. Damn it, where is the stupid owner of the dog?

I sigh and place a hand on Zoe's shoulder, pulling her away while Cara buries her tear-covered face against my shirt.

Jane wraps her arms around me from behind and I can hear her giggle against my neck. What the hell is there to laugh about now?

"Your dog seems happy."

"Jane, what are they doing?" Zoe asks her, keeping her eyes focused on the dogs.

"Maybe you should better ask that your sister, I'm not that good with animals."

"Lilly?"

I clear my throat and prepare myself mentally for a very embarrassing conversation when two ten-year olds when a deep voice behind me speaks up.

"JARED! You're such a bad dog. I'm going to make up an appointment to get you castrated. God, damn it!"

Mike waves his hand at me and an apologetic grin flashes over his face while he quickly types a text into his cell.

"I'm sorry about that. If you want me to pay for the vet, I'll do it."

"Hmm,"

"What are you doing here?" I ask him, when we sit down and lean back against the tree. "Shouldn't you be working right now?"

"I am working, kind of." He seems a bit embarrassed suddenly and then he pulls out a film and rips it into dozens of tiny pieces.

XXXX

I'm starting to worry about Momma and it's one of the worst feelings I ever had. She's so damn quiet and pale. When I return from the Park I almost bump into Seth who has a strange, concentrated look on his face. The house smells of vanilla candles and a second component, something that reminds me a bit of hospital smell. Is it disinfection stuff?

My sister is going to spend the night at Cara's house and that's a good thing because it will give me an extra day without Zoe asking about what exactly Mike's dog has done with ours. Jeez, this is so embarrassing…

Mom comes out of their bedroom, her cheeks are red and I can see the tears glistening in her eyes. Melted chocolate, Momma always says our eyes remind her of melted milk chocolate.

"You came back early." She stats, throwing a plastic bag into the trash underneath the kitchen sink while I pull a yoghurt out of the fridge and start eating it halfheartedly.

Eat regularly. Eat healthy stuff. God, I'm so done with this crap…

"Is Momma sick?" I ask her, swallowing down the last spoon of the yoghurt.

She seems a bit puzzled by my question, even irritated somehow and I know that is because she's about to lie to me now. Mom sucks at lying more than anyone else I know.

"She was just tired from work and needed to rest. It's all a bit much, the preparation for the new fashion line and everything."

"Jane told me that Momma asked her if she could work less after she's done with the collection."

"I know. Your _girlfriend_ didn't seem exactly pleased about that. Maybe that's another proof that she's too young to handle such a big company on her own."

I growl and fight the urge make a comment that will most likely lead to me getting grounded again. Jane is doing wonderful and I'm so proud that she's so strong and beautiful and brave.

Mom pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down on one of the kitchen chairs. I shove the milk over to her and watch how she adds first one, then a second pill of sweetener into the coffee.

_My Mommy never does pills in my Daddy's coffee…_

A wave of panic spreads through me and for a split second the fear overwhelms me with so much power that I can't breathe, no matter how much I gasp for air.

"Lilly, honey, are you alright?"

I nod my head and wrap my fingers around the leather collar on Fiona's neck. She's going to keep all my weird secrets.

"_Dogs__are__good__friends.__Have__you__ever__wondered__why__it__is__that__way,__Lilly?__Because__they__don__'__t__talk.__" _I had answered instantly and right now I was starting to grasp what I had actually meant back then.

XXXX

I try to stay awake as long as possible, redoing my homework, braiding my hair and doing countless other stuff in order to distract me from falling asleep. The dreams will come back when I do and I don't want them to come back, they are scaring me although I know that it's not real. It's just a dream or is it a hidden memory?

_In the dreams I'm always so tiny and breakable and my heart is racing in my little chest. There is the cold leather on my cheek when I'm leaning my face against the sofa I'm sitting behind. Why am I hiding? _

_Tanya is talking to someone on the phone. Her voice is so cold that it makes me shiver and for some reason I can't understand the words she's speaking because they are in a language that I don't understand._

_Finally she walks off, her high heels clicking on the floor when she closes the door to my father's office behind her. I don't want him to be alone with her. She's evil. Doesn't Daddy know she's a witch? Maybe I should warn him._

_Slowly I stand up from my place behind the couch and walk towards the door, stopping when I hear some groans and whimpering sounds coming out of the room. Is she already hurting him? Eating his heart as she threatened to do with mine? Such an evil witch…I hate her._

_I kneel down and wrap my arms tightly around myself, rocking back and forth while I bite my fingernails until I taste blood in my mouth. I need a band aid. Mommy has them in her handbag and as she's not here I decide to search for them in Tanya's. There is a lot of stuff in there, lipstick, funny smelling perfume and strange balloons. When I try to blow one up it makes my hand sticky…yuck, why is there slim on that balloon?_

"_Get your little paws away from my stuff!" Tanya snarls at me and I jump, throwing the entire content all over the floor. She growls and slaps me right across my face, pressing her hand against my mouth to suppress my cries._

"_I wished you were dead, you little brat. Everything is your fault, only your fault. He's still refusing to get a divorce. After all I have done…damn it. Why can't you just be dead?"_

_I bite her hand and she lets go of me, hissing something in that strange language after me when I crawl behind the couch again. Here I'm safe from her or not?_

_She chuckles bitterly and kneels down to pick up her stuff. The small tablet with pills has rolled under the sofa where I'm hiding again. I sniff and shove the tablet into my little bag pack. The sweetener is pink. I could use it as Barbie food, couldn't I?_

XXXX

"Underwear? You want me to let them take pictures of me in basically nothing and stuff like that?" My voice cracks, and I try to calm my temper a bit by taking several deep breaths. It isn't helping, not at all. Hadn't I made my point about this sort of thing clear when I agreed on working as a model? But here I was, sitting in the way too huge office of my beloved girlfriend, sipping on a glass of lukewarm diet coke in my hands and listened to the so-called genius idea said girlfriend had come up with during her morning meeting with my mother. They have had so many meetings in the last two months that it feels as if Momma is dating Jane instead of me. She gets to spend way more time with my girlfriend than I do. It's not fair…

"Ali and I think it's a fantastic idea."

What in heaven's name Jane and Momma have to discuss that ends up with me walking around in lace bra's is beyond me. I don't want to understand things like that. Before I allow anyone to take a picture of me where people can see my fat ass and my wobbly stomach I'd rather die. Is that some attempt to torture me?

"Don't you think it's a wonderful idea?"

Wonderful for all the shitheads in our class that are going to laugh about me behind my back, plus the few perverted ones that enjoy jacking off to the image of half-naked fatties like me. It's so gross…

"Lilly?"

I growl and cross my arms in front of my chest, turning away from her I star out of the window, ignoring the breathtaking view out into the already darkening skyline of Seattle.

"You aren't mad at me now, are you?" she asks me, wrapping her arms around me from behind. Her lips move over the exposed skin on my neck and my throat, sending a wave of unwanted lust through my entire body. I'm angry at her, disappointed even, that she doesn't seem to realize how embarrassing it is what she just suggested to me.

"Tell me what's wrong. Will you?" she whispers into my ear when I hear her fumbling with the zipper of my dress. Using sex in order to distract me is a cheap trick and I feel kind of stupid because I'm so terribly hungry for her touch that it's working.

"I don't want to pose in underwear and you know that for fucks sake!" I hiss at her, taking a few steps away from her embrace. I can't think properly when she's touching me, especially not when she's touching me like this…

She nods her head and walks over to the mahogany desk, lifts up the receiver and waits for her secretary to pick up.

"No interruptions in the next hours. No matter what kind of they might be. Fine, that's everything."

Within a minute she's back and presses me backwards against the cool leather fabric of the couch. Her mouth stiffens my lame attempt of a protest. While my mind is still occupied with being mad at her, my traitorous body is already getting tingly from head to toe. I pull her shirt over her head and circle my fingers over the ruby silk material of her bra. It looks new and way more tempting than it should be allowed.

"Very pretty," I mumble, rolling my thumbs over the small roundness of her breasts, feeling how the tips are hardening under my touch.

"It's part of the collection this new Dutch designer is doing for me. Looks sexy, doesn't it?"

"Very," I whisper, pulling down the stripes of the bra to plant a row of soft kisses down her shoulder until I reach the lace edges of the ruby colored nothing. I realize that it has a tiny crystal where it opens and I pray that it's just a crystal and not an actual diamond.

"The crystal looks so real." I mumble, when I open the clasp as carefully as possible, not wanting to damage anything.

"It should better be real for the price I'm paying for it," she stats calmly and I'm beyond impressed that she can talk about jewelry covered bra's as if that's just nothing. It's probably fun to be rich and I assume that Jane's aunt has been richer than everyone I know. Maybe even richer than everyone I know together.

"Stop thinking." she whispers, slowly pulling down the zipper of my dress until it falls down on the thick carpet next to the couch. Her mouth moves down my upper body and when she eventually closes her lips around one of my sensitive tips a moan escapes my lips before I can hold it back. Her hand strokes down my abdomen until her fingertips reach the cotton of my panties. I want her to go down on me and the thought of her tongue swirling up and between my legs is so arousing that I feel myself getting wetter than I already am. I want her. God, I want her so fucking much…

I pull down the tiny lace thong that matches the color of the bra and I stop midway when I realize how deliciously tempting it makes her backside look. Her ass is perfect, small and round. It looks good enough to eat it. My girlfriend is so beautiful that I have trouble moving my eyes away from her. I consider taking a pic of her with my cell, but before I can decide on it, she pulls us around so that she's sitting on top of me. I whimper against her mouth when she kisses me again. Hungry this time, greedily. I can feel her dripping down my thighs when she starts rubbing herself against me.

"I bought you a present." she whispers and I'm amused that she sounds almost shy about it. Jane buys me presents all the time. I have told her that she needs to stop spending money on me because it makes me feel a bit awkward because I have nothing to give back to her.

"If you don't like it, you have to tell me."

I nod my head and see how Jane's cheek turn into a bright crimson color that looks lovely against her blonde hair. Jane is so lucky, even when she blushes; she still looks so goddamn sexy.

Then she pulls out something and my own face bursts out into flames. I reach out my hand and take the toy from her, turning it around to take a closer look at it. So, this is supposed to fit inside of me? I bet that hurts like crap.

"We don't have to use it when you don't want to."

"Hmm," I mumble, switching it on and off for a few times until I finally figure out how to control the vibrations with the buttons on the top of it.

Then I lean forward and move the vibe between Jane's thighs. Her breathing comes out in raspy groans when I swirl it over her clit, down to her entrance and back up again. I love that I can make her feel like this. She's so gorgeous in her lust with her skin all flushed and her pouty lips parted slightly. I love her so much, so much that it almost hurts.

"Yes...oh fuck…yes, just like this…oh fuck."

Slowly I press the head of the toy inside of her, waiting for her to get used to it before I thrust it deeper inside her, back and forth and round and round and all over again. My own clit is starting to throb and when Jane's inner walls convulse around the toy inside her I groan against her neck and close my eyes for a moment.

Jane takes the vibrator from my trembling hand and I feel her planting several light kisses all over my over-warmed face. My hair is damp against my forehead when she pushes it away with her fingertips.

I hear the vibe against my ear before she moves it down my side, over my hipbone and my bellybutton and eventually, eventually over the moist covered skin of my outer lips. Oh and it feels good, way better than I had expected it to feel like. Jane parts my legs and kneels down between them. In the same moment her tongue flickers over my clit, she pushes the toy inside of me. The vibrations combined with the gentle circling of her tongue manage to turn my body into a bone-less mass of lust and I moan her name against her neck when the sweet release of my climax washes over me.

XXXX

The office still smells like sex although we've opened the windows for several minutes. My hair is a mess and when I give up trying to brush it and twist it into a knot; I feel Jane's warm lips against my neck again.

"I love the way you smell after we made love." She whispers and my lips curl up into a smile before her mouth touches mine so gently that I can barely feel her lips against mine.

"Am I interrupting you?" A light voice asks from the other side of the office and when we turn around my face is already red and glowing. Damn it, Lilly, try to act normal. No one knows what you and Jane just did in here. So stop with the blushing, stop it right now.

"It's fine." Jane stats and clears her throat unnecessarily before she reaches out her hand. The woman smiles at her shyly and bites her lower lip nervously.

She is tall and I instantly like her because she's not skinny. Her body is curvy and the plum silk dress she's wearing looks lovely against the light caramel tone of her skin. For a moment I wonder if she's probably one of the other models, she would be such a beautiful one.

"Good evening, Miss Mazzini. My name is Kayla Penthes. It's such a pleasure to meet you."

"Did you have a good flight?" Jane asks her when we sit down on the couch. I try not to think that we had sex on that thing a few minutes ago and force my lips into a crooked smile.

"It was wonderful, thank you, also for the beautiful Hotel you booked me in. My sister insisted that I could stay with her but I don't want to be a burden for Zafrina. It's enough that my brother can't…. Sorry, I tend to talk too much when I'm nervous."

"Don't worry about it. So, this beauty here is Miss Swan. Lilly is supposed to be the face of _L.__Swan_ but she doesn't want to do pose in the lingerie you've been designing."

"WHY? Doesn't she like it?" her voice gets the same slightly insulted sounding tone Momma's uses when I tell her that I don't want to wear anything she's made. It makes me feel guilty because I know how hard designers actually work on their stuff.

"I'm sure the things you've designed are lovely. I just don't want anyone to see me wearing them."

"Oh, I got it. You are shy."

"She's not that shy." Jane assures her, wrapping her arm around my shoulder. Her fingertips circle up and down my forearm, before she eventually takes my hand in hers.

"It hasn't got anything to do with being shy when you don't like the thought of people laughing at you behind your back."

"I assure you that no one is going to be laughing about you when you are wearing MY designs but if you are just concerned about people seeing you. Well, I have an idea how to avoid this risk completely."

XXXX

"A mask? You are supposed to wear a mask for this?" Mom asks me skeptically while I help her cleaning out the attic. We have way too much crap up there and I don't know why but somehow my mothers have decided that we need more space but the embarrassing truth is that all of us have trouble with throwing away stuff, especially that kind of that holds memories of any kind.

"It's pretty mask with a veil and tiny crystals all over it. Oh and I get to wear a tiara for it as well. That's part of the princess theme."

"I don't like the idea of you posing in almost nothing. Jane probably talked you into agreeing to this."

I throw a few books into the box in front of me when my eyes catch a copy of Romeo and Juliet. I've not read that before and so I put that one on the—we need to keep it pile.

"If I've said no to it, Jane would have understood. There is a huge difference between talking people into doing something and encouraging them. Unlike you, Jane always makes me feel good about the way I look."

She looks down at her shoes and sighs deeply.

"Just for the record, if you were thin I wouldn't want you to do lingerie modeling as well."

"I AM NOT THIN! I'll probably never be thin and there is nothing that I can do about that. You've been telling me my entire life that I'm too fat and I'm so done with this crap!"

"Lower your voice, Lilly."

"I can speak as loud as I want too, if you don't like my temper that's your problem not mine."

"Oh Lilly, please, I don't want to fight with you again. I just want to make sure that Jane isn't rushing you into this modeling thing."

She takes the huge Barbie house and is just about to put it on the—we can do without it pile, when I call out to stop her.

"No! Not the house. I want to keep that."

"What for? It takes away so much space and your sister hasn't played with it in forever."

"It's MY Barbie house and I want to keep it for…," Well for what actually? Maybe, because I have this very faint memory of me, playing with it together with my father? I remember how I made him pull the string for the elevator up and down until I fell asleep on his lap. I don't even know if that's a real memory or just something I've made up.

"We really need some extra room in this house. You are too old to play with stuff like this anyway."

"I want to keep it for my kids."

"If you have kids, I'll buy you a new Barbie house. I promise." She assures me and I run my fingertips over the pink glitter roof of the house.

"We could put it in the garage." I state, circling my fingers over the tiny kitchen equipment. I touch the little cups and plates while I remember how I always had to keep Fido from eating them accidentally.

"The Garage is crowded enough without your house here. Seriously, Lilly, you need to learn to let go of unnecessary things."

I take a deep breath and nod my head. Then I take several of the smaller items like the bathtub and the little stove, placing them carefully on the steps. At least I'm going to keep a bit of it. Crap, now I feel like crying…

XXXX

"You look tired." I whisper when I park the car in front of the huge office building of Volturi Inc. Momma sighs and I can see that she's trying hard to keep up a joyful face. If she's sick, she shouldn't be working. Maybe, I should ask Jane to give her a day off, or better an entire week. She's so incredibly pale right now, way paler than usual. I hope it's not her heart again…

"I'm fine. Thank you. Please, stop mentioning that I look tired. It's actually rude to point that out."

"I'm just worried about you."

"There is no need to worry. You are just like your mother when it comes to things like that."

I roll my eyes at that comment while we step into the elevator to Jane's office. Her secretary has already ordered coffee and donuts and when I kiss my girlfriend I can taste a bit of the strawberry frosting on her lips and it's absolutely delicious.

We sit down on the couch and I pull Jane on my lap while Momma and Kayla start discussing fabrics and other stuff. I risk a first glimpse on the black lace corsage I'm supposed to be wearing for the photo-session and although I consider it really pretty, I'm still worried about everything. Jane starts playing with my hair and when she speaks up her voice is smooth like liquid honey.

"I want you wear your hair like this when we do the shooting. None of this straightening stuff. Will you do that for me?"

Instead of answering her, I cup her face in my left hand and caress her cheekbone with my thumb. Her skin is soft and I kiss her sweet lips over and over again until Momma clears her throat twice and I eventually manage to pull back.

"They are so cute together." Kayla stats cheerfully, handling Momma a sheet of paper with a sketch on it.

"Hmm, yes, they are. You should have seen them as kids. It was so adorable. Just look." She mumbles and pulls a picture out of her handbag. It's the Halloween one and my mouth curls up into a smile when I look at Jane's tiny face when she tries so hard to look evil. My little witch, I'm so blessed that she's part of my life.

"Well, that's something, a witch and a princess. Maybe we should add a witch to the whole princess theme. If Miss Mazzini agrees to it that is."

"Agrees to what?" Momma asks her, raising one eyebrow.

"I want her to do the lingerie photo-shooting together with Lilly. It would be so fantastic. They look so good together and I can totally picture…,"

"I'm not a model. In case you haven't noticed that so far, I own this place. CEO's don't advertise for lingerie."

"So, and their girlfriends do. Don't they?"

"That's different, _gioia_. Firstly, your parents aren't total prudes and secondly, you are going to wear a mask on the pictures. No one is going to know it's you."

"You could wear one as well, maybe something in black velvet or something like this."

"Oh please, say yes, I would feel so much better if I could do the pictures together with you."

XXXX

Momma's alarm starts beeping and she pulls the pills out of her handbag to swallow them without water.

"I have diet coke in the car, if you want some." I tell her, wondering if her talking about being okay is not just an attempt to make me feel better. She can safe that for Mom, if she thinks it's necessary but I can handle the truth. If she's sick, she needs to take a break from work and to listen to what Grandpa tells her. More sleep, no physical over doing. This carrying around Zoe has to stop too.

"Are you sick?" I ask her directly and her eyes widen in surprise.

"No,"

"Would you tell me if you were?"

"I think so. Look, Lilly, everything is okay. Please, stop worrying."

Her face turns greenish and when a split second later after I pull over, she opens the door of the Porsche and throws up a mixture of orange juice and acid. I rub her back in small circles until the cramps finally subside and she leans back against the passenger's seat again.

"Did I drive too fast?"

"No, you didn't. I'm sorry about this I don't know why…crap, he told me that the new medication wouldn't make me nauseous."

We have to stop the car twice before we are in front of Stefan and Angela's house. I've suggested driving her to the hospital but for some reason, she doesn't want to go there. Maybe, because she's afraid they'd keep her there. Maybe that would be better though…

"Is Seth here?" I ask Cara who is sitting on the porch, her little nose stuck in a book on her lap.

"Seth! Lilly and Ali are here! Seth!"

Benjamin and Seth come out of the house and while Benjamin starts snarling something in Romanian to his little sister, Seth instantly turns his entire attention to my chalk-white mother.

"What happened?"

"Nothing,"

"You are white as a ghost because of nothing?"

"Oh god, I got sick again from the medication you gave me. It's not a big deal."

"Leave it to me to decide what's a big deal or not." He mumbles, wrapping two fingers around her wrist to check her pulse.

"That's unnecessary. I'm fine. I really am."

"Your father wasn't joking when he told me you are difficult as a patient."

Momma frowns while he continues examining her. Now and then he makes some humming sounds.

"It's her heart. Isn't it?" I ask him directly when he pulls an injection needle out of his bag.

"Lilly, can you go inside and play with Cara until we're finished here?"

"I'm not going anywhere before you tell what's wrong with her." I state, kneeling down next to her.

"You can tell me, you know. I'm not a child anymore."

Seth sighs and exchanges a look with my mother that I don't like at all.

"I'll give the two of you some privacy, Ali. Tell her, well…consider telling her. She's going to find out anyway in a few weeks, I guess."

"Seth is a good doctor." Momma whispers as soon as he is out of sight.

"Please, stop worrying about me, honey. I have enough of that from your mother. I need someone who treats me like I'm not sick."

"But you are sick."

"No, I'm not. We'll just have to experiment a bit with the medication Seth is giving me."

"What was wrong with the medication you were taking before? Isn't it working anymore?"

"Sometimes it's good to try something new."

I wonder what it in heaven's name is supposed to be good about vomiting her guts out. Her face returns to her usual ivory color and her lips turn into the weak attempt of a smile.

"Did you ever want something in your life more than anything else, sweetie?"

Often, I think, nodding my head. I take her hand in mine and rub her fingers between mine until they aren't so cold anymore.

"I love you, Momma. Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you?"

"Oh, sweetie, I love you too and you have to trust me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. My heart is not working like it should right now but I'm stronger than it. I need to be stronger than it and if I can't…," her voice cracks and I wonder if she's going to cry now.

"You have to promise me to take care of your mother and sister. Zoe and Bella will need you in case…well, they'll just need you."

I feel tears in my eyes and I swallow hard to keep them from falling. I'm scared now, like I've never been scared before in my life.

"Don't say stuff like that to me. You said, you are okay and now you act as if you have to prepare me for the worst. I want the truth and I want it now."

She smiles and takes my hand in hers, turning it around for a few times before she eventually lets go of my wrist.

"Everything in life that holds a value holds a risk. I wanted this for so long, probably for longer than I knew it myself."

I take her hand again and she places our joint fingers carefully against her chest where her weak heart is beating against our fingertips. After a few moments she moves them lower until our palms are resting somewhere underneath her belly button.

"I really want to have this baby."


	37. Chapter 37

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] Thanks & hugs to all my lovely readers out there. I'm thankful that you enjoy reading my little story here. It's close to my heart and I love writing it a lot.

****Chapter 37****

I was drowning in the endless chaos of my own emotions while I tried to put on a brave face for everyone around me. Everything was so complicated and I couldn't understand why my mothers had decided to have another baby right now. It was too risky for Momma anyway. Grandpa had explained her heart condition to me and I had looked up some further information on the Internet that scared me beyond words.

She could die? What in heaven's name was I supposed to do when that happened?

The fear cramped around my soul and knocked the breath out of me. I acted, like a robot, convincing Jane to allow Momma reducing her hours without giving away the true reason. I watched my little sister while my parents were at the hospital to do countless check-ups. I agreed to let them turn my room into the baby's while I was supposed to move underneath the roof although I didn't want to.

Who cared about what I wanted anyway?

After driving Zoe to her softball practice I finally managed to sit down in the kitchen. What I was about to do was wrong, I knew and the fact that I still was going for it proved what a loser I was. Just this one time to get rid of the stress, I assured myself. My fingers quivered when I started swallowing down the ice cream but after a few bites some pleasant calmness spread through my entire body. When the package in front of me was empty I stood up and grabbed some Pop Tarts from the counter, munching them down with a gulp of milk straight out of the box. While I was eating I didn't have to worry about Momma dying or Jane not having time for me. I stuffed bread with cream cheese between my lips, followed by the rest of the leftovers of yesterday's dinner. My stomach started heaving and I barely managed to make it to the bathroom to get rid of the crap I had eaten.

Afterwards I showered, cleaned the entire kitchen until it was spotless and cried until I had no more tears left to cry. I was so weak, so incredibly weak and I hated being weak more than anything else.

I heard the car in the driveway and quickly wiped my face on the back of my sleeve before I buried my nose in my thick history book. My grades needed to get better if I wanted to have any chance at…

"I want you to pee in this."

I raised my head and blinked into Mom's face. She looked pissed and I couldn't understand why she would be angry at me now.

"Hello to you too, Mom." I stated, taking the plastic cup from her to turn it around.

"What is this supposed to mean?"

"Go upstairs and pee in it, Lilly."

"WHAT? Are you kidding me? And where is Momma?"

She sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch, twisting her fingers nervously into her hair.

"She's still in the hospital. Seth wants to do a long term ECG on her but now to you and what you've been doing behind our backs."

I blushed and started down at my hands. She couldn't know about the binge attack, could she? God damn it, it was the only time in months and I really needed some sort of stress relief.

"What I do or don't do is none of your fucking business. You and Momma are going to have a new baby in a few months. Maybe that one will turn out better than me. I'm sorry for being such a big disappointment."

She tried to wrap her arm around my shoulder but I moved to the other end of the couch, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Lilly, baby, please, why are you doing this to us?"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Mom."

She kneeled down in front of me and took both of my hands between hers.

"I love you. Why are you doing that to yourself? You need to stop taking crap like that. It could kill you."

"Stop taking what? I don't know what you are talking about."

"Oh Lilly, don't try to play it down now. I found the pills."

She pulled a tiny tablet tube filled with pink pills out of her handbag and waved with it in front of my face.

XXXX

Jane wrapped her arms around my middle and pulled me closer against her body.

"I believe her. If you don't that's your problem, Bella."

A low growl left Mom's mouth before she spoke up again, her voice sharp like a knife when she turned to Jane.

"I don't know why you are even here now. This is none of your business. I bet you gave her money for buying this crap. If I find out you talked her into trying drugs…,"

"Mom! For the last time now, I'm not taking drugs. I never have, I never will. The stuff you found in my room is just some old sweetener. Please, stop being rude to Jane all the time."

"It's okay, _gioia_. I can handle your mother."

"I'm not one of your employee's, you little witch. This is not some kind of joke. I'm really worried about Lilly. First the eating disorders and now…,"

Seth and Momma walked down the stairs, her face white like a ghost. She sat down next to me and took my hand.

"The test, Seth did with your urine was negative."

"What a surprise." I snarled angrily. "You could have believed me but why would you?"

"Oh please, sweetie, don't be like that now. You know that we only worry about you because we care. Maybe all that modeling stress is too much for you right now. Maybe you should take a break."

"Do you need one?" Jane asked me worriedly. "You can tell me if you don't want to continue with modeling for _L. Swan_. If it's too much pressure we can find someone else to do the rest of the photo shots."

"But I like doing that. It's the only time you and I get to spend time together."

"That's not true, _gioia_."

"Oh yes it is." I whispered breathlessly.

I started crying again and she held my against her chest until only a few dry sobs left my throat.

"I'm so sorry, Lilly. I'm so very sorry about everything. If you want me to sell the company, I'll do it. I only want to be with you. There is nothing in this world that is more important to me than you being happy."

How was I supposed to be happy when she was giving up her aunt's heritage after working so hard for it? How was I supposed to be happy when the baby Momma was carrying was going to ruin her health? I was so done with all this crap, so very done…

"I'm so done with all of this, so done, so done." I stumbled out before the world around me started blurring and after a few minutes everything around me vanished into numb darkness.

XXXXX

"Lilly, are you awake?"

I groaned and opened my eyes to look at Jasmine's worried face.

"Where am I?"

"In the hospital but you won't have to stay here any longer. Your mothers were just worried when you fainted and called an ambulance."

"Crap,"

"That's putting it mildly. What's it like when everyone thinks you to be a junkie?"

"I didn't take any drugs. Seth made a stupid test and it was clean."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and handled me a notebook filled with scrawly drawings.

"What's that?"

"You tell me. You were the one who made those for me. Don't you remember?"

I shook my head and circled my fingertips over one of the drawings.

"I don't remember that much about when I was little."

I don't want to remember, I added secretly in my head.

"But you remember some things. Don't you? Are they unpleasant for you to think about?"

"Yes, they are and please stop questioning me like that. It makes me feel stupid."

"I'm sorry about that, Lilly. But your mothers talked me into talking to you again…professionally."

"I'm not crazy."

"I know, sweetie."

"I just want to be normal. I want to have a girlfriend who has time for me when I need her and a mother who believes me when I tell her that I don't take drugs. I want Momma to be okay and I want…I want the dreams to stop. They always keep coming back and I…can't endure them."

"What do you dream about?"

"It's…nothing, just some stupid memories that don't make any sense to me."

"Tell me what you see in your dreams."

"Me…me as a little child and I'm in my father's office. Oh and I'm scared, I'm always so terribly scared in my dreams. Sometimes I hide behind a couch and I can feel the leather against my face when I do that."

"Are you scared of your father?"

"No, I'm not. He's not there. I'm with _her_." My voice starts trembling when I continue. "She's so angry at me and I can feel how much she hates me with every word that comes over her lips."

"Who is she?"

"His secretary…Tanya, I think was her name. She's so mean. She's scaring me."

"Did she hurt you?"

"Sometimes…she pulled on my hair and stuff like that. I don't know why she hated me so much."

"Maybe she was just stressed or something like that. Angry adults can seem quite frightening to little kids."

"But I know she hated me. She told me…she told me…,"

"What did she tell you?"

"That she hated me…that she wished I was dead…That I had ruined my father's life with my existence. That she wished I would die...That I'm always in the way. That Dad would love her if it wasn't for me. That I fucked up everything." Each word I spoke hurt me like a sharp knife and at the very same moment it was so incredibly relieving.

Jasmine put one arm around me in a rather unprofessional way and stroked up and down my spine.

"It's okay, sweetie. It was a very long time ago. She won't hurt you ever again. I'm sorry she said all these horrible things to you. That's nothing a child should hear…ever."

"I stole her sweetener just to piss her off. Isn't that stupid? And now Mom found that crap after all these years and thought it to be drugs."

"Lilly, why do you insist that it's sweetener?"

"She said so. I remember her putting some of them in my father's coffee before bringing it to him."

Jasmine's eyes narrowed and for a moment her grip around my wrist tightened so much that it was painful.

"Are you sure about that?" her voice sounded panicked now. Jeez, having the baby didn't have such a good influence on her nerves…

"Ouch, let go of my hand before you break my wrist. I am sure about that. Or I'm not? I was just a little child back then. It was so long ago. Why are you asking anyway?"

"They checked the pills in order to find out what they were and the pharmacist told your mother it was some sort of psychotropic."


	38. Chapter 38

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

****Chapter 38****

_Jane_

Decisions…Decisions, I muttered through my teeth when Ali shoved the next sheet of paper over to me.

"Who cares about whether we import our silk from China or India? I mean it's still the same material. You know what. You're going to choose which one we are going to use for the production. Ask Kayla if you need a second opinion, she's got some fantastic taste. Ali, where do you think you are going?"

"I need some fresh air and then I need to pee—again. Look, I told you I want to work less. Let Kayla choose the fabrics if you trust her taste this much."

"Ali, look I agreed on reducing your hours after the fashion show. That's just two more months and during that time I'm going to need you like 24/7. Are we clear about that?"

She snarled and rushed out of the room. Great, now she was pissed. This was going to be a very lovely evening. Fuck my life.

My cell started vibrating and when I flipped it open to read the new text my phone started ringing. I don't understand why my secretary doesn't grasp it that I hate it when she calls me during one of the meetings. Stupid woman but she makes some mean muffins and sandwiches. Have to give her credit for that.

"Gianna, I hope it's important."

"Yes, Janetta...ahm I mean Miss Mazzini…ahm…I mean Jane…oh God, I'm so nervous."

"Jane is fine. I told you that before. Now, just tell me what you wanted to tell me."

"Theresa and Chelsea refuse to work again."

"What the fuck? Who do they think they are? Has the lack of food damaged some of the few brain cells they had? They have a fucking contract. They'll do the goddamn photo shooting or…or…,"

Crap, I had no clue what we could do in case they didn't show up there.

"Jane, that's kind of the problem. Both of them say that Hunter, the photographer tried to grope them and suggested a threeso…, Oh I can't even say that word. So embarrassing…"

"Fire him and get a new photographer."

"But Jane…what am I going to tell the man?"

That he's an asshole and a pervert and…

"Jane!"

"Tell him…," I swallowed hard, trying to choose my words carefully. "Tell him, Volturi Inc. doesn't offer second chances for gropers."

With that I disconnected the call and finally managed to read the text on my cell.

_Please don't make Ali work too hard. She needs to rest. Can you do that for me?_

_Kiss_

_L_

Great, you even talked your daughter into that, I thought, playing with the silver bracelet around my wrist. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for Lilly. I had even considered selling the company but the truth was that somehow, in a weird kind of way I loved what I was doing. I liked to have power. I liked to be rich enough to spoil my beautiful girlfriend. I liked how my new security guard had twisted the arm of one of the paparazzi fuckers who had followed me all the way from my car. That was hopefully the last time someone tried to take pictures of me on the school yard.

What I didn't like was arguing with Ali, listening to her constant complaints about working too much and her strange behavior in the last time. Maybe she was sick and didn't want anyone to know?

"What is wrong with you? Listen if you are sick you can tell me. My aunt has set up some medical support system for our entire employee's. Do you want to see a doctor?"

"Thank you. There are enough doctors in my life right now. I don't need any more."

"So, you are sick. God, I'm sorry for bitching at you all the time…it's just…I'm so fucking nervous about the upcoming fashion show. Everyone expects it to be perfect."

"I know it's difficult for you, Jane."

"Thanks. Now, if you are sick, I'd like to have you see a doctor. Maybe you really need some time off. You can work at home if that's easier for you."

"I'm not sick."

She swallowed a bit from the glass of water in front of her and sighed deeply before she spoke up.

"I'm going to have a baby."

"A baby? Like diapers and shit baby? That kind of baby?"

XXXX

"Your mothers timing for a third child is beyond shitty. I really need Ali for…. Lilly, are you listening to me at all?"

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Oh sweetie, don't be mad at me now."

"I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at my mothers. Momma could die! She could actually die! What am I going to do if that happens? I'm not strong enough for this shit. I…I…I…,"

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. When she was agitated like this it was the best to just hold her and let her cry until she would calm down again. I didn't understand her fear though. A pregnancy wasn't a very dangerous thing. So, why was she so scared that Ali would die?

"Lilly, you have to tell me what's wrong with her."

"Her heart is sick and because of the baby, she had to stop taking her medication. And now they've given her some other but that isn't working properly or something. I don't know what to do."

My fingers caressed her hair and when I spoke up again I tried to make my voice sound as soft as possible.

"There isn't anything you can do, sweetie. This is not your responsibility."

"But I don't want her to die."

"I know. No one wants that. I don't understand why they didn't let your mother breed out the little rugrat? It would have been easier."

"Momma says she wants to experience the whole pregnancy, she wanted to know how it feels like when the baby moves inside of her and that kind of stuff."

"My mother says it feels like very bad flatulence."

"I bet that was Alec."

"Could be,"

I kissed her nose and her cheeks before I brushed my lips gently against her full mouth.

"I want you to stop worrying so much about things that you can't influence at all."

She sighed deeply and stood up from her bed. Then she kneeled down and grabbed her backpack, pulling out her Biology book.

"Oh, no, please, you don't honestly want to study now."

"I'm just searching for something." she muttered and eventually a small box fell down on the blankets next to us.

"For you,"

"Lilly, you don't have to buy me stuff. It's really not necessary."

She kissed my palm before she placed the little box on it.

"But you buy me presents all the time."

"That's different."

"Because you're rich?"

"I'm not rich I'm shitty rich but that doesn't mean anything. You on the other hand mean everything to me."

"You mean everything to me. Now open the box."

I did like she told me and when I turned the crystal cube between my fingers a smile flashed over my face. On the one side some old childhood picture of us wearing some Halloween costumes was engraved and my smile widened into a grin when circled my fingertip over the tiny little crown on Lilly's head. Always the princess thing, always…

"Take a look at the other side." she murmured, hugging me tightly from behind with her mouth pressed gently against my earlobe.

On the other side of the cube was a picture from the lingerie photo-shooting and although our faces were covered behind masks I would still recognize the curves of her body anytime.

"It's for the desk in your office. Do you like it?"

"I love it. I love you."

With that I flipped us around so that she was straddling me and kissed my way down her collarbone. Fumbling the top buttons of her shirt open, I pressed my lips against the soft mounds of her breasts. Warm spread through me while I felt her hand moving up between my thighs.

"Lilly, we are back!" Zoe called from downstairs and I tried not to hiss through my teeth. What a crappy timing.

"We need to get a place of our own."

"My mothers will never allow me to move out and I don't have money to afford it anyway."

I rolled my eyes at that.

"I just want a place where the two of us can be alone without getting interrupted all the time."

"Lilly, are you up there?"

"Coming!"

She sighed and planted a soft kiss on my mouth before she quickly closed the buttons of her shirt again and brushed through her hair with her fingers.

"Lilly!"

I followed her downstairs where Zoe instantly wrapped her arms around my leg.

"How's it going, Zoe?"

"Jasmine and I went to the park with the dogs. You should have come with us instead of staying inside the house. That's so boring."

Depends on what you want to do indoors…

"Next time, Zoe," Lilly stated, while we walked inside the kitchen where Jasmine tried to calm down the screaming infant on her arm.

"Please, stop crying now Ryan. Please, honey. Your Mommy needs a break. Or Mommy's ears need one. Please, Ryan…,"

"Maybe he's hungry?" Zoe suggested, sitting down on the chair next to Jasmine.

"Or tired?" Lilly mumbled, taking my hand in hers. Her eyes started sparkling when she caressed the little dark curls on the baby's head.

"Are your mothers in the hospital again?" Jasmine asked Lilly who had somehow managed to silence the little monster by letting him suck on the tip of her finger.

"Yes, they are. They should have come back earlier but then Seth decided that they need to do some more tests to make sure her kidneys are still working properly."

"You are worried about Ali, aren't you?"

She sighed and nodded her head before she turned to her little sister.

"Zoe, go to your room, honey."

"Why?"

"Because I said so!"

"You are mean! I hate when you yell at me!"

When the little one was out of sight, Jasmine cleared her throat nervously.

"I know you are scared and I'm worried about her too but this is Ali's choice, we have to accept it."

"She said if something happens to her, I have to take care of Mom and Zoe. I can't deal with this and I can't deal with the thought of her dying."

"Maybe she isn't dying. We'll have to have a little faith that everything will turn out good."

"Jasmine is right. You need to stop worrying so much all the time. It's not good for you."

The baby started screaming again and his blonde mother cradled him against her chest with a tortured expression on her face.

"I don't understand why he's crying all the time. It's driving me crazy. Oh please, Ryan, just stop it for five minutes. Look, we're going to leave, I think that's better. My wife is lucky that you keep her busy, Jane because taking care of a teething infant in not a fun thing to do. By the way, it was kind of cool that you fired Hunter. He's a sick asshole who badly needed a kick in his guts."

When she was gone Lilly poured herself a glass of diet coke and murmured thoughtlessly.

"He's kind of cute."

"Hunter? Oh my God, that's so gross."

"No, not James, he's just creepy and I'm glad he didn't do the lingerie photo-shooting."

I'm glad about that too. More so, than I can say…

"I think Ryan is cute. Did you see his hands? Like a cute little doll."

I hugged her and planted a kiss on her cheek.

"I bet you were cute as a baby. I bet you were far prettier than your siblings could ever be."

"I don't think so."

"But I do." I whispered, kissing her lips very gently.

"Jane, there is something I wanted to ask you. And you can say no if you don't want to."

"I would never say no to something you want, Lilly and you know that."

"I need to find someone but it's probably going to be difficult but it's important because if I can make her confess that she drugged my father with pills, it could change everything."


	39. Chapter 39

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] Welcome back my Darlings. Thanks for reading my little story here. It is close to my heart but I guess you already know that by now.

****Chapter 39****

_Jane_

Her brown eyes are getting huge while she halfheartedly continues working on the little sculpture in front of her. Art class is a complete waste of time but at least the teacher lets us sit together and doesn't mind when we talk in class.

"You hired her? What for? I don't think I understand."

I squeeze her knee underneath the table, drawing fine circles over her soft skin before I lean over and whisper into her ear.

"I thought you wanted me to find her?"

"Find, but not hire for fucks sake. Why in heaven's name would you want Tanya Denali to work for Volturi Inc.?"

"I feel like my current secretary needs a little change of air, so she's working in Chicago for two months and guess whom the Agency _chose_ to replace her?"

"I don't want to see that witch!" Her voice gets so loud that Irina turns her head in our direction.

"Lilly, Jane is there any part of your conversation that you'd like to share with the rest of the class? If not so I'd prefer if you kept it a bit down."

If your husband would like to keep his job as my security boss you should keep your mouth shut, I think, immediately feeling like some sort of asshole, but my nerves and my mood aren't exactly the best this Monday morning.

"I bet Lilly is making her a scene because of the newspaper article that was published this morning." Brian stats, throwing a little paper ball at another guy's head.

I've read that fucking article too and I already can't wait for Zafrina to kick that bastard's head who dared to publish it in his crappy newspaper. I could rip Trish a new one for pulling this shit…

_How the cold-hearted Volturi heiress broke my heart – a lesbian tragedy as told by Miss Trish D._

I don't mind everyone knowing that I'm gay but my parents are not pleased about it. My mother cried and she's the only person apart from Lilly that I can't see doing that. The good thing though is that one hand washes the other and after a few phone calls with the greatest model agencies in the country, I'm quite sure that the only product Trish is going to model for in the next years will be hemorrhoid salve…

"Why did you hire Tanya?"

"I thought it would be a good idea to have her close…gain her trust somehow. Maybe I can lull her in into talking to me about what happened back then."

"She knows who I am."

"Did I mention anything about you talking to her? I know you are scared of that stupid cow."

"I'm not…,"

I unclasp my bracelet and shove it over to her, clearing my throat nervously.

"We have to break up."

"WHAT? No, you can't do that to me. Please, Jane…,"

"Shhhh," I mumble, moving my chair a bit closer to her.

"Not for real, you silly girl, we just need to pretend we have…for a little while."

"Jane, I don't want this. I don't understand…,"

"Trust me, _gioia_, just trust me. I know what I'm doing. Tanya will sure be more likely to talk to me if you are my ex and not my current lover."

"I hate you! Fuck, I hate you so much for whoring around with this cunt!"

Crap, my sweet girlfriend has some unknown acting talents. I need to watch out for that in the future. My lips twitch into an evil grin before I open my mouth to start the biggest faked break up drama this School has ever seen….

XXXXX

"The two of you broke up?" Zafrina asks me, when I enter the office. I wonder how she managed to figure this out so fast. Her wife likes to gossip with Lilly's mothers I guess.

I nod my head and roll my eyes at her.

"Don't want to talk about it, if that's ok."

"Oh sure, Jane, I don't think it's necessary to talk constantly, that's Jasmine specialty."

I grab a donut from the basket on her desk and stuff it hungrily between my lips. They are strawberry frosted, Lilly's favorites…

"Is my new secretary here? I would like to discuss my schedule for the next week with her."

Zafrina places one hand on my shoulder and her eyes narrow for a moment. She's trying to read me, figure out the reasons for my decision to hire Tanya. I can't let her in this. It's too risky. We will need her help enough afterwards.

"She's already in your office, waiting."

When I open the door I take a quick long from head to toe of the woman that Lilly only calls the evil witch when she speaks of her. I hate that she's so terribly afraid of this cow, because sure as hell she doesn't look frightening at all.

Her hair is twisted into a tight knot at the back of her head and she has tried to cover the silver streaks in it with a horrible coppery color that looks way too red to be real. She is thin, almost sickish thin and her face is tanned and has countless fine lines around her eyeliner crowded eyes.

As soon as she sees me her pink tinted mouth curls up into a faked smile.

_Brown-noser…_

"Miss Mazzini, I'm so very delighted to meet you in person. It's such an honor to work for such a successful young lady."

Yeah, my aunt married some rich fucker and died too young, great success for me. What a stupid cow is this Tanya?

"It's my pleasure, Miss Denali. Why don't you bring some coffee for the two of us? I would like to go through my schedule with you to see if everything is planned out okay."

"Sure, Miss Mazzini, but please call me Jane. There is no need to be so formal."

She grants me another smile and rushes out of the office to return a few moments later with a tray. Hesitantly I take a sip from the porcelain cup. I don't know if it's a good idea to drink anything that she has prepared.

"You have a telephone conference with the people from Whitlock Holding Inc. and then there is this meeting with the labor union and…," she stops for a moment and her eyes narrow angrily. "You are supposed to attend this fitting with Miss Swan."

"Cancel it. I don't want to see Lilly anymore if it's not absolutely inevitable. Are we clear about that, Miss Denali?"

"Yes, of course, as you wish. Did something happen? The article in the newspaper this morning said…,"

"I know what the fucking article said. I don't wish for you to remind me!"

She cringes and starts scrawling notes into her notebook, nibbling her lower lip nervously, as if she desperately wants to ask me something but doesn't dare to.

We have time, my dear Tanya, I think. The two of us are going to be best friends soon enough…

XXXX

It's shitty late when I make it home. My father is still up and forces me to eat some Tiramisu. It's his way of showing me that he cares. He likes Lilly. She's a dear girl. He doesn't like the intensity of our relationship.

"Goodnight, _principessa_." he whispers, planting a kiss on my forehead. I take a quick shower before I change into a wide shirt and sit down on my bed with my legs crossed underneath me.

I dial her number, desperate to hear her voice before I fall asleep. I need to hear her, to know she's alright.

"Do you know how late it is?"

"Do you know how much I miss you? I hate not being able to see you. It's making me feel so…empty."

"Jane, we don't have to do this. I hate the thought that this awful witch is lurking around you day by day. I don't want her to hurt you."

Hurt me? It's more likely going to be the other way round, my darling.

"Please, don't worry. I know what I'm doing. But now, let's talk about more pleasant things. What are you wearing right now?"

"Some shirt and pajamas, why are you asking?"

"I want you to lay back and close your eyes. Can you do that for me, _gioia?"_

My hand moves between my own legs and very slowly I start circling my fingertips over the thin material of cotton.

"I want you to touch your beautiful breasts for me. Roll your fingers over your nipples and make them hard for me."

"You are crazy. Do you know that?"

"I'm crazy for you and I miss you. Now, touch yourself and tell me how it feels like."

"Jane…,"

"I bet your nipples are pebbling against your palms. If I were with you, I would suck and lick them until I would hear you moan."

"Oh God…,"

The husky sound of her voice goes straight to my core and I rub myself through my panties, feeling how they get soaked more with every touch. I'm so wet and when my fingers glide underneath the thin material my clit is throbbing against my thumb.

I tell her to touch her pussy and the soft groans that reach my ear a few moments later make every cell in my body tingle. Her face is in front of my inner eye when I shove two fingers deep inside of me, feeling my inner walls tightening around them a heartbeat later. I tumble over the edge of my lust and drift into a dreamless sleep.

XXXX

Tanya Denali has a little drinking problem; I'm sure about that after watching her secretly for a few days. The brownish liquid she keeps pouring into her tea, when she thinks no one can see her—that's sure as hell no caramel syrup. An evil grin flashes over my face as I sent her to order Champagne for everyone. It's my _Zia's_ birthday anyway and she would have loved to celebrate it excessively.

I pour the sparkling liquid into Tanya's glass for several times until she starts giggling like a complete moron.

"How come you never married? Such an attractive woman like you must have had tons of admirers."

"I was only ever interested in one. I only wanted one, and he was already taken."

"Oh that's sad to hear. But he could have left his wife for you, couldn't he?"

"Probably, men are idiots though." she stats, gulping down the rest of her drink.

"Want to know something funny?"

I pour her some more Champagne and sit down next to her on a couch.

"He loved her and was too stupid to see it. Isn't that ridiculous? He was so very much in love with her and I managed to make him feel ashamed about it."

"What an idiot. I don't understand why he didn't leave her though. I mean, she can't be prettier than you."

"She was a plumb cow. Well, I don't know why he was so stubborn. Maybe because of the kid, I guess."

"Didn't you try your charms on him? I bet you can be very charming if you want to be."

She giggled again and sipped on her drink, playing with the silver rings on her thin fingers.

"Sometimes charm is not enough to draw a man in. Sometimes you need to use some more radical methods."

"What kind of methods? Did you try to seduce him or something?"

Her glassy eyes stare down at her shoes and several snorts leave her mouth before she leans over to me, making me a bit nauseous with her boozy breathe.

"I gave him a few little pills now and then that would help him to let lose. He was always so terribly controlled. It was awful."

**XOXXOXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

[A/N] I would really love to hear your thoughts about Tanya's confession. Does it change anything for you?

Also, for those of you, who are interested in reading more of my work and are not strictly limited when it comes to the pairings you read, could check out two new one-shots I have written. It helps to grow as a writer to try out different stuff. (At least that's what I hope it does)

First one is an entry for the Age of Edward Contest.

It's called **On An Island With You** and portrays Edward as an Immigrant at the Beginning of the Twentieth century.

The other one is slash and I absolutely adore Jasper & Edward in this one. It's a bittersweet love-story and I would love for you to give it a try. It's called **Courage**.


	40. Chapter 40

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer, but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] This story is sort of my happy little place to escape from reality and I can't believe we're already at chapter 40. How much more are going to come? Ask the bunnies, not me. They know way more than I do…

****Chapter 40****

I shove the food on my plate halfheartedly around while I feel my mother's eyes on me. She's close to making a comment about me not eating properly but she's hesitating to do it because we have guests.

Jamie is slurping his drink through a straw and the sound itself is so annoying that I want to throw the rest of my pasta over his head. Maybe then he would eventually wash all that hair gel out of it for once.

"Zafrina said, it's going to be complicated to get this case back to court again and it is going to cost a hell lot of money too." Momma murmurs to Mike, explaining the new situation to him.

"I know." I whisper nervously.

"You know nothing. I don't understand why you had to do that." Mom stats and I can sense how difficult it is for her to keep her voice calm. She doesn't approve of the fact that I'm trying to help my father and I understand, at least to a certain point why she feels that way. There is so much bitterness in her, still after all these years and I don't think that is ever going to change.

"You are selfish, just like him. I don't…,"

"Bella, breathe. We can talk about that later when we've all calmed down a bit. Please, don't be mad at Lilly the entire time."

I squeeze Momma's hand, realizing that her fingertips are cold as ice. She's pale like a ghost, almost the entire time. I'm so worried about her being ok.

"I want to move to Seattle." Jamie mumbles suddenly and although he's annoying me with the constant starring into my cleavage I'm incredibly glad that he managed to change the topic of our conversation.

"And where are you planning on living there?" Mike asks him, taking another sip from the beer in front of him.

"With you and Irina, of course,"

"You actually know that your mother has custody for you, do you?"

"Dad! You know I can't stand the shithead she married. He hates me."

"Jamie, how often will I have to tell you not to call the shithead a shithead. You can move out there when you turn eighteen."

"That's four more years. I don't want to stay in Forks where nothing ever happens. The girls back home are…,"

"So, am I assuming right that this a bit more about the fact that you're hoping to find a girlfriend here and not so much…,"

"DAD, please."

"Oh Mike, stop teasing the poor boy. You are making him blush." Irina mumbles, placing her hand on her husband's. I realize that she's not wearing her wedding ring anymore. Did she lose it?

"I can be your girlfriend." Zoe tells him, wiping a bit of ketchup from her chin before she grins at the blond boy sitting next to her.

"You? You are just little kid."

"I'm the tallest girl in my class."

"Don't you think you're a bit too young for me? You're still playing with Barbie's and crap like that."

Her eyes narrow angrily and for a moment I'm wondering if she's going to throw her glass at him. She would sure as hell manage to hurt him. My little sister knows how to throw things at people.

"You only like my sister better than me because she already has boobs!"

"Zoe..."

"I hate you, I hate all of you."

She grabs her jacket and runs up the stairs, slapping the door to her room shut way louder than it would be necessary. Mom looks puzzled. Maybe she's surprised that her little angel is developing a bit of a temper. Sure as hell she's going to blame Benjamin for it now although that would be completely ridiculous.

"I'll go and check on her. " I whisper, standing up from my chair.

The music of her stereo is turned on to the maximum when I step inside her room.

"You must knock before you come here!"

"That's useless if you can't hear anyone knocking."

"You are stupid."

"And you are being a little brat today." I state, pulling the cable out of the socket before I sit down next to her on the bed. She has wrapped her arms around her knees and her face is turned into a sullen frown.

"This is not really about Jamie, is it?"

"He likes you better than me. I saw how he kept starring at your boobies the entire time."

"Zoe, that doesn't mean a boy likes you. Look, I don't care about him at all, if that makes you happy."

"Hmm,"

"Do you want me to call Cara and ask if she wants to stay over tomorrow night?"

"I hate Cara and I'm never going to talk to her again as long as I live."

I take a wisp of her hair between my fingers and try to comb through the tangles before I give up after a few moments.

"Momma is going to have a baby. She'll like the baby more than me."

I shake my head and lean forward to put a fingertip underneath her chin to make her look up at me.

"That's not true."

"But I have to give up my room because of the baby."

"Zoe! Jasmine is here, are you going to say hi to her and Zafrina?"

She wipes a tear from her eye with the back of her hand before she stands up again.

"Hi Zoe, how's it going?" Jasmine greets her cheerfully.

"Not that good. Can I stay at your house tonight? My mothers don't want me anymore because of the stupid baby."

"Oh sweetie, that's not true. We'll always love you."

Momma kneels down in front of her and plants a kiss on Zoe's nose.

"You don't have to be jealous of the baby. I love you all the same."

She starts tumbling and leans back against the wall, eventually sitting down next to my sister on the stairs.

"Do you want to eat something?" Mom asks Zafrina who is trying to somehow bring Ryan to start sucking on the tea she's holding in her hand. He doesn't stop screaming as loud as he can. Crap, how can such a little human make so much noise?

"I'm not hungry, thank you. I had a sandwich at my office but my wife should eat something, she's getting too thin."

"I don't have time to eat. Ryan is driving me insane."

"Oh cowgirl, he's just a baby. He's not doing that on purpose."

"That's what you think. You're not the one who is enduring this constant screaming like 24/7."

Jasmine looks as if she's close to crying. She's such a controlled person and the fact that she can't control Ryan's crying at all is not something she enjoys. Maybe she needs a break. Zafrina is working even more now because Jane is keeping her busy all the time.

Her cell starts ringing and she sighs deeply when she takes a look at the screen.

"That's my mother again, trying to give me tips on how to raise our kid."

"Give me your cell. I'm going to tell her you went for a walk with the little one."

She takes the cell and walks into the kitchen before she picks up. A few moments later she returns, handing the cell back to Jasmine before she wraps her arms around her honey blonde wife.

"Mom? Are you drunk? Stop crying. I don't understand a single word you're saying. WHAT? Oh my God. Oh..bu..why? People don't just die in their sleep."

XXXX

I help Mom to fill the dishwasher while Momma is upstairs with Zoe, trying to assure her that they aren't going to have the baby to replace her.

"I'm sorry about Jasmine's dad. Must have be hard for her, I guess."

"At least he had a peaceful death without any pain. That's what hurts me the most when I think about Charlie. That he had to suffer like this."

"I'm sorry about that, Mom."

"No, you're not. You want his killer to get out of jail."

"I want _my_ father out of jail. That's something completely different. Did he kill Grandpa? Yes, he did, that fact is undeniable. But he only did it because of the pills Tanya was feeding him."

"If your father wouldn't have had so much trouble keeping his dick in his pants, all of this wouldn't have happened."

"It's not like you never cheated on him too. When Momma moved in with us the two of you were still married as far as I know."

"That's something completely different. You'll understand that better when you are older."

I snarl and put the last cup into the dishwasher before I close it with a loud bang.

"We're done here, I guess. Can I go and see Jane now?"

"It's past ten. Isn't it possible for you and your girlfriend to meet at decent times?"

"A simple yes or no would have been enough."

"Go and see her if you want to but promise me you'll be back before midnight."

I nod my head and rush upstairs to run my brush through my hair and change into another blouse before I grab my handbag.

When I come down again both my mothers are in the kitchen and Mom is cradling her arms around Momma's slightly rounded middle. I feel like an intruder somehow and try to ignore their cuddling while I drink a gulp of milk straight out of the box.

"We have glasses."

"No time."

"Drive carefully."

"I drive…,"

"Lilly, I've seen how you drive and your preference for driving too fast is frightening." Mom mumbles leaning back against the kitchen counter.

"Hmm,"

Before I walk out again I turn around and clear my throat nervously before I speak up.

"Zoe is not very thrilled about the baby."

"Don't you think we know that? It's normal for older siblings to react in such a way. The baby will take away a lot of attention from Zoe. She's used to being the little one."

"The two of you really wanted to have this baby, didn't you?"

Momma nods her head and smiles so happy that I can't help but smile back at her. Hesitantly I reach out my hand and place it right underneath her belly button. Something pushes against my fingertips for a moment and I instantly pull back.

"Woo. It's moving."

"Since a few days, isn't that completely incredible?"

She takes my hand again and this time I dare to let it stay on her abdomen. The baby kicks and kicks against my palm. Does it already know who I am? I feel like talking to him or her but I guess that would be silly somehow.

An alarm clock starts beeping and Mom pulls several tablet tubes out of a cupboard, handing them to Momma with a glass of water.

"See you later," I whisper, putting on my jacket.

"Midnight! Don't forget it."

Outside it is shitty cold and I shiver when I climb inside the car, turning the heat on before I fumble my cell out of my handbag.

"Jane. Guess who's allowed out of the dungeon for a little while?"

"Awesome. I miss you. When will you be here?" she asks me, chewing something in the background. I hope they have some of those delicious almond cookies left when I get there.

My fingers close around the medallion that's hanging around my neck and for the first time in a very long time I'm just happy, happy because I'm loved so much.


	41. Chapter 41

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

[A/N] I had such a terrible attack of writer's block in the last week. It made me feel so horrible. The chapter below is dedicated to all the Z/J fans among you. If you don't enjoy reading 'bout them…well, just don't. I have given up the attempt on pleasing everyone. It only puts unnecessary pressure on me that I can't deal with.

I have never written a scene like that before *blushes & hides*.Hope some of you will have fun reading it…

****Chapter 41****

_Zafrina_

I was about to drift into a fitful sleep when she cleared her voice next to me overdramatically.

"What do you think he's doing right now? Maybe we should have taken him with us. My Mom would have loved to see the baby again."

"Your mother can come and visit Ryan in Seattle any time. Do you know how a long flight like this is fucking up a little child's biorhythm?"

"You know what's really fucking up his rhythm—you, because you're always waking him up, when you come home late at night."

I take her hand and circle my fingertips down her dainty wrist. She has lost way too much weight since the little one was born, but somehow she never seems to find enough time to eat between breastfeeding and changing diapers.

The situation right now isn't going to improve her appetite. Her mother is not a very strong person and dealing with her husband's unexpected death isn't an easy thing to do.

When we're landing about an hour later Jasmine is snoring next to me. I shake her wake and wipe a bit of her smudged eyeliner from her cheekbones. Why she's bothering to apply that stuff when everything is going to get smeared from her tears is beyond me.

My mother in law is cheerful as usual, thanks to a combination of tranquilizers and expensive bourbon that she keeps pouring into the iced-tea she's constantly sipping on. I make a few calls and read through a boring contract concerning silk scarfs from Japan before I turn my attention back to my honey blonde wife. She's nibbling halfheartedly on a sandwich their cook has made for her after making a comment about _"Poor Miss Jazzy-Baby"_ being only skin and bones.

She's so tired that she doesn't even recognize what she's eating and when we go to bed later that night she sobs against my chest, insisting that it's because she's missing Ryan and not because of her father's death. They always had a rather frosty relationship since she had her Coming Out. Daddy Whitlock didn't really reprove that much of his little _Jazzy-Baby_ having interest in kissing other girls.

The next morning though during the funeral her eyes stay completely dry throughout the entire ceremony. Like a robot, she mechanically shakes hands and smiles tiredly when her father's business partners condolence her.

My eyes catch sight of fire-red curls underneath a wide black hat. It's a bit too much Hollywood for rural Texas but before I can whisper a sarcastic comment to Jasmine the woman turns her head to us and a smile flashes over her face.

"Crap! What the fuck is that bitch doing here? I'll kick her out."

"Be still. A funeral is a public event. Anyone can attend it."

"But I can't stand that cunt for fucks sake." She snarls through gritted teeth, making the guy next to her laugh.

"Such a dirty word from such a pretty mouth,"

"Just shove it, Peter. I haven't asked for your opinion."

"Oh come on, Jasmine, you and I are going to be partners now. You should get used to caring about my opinion. I know more about cattle than you ever will."

"You know how to spend the money that comes from it and you know that I don't give a goddamn shit about that."

"Too bad,"

I rub my temples with my fingertips, already feeling an awful headache starting to form. Jasmine doesn't want anything to do with her parents' money and that's an attitude that can only be held by someone who has been born with a silver spoon in one's mouth. How you can say no to money that comes to you so very easily is beyond me. I think it's stupid but the better I got to know my in-laws the more I get her point. Everything is so terribly empty and superficial. Jasmine is not like that, not at all.

However, when we find ourselves in her father's office after the ceremony, all of us covered in a thin layer of sweat because the small room is too crowded and the air conditioning is not working properly, I don't know if I should do what Jasmine so clearly wants me to do—refuse to accept the inheritance…

"Can we get started now, before we're all melting away?" My mother in law purrs to her husband's lawyer who looks as if he's not that far away from getting a heart attack from his obesity.

"We have to wait for someone…oh there she comes. Mrs. Hunter, I'm glad that you are here."

Victoria smiles at everyone. Smiles like only someone can smile who has lost nothing but is about to win everything in return.

"Good Morning, everyone, isn't this just a lovely day?"

"It's a lovely day for me to break your jaw." Jasmine hisses at her and I grab my hand around her arm to keep her from doing something that will embarrass her.

"Why are _you_ here?"

Victoria giggles and when she speaks up again her voice is smooth like honey.

"I am here by invitation."

"She's right about that Mrs. Whitlock. Well, now that everyone is present we can get started."

He wipes some sweaty pearls from his forehead and takes a sip from the glass of water that's standing on the desk before he starts reading out the last will of Jasmine's father.

I take her cold hand between both of mine and squeeze it, already knowing hell is going to break lose in…five….four….three….

"And so I declare that all my earthly possessions are supposed to go to 50 percent to my beloved wife while the other half is going to be split to the same amounts between my two daughters Jasmine M. Whitlock and Mrs. Victoria Hunter. It is…"

"WHAT? Is this a joke or something?"

"Mrs. Whitlock, it's not part of my nature to make jokes."

"Could you, do me a favor then and repeat the last sentence you read out? That one saying that this impossible person here is my…my…my…,"

"The word you are looking for is _sister_, sweetheart." Victoria stats calmly, playing with a curl of her reddish hair.

"You'll be my sister on the day, hell freezes to ice. I don't know what makes you think you can just show up here and try to steal my fathers..,"

"_Our_ father's…,"

"I could kill you for throwing dirt on his grave. Zafrina, say something! Tell her it's illegal to claim being someone's child when it's not true."

"Baby, calm down now, take a deep breathe."

"I don't want to calm down! This is not acceptable. I want you to do something!"

I sigh deeply and try to speak as low and slowly as possible.

"Your father wasn't an idiot. He made sure that she really is his flesh and blood before he included her in this testament. I told him, it would have been better to tell you…,"

"YOU KNEW? You fucking knew?"

With that she's out of the room and I rush after her, ducking my head when she throws something—I think it's a vase— after me. I have seen her angry and I have seen her sad. I know how she is when she is pissed but this…this is worse than anything else since I met her and for the first time in my life I'm truly scared.

"Baby, can we talk?" I whisper, knocking on the door to her room where she has locked herself in.

"HOW LONG?"

She snarls at me, opening the door a bit. Pushing her back inside the room, I feel her dainty fists hammering against my ribs in order to shove me away again.

"Are you going to calm down?"

"What is there to calm down about if you have a wife that keeps information like _that_ from you?"

A desperate sob leaves her throat while she starts searching for something in her handbag.

"Jasmine, look, I'm sorry, but your father was my client and you actually know that I'm supposed to…,"

"I DON'T CARE! I'm your wife…that means you are supposed to fucking tell me everything! Do you have any clue how much I detest that woman? It repulses me that I'm related to her."

"Oh Jasmine, now you're getting a bit childish. You don't have to like her just because you are related. Nothing is going to change."

She throws another object, this time it's a hairbrush after me and I can manage to turn my body to the side before it makes contact with my face.

"Stop acting like a spoilt little brat before I…before I…,"

She crosses her arms in front of her chest, her eyes sparkling full of anger.

"You wouldn't dare to."

"Don't be so sure about that, cowgirl."

A shrill scream leaves her mouth when I grab her around the waist and pull her, face down to the mattress, on my lap. The slapping noise when my flat hand comes down on her small backside sends a shiver down my spine. It is so goddamn wrong to do this but instantly I raise my hand again and this time my palm lands directly on her left thigh, leaving a reddish mark on her pale skin.

I wait for her to scream again, to tell me to stop the fuck. Spanking your wife is in no way an acceptable way to handle a fight. Her skirt is pushed up and somehow, as if I'm in some sort of frenzy my hand comes down again…and again.

Finally a noise escapes her lips and it's not what I expected it to be.

She groans deep within her throat and I stop midway, dropping my hands from her body. Her skin is tinted in a deep pinkish color and I wish for myself to die right now, die right now in this very moment. I'd deserve it.

"Oh. My. God."

"Ouch…oh…oh…fuck…are you crazy?"

"Baby, I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me. It will never…,"

Her mouth is one mine before I can continue with my lame attempt of an apology, because I know that there is no kind of excuse for what I have done to her.

I taste her tears on my tongue as she shoves hers between my parted lips, groaning against them while her hands fist into the fabric of my blouse, ripping it open so abruptly that a few of the buttons land all over the bed.

My trembling fingers move between her thighs and when their tips reach the thin lace of her thong I gasp against her mouth. She's soaked and I don't understand how her body could have reacted in such a way. I must have hurt her with the spanking. My own hand is practically numb now.

When I circle my fingertips over her slick outer lips she whimpers and moans until I rub them lazily over the little pearl of her clit.

I want her mouth on me so badly and so I flip us around on the bed until our heads are buried between the other one's thighs.

Her tongue moves up and down, circling my entrance while her fingers circle around my clit. The muscles in my lower abdomen start to tighten and I can already feel I'm close, so fucking close to my release.

Pushing three fingers simultaneously inside her tight heat her clit pulses against my lower lip when I tease it with it.

"Come hard for me, cowgirl." I moan against her moist skin and a heartbeat later her muscles cramp around my fingers inside her over and over again. My entire body starts trembling as my climax rushes through every single cell in me. It doesn't subside, just slows down and speeds up again for an endless seeming little eternity.

We are both still panting heavily when I pull her curly head on my lap a few minutes later.

"You hit me. I can't believe you hit me. No one has ever spanked me when I was a little child."

I clear my throat nervously but force my voice to sound sarcastic when I speak up.

"That shows, _Darlin'_. You'd be probably a lot easier to be around if someone would have set your ass straight now and then."

"I hate you."

"I know." I whisper, pushing her damp hair behind her ears.

"Not for spanking me but for lying to me about my half-sis…God, I can't even say the word. It's too awful. Ali is going to flip if I tell her about that."

"Then don't. There is no reason for agitating her unnecessarily."

"Is that the reason why you didn't tell me?"

I shake my head and risk a glimpse down her bare backside. The skin is still red but at least I can't see any bruises forming underneath it. Bruises or not, 'm still an asshole. She's like forty pounds less my weight and probably the last person on earth I would want to harm. Crap, crap, crap, what the hell did come over me?

"Gorgeous, are you alright?" she mumbles and it's not until she gently places two fingers under my chin that I realize I started sobbing.

"Don't cry."

"But I hurt you." I croak out, unable to see through the veil of tears in front of my eyes.

She sighs and stands up from the bed. I can hear her opening a cupboard and then I hear her coughing loudly.

"Here, take a sip."

The alcohol pours down my throat and fills my stomach with pleasant warmth a few moments later.

"You have Bourbon in your room?"

"You have some in your office. Do you think I wouldn't know about that?"

I take another gulp and wipe my running nose on my underarm.

"Why didn't you tell me to stop?" I ask her hesitantly.

"I don't know. I was too shocked, I guess and then…I don't even understand why…after the first slaps, it felt…I don't know…God, this is so confusing."

"I swear, it will never happen again, never. I'm so sorry. I can't tell you how very sorry I am."

She takes the bottle out of my hands and sips on it, once…twice…she lifts it to her lips for a third time but I stop her.

"I think you had enough."

"Not even close. My Dad was a prick who fucked around with some random whore. I can't endure the thought so give me back the Bourbon. Maybe it will help me to forget."

"Sweetie, you haven't had any liqueur since Ryan was born, gulping down that bottle, will sure as hell give you alcohol poisoning and I won't let that happen."

She coughs when she takes another sip from the bottle before handing it back to me. Her cheeks are blushed a bright crimson, her makeup is smeared but still…

This tiny, thick-headed woman is the most beautiful creature under the sun to me.

I take several sips from the bitter alcohol until the warmth in my stomach spreads through me like liquid sunlight and everything around us drowns in it.


	42. Chapter 42

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Welcome back, my lovely readers & big hugs to those of you who love my story here. Your support means a lot to me.

****Chapter 42****

I'm too tired to listen to Kayla's discussion with my beautiful girlfriend and continue nibbling halfheartedly on my blueberry muffin.

"We can't use pinks on her. That will look horrible with her hair color." Kayla stats draping some thin silk scarfs around my shoulder.

"Maybe we could dye it blond for the next shooting. Cut if off to her shoulders and…,"

"I don't want Lilly to color her hair. It is lovely the way it is. We can change the color of that blouse to green or whatever. But there is no way we're changing her hair."

I take one of my long curls between my fingers and turn it around and around, remembering how other kids always used to call me a carrot-head when I was little. How I begged Momma to allow me to color my hair and she never would let me.

"Maybe it would be fun to be blonde for once."

"Oh baby no. I love your hair the way it is. Kayla, you are putting stupid ideas into that pretty head of hers."

The phone on Jane's desk starts beeping and when she puts her secretary on loudspeaker the woman sounds embarrassingly nervous.

"Mr. Hayley from the public prosecution office is here to talk to his sister."

"Which one?"

"Wait a moment..."

When she's back on the line again, she clears her throat nervously.

"He says he only has one."

Kayla drops the fabrics she's holding and when she kneels down to pick them up, her hands are trembling.

"Send him in. Zafrina should be here any minute."

Jane's mouth turns into a devilish grin when she greets Derek in an overly sweet tone.

"How are you doing, Mr. Hayley."

"I'm not in the mood for small talk. Where is my sister? She was supposed to meet me here."

"I don't tend to make lists about every minute of my employee's life. "

After a few awkward minutes in that Derek tries very hard to ignore his young half-sister, Zafrina rushes in, breathless and still carrying the crying baby on her right hip.

"This is not a kindergarten." Jane stats exasperated, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"It was an emergency. My wife will pick him up later."

I take the baby from Zafrina and rock him back and forth until he eventually falls asleep.

"Wasn't your snowflake of a wife supposed to take care of the little one?"

"Derek, you know how much I hate it when you call her that. Why are you here now anyway?"

"To inform you that we have decided to close the case concerning the death of Royce King. We have no witnesses and the fire has most likely destroyed any kind of possible evidence we would otherwise have found on the corpse."

"Good to know. My client, Mr. McCarthy will be delighted to hear you will stop your useless investigations."

"I'll still have an eye on that man."

"If it pleases you, feel free to."

"The little one looks like him. Do you think I haven't noticed that, sister?"

Zafrina chuckles and takes the baby from me, lifting him up to the air before planting a kiss on Ryan's little snub nose.

"Your uncle is too observant. Maybe he needs to find himself a nice little girlfriend. It would distract him from sticking his nose into other people's life."

"Zafrina, I warn you."

"Not necessary. Have you seen some of the fantastic sketches our sister has done? She's very talented. "

"I don't care for that scrawling of underwear. That's not even a real job, if you ask me."

Kayla growls and grabs her handbag, pulling a hairband out of it to twist her hair into a messy knot before applying some lip gloss on her mouth.

"I'll come back later tonight. I have a date with a man who doesn't think designing Lingerie isn't a proper job."

She hugs her sister and waves her hand at me and Jane before she walks out. As soon as the door closes behind her, Derek clears his throat.

"Did she leave because of what I said?"

"No, asshole, she really has a date. Some photographer she met online."

"You are allowing her to meet with some random guy from the internet? Are you fucking stupid?"

"She's twenty-five and doesn't need my consent for her love life. If she wants to meet with someone, she will."

"But not from the internet for crying out loud. The guy could be a total pervert or a criminal, most likely both."

XXXX

At home I squeeze out some oranges and pour myself half a glass of the juice before I carry the rest of it up to my mother's bedroom. Seth wants Momma to rest as much as possible and so she's supposed to stay in bed most of the time.

When I sit down next to her on the bed, her mouth curls up into a smile.

"I don't like being such a burden for you and Bella. It makes me feel sick."

"You are sick."

"I'm just pregnant that doesn't count as being sick. Did everything go ok with the fitting?"

"Kayla wants me to dye my hair blonde for a photo-shooting but Jane is not really thrilled about the idea."

"Blonde won't look very good with your skin tone."

"Is that why you never allowed me to color my hair when I was younger?"

"Just for the record, sweetie—you were in first grade when you started asking about that. That's too young for that kind of procedure. If you want to color your hair now, feel free to. "

"I'm not sure yet."

She whimpers and automatically her thin hands glide downwards, cradling her swollen midsection tenderly.

"The baby likes the sound of your voice. When you are here with me, it always keeps kicking."

Hesitantly I place my hand underneath her belly button, being instantly greeted by a little fist. Or is that a feet?

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" I ask her, lifting the glass with orange juice to her mouth.

"A girl…but the sex doesn't really matter to me anymore. I just hope my stupid heart won't make any more trouble. Dad was not really pleased when Seth showed him my last test results."

"Does Mom know about that?"

"I don't want to worry her more than she already does. Please, don't tell her that I told you."

I nod my head and swallow hard, forcing my lips into a smile.

"You know she's going to freak if something happens to you."

"That's what worries me the most; that I could hurt her because I talked her into the whole baby thing."

The door to the bedroom is pulled open and before I can blink Fiona is on the bed, spilling the entire juice over the blankets.

"Lilly, for heaven's sake tell your dog to get down from that bed. Her hairs are going to end up everywhere. It's not very hygienic."

"Hello to you too, Mom,"

"It wasn't her fault. The dog likes to be close to me. Don't you, Fiona?"

The dog makes some purring noises before he presses his head against her swollen middle and she starts petting the russet fur with her fingertips.

"How are you feeling?" Mom whispers worriedly, leaning down to plant a kiss on Momma's dry lips.

"Do I look well enough for you to believe me that I'm fine?"

"Not really. Is Seth going to come here later to check on you again?"

"Yeah, him and my father, I hate doctors, have I ever told you about that?"

"Not that I remember. How was work?"

"I don't like working with Benjamin. He's so terribly messy. Zoe has inherited that from him, I think."

I check the time on my watch and realize it's time to pick my little sister up from her softball training.

"I'll pick up Zoe. " I mumble, standing up from the bed again. "Come with me, Fiona before you do any more damage that drives my mother crazy."

Starting the engine of my car, it roars underneath me and makes some strange noises that I try to ignore by turning the stereo on as loud as possible. I don't have enough money to let a mechanic check on it and I sure don't want Jane to pay for that sort of thing. She's spending way too much money on me anyway. The first check for my modeling job is already I the bank but I need that for college and not for hopefully not that essential car repairs.

When I arrive at the Gym, Zoe is sitting on the bench, as far apart from one of our blond cousins as possible. He's holding some ice-pack against his left temple and I hope that my sister hasn't been the source of his injury.

"Hi there,"

"Lilly, it's so good that you are here. I never want to play again. The twins are stupid and ruin everything."

"You are stupid." Tegan snarls, spitting on the ground.

"You are the one who is stupid for trying to hit a girl". Nessie mumbles, handing his brother a bottle of lemonade.

"Are you kidding me? That's just Zoe. She doesn't count as a girl."

"I wished you guys wouldn't be fighting all the time. Is your Mom going to pick you up or do you want me to drive you home as well?"

"I don't want to ride in the same car with Tegan. You are my sister and have to be on my side."

"Oh sweetie, please don't be like that."

"ARE YOU HURT?" my aunt sounds a bit too hysterical and when she kneels down next to Tegan and starts examine the bruise on his head carefully.

"How did that happen?"

"I fell."

"Is that the truth?"

"Of course, Mom… can we go home now? My head hurts."

"We'll go to the hospital to get you some x-rays."

"Cool! They are going to scan his head to see that he has no brain behind his skull."

"Nessie, you shouldn't tease your poor brother all the time. Go and get your stuff now."

"Yes, Mom,"

Back inside the car, Zoe grabs the bottle of diet coke from underneath the passenger's seat and takes a big gulp from it.

"That tastes yucky."

"No one said you had to drink it."

"But I'm thirsty."

"What happened to the water, Mom made you take with you this morning?"

"I poured that over Tegan's head during lunch break."

"Zoe, why did you do that?"

"Cause I hate him. He's taking Cara away from me. She likes him better than me."

"Are you jealous?"

"No. I just don't like him near her. He is stupid."

"Cara can still be your friend even when she likes Tegan."

"Hmm,"

My cell starts vibrating and I pull it out, while I simultaneously play around on the stereo.

"Hi Jane,"

"Gioia, why is it so terribly loud around you?"

"I'm in my car."

"Oh I see. Try to drive carefully."

"I always drive carefully."

"For a maniac, no clue how you managed to talk them into handing out your driver's license to you."

"You are mean. I don't know why I love you so very much."

"Oh there are many reasons, I bet. Do you want to have dinner at my place today? I could cook for you."

"Since when do you have time to cook?" I ask her, feeling my empty stomach starting to rumble in anticipation.

"Since my new designer has decided that her dates are more important than her job. I'm done waiting here for Kayla to show up again."


	43. Chapter 43

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer but lovely Lilly is my baby.

[A/N] *peaks out underneath blanket* is it safe to come out? It's a difficult time for me right now as a writer and I'm grateful for those of you who have been so incredibly supportive and encouraging. I wished I could believe in myself as much as you do.

****Chapter 43****

I watch her fascinated as she applies a second layer of dark eye shadow on her lids. She is nervous and when she is nervous Jane has a tendency to wear too much make up. Very slowly my fingers circle up her neck until they reach the carefully arranged knot at the back of her head.

"Don't touch it!"

"Relax. I was not going to destroy your hairdresser's work. Take a deep breathe. Everything is going to be fine."

"I'm sorry. I'm just a bit…a bit."

"Nervous?"

"Being nervous is for fucking losers. I'm just agitated…a tiny bit. Tonight is important."

She sits down on the edge of the bathtub and when I manage to kneel down in front of her what isn't that easy with the long dress Kayla made me dress in. My face reflects in the mirror on the right side of the wall and for the very first time in a long time, I really like the way I look. Maybe because I look more like a professional model than the average, chubby school girl that usually looks back at me.

"You're beautiful. I love you." She whispers, weaving a wisp of my straightened curls through her fingers.

I plant a soft kiss on her ruby tinted lips and pull her closer, letting my tongue circle against the tip of hers. The doorbell goes and I almost lose my balance when I try to stand up again.

"Careful." Jane mumbles, wrapping one arm around my waist to steady me. "If you fall over, you'll take me with you."

"Jane, are you up there?"

She clears her throat and when she speaks up her voice is hard, as if she has hidden all her insecurities behind a block of cold ice.

"Weren't you supposed to be here like half an hour ago, Mike?" she snarls at him, while I watch in horror as he shoves a silvery shining weapon into the jacket of his tuxedo.

"I had to coordinate some of the security instructions for tonight. There are going to be a shitty lot of people. You are not supposed to…,"

"Go and pee on my own. I got it. Just for the record. This whole tantrum is ridiculous. I can handle the morons from the press pretty fine myself. "

XXXXX

White like chalk—her face looks white like chalk and so very fragile that I wonder if she's going to break down any minute. Her mouth is curled up in a cheerful smile though while she continues to arrange the silk hem of my dress over and over again.

"Momma, it's fine. You need to sit down and rest."

"I'm feeling well. Please don't worry about me for it makes me feel awkward."

I take her hand and when I squeeze her fingers I realize how swollen they are. Is that normal for a pregnant woman?

"You need to stop playing down your condition, safe that for Mom if you think she can't handle it but I can."

"Lilly, please…not tonight. I don't want to talk about my stupid heart tonight. It has already ruined so much for me. I want more from it than it is willing to give me and it doesn't like me being greedy."

She inhales sharply between her teeth, pressing her hand against her lower back.

"Are you in pain?"

"No. I'm just sore from finishing the clothes. Kayla isn't really that useful since she's head over heels for this photographer."

"Have you met him?"

"Seems to be a bit on the shy side that man but Kaya's eyes are glowing whenever she speaks of her J. She's a dear girl and deserves being happy."

Someone starts yelling and when we turn around, Seth is next to me, forcing Momma to sit down on a chair before he hands her a glass of water.

"It's time for your medication, Ali."

"You are worse than my father. The pills make me drowsy. I take them when I get home."

"Are you planning on going home in the next ten minutes? See, I know you wouldn't and now be a good girl and swallow your pills."

"Do what he tells you, Mary Alice."

"Dad…,"

I hug my grandfather and plant a kiss on his cheek before he turns his attention to my mother who is not that happy with having two doctors around her now.

"Her hands are swollen." I tell them, earning myself a dirty look from Momma. "And her back hurts but she's trying to play it down."

Seth and Grandpa exchange a worried look, mumbling something to each other that doesn't make any sense to me. Kidney failure? I think her heart is sick?

"I wished I could force you to go to the hospital and spend the rest of your pregnancy there."

"I hate hospitals, too many doctors."

"We'll talk about that later. Where is your wife? She seems to be the more responsible one of the two of you."

"Seth, Dad…please don't tell her about the kidney thing. It would make her freak."

"What would make me freak?" Mom asks, wrapping her arms around Momma's dainty shoulders from behind.

"That our entire Romanian family is here and Vlad is probably going to kill Mike, if looks could kill that is."

"He needs to relax. Mike is good for Irina. They are good together."

"You look sick, Alicija."

"I'm fine, no need to worry. Have you already met your new son in law?"

Vlad frowns and hisses something in Romanian to his wife who bitches back at him, placing her hand on her trembling daughters shoulder.

Irina looks as if she's about to start crying and I hate that her father is giving her such a hard time.

"I love him. Can't you at least try to..,"

"There is no reason for me to understand your stupidity."

His wife growls and in an overly theatrical gesture she throws her wedding ring on the ground.

"Tell your mother to calm down."

"At least she's on my side."

"Irina, I don't like you talking to me in that tone."

"And I don't like you talking to my wife like that. She doesn't need your consent to get married in case you weren't aware of this fact."

Jane giggles, handling me a glass of orange juice. When I sip on it, I taste the crisp champagne on the tip of my tongue. How much of this can I drink before I get tipsy?

Unfortunately I can't handle drinking alcohol and so I find myself outside a few minutes later, emptying my stomach into the fountain in the hotel garden. God, this is so embarrassing.

"You sick?"

I wipe my mouth on the back of my hand, blinking into the face of Irina's mother. She pulls a tissue out of her handbag and dips it into the water of the fountain before she runs the soaked fabric over my sweaty face.

"Thanks."

"Better now that everything is out again?"

"A little,"

"I can sit with you for a moment. It's not like I want to go back inside to listen to my husband's rambling."

"He's pretty angry at Irina, isn't he?"

"Vlad is angry all the time; always has been, always will be."

"Why?" I ask her, searching for a mint in my own handbag. It's not like I want everyone to know that I puked from one glass of champagne.

"That's complicated. He's a very unhappy person and that's my fault, at least to a great part of it."

Pulling the sleeves of her blouse up, I realize the small silver bracelet around her wrist.

"That looks like the one I gave to my girlfriend."

Raising one eyebrow she circles her thumb over the delicate metal.

"Alicija shouldn't have given you her mother's bracelet if you would give it to someone else."

"I don't think she minds. Momma knows how much I care about Jane."

"If you say so, girl. Maybe you should know though that Sasha and I stole them back then."

"Stole them?"

"Well, actually we left a little money for the shop owner but not enough to pay for both of the bracelets. We were almost kids. It was a stupid idea."

A smile flashes over her face and when she closes her eyes for a moment it widens.

"Such a long time ago…too long and still…,"

A deep sigh leaves her mouth before she continues.

"Alicija looks so much like Sasha. It's a bit like having her back somehow."

XXXXX

Unlike me my gorgeous girlfriend sure can hold her liquor and her cheeks are glowing when she sits down on my lap, pressing her ear against my cleavage.

"Don't leave me alone again with all this shitheads. You are the only person who really knows who I am."

I caress her hair, stroking its silkiness with my fingertips until I accidentally pinch myself on one of her hairpins.

"Ouch," I hiss, sticking my finger between my lips where I instantly taste the tiny droplet of fresh blood.

"Did you hurt yourself? Let me kiss it better."

She takes my hand, blowing gently over the throbbing fingertip when a camera clicks directly in front of us, blinding me with its light.

"What a cute couple. "

"Hunter, what the fuck are you doing here? Was there anything about me firing your sorry ass that was too complicated for your retarded brain to grasp it?"

Kayla appears behind him and to my immense horror she hugs him tightly, letting the son of a bitch stick his tongue between her lips. He's so disgusting. My stomach walls cramp again but there isn't anything down there that could come up again now.

"Kayla, what the hell is HE doing here?"

"Oh Jane, don't be mad at J. for the little snapshot. He's not going to sell it to the press, aren't you, sweetheart?"

"MIKE!"

"Something wrong, Jane? I thought you were so fond of handling the ress yourself."

"Hunter is no press. He wishes to leave and has trouble finding his way out."

"Jane, he came here with me."

"You can stay or go with him. However it pleases you, Kayla. If I it wasn't for your sister you'd be fired now just like your poor excuse of a boyfriend here."

"He worked for you? J. you didn't tell me…,"

"Keep your stupid mouth shut before I help with that."

"I think the party is over for you now." Jane stats, pulling me closer against her. I can feel her pulse throbbing against my fingertips as I close my hand around her wrist.

"Next time I'll see you anywhere on Volturi Inc. property the police will get your sorry ass to jail where scum like you belongs."

"It's so easy for you to have a big mouth when your stupid security guy is around. He can't be near you 24/7. If I were you, I'd better watch out. Accidents happen all the time. You wouldn't want to be in one would you?"


	44. Chapter 44

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] It is necessary to give you a tissue warning. This made me cry the entire time I was writing it.

****Chapter 44****

_Alice_

I had never been scared of dying, only of leaving behind the people I loved. The pain I was going to cause them made my weak heart cramp even more in my chest. I remember sitting on the steps in my parent's house as a little girl, hearing my mother cry while my father and some other doctor friend of him were having a discussion about the severity of my heart condition.

The man told my sobbing mother to prepare herself mentally for the worst and my Dad ended up throwing that poor guy out of the house for agitating her like that.

But what had been said had been said and so I stayed on my spot on the stair and wondered how it would actually feel like to die. I didn't want to fall asleep again because if I wouldn't wake up again the next day my mother would be sad.

I didn't want her to be sad. I didn't want anyone to be sad ever. I rubbed my eyes, forcing them to stay open but after a while sleep overpowered me and my head fell forward on my knees.

Somehow that was the moment I realized that if death was going to come for me, I wouldn't be able to fight it back.

"Ali? Are you awake?" a warm voice next to me asked me while gentle fingertips caressed my hand. When I tried to move around I noticed the tubes and needles that were adjusted to my arm.

"I'm awake and I feel better. Can we go home now?"

She swallowed hard and when she spoke up again her voice was hoarse as if she had been crying a very long time.

"Oh Ali, what am I supposed to do without you?"

I tried to sit up but she pressed her free hand against my shoulder, keeping me flat in the uncomfortable hospital bed.

"Don't move."

"Bella, please, everything will be fine. I don't want you to worry."

"And I don't want you to die! Oh Ali, this is so my fault. I should have talked you out of this. It was too risky and both of us knew. If you die….oh my God, my God,"

I stroked her head with my fingertips, feeling how her tears soaked through the thin paper-like cotton of the hospital gown.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who is sorry here. You are going to leave me alone for nothing."

The baby kicked inside me, the first movement after a very long time. Due to the medication I was forced to take the little one was asleep way more than it was usual.

"It's not for nothing. You are making me angry if you say stuff like that."

She took my hand and squeezed my swollen fingers so tightly that the metal of my wedding ring cut painfully into my skin.

"You are so stubborn when you want something very badly." she mumbled, lifting a glass of water to my dry lips.

"How do you think I got you to fall for me in the first place?" I whispered before taking a small sip from the water.

Seth entered the room and when I saw the tensed expression on his face I felt very tempted to ask my wife to leave the room. Whatever he was about to tell me now, it sure as hell wasn't going to make her worry one tiny bit less.

"Morning Ali, how are you feeling?"

"Awesome. I feel like trying a new hobby today. Maybe start training for a Marathon. Lilly is jogging with my sister now and has obviously started to develop a liking in this sport nonsense, so I thought I'd give it a try as well."

"I can order a nurse to strap you to this bed if you have trouble staying calm. You are supposed to rest. Your body can't compete with your temper."

"She won't move one single inch, Seth. I make sure. Have you checked her latest test results yet?"

"That's why I am here. Your kidneys are failing, both of them. That's also the reason why your entire body is bloated with water."

"So, I'll need dialysis? When are we going to start with it?"

"We can't, not while you are still pregnant."

Bella stood up from the bed and the next thing I heard was the smashing of a delicate vase against the wall next to me. Water dropped on my blankets and several red gerbera flowers landed in a pile of pieces of broken glass on the floor.

"I can't do this, Ali. I fucking can't."

She rushed out of the room while Seth kneeled down to pick up the glass shards.

"Give her time. This is hard for both of you."

"Am I going to die?"

"Ali, as your doctor I am supposed to tell you the truth, always but as your friend…,"

"As my friend you should know me well enough to know that I'm able to handle it."

He smiled, sitting down on the edge of my bed while his eyes flickered to my swollen midsection.

"Is he moving again? How does that feel like?"

"She," I corrected him immediately, placing his hand underneath my belly button. My gynecologist hadn't been able to tell me the sex but somehow I was convinced the baby was a girl; maybe because that was what I wanted it to be.

"You will die if we don't get the toxins out of your system. They are going to damage your weak heart even more than it already is."

"But you can't start with the dialysis as long as she is still inside me."

"Exactly,"

"Well, then we just have to be a bit patient and wait."

"Ali, your body is not strong enough to wait any longer. We need to deliver the baby now. It's too risky to wait any longer."

"But it's too soon. She's too small."

He rubbed her stomach in small circles, his lips twitching into a small smile when he felt a tiny foot kicking against his palm.

"All the good things come in small packages. Hasn't anyone told you about that yet?"

XXXX

Her brown eyes, now slightly reddish from the crying blinked away a wave of new tears when she leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on my forehead. The local anesthetic was working now and the lower part of my body was completely numb.

"I'm sorry for running away earlier. It was stupid."

"You are scared, Bella. It is okay to be scared."

"I'm supposed to be strong for you and I totally suck at it. I'm a crappy wife."

I shook my head and cupped her face in my hand, caressing her cheekbone with my fingertip.

"You are the best wife anyone could ever wish for, maybe even more. I love you so very much."

"I love you too. Will you tell the girls I love them from me?"

"You can tell them yourself because there is no way I'm allowing you to die. I forbid you to die, do you hear me?"

"I try not to. Can I tell you a secret? I'm not afraid of dying. Just of the pain my death is going to cause you. I don't want to be the cause of your misery."

"Ali, you are the cause of everything good that ever happened to me in my life, so don't worry about making me miserable."

The last thing I felt was how the nurse pressed a greenish oxygen mask over my nose. My own breathe warmed my face and very slowly I drifted into a deep sleep.

"_Wake up! Wake up now! Alicija, wake up now!"_

_My eyelids felt too heavy but the constant shaking on my shoulder finally managed to wake me up again. I blinked tiredly into a perfect replica of my own face._

"_Who are you?" I whispered reaching out my hand to make sure I wasn't starring into a mirror._

"_It doesn't matter. The question is what the hell are you doing here? You are not supposed to be here, Alicija."_

"_You are Sasha, aren't you? How can you be in my dream when I never met you?"_

_She chuckled bitterly and with very quick, skilled movements she started to braid tiny daisy flowers into the curls of my hair._

"_Did you know that a baby never forgets its mother's heartbeat? Not even if they are separated at birth. Somewhere deep within the baby always remembers."_

_My hands moved down to my abdomen and when I felt how flat it was, a shrill scream escaped my mouth._

"_Where is my baby?" I asked her, turning around myself so fast that the vision blurred in front of my eyes._

"_Your baby is safe. Don't worry. Like I told you before, Alicija; you are not supposed to be here with me."_

"_I am dead? Is this Heaven or something like that?"_

"_You are not supposed to be here with me. Just go back."_

"_I don't know how."_

"_Oh it's not that difficult. See, that road over there? Just follow it but don't turn around."_

"_Will you come with me?"_

"_No, I can't. My place is here now. Can you do me a favor?"_

"_Anything,"_

"_Tell, Livia, tell her that she was right, that she was right about everything and that I'm sorry."_

"_You are sorry about what?"_

"_She'll know. Now, you have to leave. Go, Alicija and remember not to turn around. I love you. I always loved you."_

Loud, mechanical beeping echoed in my ears and a sharp burning pain, comparable to an electric current only way stronger rippled through my entire chest.

"Again!" someone growled angrily. "One more time,"

The pain returned to my chest, sharper this time and I wondered if this was how it felt like to die, surprised that it was so excruciating painful. Death was supposed to be peaceful, wasn't it?

"She's coming back. Oh thank God."

My eyes fell open, starring into the flashy light above my head. Someone cried next to me, loud, desperate, and sounding more like a hurt animal than a human.

"Ali, oh my Ali…don't leave me. Please don't leave me."

I choked, unable to speak because something was blocking my throat and because my body felt limp it took me forever until I managed to touch the tip of my little finger against her palm.

"Baby, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand, if you can."

My fingers, somehow seeming boneless to me clasped around her hand for a split second before I had to let go again. With the last remaining strength I had I started drawing letters into her palm.

B

A

B

Y

"Baby? You want to know about the baby?"

I tried to nod my head but every tiny movement of it hurt like crap. Why couldn't I speak? What the hell was wrong with me?

"Don't move. You'll hurt yourself. I will show you the picture a nurse took of her. She looks like a little elfin without her wings. You'll love her."

Her? So, I have a little girl now?

She held the Polaroid picture directly in front of me and there she was. Fragile and small with skin so thin you could see through it as it was paper but still so incredibly, utterly perfect. So very worth everything I had risked to have her.

I closed my eyes again; unable keeping them open, while the machines around me continued beeping loudly.

"Hope," Bella whispered into my ear, trying to overpower the noises around us. "I want her name to be Hope."


	45. Chapter 45

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM but lovely Lilly is all mine.

****Chapter 45****

_Bella_

My fingertips are trembling when I slip my hand through the round opening of the incubator. Her tiny body seems so breakable to me and I'm scared to hurt her by touching her. Touch is important though, she needs to know that the world around her is filled with people who love her, not just with the machines keeping her alive. I wonder if she misses Ali, if she misses the constant throbbing of her mother's heartbeat in her little ears.

"Hi there," I whisper, feeling the little chest moving up against the tip of my forefinger. The mechanical sounds from all the medical equipment around her echo in my ears. They are probably frightening for her, poor little Hope.

"She'll come here to visit you soon. I promise."

"Can I touch her too, Mom?" Zoe asks me, nuzzling her face against my side while hugging me so tightly that I'm sure she's going to bruise my skin. She is scared. It was probably a bad idea to bring her here with me.

"Mom?"

"Would you like to, sweetie?"

"I don't know. Maybe she won't like it."

"I'm sure she will."

"Why does she have tubes in her nose? They look like they hurt her."

"They are supposed to help her breathe. Do you remember when Seth explained it to us? Her lungs need to mature some more until she's able to breathe on her own."

Zoe starts sobbing and I remove my hand from the incubator, before I kneel down in front of my daughter.

"Why are you crying now?" I whisper, while my hands stroke up and down her back in small circles to calm her down again. It is actually a stupid question. There are so many reasons to cry about.

"Momma is going to die."

"No! Oh no, Zoe, she's not. What makes you think she is going to die?"

"Grandma said that to Grandpa after they visited her yesterday. They did not know I could hear them. I don't want Momma to die."

"She is not dying. Never say that again. She'll be fine. Everything will be fine."

"But…but…,"

"No but. I don't want you to worry. Look, sweetie, you are tired. Your sister will be here soon to pick you up. Listen to what Lilly tells you and try to sleep a bit when you come home."

"Aren't you coming with us?"

I sigh, planting a kiss on her forehead while I caress her hair with my fingertips.

"I'll stay here some more. Hope needs me."

"Can we take her home with us soon?"

"I don't think so. She's too small."

"Was I as small as that when I was born?"

"No, you were probably twice her size but that's because you weren't born too early."

We walk out of the room and I take a last glimpse back at the little girl I the incubator. My heart aches and I wished there could be two of me. One who can stay with Ali, so that the other one can be around the fragile little preemie that is our daughter. She wanted to have her so very much and me?

I can't imagine how it must be like to fight so very hard for something you desire. It has never been like that for me.

Faith has been kind to me, much more kind than I probably deserved it. I am loved, I have never been truly sick in my life and I have two…no, three wonderful daughters. If only Ali will be okay again. Oh please, let her be okay again…

"Mom?"

"Oh you are here, that's good, sweetheart."

"How is Momma?"

"Not in front of Zoe." I whisper, lifting the little one up to carry her to the elevator and down to the parking lot. She is too heavy but I don't want to let go.

"Bye, sweetie; now sit down and put your seatbelt on, Zoe."

I close the door behind her and sigh deeply.

"They have put her on this awful dialysis machine again. Carlisle said they will have to do that at least four times every week now and they say it will be like that for the rest of her life unless she gets a transplant." I swallow back some fresh tears from falling because I can see how Zoe is still looking at us out of the car window.

"Grandpa said that they won't be able to put her one a waiting list for a new kidney because of her heart condition. But that's so unfair."

"Sweetie, you are old enough now to understand that life is not always fair. Rose and Benjamin are letting themselves get tested as possible donors but the chances are not that big that one of them might be a match."

"It's still a chance. I take the little one home now."

"Thanks for helping me, sweetie, I'm glad to have you."

"Bye Mom,"

"Wait, there was something more that I wanted to ask you. Can you give me the address of the place where you got that wrist tattoo?"

"Don't you think we have other stuff to deal with right now? I already told you it's not their fault that they weren't able to figure out the ID I showed them was fake."

XXXX

My skin is still burning as if I have spent too much time in the sun without protection as I leave the tattoo studio. The tattoo they have drawn for me is so beautiful and I can't wait for Ali to see it herself. I hope she'll like it.

The small dark-haired pixie right above my heart looks exactly like her and I caress the delicate wings that are connected with hearts holding the initials of my two older daughters. I love how this tattoo shows how much the four of us belong together. With trembling fingertips I touch the tiny, much too tiny little footprint of little Hope in my neck that replaces the clasp of the chain.

I love her already so much and I didn't even expect for it to feel that way. Maybe I love her because she's a part of Ali and I know how much she had to fight to have her.

When my cell starts ringing I pull the car over and fumble for it within my handbag.

"Swan,"

"Bella, it's me, Rose. I tried to reach you at home but Lilly had no clue where you were."

"Had some stuff to do. Is everything okay with them?"

"Ali was sleeping again when I left. The dialysis is exhausting the poor girl and as for the little one she's fine. Well as far as I can tell. She is so incredibly breakable."

"I know. I wished I could do something."

"We have to be patient. God, that sounds like crap. I always hated it when people used to tell me that. Look, I wanted to tell you first before we let Ali know."

"Kay,"

"The test results came back. Neither me nor Benjamin is a match."

"I see. Thanks for telling me, Rose. Bye"

I put my face in my hands and sob loudly into the silence of my car until I have no more tears to cry. It takes me forever until I manage to calm down enough to clean myself up a bit. My eyes are red and swollen but I wipe away the smeared mascara around them and apply some concealer to cover the shadows under my eyes.

I start the engine of the car again and during the entire ride through the afternoon traffic of Seattle, I'm screaming at myself in my head.

There are things we do for the people we love and most of them are easy because we love them. Some are not. The thing I'm going to do now definitely belongs to the second category.

My heart is racing in my chest and I hope I'm not going to cry now. I don't want to cry in front of him. I promised myself a very long time ago I'd never do that again.

"Ma'am, what can I do for you?"

"My name is Isabella Swan. I'm here to see Mr. Cullen."

XXXX

He is thinner than I remembered him to be and there are several yellowish bruises on the left side of his face. The one-sided smile he grants me though before sitting down on the plastic chair behind the glass wall is still the same.

"Hey,"

"Hi," I whisper, wiping my sweaty palms on my jeans. "What happened to your face?"

"Had a little argumentation with the guy I'm sharing my cell with. Trust me his face looks worse than mine and he deserves it."

"I think that violence is never a good way to handle things. That's the reason why you ended up here in the first place."

"I was drugged and didn't know what I was doing. I could tell you how sorry I am about everything but that would probably mean shit to you."

"It doesn't bring Charlie back to me."

"I know."

"How is Lilly?"

"She's okay and way more mature than I was when I was her age. I don't know how I would handle things if I hadn't had her."

"Was this modeling crap she's doing your idea or Ali's?"

"I don't know. But I actually think it is good for her self-esteem. She's not that happy with her body and I guess that's my fault. She's too heavy just like me."

"You're not that heavy and I can assure that a lot of the guys in here don't find our daughter too big as well. Not that I'm approving too much of her fan club here. No father would like to know that other men are jacking off to pictures of his minor daughter."

"Oh my God, that's so gross."

"Welcome to my world, Bella. Is there a specific reason why you are here? Is that about the reopening of my trial? You'd like to see me rot here until the day I die and the truth is I don't even care anymore on getting out of jail myself. I lost anything in my life that had the slightest bit of a meaning."

"It's not about the trial. I'm here for Ali."

"How so?"

"Has Rosalie told you about your sister's kidney failure?"

"She mentioned it on her last visit. It's Ali's own fault, because she insisted on having a child despite her heart condition."

"I don't expect you to understand her decision."

"I do understand. Ali has always been stubborn, even when she was still a little child. Mom loved her so very much. I couldn't even understand why and I was always so…so ridiculously jealous."

"Esme loves all three of you the same. I understand that better now that we have Hope. She's close to my heart, even when I didn't give birth to her myself."

"You're a good mother. Lilly is the way she is because you raised her."

I nod my head and swallow back a wave of fresh tears. No crying in front of him, I try to remind myself.

"I want you to get yourself tested as a possible donor."

"Did Ali send you here? She stole my wife and my daughter and now she wants one of my kidneys too?"

"She doesn't even know I'm here."

"She would probably prefer it to get one of Rosie's kidneys."

"Rosalie is not a match and the same goes for Benjamin. You are her last chance and I expect you to help her."

"You expect me to?"

"You killed my father; you owe me everything you are capable of."

**XOXXXOXXOXXOXXOX**

[A/N] Thanks for reading, I hope you liked this update.

In case you are interested, I re-posted **American Candy** and started a brand new Bellice story called **Soul Laws**. Maybe you want to take a look and tell me what you think of it.

Until next time, take care


	46. Chapter 46

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM but lovely Lilly is all mine

[A/N] Big hugs to those of you who are still with me on this journey. You know that I heart everything WTHN more than I have words.

Writing this made me cry. Just another proof that I'm way too, way too emotionally involved into this world.

****Chapter 46****

„I can't believe she asked him about that. She never talked to him since the trial; never, not a single word."

Jane nods her head and before I can blink, her burgundy colored mouth is on mine, her tongue glides between my parted lips as I gasp for air and the sensations that spread throughout my entire body make me forget the world around me for a moment. I want to forget. I want to forget everything and pretend that everything is fine for just one minute. The problem is I can't. I'm way too tensed. Going out tonight was a stupid idea. Like there's anything like that could distract me right now from thinking about Momma's surgery.

"I can't believe my mother asked my father to get himself tested. She hates him so very much."

"She did that for Ali. If you were sick and Alec would be the only person who could help you, I would ask him too. Well, I actually I would force him to help you and I can be pretty…ahm convincing when something is important to me. " she tells me, trying to catch her breath again when she eventually pulls back from the kiss.

"But now, please stop talking about your parents, I want you to relax a bit."

"I'm worried. The transplantation is tomorrow. Do you have any clue how many things could go wrong during that kind of procedure?"

"You need to think positive. Ali is in good hands, in very excellent, very expensive hands to be a bit more specific."

I wrap my arms around her narrow waist and circle them up and down in small circles until I reach the small roundness of her backside. The dress she's wearing today is such a tiny little nothing, not that it doesn't look very flattering on her. She has the figure to wear everything she likes.

"Jane, you didn't have to hire a surgeon from London to do Momma's kidney transplantation. Grandpa said they are very capable of doing that with the crew they have here in Seattle."

"Dr. Brandon is the best. Seth told me she's the best when I asked him about that."

"Why are you talking about my mother's medical treatment with him but not with me?"

"Because he's a doctor and you are just a daughter who worries way more than it is good for her."

"How can I not worry? All the things that could go wrong, all the risks, all the complications."

She cups my face between her hands and reaches out for a tissue. With soft movements, she wipes away a single tear from the corner of my eye.

"You need to relax. Nothing is going to go wrong. You watch too much bad TV with your hysterical mother. Ali will be fine. Do you hear me? She will be fine. Now, I want you to say it."

"She will be fine."

"Is it possible to sound a little bit more convinced?"

"She will be fine!"

"See, that's my girl. Does my makeup look okay?"

"It's a bit much maybe. But you look good with it, just a bit less than you."

"I want to look older. The faked ID's on their own won't be enough to get inside Maria's club."

I don't know if it's the thick layer of makeup, our newly acquired faked ID's or the fifty Dollars bill my lovely girlfriend hands the griming look man at the entrance. But about half an hour later we're inside the In-club of Seattle's gay scene. Someone hands us a glass of champagne and I hesitate for a moment before taking the first sip. Alcohol doesn't have that much of a good influence on me. I wonder why Jane can always drink like the double amount of me without even getting tipsy.

My head starts spinning and when I stumble backwards, trying not to break an ankle I bump against someone behind me.

"Lilly?"

"Livia!"

Irina's mom is pale like a ghost and for a moment I wonder who of us is more embarrassed about this awkward situation. I assume it's her because she looks as if she's wishing to make herself invisible. What in heaven's name is she doing here?

"Your mother is not here tonight? Is she?"

I shake my head, placing my half-emptied drink on a table next to us. Jane wraps her arm around my shoulder and starts playing with the curls of my hair.

"Bella is in the hospital with Ali. She's going to get her kidney transplantation tomorrow."

"Oh right. I remember that. Poor girl is always so sick, just like her mother. At least Alicija has better doctors to take care of her. If we had—well it doesn't matter anymore. We can't turn back time, no one can."

"Yeah, probably, what are you doing here on your own? Do you know this is a gay club?"

"I just wanted to take a look. We don't have that sort of establishment back home in Romania. I just wanted to…oh God, this is so embarrassing. I should just leave before I do something I'm going to regret."

"Jane! Lilly! Which blind moron let you in? And you're drinking alcohol! I should call your parents to pick you up. They could close the club because of crap like this."

"We're sorry, Maria." I whisper shyly while Jane tightens the grip around my shoulder. "Please don't call my mothers. They have enough to deal with right now because of Momma's surgery."

"You can't stay here on your own. Two minors without an adult. I get so much trouble with the authorities for this. Crap, crap, crap."

"They're here with me. You don't have to worry." Livia's voice is smooth like honey and in that moment I want nothing more than to hug her. She's such a darling for keeping us from getting kicked out of the club like some fucking losers.

The frown on Maria's face turns into a bright smile when she takes Livia's hand and holds it in hers a bit longer than it would be necessary.

"Who are you? I don't remember having seen you here before and I'm sure I would remember."

"So, would you?"

"I always remember a beautiful woman when I see her. " Maria whispers, lowering her lips to the back of Livia's hand. "Do you want to dance?"

"With you?"

"Are you scared?"

"No, I'm not. Just nervous kind of,"

"Unnecessary. I'm pretty good at leading."

XXXX

Mom is crying and I can't manage to calm her down no matter how much I try. She's so tensed, even more than me, maybe because she has more to lose than me. If Jane would—no, I better not think about it. It's too painful.

"Mom, you should go home. You've been here the entire night. Have you slept at all?"

"I can't go home. Not until I know she's okay. If she dies, I want to die too."

"Mom! Stop saying nonsense like that or I'll slap you. Momma is not going to die. Everything will be fine."

She nods her head and wipes her nose at the sleeve of her shirt while I try to think of a way to distract her.

"Come with me. We're going to see what little Hope is doing."

I take her hand in mine and pull her with me towards the elevators. We don't talk to each other until we are in front of the incubator with the tiny baby inside it. She's still so incredible fragile.

"Hey, my little angel," Mom whispers as I shove a plastic chair behind her to make her sit down on it. "How are you today?"

"Do you want to hold her? I could ask the nurse."

"Yes, please. I'd like that very much."

Finding the nurse it takes me a few minutes to convince her that it is necessary for my little sister to get some sort of physical contact. All what the poor little thing knows are tubes and machines and fingertips stroking over her breakable body.

"You need to continue pumping this here when I take her out. It's for her oxygen supply. Just press down here. Then you count to ten in your head and squeeze again. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Sure,"

Carefully she places little Hope on Mom's chest. Her tiny mouth opens in a yawn and the whimpering sound that escapes it a moment later is the most beautiful noise I've heard in a very long time.

"Hey, baby. Your Momma is going to come here soon to hold you. You remember her, don't you? She's the one whom you always used to kick in the ribs."

Mom circles her fingertip over the head, down to the fragile arms before she eventually reaches the doll-like fingers. Hope whimpers again, sounding more like a newborn kitten than a human baby. Then she grabs Mom's finger, tightly with all the force of her tiny body. Mom starts humming some lullaby that I remember her singing for Zoe when she was younger. I continue squeezing the plastic bag that is connected with the tube in Hope's nose.

"She's going to make it." I whisper so low that it is barely audible through the loud beeping of the machines.

"Of course, she will. Little Hope is a fighter. Aren't you, my little angel?"

"Momma is like that too."

"Yes, she is. She's so much stronger than I ever could be."

"You're not that weak." I whisper, pulling a sweat covered wisp of her hair behind her ear. "You're stronger that you think you are."

"Maybe,"

I clear my throat while I try to think of a way to distract her from worrying so much. It's going to drive her crazy. I know it will.

"You've never told me," I start hesitantly, "You've never told me how you and Momma came together."

"That's a long story."

"I have time."

"Fine, well, you remember that she went to that designer school in Europe, do you?"

"Paris. Right?"

"Exactly. You see, your grandparents weren't that fond of her going abroad to study something that they thought to be a complete waste of time and money."

"But she's so successful at what she's doing."

"Today, but back then, no one could know if she'd ever make any money with the clothes she's designing."

"I see."

"So, she was moving back here to Seattle and your grandmother talked your father into letting her stay with the two of us."

"And Dad was okay with that?"

"He couldn't know I would fall in love with his sister. Love is strange. It finds ways when there isn't even a way. It is such incredible luck to find that one person, that one person who understands you better than you understand yourself."

She starts crying again and I page the nurse to put Hope back into the incubator. My hand is sore from pumping the plastic bag and I rub my fingers until they start prickling.

"Mom, please stop crying." I plead her, kneeling down in front of her. I wrap my arms around her neck and let her cry against my shoulder, feeling how her tears soak through the fabric of my dress. It has been a long time since I felt that close to her. I try to think of a prayer to speak but I can't remember any.

Someone sobs hysterically loud next to us and when I raise my head, I blink into the tear covered face of my grandmother. She's trembling so much that I wonder how she's managing to keep standing at all.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry."

"No! No! No!" Mom's voice sounds like that of a tortured animal. I pull her close against my chest again, wondering if it is possible for a person to break apart into a million of tiny pieces.

"Carlisle said there were some complications with the anesthetic. He said that…oh God, he said they tried to reanimate but it wouldn't work. Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening. This is so wrong. Kids are not supposed to go before their parents. All of this is so wrong."

"Grandma, please, you need to sit down before you faint or anything. Where is Grandpa? He should be here with you now."

"He's yelling at the surgeons down there. Like that would make any difference. Nothing is going to make a difference anymore."

She sniffs and wipes a trail of smeared mascara from her face, before taking my hand in hers to squeeze it with so much force than I cry out in pain.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Your father…your father is dead."


	47. Chapter 47

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM but lovely Lilly is all mine.

[A/N] Thanks for the great response for the last chapter. It makes me happy to see that so many of you out there are still reading my little story here.

About the complications during the surgery that lead to Edward's unexpected death. Sometimes people have trouble waking up again from the anesthetic when the surgery is over. So, that means they managed to transplant the kidney to Ali and she will be perfectly fine. She needs to be fine. I won't let one of my favorite characters die, please stop worrying about that.

Ready for some more drama? Keep on reading and try to have some trust in me, if you dare to…

****Chapter 47****

I'm on autopilot or at least something pretty close to that. Inside me I'm just numb, as if the place where my heart used to beat has been replaced by an emotionless muscle. Grandma who is sitting next to me seems to be in a pretty similar state of mind. Only that hers is most likely caused by the V Valium Grandpa has put in her tea this morning. He knows this is too much for her to handle. She can't endure the fact that one of her children has died.

Jane squeezes my hand and the warmth of her fingers caressing my wrist in lazy circles manages to lift my lips up into an almost smile.

"Do you want to take a look at him before they close the casket?"

"I don't know."

She pulls me out of the room, wrapping her arms around me so tightly that I'm sure she'll leave some bruises on my shoulder. I'm glad about the pain. It distracts me from making decisions I'm definitely not ready to make.

Stumbling backwards I sit down on the cold brown linoleum, crossing my legs underneath me while I stare down on the pretty shoes I especially bought for today.

"I'm so sorry, _gioia_. I can't even tell you how very sorry I am."

"You said that a million times and it doesn't change anything, so just stop."

"Lilly, I'm worried about you. That's what people do when they care about someone. You are like a zombie. Please, cry or yell at me if you just do anything."

"Can you leave me alone?"

"No,"

"And if I ask you to leave?"

She sighs, kneeling down next to me on the floor. Slowly, she lifts her hand to my face, stroking down my cheek in a feather light movement.

"Tell me how you feel."

"I can't." I whisper huskily.

"Why? You and I, we used to tell each other everything."

"I don't feel anything. I don't know how I am supposed to feel."

Jane wraps her arm around my shoulder again, pulling me closer against her chest. I close my eyes and shift around until my head is eventually resting in her lap.

"I can't believe he died. His risk at dying during this surgery was so much lower than Momma's and yet—"

My voice cracks and while I gasp for air, some whimpering noises escape my throat. I still don't cry. I can't cry. If I cry I won't be able to stop.

"There is not always a logical reason why things happen. Would it be worse for you if Ali had been the one to die?"

I nod my head and with a loud desperate sob the first tears start rolling down my face. Jane holds me and I'm glad that she didn't listen to me when I told her to go. I need her. I need her so very much.

"I'm a horrible daughter."

"You're not. Don't ever think that. You love your mothers and your sisters so very much. I know you loved your father too. Not in the same way but that's just understandable because he hasn't lived with you for a very long time."

"I wished I'd remember more. I mean about the time when he and Mom were still together. I wished I could know how it is like to have a father, a real father whose home when you come back from school and shit."

"You have two Moms."

"I have more than I probably deserve to have."

"Baby, you deserve everything. Do you want us to leave now?"

"I should stay until everything is over."

"It can't be more over than it already is. Let's go for a walk. Some fresh air will be good for you."

Outside it is beginning to get dark and I watch fascinated how the orange sky above us turns into a greyish purple.

"Do you think he knew that I loved him? I mean I never told him I did. I told him to sign the adoption papers. Wasn't that like shoving it into his face that I favored Momma over him?"

"I'm sure he understood why you wanted Ali to adopt you. She's the one who raised you, not him."

"Yes. Look, can we talk about something different?"

"Fine, what do you want to talk about? Well, we don't even have to talk at all. We can just walk next to each other like an old married couple that doesn't have to say anything to each other anymore."

"Do you think we'll ever be that? An old married couple, like grey-haired and wrinkled and shit?"

"I don't know. But that's what I want for us. I can't imagine not spending my life with you."

I cup her face in both of my hands and when I kiss her a wave of warmth spreads throughout me. Her tongue moves teasingly slow over my upper lip and I groan against the heat of her mouth when I suddenly hear something click loudly next to us.

"Yeah that's good, the Volturi heiress comforting her grieving girlfriend. This will earn me a shitty load of money."

"Hunter, drop that fucking camera before you regret it."

"I don't take any orders from a stupid teenage girl with too much money. Do you know that no model agency in the entire state of Washington is willing to hire me?"

"Maybe you should consider moving." I mumble, crossing my arms in front of my chest. Jane is hissing some Italian profanities at Hunter who keeps grinning like a maniac. Where the hell is Mike? He's supposed to take care of Jane's safety.

"Your bodyguard is not here with you today."

"I don't need Mike to keep some scum like you away from me. You can give me the film or not. None of your pictures will ever find its way on the cover of a newspaper."

He spits out and wipes a tiny droplet of salvia from his unshaved chin. Then he starts laughing and there is something about how he does that what makes him appear scary to me.

"Jane, let's go back inside."

"You stay right where you are, sweethearts."

"Piss off, Hunter! I'm done with dealing with you, shithead."

He chuckles again before taking a few quick steps towards us. While he shoves the camera back into the pocket of his jacket, I take a step backwards until I feel the wall of the building against my back.

"I think I told you not to move. Are you too stupid to handle such a simple request?"

"Lilly, come with me. We'll give this moron some privacy before the cops show up here. The cops I'm going to call now."

James sighs, pulling the camera out again to throw it carelessly on the ground where it breaks into two pieces.

"There you have it. No pictures. Change of plan. You are way more worth than just a stupid photo."

Within a flash he's next to me, and I choke when I feel the sharp blade of a knife against my throat.

"One noise and your pretty girlfriend here is dead. Now, move over to that car there and get inside."

She stiffens and for a split second our eyes meet. I want to tell her not to do what he's telling her but I don't dare to speak.

"Move your ass, Miss Mazzini. I don't like it when people keep me waiting. Get inside that car before I slice a second smile into your sweetie's throat."

"Don't hurt her."

"Well, that's up to you. Get in that fucking car before I lose my patience."

Jane moves over to the car, opening the backdoor of it with trembling hands. When she's inside the damn thing, James chuckles bitterly and lifts a silvery colored gun against my temple.

"You're such a pretty thing, Swan. I would like to fuck all of your holes just for the fun of it."

Sick pervert…

"Now, lift your hands and start counting back from a thousand to one. If you move one inch before you are finished counting, you can wear that dress on your girlfriend's funeral as well."

"Please,"

"Start counting now. Loud, so that I can hear you."

I open my mouth and mechanically as if I were a robot the first numbers leave my lips. Then I hear the roaring of the engine and start hyperventilating. I cough and gasp for air but I can't manage to inhale enough oxygen.

My knees start quivering and the next thing, the last thing I feel is the cold asphalt against my face.

XXXX

"Lilly, wake up, please wake up, honey."

I growl because I don't want to open my eyes. It hurts my head if I do that.

"Lilly, honey, please wake up. Please, you need to wake up."

Opening my eyes, I blink into the worried face of my mother. Momma is sitting on the edge of my bed. Her face, pale but turned into a small smile. The room I'm lying in is crowded with people. Zafrina is there and Jane's parents. Why are Marcella and Aro here?

"She's awake! Finally! We should have waked her up way sooner."

"Aro, calm down," Mom whispers squeezing my hand tightly between both of hers. "The poor girl might have a concussion."

"Bella is right." Zafrina mumbles clearing her throat nervously. "We need to stay calm."

"I don't need you to tell me to stay calm! How can something like that happen? You told us she has a fucking bodyguard! You told us she was safe like 24/7. What the hell happened?"

"Lilly, sweetie, do you feel well enough to tell us what happened before you passed out?"

"I don't give a shit about how she feels! My daughter has been kidnapped and Lilly is the last person who saw her."

"He took her with him."

"You saw him? Can you describe how he looked like? It could help the police finding the bastard. Four million dollars—Whoever he is, the guy can't be quite right in his head."

"Aro, tell this lawyer woman that we're paying everything the kidnapper wants. Everything if we just get our daughter back unharmed. Aro, tell her. Tell her to just transfer the money to that account he emailed us earlier. Please, do it. What is, all of your sister's money, worth if we can't even save our _principessa_?"

"James wants four million dollars?" I stumble out, trying to sit up in the hospital bed. The pain in my head is awful but the pain inside me is way worse. It is my fault that Jane is in that kind of trouble. If she gets hurt, if James hurts her in any way—

"Wait a second. James? As in James Hunter? He's the one who has Jane?"

I nod my head and start crying while Momma wraps her arm around my trembling shoulder.

"If he kills her, it's my fault. He, he threatened me with a knife to make her go with him. She wanted to protect me. God, I can't believe this is happening."

Zafrina's cell starts ringing and when she picks it up her voice cracks for a moment before she speaks up again.

"Change of plan. We know who the kidnapper is. The name is James Hunter. He's an ex-employee of Volturi Inc."


	48. Chapter 48

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM but lovely Lilly is all mine

****Chapter 48****

My arms and shoulders were starting to feel numb. I had already lost track of time because it was constantly dark in the room where he had tied me against a metal shelf.

Suddenly the darkness turned into warm reddish light and I blinked into the grinning face of my kidnapper.

He pulled a camera out of the shelf behind me and cleared his throat noisily before speaking directly to me for the first time since he brought me here.

"They requested a picture, a proof that you are still alive if you want to put it like that."

I tried to shift around, feeling the handcuffs cutting into my aching wrists even more than they already did.

"Smile for me."

The flashlight blinded me so much that I could feel a trail of tears trickling down my cheeks. Damn it, now he would think that I was crying because I was scared of him.

"Your bitch of a lawyer is trying to play with me. I want that fucking money on my account within the next two hours or I'll send her your finger instead of a photo."

"A finger? You want to cut off my finger? Have you watched too many crappy mafia movies?"

Hunter grabbed my hair, pulling so tightly on it that I screamed out in pain.

"Keep your stupid mouth shut."

"Let me go before you'll regret it."

"I'll let you go when I have the money."

He circled his thumb down my jaw, cupping it between it and his forefinger to make me look up again to him.

"You are such a precious girl, definitely worth the four million dollars. Do you know that I jacked off to these lingerie pictures of you and the little Swan girl?"

"You are a sick swine and should probably spend the money on some therapy."

"I think I will rather cut out your tongue instead of that stupid finger. You have a too big mouth for someone in your situation."

"I know you won't kill me. Dead, I'm not worth a single dime. So, you have to keep me alive."

His cell started ringing and when he picked up the call, his voice cracked as if he hadn't used it in a very long time.

"I told you to stop calling me. No, Vicky, not now, I told you that I'll sign the divorce papers after my lawyer had a look at them. What? Are you kidding me? You know what? Just leave me the fuck alone!"

"Having trouble with your wife?" I asked him teasingly, earning myself an angry growl.

"Ex-wife, well in theory at least,"

"Was most likely the smartest decision of her life to divorce your sorry ass,"

"Little witch. You won't shut up until I make you."

Grabbing my arm tightly he fumbled the handcuffs open, forcing me to stand up so swiftly that for a moment everything around me blurred. Then he closed them again, keeping me in a somewhat upright position.

He chuckled and started throwing several piles of black and white photographs around on the floor next to me. Why in heaven's name was he doing that.

"You know the people back in the Middle Ages weren't that stupid as we think them to be. If they found a freaking witch, they immediately knew how to get rid of her."

Something wet poured down my legs, soaking the fabric of my trousers from my knees down to my calves. A sharp, burning scent made me cough and then I saw him fumbling out a lighter.

"No! You can't do that! You can't do that!"

He held the tiny reddish flame directly in front of my eyes while he continued laughing like a maniac.

"Are you finally scared now, you fucking witch? I bet you'll scream like a baby when I burn you to ashes, when I turn you into nothing."

Dropping the lighter to the ground, the photographs around my feet caught fire immediately. So, this was the end. I was going to die. I smelled the flames before I felt them. All I could do was pray that everything would be over soon.

XXXX

Death was not as I had expected it to be. It was way too, way too painful. My eyelids fluttered and when I eventually managed to keep them open longer than a split second Lilly's face was right above me.

"If you can hear me, squeeze my hand."

I tried to do it but somehow my fingers felt too stuff to move them just one tiny bit.

"Jane?"

"Where am I am? What happened?" My throat was raw and I tried to get the plastic tubes out of my nose.

"Don't touch these. They are supposed to help you to breathe better. The doctor said the smoke poisoning is worse than the burn on your legs."

"Smoke poi..poiso…,"

"Stop talking. It's too exhausting for you."

"Where is James?" I croaked, trying to sit up. It didn't work but a moment later the upper side of the bed moved up with a buzzing noise.

"He's somewhere in this hospital. They need to fix his gunshot wound before they can lock him away. Such a sick bastard—if the police had arrived just a few minutes later. Oh God, I can't even think about it."

"How did they find us? James was so sure that no one knew about it."

"They tracked down his cell. Zafrina kind of talked his ex-wife into helping us. She called his cell and then it wasn't that difficult anymore."

I started sobbing and for the first time in a very long time I couldn't hold up the usual façade of strength I had managed to build around my soul.

"Are you in pain? Let me page the nurse."

"No! I don't want anyone to see me like this. I feel so weak, so fucking weak."

She wrapped her arm around me and pulled me against her shoulder. I cried and whimpered while I tried somehow to keep breathing in and out although it hurt so very badly.

"He wanted to burn me, burn me like a witch on a stake. I thought I would die."

The door of the room was pulled open and both of my parents rushed in, showering my tear-covered face with kisses.

"Oh _Principessa_, we're so glad to have you back. Everything is going to be fine now. This man won't hurt you anymore."

"Zafrina says they'll put him into an asylum." Lilly whispered, hugging me tightly against her body while my mother squeezed my hand so tightly that my knuckles turned white.

"I would like to know how it is possible that they hired a lunatic for Volturi Inc. Are they fucking stupid?"

"Aro, please calm down. No one could know this was going to happen." Zafrina mumbled entering the room. She placed a small folder on my lap and cleared her throat nervously.

"Jane, I know you're not well but you have to sign these papers so that I can fax them to our press office."

"Sure," I mumbled, scrawling my signature in the right corner of the sheet of paper.

"Can you tell me a bit more about what happened with Hunter? It could help the police to reconstruct everything, especially since Hunter himself is not speaking to anyone."

"There was fire. He made fire because he wanted…because he wanted to…to..,"

"Zafrina, can you talk to her another time? She's exhausted and probably still drowsy from all the painkillers. Maybe she should sleep a bit."

"Right, Lilly, I'll come back tomorrow."

When she was gone, I sniffed, pulling the tubes out of my nose to wipe it on the back of my hand.

"Oh Janetta, we're so happy that nothing worse happened to you. Maybe you should consider selling that cursed company. You work way too much anyway."

"I can't do that, Mom. I promised Zia Didyme that I would not disappoint her."

"Your aunt wouldn't want such horrible things to happen to you. You could have died."

"I know. Thanks for reminding me, Dad. Can you give me some privacy now?"

"What for? Your mother and I will stay here with you. Lilly can go home if she wants to. The girl has been here the entire day, waiting for you to wake up."

"I want her to stay. She's the only one I want to stay."

"_Principessa_, please, we can't just leave here. Your brother is perfectly capable of handling the restaurant on his own. At least, I hope he is."

He sighed deeply when he noticed the tortured expression on my face. Then he leaned down and kissed my forehead again.

"Try to sleep a bit. You need the rest."

With that he pulled my mother from the chair she's been sitting on and pulled her with him. This whole situation had probably stressed her out way more than she's capable of handling it.

"Thank you."

"For sending my parents away? I know that they still aren't that thrilled about our relationship."

"No, not for that, Jane, I want to thank you for saving me. Hunter could have killed me."

"He could but he didn't. Can you do me a favor and promise me not to mention that man ever again. I want to forget. All I want is to forget and pretend all of this never happened."

"Jane..,"

"Please, Lilly. We can talk about anything else but not about Hunter. I can't endure it."

"Okay, if that's what you want. We can talk about other things. We don't even have to talk at all. I can just sit here with you until you fall asleep."

"I don't want to sleep. I'm so scared that I could fall asleep and don't wake up again."

"Don't be afraid. I will still be here when you wake up tomorrow. I promise you. Look, there is something I wanted to ask you and you don't have to give me your answer now. I just need to ask you because when you were gone, I was so…terrified, that I would never get you back. That would mean I would never get to ask you."

"Ask me what?"

"If you want to be with me forever. I know, we're too young to do such a step but I love you so very much. I will never want to be with anyone else than you."

"Are you asking me to marry you?"

"Are you saying yes?"

I nod my head and when I open my lips to speak her mouth is already on mine. It's a slow kiss and because I still can't breathe properly through the stupid tubes in my nose, I have to pull back a heartbeat later.

"Yes. My answer is yes."

"I should have bought a ring or at least some flowers."

"I don't need stuff like that. All I need is you. All I'll ever need is you."

"I love you. I think I love you even more now that I was so close to losing you."


	49. Chapter 49

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM. I own the plot for this story and a very vivid imagination.

[A/N] My little story here is almost finished. This is part one of the epilogue and it's breaking my heart to see this journey end. I want to thank all those of you who have supported me from the beginning. You guys rock.

****Chapter 49****

_**Tuscany, Italy, five years later…**_

_Zoe_

„Run! For fucks sake, run! Run!" I call out, throwing the glass of coke from the table in front of me. Half of it lands on the cream-colored couch while the rest soaks through the fabric of my jeans. Crap, why does stuff like that always have to happen to me?

"You are going to wake everyone up when you keep yelling like that." Nessie mumbles, shoving another hand full of chips between his lips. We already had Pizza and the most delicious Tiramisu in the history of desserts but the twins are like a bottomless pit, constantly starving.

"This game sucks. If I would play without my contacts in and with a broken leg, I still would be like ten times better than those shitheads."

"Yeah, probably. Look, we could watch a movie if you don't want to witness this misery."

"You actually know that all the TV Channels are in Italian? I'm tired. Shouldn't the two of them be done by now. I would like to sleep a few hours before I have to get up again."

"Crash here, if you wait for the two love birds to be finished jumping each other's bones, you'll wait forever."

I nod my head and fumble out a tissue in an attempt to dry my ruined jeans. Somewhere in another part of this beautiful hotel my best friend is currently losing her virginity to my cousin, while my own love life very much resembles the game me and Nessie are watching. First base seems so shitty far away.

Jamie doesn't know that I exist. It's like I am invisible to him although I have tried practically everything to get his attention. I talked Dad into buying me a new set of contacts instead of my glasses and spent several awfully boring afternoons in Aunt Rosalie's bathroom, learning to smear eyeliner and a bunch of other makeup crap into my face. Why women are supposed to use this stuff in order to catch a boyfriend is beyond me but I'm planning on giving it a try anyway.

Momma has made this awesome dress for me that somehow in a magically way manages to make my too small boobs like an entire cup size bigger. I know that tomorrow everyone is supposed to be looking at Jane and my sister. This is their wedding after all but it probably won't hurt the two of them too much if Jamie would keep his eyes on me longer than just a few seconds. It's still the age thing. He thinks me a child and I need to change that opinion so very badly.

"Do you need a blanket?"

"It's already too warm here. Is the air conditioning broken?"

He walks over to the wall and presses a few buttons, making the huge ventilator above our heads start to move. Yeah, this is much better.

"Tegan is lucky to have Cara. She's good for him."

"You mean because she does his homework for him and shit? If I had a boyfriend who was lazy I wouldn't support his stupidity by doing his work."

"Who would want to be your boyfriend?"

I punch him against his left side and before I can pull my fist away, he grabs his hand around my wrist and pulls me around until I am lying underneath him on the couch.

"You are lucky that I don't hit girls anymore. Maybe I should make an exception for you though."

"Let me go, Nessie."

"Apologize to me first."

"I have nothing to apologize for." I state trying to free myself again from his grasp. "Let me go."

He drops his hands and sits back on the edge of the couch, crossing his broad arms in front of his chest.

"You like that little Newton prick, don't you?"

"No,"

"Kay, if you say so. Just would like to know why you kept staring at his stupid face during the entire flight here yesterday."

"Mind your own business."

"Haha, I knew you liked the ass-kisser. Just would like to know what you see in him."

"He's cute, kind of."

Nessie frowns and leans forward, pretending to vomit over the floor.

"Asshole, I hope Uncle Emmett sends you to that military school, just like he threatened to do."

I stand up from the couch and rush for the door but when I'm in front of it, Nessie pushes his hand between me and the frame.

"I'm sorry. Don't leave. I keep my mouth shut about your lover boy."

We return to watching the game and I try rather halfheartedly to finish the speech I'm supposed to hold during the reception. I don't know what to say and I'm terribly nervous that something embarrassing could happen to me while I'm on that goddamn stage.

Nessie doesn't speak one single word and for some reason I can't endure the silence between us. It makes me feel awkward.

"Can I ask you something about boys?" I start eventually, taking a sip directly from the bottle of water on the small table in front of us.

"Shouldn't you ask your Dad that kind of question?"

I roll my eyes at that and grab a pillow to throw it across his grinning face.

"It's about straight guys. He won't be of much help for me on that."

"Oh I see. What do you want to know?"

"How do you make a guy like you? I mean like, really _like_ you."

He takes a gulp from the bottle of coke from the table, ending up finishing the entire thing before throwing it into the trash at the corner of the hotel room.

"Well, Zoe, maybe you should just keep on being yourself."

"You're not helpful."

"And you are weird. I could threaten Newton into taking you out on a date or something. But then I would end up worrying that he would drown you in his slobber when he'd try to kiss you."

"But I want him to kiss me. I'll end up like Drew Barrymore in that movie I watched with Cara last week. Where she ends up as un-kissed thirty year old nerd or something like that. I don't want to be that sort of loser."

"You're not a loser."

"Maybe,"

A low chuckle leaves his throat and then he kneels down in front of me on the couch, placing his hand on my forearm. His face is so close to me now that I can smell the faint hint of cherry coke on his breathe, combined with something else…cinnamon bubblegum perhaps?

Then, very gently his mouth touches mine. My heart is in my throat and I instantly pull back a split second later.

"Relax. Let me show you how to kiss. You wanted to know how to make a guy like you. Didn't you?"

I nod my head and close my eyes when he kisses me again. His hand is warm against my cheek when he pulls me close and I try not to panic when the tip of his tongue glides over my lower lip. My insides tingle and I can hear myself whimper into his mouth when I eventually dare to move my lips with his. He's a good teacher, patient and tender while he shows me how to massage his tongue with mine by swirling the tip of his tongue slowly around mine. When the contact of our lips finally is broken again, both of us are panting breathlessly.

"Wow,"

"Did I do okay?"

"More than okay, actually, but we shouldn't have done this. It's wrong, so very wrong. "

"My lips are sealed. I won't tell anyone, not even Cara. I promise."

XXXX

The next morning during breakfast in the huge lobby of the hotel, I try very hard not to look at Nessie at all. If I do, I'll blush like a ripe tomato and how should I manage to explain that.

"Did the two of you have a fight?"

"Who?"

"You and Nessie of course," Cara stats pouring herself a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. She is in an almost unendurable cheerful state of mind today and I assume that means her night with Tegan went like she expected it to go.

"It's nothing." I mumble, nibbling halfheartedly on a dry cracker. Jamie comes up to our table and for the first time I notice that he's using way too much of gel in an attempt to make his hair look the way it does.

"Morning, ladies, isn't that a wonderful day for a wedding. Guys, have you seen all these models running around? This place is like heaven."

Tegan wraps his arm around Cara's shoulder and blows a kiss over her hair.

"Not interested."

"Oh I forgot that the two of you are together. Nes, do you want to come with me to the pool until we have to get dressed for the ceremony? They have a topless section there."

"That's the only time a moron like you ever gets to see some tits."

I laugh although I try very hard not to do it. Jamie doesn't seem to find Nessie's comment funny because his eyes narrow angrily.

"Stupid brat, you're just jealous because you don't have to offer very much in that department."

Nessie's hand is around his throat before I can even blink.

"Next time you'll make a comment like that about my cousin, you can start saving up for a new face. Now, piss off before I—,"

"Nessie! What the fuck are you and Newton doing there? Didn't I tell you and your brother to behave? I was serious when I told you about the military school. Both of you could need some more discipline."

"He was just trying to…," I whisper nervously, unsure how to finish that sentence. He was trying to do what? Defending my honor? I don't need anyone to defend me. I can handle that pretty fine myself.

Standing up from the table, I wipe my mouth with a napkin and throw it carelessly on my almost untouched breakfast.

"I'm going to see if Momma needs some help getting Hope ready."

Both of my mothers are nowhere to be found when I enter their suite a few minutes later. Instead though my little baby sister is jumping all over the furniture, making the plastic wings on her back move up and down.

"I can fly. I can fly. Zoe, I can fly!"

"Hope, get down from that table before you hurt yourself."

"But I'm wearing my magic pixie wings, so I can fly! I can fly! Fly! I can fly!"

"Where is Momma?"

"Gone, gone, gone."

"Kay, then I'll help you to get dressed. You want to look pretty for Lilly today. Don't you?"

"Can't wear the dress Momma made me. I gave that to Ryan because he cried."

Crap not that again, I think when a small blonde curled figure stumbles out of the bathroom.

"Look, I'm a girl! I is so pretty!"

"Ryan, there is no way, you can wear that dress to the wedding." I tell him, forcing my voice to stay calm. I don't want him to start crying again. He's such a sensitive child.

"But it's pretty! I like it. Hope said I could have it."

"Sweetie, boys don't wear dresses."

"But I'm a girl!"

"You're a boy. Now, let me help you out of that dress before someone else sees you in it. Your father wouldn't like it too much to see you in something like that."

"I don't want to take if off! It looks pretty! You are so mean. All of you are so mean to me all the time."

"I'm not mean to you. I let you have my dress and my mermaid Barbie."

"You're my only friend. Do you want to come to my birthday party? We can watch Arielle."

"You always want to watch Arielle."

"Cause she's a mermaid. I like mermaids."

The door to the suite is opened and when Mom and Jasmine appear in the doorframe a shrill scream leaves my Godmother's throat.

"Ryan! What the hell are you doing there?"

"Hope gave me her dress."

"I can see that. Why are you wearing it?"

"Because I want to look pretty!"

"Ryan, please. Just take it off. We'll talk about this when we get home."

He starts sobbing while she fumbles around on the zipper of the dress. When it falls down to his knees, his entire body is trembling.

"Please, stop crying, honey. Everything is going to be okay."

"No! Never!" he whimpers, as Jasmine wipes his running nose with a tissue. She lifts him up and carries him out of the suite. Leaving me and Mom with Hope, who is sitting silently on the edge of the polished cherry tree desk now.

"Is Jasmine angry at me for giving Ryan my dress?"

"No, sweetie, I don't think so. But you have to learn that he's not a girl like you."

"But he says he's a girl."

"You remember how Momma and I talked to you about boys and girls and how they are different."

"Don't membah."

I sigh deeply and help her to get dressed before braiding her hair and fixing a few little blossoms into her black hair while Mom fumbles around with the small pearl-earrings. Her eyes are red and I wonder why has cried. This is supposed to be a happy day, isn't it?


	50. Chapter 50

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

[A/N] So the admins of this site have decided to pull my E & B outtake for WTHN. I can't even have words enough to tell you how much this has hurt my feelings as a writer. I'm considering moving all of my works to another place as soon as I find somewhere to post them. I work hard on my stories and I don't want a bunch of stupid kiddos who should better focus on school ruining my work.

To those of you who write as well. Please, clear your story titles and summaries from any curse words or anything sexual if you don't want to risk your stories being pulled.

But now enough with my rambling:

Sending a big virtual hug to those of you who have been so incredibly supportive to me, without you I couldn't have done it.

****Chapter 50****

_Zoe_

I don't understand why everyone is always crying at weddings. It must be some sort of genetic thing that turns women into sobbing hysterical persons as soon as someone puts on a veil.

Mom is squeezing my hand so tightly that I'm sure I'm not going to feel my fingers afterwards. She cries and cries while Momma next to her sniffs and wipes black-inked tears from her glowing cheekbones.

"Mommy, are you sad?" Hope whispers, lifting up some of the rose petals from the ground. I have to give my sister credit for that. The decoration in this place is beyond awesome. It's like we're all trapped in some sort of dream world.

Still, I'm not going to cry. I didn't spend thirty wasted minutes on my makeup to ruin it with my tears now.

"No, sweetie" Mom sobs, searching for a tissue in her handbag.

"I just don't like your sister growing up. She's moving to Chicago with Jane and we will….oh….oh…my baby girl. We shouldn't allow her to move away that far."

"But Zoe and I are still going to live at home." Hope stats when Momma wraps her arms around my little sister and buries her tear-covered face against the black curls of Zoe's hair.

"I'm never going to marry. I don't want you and Mommy to cry because of me."

"Oh baby."

I feel tempted to tell both of my mothers to calm down. They are acting as if Lilly was dying.

When it's time for her and Jane to say their vows though there is something like a big lump in my throat and I have to swallow hard to keep from crying myself. The way Jane keeps looking at my sister as if she had just won the first prize is sending an unfamiliar feeling of warmth through my heart. No one has ever looked at me like that. Maybe no one ever will do.

Finally the whole ceremony is over and I find myself surrounded by a sobbing crowd of relatives that squeeze the breath out of my lungs when I hug first Lilly and then my new sister, planting a kiss on her cheek.

I move over and almost manage to trip over the hem of my light blue silk dress when I feel a hand on my bare shoulder.

"Zoe, is that you? Wow, I didn't notice that you're almost a woman now."

I know that it would most likely be not acceptable to punch Jane's brother in in his stupid grinning face but still I feel very much tempted to do it.

"Was that supposed to be a compliment, asshole?"

"You have a temper. That's something I like in a girl."

"Do you want to know what I like in a guy; when he knows when to leave me the fuck alone."

With that I turn around, lifting the hem of my dress up a bit so that I can rush towards the elevators in the hotel lobby. I need a minute to myself in order to prepare for my speech but lucky as I am, the elevators are out of service.

Walking up the stairs, I curse myself with every step I take for having put on these awful shoes. They looked kind of cute in the box when I bought them but now my feet hurt like crap.

I lean back against the cold metal of the stair-rail, slipping on of the silvery shoes down my feet when I hear some yelling and sobbing from the level above me.

"No, I don't want to go like this. I look ugly."

"Ryan, stop being a little brat now. Jasmine, tell him to calm down."

"I want a dress! Why can't I wear a dress like you and Mom?"

"Sweetheart, how often will we have to tell you that boys don't wear dresses?"

"But I'm a girl! Why won't you ever believe me?" He starts sobbing loudly and I can hear Jasmine inhaling sharply between her teeth before she kneels down in front to him.

"Ryan, we can't talk about this here. There are too many people. When we fly back home tomorrow, I will—."

"What the hell is going to be different tomorrow?" Zafrina snarls at her and I'm puzzled by the aggressive tone in her voice. Usually Zafrina is always so controlled in her emotions.

"Can we talk about this at home _please_?"

"We're not talking about anything, Mrs. Whitlock. I've told you months ago, months ago that we need to send the little one to a therapist. He needs help."

"I am a therapist in case you have forgotten about that, Mrs. I-know-everything-better."

"Most of all you're a mother. I want someone professional to talk to Ryan. Emmett agrees on that."

"Emmett's opinion means shit to me. It is pissing me off that the two of you are teaming up in a ridiculous attempt to tell me how to handle _my_ child."

I feel awkward for overhearing their conversation and so I tip toe down to the next exist only to bump against a broad chest.

"Hey,"

"Hey,"

"Where are you going?" Nessie asks me, taking a sip from the bottle of whisky in his hand. How did he manage to get that?

"I don't really know, just trying to calm down my nerves."

"Do you want a drink?"

"For shit?"

"Yes, sure." He hands me the bottle, keeping his hand around mine when I hesitantly lift the bottle against my lips, taking a small sip. It tastes horribly bitter and I cough a bit before spitting it out on the grey floor underneath us.

"Disgusting,"

"It's alcohol. What did you expect?"

"Nothing,"

I sit down on the stairs behind me and start rubbing my aching ankle with my thumb.

"Those shoes look like dead traps and they are so not you."

"Well, I couldn't attend my sister's wedding wearing a pair of old Chucks."

"No one is seeing what you're wearing underneath this dress."

My cheeks blush and I start playing nervously with the pearl bracelet around my wrist.

"I was trying to look nice."

"You are pretty without all this crap, the dress and whatever it is that you have smeared around your eyes. Don' you know that?"

"You are just saying that because you are drunk."

"Probably, but not in the way you think. I like you, and I can't, for fucks sake, not stop to think about kissing you."

I sigh deeply and reach out my hand to cup his jaw between my fingers, pulling him closer to me.

Just one more time, I tell myself when I close my eyes and feel his mouth on mine a split second later. The tip of his tongue glides between my lips, overloading my taste buds with a strange combination of tartness and sweetness. Waves of heat spread through me while my tongue circles around his. Then, there is a chuckle next to me and both of us pull back so abruptly that I accidentally scratch the edge of Nessie's lower lip with my front teeth.

"You guys are the sickest thing I have ever seen."

"Watch your mouth, Newton."

"It's understandable that you are pissed now. I probably would be too if someone had caught me making out with my own cousin. Can't you get a girl with whom you are not related?"

Nessie growls and I cover my eyes as his fist connects with Jamie's nose, making a trail of crimson blood soak through the white fabric of his collar.

"If you tell anyone about this, you'll regret it. Leave us alone. Whatever happens between me and her is none of your fucking business."

Jamie chuckles again and presses the sleeve of his jacket against his bleeding nose.

"I bet your parents wouldn't like it too much what is going on between you two sickos."

XXXX

I love my father so very much because I always feel like I can tell him everything but right now, for the first time I have this awful feeling down in my belly. Is that guilt?

"You look beautiful today. Maybe you should consider wearing dresses more often."

"I don't know."

"You seem tensed, sweetie. It's not about that speech you're going to hold later?"

"Not really. Look, there is something I wanted to tell you but I don't know how. I don't think you'd understand."

"Now, I'm curious. Sit down with me for a moment. You can hardly stand on those heels anyway. Do you know what you should have bought instead of them; a cute pair of sandals."

"There is someone I like, as in like-like."

"It's a guy, isn't it? You don't have to worry, your mother and I we have both accepted the fact that we have raised you to be a little straight chick."

"Dad, please – yes, it's a guy. That's not my problem."

"It's the Newton boy, isn't it? He's pretty good-looking although he could need some advice on doing his hair. It looks like a dog has slobbered over his head while he was sleeping."

"It's not Jamie. It's—,"

"Zoe, where are you? It's time for your speech." Momma tells me breathlessly, trying to balance my half-asleep sister on her right side. She plants a kiss on Hope's little head and starts rocking her back and forth.

"You'll wake me up when they cut the cake. Will you?"

"Of course, sweetie, I promise"

"Good. Can we get my wings now? I can't sleep without them."

Momma sighs and hands Hope to Mom who wraps a blanket around her before hugging her tightly against her chest.

"Should we put her to bed? It's so loud here."

"Our Hope, can sleep everywhere. Don't worry about that."

I wipe my sweating palms on my dress and take a last glimpse back at my mothers who look so incredibly peaceful with my sleeping sister in their arms.

Wrapping my hand around the microphone, I take a deep breath before slowly opening my mouth to speak.

"Hi everyone,

I'm the sister of the bride and was asked to say a few words today. At first I would like to congratulate her and Jane on their wedding. Lilly, honey, you look so very lovely today.

It is a miracle to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with so early in your life. But finding true love is probably a miracle any time it happens. I know how long the two of you have waited for this day to come, maybe even longer than it seems.

I love you both so very much and I hope you'll always be as happy as you are today."

I barely manage to bring out the last words through the tears that are falling down my face.

"Oh Zoe, that was wonderful. I could never speak in public." Cara tells me, when she wraps her arm around my shoulder.

"Give the panda-girl a tissue before she uses her dress for that." Nessie mumbles and I fight the urge to bury my face against his chest.

"I'm going to wash my face."

Inside the bathroom I rinse a towel under the faucet before pressing it against my overheated face. The make-up doesn't go off though no matter how hard I rub. Crap, I know why I hate this stuff.

"You're okay?" a deep voice behind me whispers and I can feel my skin breaking out in goose bumps as his lips press gently against my exposed neck.

"I don't know. Most of all I am confused. When we fly back to Seattle tomorrow, what is going to happen then?"

"Can we talk about that on the plane?"

"Sure,"

"Do you want to dance?"

"I can't dance in those heels and I don't want to end up in an Italian hospital."

"No need to worry about that. Hasn't anyone told you that it's all in the lead?"


	51. Chapter 51

[Disclaimer] All things Twilight belong to SM but Zoe is my girl.

[A/N] Hi everyone, I don't know whether anyone will like this outtake. I felt inspired to write it and the bunnies in my head are way stronger than me. I'm grateful for the people who like my writing. You are amazing.

****Zoe****

It's still pink. The little dot on the pregnancy test in my hand is still pink. Not blue or green, it's definitely a bright, clear pink. I'm screwed. I toss the test into the trash and wash my hands. When I walk out of the bathroom Cara looks at me with huge eyes.

"And?"

"Maybe the test wasn't working properly." I tell her, biting my lower lip until I taste blood in my mouth.

"It's positive?"

"There is hardly anything positive about this."

She nods her head and wraps her arms around me, holding me close to her chest to comfort me.

"I'm sorry. If there is anything I can do for you. I'm here for you."

I take a deep breath and stare down at my hands. How stupid do you have to be to get knocked up a few months before your school graduation? For a moment I hate the baby inside of me. It's only going to cause me trouble and I don't need any of it.

"Who's the—," Cara starts asking me. She stops when she hears the key turning in the lock. Grandpa walks in and waves his hand at us. I try to look as if everything is fine. Shit, I wished it was Cara who got pregnant and not me. She's the one who has already picked the names for her future children.

"Hi girls, how's it going?"

"Good," Cara mumbles. "We're studying for our math test."

I should better have studied how to use a condom properly. Then my life wouldn't be ruined now.

"Zoe, sweetie, are you well? You look pale."

"I'm just a bit tired, Grandpa. I didn't sleep well last night."

I didn't sleep well for the last 3 weeks, since my stupid period didn't arrive punctual like a UPS delivery guy. Shit, shit, double shit.

"Maybe you're coming down with something."

I will be coming down with a baby in about seven months or something close to that. The flu would be over in two weeks. I'd rather have that.

"Dad, I'll make some tea for us." Cara says, standing up to go to the kitchen. She's worried about me. Grandpa taps my shoulder and walks off towards the bathroom.

I pull out my cell and read through the new text I've received.

_**Want to hang out at my place tonight? We could watch the Game.**_

_**N**_

If all we had done at his place had been watching sports and eating popcorn, I wouldn't be in trouble now. For a brief moment I consider texting him the daddy news. Then I decide against it. Instead I type _**No**_ into my cell and hit send. His responds comes within a couple of seconds.

_**My Bro is working. We should make us of it. N**_

I sigh and text him that I'm going to spend the rest of the evening with Cara, studying for the exam tomorrow morning. I'm just about to stuff my phone back into my backpack when I hear Grandpa yelling through the house. Most of it is in Romanian and I don't understand much of it.

"Caralina Popescu, you better come here right now!"

Crap, why is he so mad at her now? Cara's face is white when I follow her to the bathroom where her father is waving with the package of the pregnancy test, I left on the sink.

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me about?"

She responds something in Romanian and he shakes his head.

"I told your mother that we shouldn't allow you to stay at your boyfriend's place overnight." He stats, leaning back against the wall behind him. "Now, we see where this has lead."

"It's not my test." Cara croaks barely audible. "And just for the record, I'm on the pill."

Cara is smarter than me. That's why she's going to be valedictorian when we graduate and I'll be the loser kid with the baby bump. Fuck my life.

"Zoe?" Grandpa breathes.

I nod my head and blink some tears away. I hate crying in front of others.

"I'm going home now. Apologize to Cara for yelling at her. It was rude."

With that I storm back to the living room and grab my backpack from the couch. I can hear both of them, Cara and Grandpa calling after me when I slam the door behind me.

It is difficult for me to drive while I'm crying. I don't want to go home. Grandpa is going to call my moms. There is no way I can handle them now. Maybe later, preferable much later…

I park the car in front of Nessie's house and rub my smeared mascara from my face as good as I can. Why are girls supposed to wear this crap anyway?

"Hey," Nessie greets me when he opens the door. "I knew you'd rather watch the Game instead of studying."

"Hmpf,"

He pulls me inside and wraps his arms around me as soon as the door closes behind us. That's the only time he ever holds me. When we are alone and no one can see us. God, I'm so done with this crap.

His mouth is warm on mine. My mind feels like pushing him away but my body is a traitor. We kiss and somehow manage to make it to the couch without me stumbling over something on the floor. The house is a pigsty. Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rose have been gone for a week now. A second one and I bet, there'll be rats running around. Tegan and Nessie are the messiest people on earth.

"I missed you, babe."

I fucking hate it when he uses that pig name on me, but I'm too stressed right now to start an argument. I need to tell him about the baby and hope he's not going to freak out completely.

"Have you been crying?" Nessie's voice sounds horrified. He pulls me on his lap and very gently his thumb glides over my cheekbone.

"I'm just allergic to my new contacts." I tell him, grabbing a can of soda from the desk. When I crack it open, I manage to cut my finger at the sharp edge. Damn it! Automatically I stick my finger in my mouth and suck on it until it stops bleeding a few moments later.

"You should wear your glasses. They look cute on you."

I shake my head. "Forget to take them with me. Can we watch the Game now?"

He switches around on the remote but quickly turns his attention back to me.

"Is something wrong? You're different."

"I'm not. Stop fumbling around on me. I'd really like to watch the Game."

"Are you on your period?"

I'd be the happiest person on earth, probably in the entire galaxy if I were on my period now. My eyes stay focused on the TV in front of me when I hesitantly nod my head.

Nessie asks me if I want to eat some pizza he ordered earlier. I don't feel like ever eating again. My insides are in a knot.

When he returns and opens the box, I smell the most repulsive wave of tuna ever. I press my hand against my mouth and somehow manage to make it to the bathroom just a split second before my stomach heaves. Isn't it called morning sickness? I vomit my guts out until only bitter acid is coming up.

"Breathe. Try breathing deeply through your nose." Nessie whispers, rubbing my back until the spasms in my stomach finally subside.

"Are you sick? Maybe you have this nasty stomach flu that goes around."

The flu I have is going to need diapers in a couple of months. God, why is this happening to me?

"Zoe?"

I can barely manage to look into his eyes when I raise my head again. He has a washcloth in his hands and carefully wipes my sweaty face with it.

"Rinse your mouth. I'm going to drive you home."

With shaking knees I stand up and take the plastic cup with mouth wash he hands me. I feel a bit dizzy. Being pregnant is not doing well with me.

"I'll drive you home. Tegan can get your car later. Be glad. If you are sick, you don't have to do that stupid test tomorrow."

"Doesn't make me feel better," I whisper, grabbing some toilet paper to clean my nose. My throat is sore. I hate puking.

"Come on. Let's get you and your germs back home."

He wraps his arm around me and like a boneless doll I let him put me on the passenger's seat of his car. Once he sits down himself, he leans over and presses a quick kiss on my forehead.

"Don't. I smell like vomit."

"I don't care." he mumbles, putting a damp wisp of my hair behind my ear. "I care about you."

He never tells me he loves me. It would make things between us even more complicated. Nessie and I are like magnets. The more we try to stay away from each other the more we are drawn towards the other one.

It's wrong. We shouldn't be together. Our parents would freak should they ever find out about our relationship.

During the ride to my house both of us are quiet. My cell beeps and I sigh in relief when Cara texts me that she has talked Grandpa into not telling my mothers. It's better if I do that myself. Yet, I have no clue how to do it.

"We're here," he whispers, killing off the engine. "Thanks for not blowing in the car."

I want to wrap my arms around him and cry some more against his broad chest. Instead though, I step out of the car and murmur a thank you to him.

When he drives off, I keep standing outside for a few more moments until I get too cold. I take a deep breath and fumble out my keys.

Show time for the first episode of nothing is wrong with Zoe…

Momma is sitting on the couch, working on some sketch while Hope is playing with her Barbie dolls.

"Hi," I say. My voice is still raspy from the puking earlier. "I'm back."

My mother raises her head and flinches. "What's wrong with you? You look like a ghost."

"It's nothing." I mumble exhausted. "Probably just some…flu,"

"Hope, sweetie, be a darling and bring your sister a glass of water. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, Mommy!"

She rushes off to the kitchen and I sigh deeply when Momma makes me sit down next to her on the couch.

"Let me check if you're having a fever." She tells me, placing her hand carefully on my forehead. "No, doesn't look like it."

"Here's your water, Zoe." Hope stats, handing me the glass. I drink, realizing with the first sip how thirsty I am.

"Thanks,"

"Are you sick?" she asks me, sitting down on the carpet. "If you are sick you can have my Princess Barbie. She's my favorite."

"You are cute. How was school today?"

"Stupid. School is always stupid. They are so mean to Rowan. I hate them."

"I'm sorry about that." I tell her. Kids are awful. Life is complicated enough for people like Rowan. The fact that her school doesn't seem to be capable of handling this bullying crap is beyond me. I'm sure Jasmine is going to let her get homeschooled soon if this goes on.

"Do you want to play with me?" Hope asks me. I shake my head and tell my mother that I'm going to crash now.

My bed is cold. I shiver and pull my blanket around me like a tight cocoon. It doesn't take long until I cry myself into a restless sleep.

xxx

The next morning isn't better than the previous day. I sit next to my two mothers at the breakfast table and shove my eggs around on the plate. My stomach won't be able to keep down any food, I'm sure about that.

"Aren't you hungry? Or are you nervous because of that test you're having today?" Mom asks me, lifting the cup with coffee to her mouth.

"Maybe she's sick. You should have seen her last night. At least she has some color in her face again." Momma tells her. She looks me over skeptically and I feel this awful pit of guilt in me that I always have when I'm trying to keep things from her.

Soon, I need to tell them soon. The longer I wait the worse it will be.

"If she's sick she should stay away from Hope. We don't need her to get another infection."

"No hospital! I'm not going there again. They put needles in my arm."

I sigh and manage to swallow a few sips from the mug in front of me. The tea is so hot that I burn my tongue.

"Can I stay home today?"

"It's probably better. Hope, are you finished with your breakfast? We need to leave now or you'll be late for school." Mom stats, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

When she and my little sister are out of the house, I stand up and throw my untouched breakfast into the trash.

"Tegan brought your car here last night. Didn't you tell me you'd be studying with Cara?"

Do I have to justify every fucking minute of my private life to my mother?

"I wanted to watch the Game with Nessie. Then I threw up and he brought me here."

"I see. Are you angry somehow? You look like something is bothering you."

"I'm fine."

"You don't look it. Did you have a fight with Cara or something?"

I put the plates into the dishwasher and take a deep breathe. "If I tell you, will you promise me not to be mad?"

She nods her head and takes my hand in hers. "Just tell me."

"I'm pregnant."

The word is out of my mouth and I can't manage to look her in the eye. I sniff, trying to hold back tears while I wait for my mother to respond something to the news.

"Are you sure?"

"I made a test. It was positive."

"I want a doctor to examine you. Those tests are not very reliable."

Two hours later, after her gynecologist has confirmed my pregnancy and taken an ultrasonic picture of some white dot that is supposed to be a baby we're on our way home again.

Momma is silent. She's probably mad at me, disappointed even.

"Say something." I plead her, biting my fingernails nervously. "Are you angry?"

"I don't know what I am right now. Who's the father? You didn't even tell me and Bella that you're seeing someone."

I cross my arms in front of my chest and stare out of the window. There is no way I can tell her the truth.

"Someone I met at a party. I don't really remember him."

I remember everything. The months Nessie and I spend trying avoiding each other's presence. I love him. It's bad enough that my life is fucked up now. I don't want to ruin his too.


	52. Chapter 52

[Disclaimer] Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own Zoe and in my mind she looks exactly like Kristen Stewart with some nerdy glasses on.

[A/N]

First, I want to thank those of you, who read my stories. It means more to me than I can ever tell you.

I felt like the last update ended on a pretty mean cliffhanger and I just couldn't leave it there. I will probably add more after this, but I'm not sure yet. It depends on a lot of things…

****Zoe-Part2****

„I don't know his fucking name." I whisper attempting to hold back new tears by taking a deep breathe. "Can't you just stop asking about that?"

Mom sighs. Her face looks as she's going to explode any minute. Her lips are pressed together. She's trying to stay calm, but it's difficult for her. Hell, it's difficult for me. It has been a week since I found out I'm pregnant. A week I have mostly spend crying in my room. Now, my annoying family is stuffed into Dad's living room. Mom thinks that Dad and Aunt Rose will manage to get me talking about the baby's father. God, I wished they would all mind their own business.

"I just don't understand how this could happen. It's not how you are. We've told you about being safe."

Yes! Yes, I fucking remember that awkward conversation with my mothers. Two dykes trying to explain to me about using condoms. Condoms don't work if you don't use them every goddamn time. Better to be safe than sorry, now I'm grasping the true meaning of these words. Yet, it doesn't change what I have done. What Nessie and I have done together. With trembling hands I grab the ultrasound picture from the desk. If I promise to be safe for the rest of my life, can I please be not pregnant then?

"I'm sorry,"

"So, are we, honey," Momma states. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close. "But now, we need to decide what we're going to do."

"Do you want to keep it?" Dad asks. He lifts his glass to his mouth and sips on his drink.

"Of course, she's keeping it. What kind of question is this supposed to be?" My aunt's voice comes out a bit too shrill. I would like to know if Aunt Rose would still cheer for me keeping the baby if she knew it's going to make her a grandmother.

"I don't know what I want." I croak, swallowing back a lump in my throat. "I just want all of you to leave me alone. My head is hurting."

"This conversation is not over yet, but it's getting too late anyway. We need to pick up Hope from Jasmine's place."

I cross my arms in front of my chest. "Can I stay here tonight?"

"Of course you can. The guestroom is a bit crowded with stuff, because—"

"Because you can't manage to throw anything away," Seth interrupts him. "Zoe, if you want to stay here it's okay."

"She can go home with us."

"If I do that, you and Momma are going to continue questioning me. I don't know who the father is. I don't know whether I want to keep it. I don't fucking know anything."

A loud sob leaves my throat and because I don't hate anything more than weeping in front of others, I storm up the stairs, slamming the door of Dad's guest room behind me.

I sink down on the bed and cry. At least no one follows me up here. I don't want to see anyone. My cell starts beeping and I pull it out from the back pocket of my jeans. The text is from Nessie.

**Got a tattoo today. Wanna see it? N**

He should get the words – only use with a condom – all over his dick. Where in heaven's name does he have the money to get a tattoo anyway?

**Yep.** I type back and lean back against a box next to the bed. The room looks as if Dad and Seth just moved in here a week ago. It's stuffed with boxes and old Christmas decorations.

A moment later, my phone beeps again and when my eyes visualize the picture of Nessie's left bicep, warmth fills my heart.

_Life is beautiful_ is written across his skin in black ink. **U do know what this means. Right?**

I wipe my nose on a crumpled tissue I pull out before I dial his number.

"Hi Nessie,"

"Hi Babe," he greets me happily. Jeez, when his mother tells him I got knocked up, he's going to freak. Would it be better to tell him myself? Damn it, why did this have to happen to me of all people?

"Do you like the tattoo?"

"Hmm, it's okay."

"Okay? I've endured two hours of excruciating pain for you. Life is beautiful. You know that life stands for you, don't you?"

I don't answer him. Instead I sniff into the receiver.

"Shit, are you crying now? I thought you'd like this surprise."

"Yes…no. Can we talk another time? I'm not feeling well."

"What's wrong with you? Are you still sick?"

"No," I sob. "It's nothing."

"Bull shit. Just tell me what's bothering you. Or is it some girl crap?"

"No,"

"Great, than you can tell me."

I take a deep breath before I speak up again. "I'm pregnant."

The other end of the line stays silent. He doesn't say anything for a full minute, maybe longer.

"Preg-nant?" he stutters. "Like having a baby pregnant?"

"How many kinds of pregnant do you know?"

"Crap! Are you sure? What are we going to do now?"

"We aren't doing anything. Nobody knows about us. I'm not going to tell anyone it's from you."

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?"

"I don't care! I'm seventeen and pregnant. Only idiots get pregnant at seventeen."

With that I hang up and turn off my cell. My entire body is trembling. I'm angry and sad at the same time, more of the first though. My fist connects with the box, making its content fall out all over the floor.

When I stand up to stuff everything back inside, a small notebook with yellowed pages falls into my hands. I love old stuff. Curious, I open the dusty thing up and start reading through the scrawly lines that are written inside of it.

_The baby is starting to move. I can feel it kicking around in me. How much longer will I be able to keep this hidden from Vlad? He's going to be so angry at me. Livia was right. I should have taken care of things as long as it was still possible. But how can I not have this child? It's the only part of C. I'm ever going to have. He's gone now, vanished as if he'd never truly been here._

_I love him so much and because of that I can't hate the baby under my heart. Alicija—if it's a girl, her name shall be Alicija._

I cringe when someone knocks on the door and shove the diary underneath the pillow to continue reading it later.

"Yes?"

"Hey sweetie, your mothers are gone. I'm sorry that everyone is picking on you." Aunt Rose tells me. She places a tray with a cup of tea and some cookies between us and smiles warmly at me.

"You should eat a bit. I bet you're hungry."

"If I eat, I'm going to throw up again." I warn her before I hesitantly start nibbling on one of the cookies. It's delicious. God, I'm starving.

"See? You need to eat for the baby."

"I'm not sure if I want to keep it. I'm too young."

"You are, but you're not alone in this. Ali and Bella are going to help you. I am going to help you."

I shake my head and take the mug with the tea between my hands. The tea is sweet. She must have put sugar in it.

"I wished this hadn't happened."

"I know. But it has. Look, I know that you don't see it like that right now but Children are a blessing. They truly are."

"I don't know how to be a mom."

"Nobody knows. You'll be a wonderful mother. Your little sister and Ry- I mean Rowan love you."

She leans forward and plants a kiss on my forehead. Then she tells me goodbye and walks out again. Hungrily, I eat the rest of the cookies and finish the tea. My stomach rumbles a bit but I'm almost sure I want puke again.

"Zoe, are you feeling a bit better now?" Dad asks me, entering the room. He sits down next to me and takes my hand in his.

"I think so." I tell him, my voice barely louder than a whisper.

"That's good. You shocked me quite a bit with this baby news. I'm too young to be a grandfather."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry. What's done is done. We should try to figure out what you want to do now. Do you want to keep it?"

I close my eyes. The gynecologist told me I'm seven weeks along now. I don't have a clue how an embryo looks like at this time. I do remember the tiny, fragile being that Hope has been after she was born. My heart cramps. I remember the beating of the machines surrounding the incubator. I remember how her little hand tried to grab the tip of my forefinger.

"I'm keeping it." I say. My hands move down to my flat abdomen.

"Good. We'll figure out how to handle things. I can take care of the baby while you're at College. You still want to go to College, don't you?"

I nod my head. "Maybe I'll take a year off. That would be okay, wouldn't it?"

"Sure, why not. Honey, you need to tell me who the father is, even when you don't want to have anything to do with him."

"What for?"

"Child support, what else? Oh and don't start this whole, it was a stranger at a party, again. You can tell that to your mother, if she believes you. I know you'd never be with someone you don't love."

"How do you know?"

"Because you're like me, exactly like me, sweet cheek,"

I lean against his side and rub my face against the sleeve of his shirt. "I can't tell you who he is."

"You're protecting the boy."

"Yes," I whisper. "God, this is so complicated."

"It's not. It just means you love him."

"I do."

"And he?"

"He doesn't say it but I know he cares."

"Some have trouble vocalizing their feelings. That's just how guys are like."

He sighs deeply and plays around on his wedding ring. "So, you love him and he loves you, doesn't sound too complicated to me."

I start crying, my glasses getting blind when I sniff loudly. "No one can know we're together."

"Why? Wait, the dude is not married or something?"

"Of course not! Please, Dad. Can you stop asking about him?"

"For tonight, yes, but not forever, baby. You know that you can tell me everything. I'm good at keeping secrets."

I stand up from the bed and stretch my arms above my head. "I'm going for a little walk. I need some fresh air."

"Okay. I'm coming with you."

"I want to be alone, Dad. That's why I wanted to stay here and not at home."

He nods his head and sighs deeply when I walk out. It is cold outside. I'm shivering after the first minute but I don't want to go back and get a jacket.

"There you are!" a familiar deep voice calls from behind a tree when I reach the corner of the street.

"Huch!" I call out, before I trip over something on the ground. His arms are around me before I make contact with the asphalt.

"You need to be more careful. It's not good for the baby if you fall down."

"What are you doing here, Nessie?"

"Looking for you, what else? My mother came home and told Dad where you are. I came here to talk to you."

I shake my head. "I don't want to talk."

"This is not the time to be stubborn. You and I, we're in this together. I love you."

He sits down on the small stripe of grass behind the tree and pulls me on his lap. My heart hammers in my chest. Can the baby hear that?

"You love me?"

"Of course, I love you, silly. You're a klutz. But you're my klutz."

His mouth finds mine in the light of the street lamp. I part my lips and let his tongue twirl around my own until a soft moan builds within my throat.

"We need to tell our parents."

"No,"

"Zoe, we have to. What if the baby pops out and looks like me? How are you planning on explaining that to your mothers?"

"I don't fucking know!"

Nessie takes my hands and presses his lips against my knuckles. "It's easy. We're just going to tell them that we belong together."


	53. Chapter 53

[Disclaimer] SM owns everything Twilight

[A/N] This is part three of my Zoe outtake. I love writing her character and hope you'll like this as much as me. You know this story is close to my heart.

****53****

I look down at the scale as good as I can manage with my round stomach. Forty pounds, I sigh. Well, to be precisely it's just thirty nine pounds, but it's still too much.

Three more weeks, I remind myself when I step underneath the shower. The baby kicks against my ribs. From the inside I must be completely black and blue. The warm water helps to relax my muscles a bit. I enjoy how it runs down my body and wash my hair. Afterwards I apply the almond oil Mom has sent me all over my midsection.

Who gives a shit whether I get stretch marks or not? I pull a shirt over my head and step into the only pair of sweats that I can manage to fit in.

The house is empty. I walk down into the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for me.

There is a message on the machine. Momma has called again. She and Mom have been calling here every fucking day, since they shipped me off to Chicago. That seemed like the best so-called solution for our parents. Separate me and Nessie in an attempt to bring both of us back to our senses.

Uncle Emmett has sent him to some awful Military school in Tennessee. He hates it there. Nessie doesn't think very highly of this whole Yes, Sir – No, Sir crap.

So, here I am,stuck in Chicago to live with my sister and her wife. They are both very supporting but I still plan on leaving as soon as I turn eighteen.

I make myself a bagel with cream cheese and gulp down half a gallon of chocolate milk. God, I love this shit.

The phone rings again and I pick up, swallowing the last bite of my breakfast.

"Hello?"

"How's it like in your jail?"

"Nessie! I thought you weren't allowed to call."

"I am not. But I…I just needed to know you are okay."

The baby kicks again and I hiss through my teeth. Damn it, this really hurt.

"Zoe?"

"I'm fine, just fat and pregnant."

"It can't be that bad."

For a moment I consider telling him about the forty pounds. But then I decide against it. That's just too embarrassing.

"It's just three more weeks until the birth. I can't wait for this to be over."

"Are you scared?"

"For the birth?"

"Yes, of course. I wished I could be with you."

"You can't see blood."

"I can't see you being in pain. Look, I've been thinking about us."

My heart cramps. There is not supposed to be an us for me and him. Everyone is against us. Our family thinks this is just a phase and that keeping us away from each other will solve the problem.

"Maybe you should just try to forget me." I tell him, my voice cracking with every word. "It would be the best for you."

"You don't really mean that. I know that you love me."

"I tell you what I know. I'm going to have a baby. My parents are pissed at me. Your mother hates me. I am done with this shit."

I hang up and throw the phone against the wall where it breaks into several pieces. Tears stream down my face and I sob desperately into my hands. I am so stupid, so fucking stupid.

The sound of the front door opening makes me sit up straight. I wipe my eyes at the back of my hand.

"Hey, sweetie, surprise!" Dad calls out, wrapping his arms around me. I sob loudly and hold on to him as tightly as I can.

"Why are you crying? Are you in pain?" Lilly asks, kneeling down next to my chair. She takes my hand and squeezes it.

"I want to go home."

"See, that's why I'm here, sweetie. You can live with me and Seth as long as you want."

"She can stay here too. Jane and I like having you here." My sister says, handing me some Kleenex to blow my nose. I take a deep breath and force my lips into a smile.

"I'm like some social project now."

"You're not. You could have moved back home like three months ago when Mom was here the first time to bring you home to Seattle."

I nod silently.

"Are you going to yell at her again, if I bring her in?"

She's here? Mom is here?

"No yelling, that's not good for the baby." Lilly states in that annoying doctor voice she's developed. What the hell does a vet know about human pregnancies?

Lilly squeezes my hand again and stands up. Moments later my mothers and my little sister rush in. I've missed Hope. Then a fourth person enters the room. Holy shit, what is Aunt Rose doing here?

"How are you feeling?" Momma asks, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Have you been eating your vitamin pills?"

"I have."

"That's good. You're looking pale though. I don't like it. Lilly, have you made sure she's not missing her doctor appointments?"

"Yes, Mom, do you want to drink something? Hope must be tired from the flight."

"I'm not tired. Where is Jane?"

"In her office, sweetie, she's looking forward to seeing you again." Lilly says, lifting her up. "You've grown so much. Let's see if we can find one of the cats upstairs. You like them, don't you?"

They walk upstairs and Dad turns to me again. "We're all here to bring you back home."

"I still want to be with Nessie. That isn't going to change."

"I know," Aunt Rose croaks. "He keeps telling the same thing to me and his father."

She inhales deeply and leans back against the counter behind her. "You know it's wrong for you to be together. You're cousins."

"We are not actually related. Not by blood."

"Zoe, we're not going to have this discussion again." Momma states before she sits down on the chair next to mine. "This is not about blood relations. The two of you grew up together."

"Don't you think I fucking know that! If I hadn't got pregnant none of you had ever found out."

"Don't yell at your mother." Dad says, pouring me a glass of orange juice. I shove the glass to the side. I don't feel like drinking that sour stuff now.

"Honey, we love you. We just want to keep you and your cousin from making a mistake." Momma whispers taking my hand between hers.

She looks fragile. I bet she's been stressing herself out about me for months. Guilt spreads through me. There is a sharp pain in my lower back. It has been coming and going for the last few days now. It's probably because the weight is too much for my bones. God, I feel so yucky and fat.

"We're not making a mistake." a familiar deep voice calls from the front door. There is some barking from the dog and moments later Jane and Nessie walk in. She grins and waves her hand at Mom.

"How's my favorite mother in law doing?"

"Jane! What is Nessie doing here?"

"I picked him up from the airport. He should be here when the baby comes."

"Where did you have the money to buy a ticket?" Rose asks him. She looks angry for a second but then she hugs him. "You look thin, boy. Haven't they given you anything to eat? I told your father, this military academy isn't the right place for you."

"See, that's why I quite. I'm eighteen and free to go where it pleases me."

"And what are you planning on doing now?"

"Working, I have a family to support."

"Who is going to hire you? You've barely managed to get your High School Diploma."

"Well," Jane starts. "I just have…kind of."

"As what?" Momma asks. "He's too bulky for working as a model."

"We have enough models. I've hired him for the security team. Come on, give them your evil face, McCarty."

I laugh and jump from my chair as good as I can with my baby bump. He wraps his arm around me and lifts me up.

"Ouch!"

"Shit, did I hurt you? I'm sorry, Babe."

"It's okay." I murmur, pressing my hand against my spine. Why does this hurt so much?

Something splashes down to the ground and it takes me a bit too long to realize that I'm the source of the puddle on the kitchen floor. This is gross. Am I incontinent now?

"Honey, maybe you should sit down." Dad whispers, his face turning pale. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Her waters just broke. Sit down, Zoe. It can take hours until the baby comes." Mom says, guiding me to my chair as if I was dying. I feel yucky and want to shower again.

"The baby is not supposed to come now." I cry. "It's too early."

"It is because you're only seventeen but now it's too late to back off. How far are your contractions apart?" Aunt Rose asks me, taking my hand. She smiles at me. Maybe she's on some tranquilizers? The last time I saw her, she told me that I've ruined her son's life.

"I don't know…ouch...I don't fucking know."

"Should we bring her to the hospital?"

Yes, hospital sounds good. They have painkillers there. I love hospitals!

"Lilly, can you come and take a look at your sister? She's in labor!"

They are not actually going to make a vet look at me, are they? I'm not a cow!

"Coming!" Lilly calls from upstairs. When she walks down again, she has her stethoscope around her neck.

"Let's see how you're doing, shall we?"

"You're a vet! You're not even allowed to treat humans."

She laughs. "I'm not treating you. I just want to check your pulse."

"No way," I hiss while another wave of pain spreads through me. "I want a real doctor. Dad, can you drive me to the hospital?"

"Yes, sure, honey. Lilly, do you think we can move her?"

Why does everyone think that Lilly is the person to ask for advice now?

"How far are your contractions apart?"

"My mother already asked her that. She doesn't know." Nessie tells my sister. He starts rubbing my back and for a few moments that actually helps with the pain.

"Are there breaks between the pain?"

"No! It hurts all the time. Can you stop with the stupid questioning and get me into the fucking hospital before I give birth here in the kitchen?"

We don't make it to the hospital. I keep cursing the entire time while Dad and Nessie bring me upstairs. I yell at my mother while she holds my hand. I am surrounded by idiots.

My heart swells with love when Nessie manages to kick everyone outside. They've called for an ambulance and they should be here any minute.

"Does it hurt badly?"

"I hate you! This is your fault."

"You can squeeze my hand if you want to. Yell at me. I don't mind."

"I'm scared."

"I know. I'm scared too."

"You're not the one who's trying to press this baby out. It probably has your big head. Ouch! Oh crap…,"

"Nessie, you need to leave. The doctor is here now." Lilly tells me.

For a moment I'm relieved, but then the loser informs me, it's too late for medication. I hate him and that's what I let him know.

He ignores my rambling and orders me to spread my legs. I curse with every push. At least Nessie is still here. He holds my hands and apologizes to the doctor for every swearword that leaves my mouth.

For a few moments everything blurs around me. I close my eyes and whimper. Then the baby starts screaming.

"It's a girl," the doctor says, handing the baby to me. She's small. Smaller than I thought she'd be. I count her fingers, then her toes, such a pretty thing.

"Hello, little baby." I whisper. "There you are."

"She's too small." Nessie murmurs. "Is she okay?"

"Young man, this baby is like seven pounds. That's big for one that has born three weeks before the actual birth date."

"Do you want to hold her?" I ask him.

"No, I'll break her. Do you know what you want to name her?"

The door to the guestroom opens and seconds later, I'm surrounded by my family. Mom hugs me and cries while Momma takes the baby from me.

"She's so pretty. Look, Bella, doesn't she look just like Zoe when she was born?"

"Honey, are you okay?" Mom asks, wiping some tears from her face.

"Yes," I whisper. "Just pretty exhausted, I think."

Aunt Rose walks in and some squeaking noise leaves her throat. "Ali, give her to me. Such a little princess."

"I thought you are against this, Barbie girl." Dad says. I don't know why he keeps calling her that. He knows she hates that nickname.

"Just shut up. This is my grandchild you're taking about. Ali, now give her to me. You've already had her for like three minutes. It's my turn."

She takes the baby from Momma and cradles it against her chest. "There you are, little princess."

"Mom, you need to be more careful with the baby."

"Do you want to tell me how to handle babies? I've had two. How are you planning on naming her?"

"Alexandra." I tell them. "After my grandmother. Dad, that's okay for you, isn't it?"

"Yes, sure." he says, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "I like that."

"So, the two of you want to stay together." Mom asks when Aunt Rose hands the screaming baby to her. I'm getting the impression that I won't be spending much time with my daughter.

"I love her." Nessie says placing his arm around my shoulder. "We're going to stay together, whether you like this or not."

"I love you." I whisper before I brush my lips gently against his. "I love both of you."

"You don't know what it means to provide for a family. You and Zoe should move back to Seattle with us." Aunt Rose states while the baby wraps her fist around her fingertip.

"So that you can tell us, how wrong it for us to be together? We're going to stay here. I have a job."

"You can't live on your own. Zoe is still a minor."

"Bella, be still now. If we forbid this, she'll move out the moment she turns eighteen. I don't want that to happen." Momma sobs. "Our baby has a baby. I can't believe this."

Tiredness overwhelms me. The voices around me are getting lower and lower. I feel Nessie's lips against my forehead. He's going to be a good Dad to the baby. I just need to convince him that she's not completely breakable. We Swan women are small but tough...


End file.
